Go to Hell and Apologize to Our Child

PROLOGUE

The moment I was pushed to the ground, he let go of my hand.

He chose to shield his perfect goddess, my stepsister.

She s pregnant, he d said later.

I had to make a tough call.

But he didn t know.

I was pregnant, too.

Later, when I walked away, leaving him to his perfect life with her, he was the one who wouldn t let go.

Lena, please, he begged, his grip like iron.

Don t leave. I ll do anything.

I smiled, a thin, cold curve of my lips.

Go to hell, I said softly.

And apologize to our child.

01

Pain.

A raw, searing pain that consumed every inch of me.

I stared at the frantic dance of doctors and nurses in the crowded hospital ward, the reality of it all sinking in slowly, like a stone through murky water.

I wasn t dead.

I had survived the crush.

The room was a testament to the chaos, overflowing with the wounded from the Halloween rave.

There weren t enough beds.

People lay on gurneys in the hallways, slumped in chairs, their groans a constant, agonizing chorus.

It was the same sound I d heard when the human wave had collapsed on top of us.

The final, desperate cries of the dying.

A tremor of pure terror shot through me.

I pulled the thin hospital blanket tighter, wrapping it around myself like a shield.

Excuse me? Could you possibly give her your bed? She s pregnant, and her condition is& unstable.

A man s voice cut through the noise.

A familiar voice.

My body went rigid.

I lowered the blanket, and the image before me burned itself into my memory.

There was Grant, carefully supporting a woman who was the very picture of health, her cheeks flushed, not a hair out of place.

His eyes met mine, and his expression shifted from concern to shock.

Lena? You re here too? Are you okay?

02

He didn t even seem to notice the deep, ugly bruises covering my arms, the painful way I flinched with every breath.

He grabbed my hand, his grip surprisingly strong.

The sudden pressure sent a bolt of agony up my arm, and I gasped.

He quickly released me.

Sorry, I didn t& Jesus, Lena. How did you get so hurt?

The question was so absurd, I almost laughed.

He had the nerve to ask me that?

Why was I covered in bruises while Cassidy Connelly, my dear stepsister, looked like she d just stepped out of a spa?

Because in the heart of the chaos, just as the crowd began to surge, she had stumbled and shoved me forward.

And in that split second, the exact moment I was pushed to the ground, he had flung my hand away.

He had thrown my hand away to catch her.

And so, I was the one who went down, swallowed by a collapsing wall of bodies, the air crushed from my lungs.

Screams and weeping filled the suffocating darkness.

I couldn t breathe.

The boy behind me was coughing up blood, hot and sticky, all over my back.

The girl beside me cried until her voice grew faint, then faded into a final, rattling silence.

I struggled, then went terrifyingly calm, surrendering to the inevitable.

As my consciousness faded, I truly believed it was the end.

I don t know how I survived.

Just thinking about being buried in that pile of bodies makes my blood run cold.

If it weren t for some miracle, I d be a corpse right now.

And Cassidy?

She was nestled safely in his arms, completely unharmed.

And now he was here, looking at me with pity, asking a stranger to give up their bed for her.

How thoughtful.

03

I just stared at him, my silence a heavy weight between us.

He shifted uncomfortably, his gaze flickering away from mine.

Finally, he spoke, his voice low and apologetic.

Lena, back there& it was because Cassie s pregnant. There were too many people, it wasn t safe. I wasn t thinking, I just reacted.

Pregnant?

My eyes drifted to Cassidy s flat stomach.

A cold knot of dread tightened in my own.

That couldn t be&

Her fianc? passed away recently, Grant explained in a whisper, as if that excused everything.

She has no one to look after her. Don t get the wrong idea.

So, that s why you insisted we go to that rave? It was for her?

Grant hated crowds.

For years, I d begged him to go to concerts, to festivals, and he d always refused.

But this year, he was suddenly adamant.

That s why, even though I wasn t feeling well, I d forced myself to go with him.

I should have known it was never about me.

He hesitated for a moment.

No, it wasn t like that.

I didn t say anything.

My body ached too much to argue.

Sensing my anger, Grant wisely dropped the subject.

But Cassidy, of course, chose that moment to start her performance.

She suddenly clutched her stomach, swaying dramatically.

Grant was instantly by her side, holding her steady.

What s wrong?

I just feel& a little sick, she murmured, her voice artfully weak.

04

Grant helped her into a nearby chair.

He went around, asking other patients if they would switch, but everyone refused.

He returned, looking at me with a strained expression.

Lena, are you feeling any better? Maybe you could get up, get some fresh air&

Fresh air?

I could barely sit up without the world spinning.

Was he trying to help me or finish the job?

Before I could answer, Cassidy tugged on his sleeve, her voice a model of sweet reason.

It s okay, Grant. I can just sit here. She s still angry with you, don t make it worse.

Grant s brow furrowed.

He stopped trying to persuade me and walked away.

A few minutes later, he returned, having somehow arranged for a bed elsewhere.

He was helping Cassidy to her feet.

Lena, I m going to take her to a different hospital for a proper check-up. I ll be back as soon as I can. Call me if you need anything.

He gently squeezed my hand, a placating gesture.

Again.

It was always the same story.

Leaving me alone.

Telling me to wait.

But why?

Why was I always the one left behind?

The time he promised to celebrate my birthday, only to leave because she posted an Instagram story about having a cold.

The time it was pouring rain and he didn t answer my calls, because he was busy picking her up first.

I was supposed to be his girlfriend.

So why did I always feel like I was watching him be a boyfriend to someone else, all under the flimsy excuse of being just friends ?

05

Can t you stay? I asked, my voice raw.

I refused to be the good, quiet girl waiting for him to come back.

Not anymore.

Lena, they re short-staffed here. I have to get her to another hospital. She s pregnant, and it s chaotic out there. I can t let her go alone.

She can t be alone, so I always have to be?

I pushed up my sleeve, the pain a sharp reminder.

Do you even see how hurt I am? Or do I have to be dying to get your attention?

Don t talk like that, he said, a flash of irritation on his face.

That s ridiculous.

My eyes burned with tears.

But I almost did die, Grant.

You didn t. And it won t happen again, he said, squeezing my hand again.

I ll be back soon. Just be good.

He said he d be back soon.

But when I woke up in the middle of the night, burning with fever and violently ill, he was still gone.

I tried to call for help, my body shaking.

A wave of nausea washed over me.

I fumbled for the call button on the wall, my vision blurring, my throat too raw to make a sound.

Every breath was a struggle.

Every movement was slow-motion agony.

I finally felt the cool surface of the wall and tried to pull myself up, crawling forward.

Then the world tilted, and I collapsed onto the hard, cold floor.

A sharp, cramping pain seized my lower abdomen, and I threw up.

I wanted to cry, to scream.

Why was no one here?

He lied.

He always lied.

I was always the one left behind.

The commotion I made was loud enough to finally attract attention.

Someone saw me and shouted for a doctor.

The pain was blinding.

It felt like my whole body was already on fire, and now someone was twisting a knife deep inside my belly.

I was so scared.

I didn't want to die here.

Not alone.

Sweet girl, don t cry. You re not going to die. The doctors are here to help you.

Maybe I was sobbing out loud, because a female doctor gently wiped the tears from my cheeks, her voice calm and soothing.

I choked on a sob as the pain dragged me back into darkness.

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