My Future, Without You

The night before the university applications were due, the senior class group chat exploded.
Holy shit! Teri, why did you switch your application to the UK? I thought you and Ava were set on Paris!
Teri’s reply was casual, almost lazy. I switched. So what? She has my login info anyway.
He followed it up with a smirk I could feel through the screen. "She'll see I changed it, and she'll follow me. That little shadow can't live without me."
I stared at my phone, my mind a complete blank.
My half-packed suitcase lay open on the floor, the gift I’d painstakingly chosen for him sitting right on top.
I left the group chat, tossed the gift into the trash, and never looked at the application portal again.
He had no idea.
He could throw away our future for Rachel, but I could throw him away to secure my own. All those sleepless nights, all that grinding—it was never just for him.

1
Teri’s words were like shards of glass in my heart.
Paris. We’d worked our asses off for twelve years, dreaming of that specific university. It was our sacred goal.
And now, he’d changed it. Just like that.
Without even bothering to tell me to my face.
Someone in the chat asked him, "What if Ava doesn't see it? The portal closes tomorrow at midnight."
Teri’s reply was laced with mockery. "Since the portal opened, Ava's been checking it every ten minutes. She's more obsessed than my own mother. There's no way she'll miss it. Ugh, you guys wouldn't get it."
The chat filled with sycophantic replies, all variations of "Teri, you're the man!"
Then, another voice piped up. "But what if she doesn't change it? That school in Paris is a way better fit for her program."
Teri paused for a few seconds before answering, his tone turning icy.
"Bullshit."
"Ava has major separation anxiety. I was gone for one day last year, and she dropped everything to come find me. This is three years. You think she can handle three years without seeing me?"
"To her, I'm more important than any school. She'll choose me. She always does."
A heavy silence fell over the chat.
After a long moment, someone tentatively typed, "Teri, isn't that a little rough on Ava? We all saw how hard she worked for this."
"You should at least give her a heads-up."
Teri sent a single, dismissive message. "Tsk." It took him a while to type again.
"It's a pain in the ass. I don't want to deal with it."
"You guys know how she gets. If she finds out I did it for Rachel, she'll cry, and it'll give me a headache."
"It's just easier this way. Less drama for me."
The chat immediately sprang back to life.
"Yeah, that makes sense. Ava's great, but she's no Rachel."
"Damn, Teri, you've got it made."
…
The banter, the casual cruelty of it all, felt like a physical weight crushing me. I wanted to call him, to scream, to demand an explanation. But my fingers wouldn't move.
In the end, I just threw myself into bed, my body numb, and stared at the ceiling as my thoughts began to unravel.
How could a person change so completely?
When we were drowning in French lessons, crying from exhaustion, neither of us ever considered giving up. Every time we felt like we couldn't go on, we’d pull up a picture of the Eiffel Tower and crack jokes to keep each other going. The day our acceptance letters arrived, we cried and laughed at the same time, feeling like all our struggles were finally about to pay off.
Our perfect ending was right there, within reach. And he just… let go of my hand and ran toward someone else.
Honestly, I wouldn't have even been angry if he’d just told me he wanted to change plans.
But why wouldn't he just tell me?
Did he see me as that pathetic? That insignificant?
If I was such a nuisance to him, then what were his promises from that night, when he held me under the stars and whispered about marrying me? Was the night just too dark, the lights too dim for him to see who he was talking to?
I curled into a ball, pulling the blankets over my head, and let myself break down in the darkness.
The truth is, I’m not the one who can’t live without him.
I don’t have separation anxiety. He does.
Ever since we were kids, if we ended up in different schools or even different classes, he’d get moody and withdrawn for no reason. The only thing that would snap him out of it was seeing me. So, I just made it a habit. I followed my own path, my own ambitions, and I made sure to drag him along with me.
Teri wasn't wrong about one thing: I had always woven him into the fabric of my future. When it didn't compromise my dreams, I was happy to pay the price for my heart.
But that didn't mean my love had no limits.
I closed the application portal I'd accidentally opened and wiped the tears from my face.
I didn't open it again.
He made his choice. I was making mine. From now on, we would go our separate ways.
I had just splashed my face with cold water when a video call from Teri popped up on my phone.
"Little shadow, pick up! I wanna see you!"
When I didn't answer, he tried again. And again. Finally, a text came through.
"We're all at the old spot. Get over here. Take a cab."
But I didn't want to go.
"Tired. Not feeling it."
The reply was instant.
"Are you sick? I'm coming over."
"No. Don't."
I’d just hit send when a notification from Rachel appeared.
"I'm so sorry, Ava. I begged Teri to come out with us. I didn't know you'd be upset. I'll leave right now."
"As long as you come, it doesn't matter what happens to me."
My phone suddenly felt like it was radiating a sickly-sweet, poison-laced perfume.
Before I could even think of a reply, someone started tagging me furiously in a smaller group chat.
"Ava, what the hell is your problem? Can't stand to see Teri with anyone else? Your jealousy is getting old."
"Just because Rachel's prettier than you doesn't mean you get to throw a tantrum. You're pathetic."
I froze, my first instinct to defend myself. But then a message from Teri himself flashed on my screen.
"Ava, I invited Rachel. If you have a problem, take it up with me. Why are you making things hard for her?"
"You know what? Don't bother coming. We'll have more fun without you anyway."
A second later, they sent a picture of a table laden with food. Someone added a snarky comment.
"Food tastes so much better without all the bitterness."
A bunch of psychos.
I left the group chat, then deleted and blocked Teri’s number. A clean sweep. He’d always been my pinned contact, no matter how much we fought.
Now, he belonged in the block list.
When Rachel first transferred to our school, she was my friend. Back then, Teri even warned me about her. He said she seemed shady and that I should keep my distance. I actually tried to get them to like each other.
Then came the freshman orientation party. Rachel took off her nerdy, black-framed glasses, and she was wearing this stunning red dress. She took everyone’s breath away.
After that night, Teri never told me to stay away from her again.
He and Rachel got closer. He introduced her to all his friends, our friends. Before I knew it, my circle had become her circle.
Teri was different with Rachel. Special.
We had a massive fight about it once. We didn't speak for three months. I told him, "If you like her, I'll step aside."
But Teri cried. He swore to me.
"You're the only one who matters to me."
"Rachel has depression, Ava. Her dad left. I just feel sorry for her, I'm trying to help."
And I believed him.
But Teri was playing me for a fool. Their "friendship" became their excuse for everything, a flimsy cover for something more.
And now, this. He changed his entire future for her.
And I was the idiot who got left behind.
By the time I snapped out of it, the sky was dark. My mom had come home at some point and was smiling at me. "Fighting with Teri again? You blocked his number, sweetie."
"He wants you to add him back."
I mumbled a noncommittal answer and headed out the door. My academic advisor had called a last-minute meeting to confirm our final applications.
When I got there, the seat next to Teri was empty. That was usually my seat. But Rachel was sitting there now. Teri didn't say anything, just casually took the bag she handed him. His eyes, however, kept flicking in my direction.
He was waiting for me to back down.
He was in for a surprise.
I turned and sat down next to Ethan, the campus heartthrob, far away from them.
"Everyone, double-check your applications! The portal closes for good tonight. No regrets, no do-overs!" our advisor boomed from the front of the room. Suddenly, Ethan glanced at my application form.
"That's a coincidence. I'm going to Paris, too."
Before I could reply, a hand tapped my shoulder.
"Ava. Don't you have something to say?"
I ignored him, turning back to Ethan. But Teri grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the room.
"Ava, what is your problem?" he hissed. "Throwing a little tantrum is one thing, but blocking me? Seriously?"
"I'm warning you. Unblock me right now. If you don't, you'll never get the chance to add me back again."
I was forced to stare at him for a few seconds.
"Okay. Wasn't planning on it anyway."
The color drained from Teri’s face.
"Fine. Don't come crying to me later!"
I turned to leave, but he grabbed my arm again, his eyes suddenly serious.
"The deadline is close. Check your application again, carefully. Make sure you didn't make any mistakes…"
He was about to say more, but Rachel appeared at his side, cutting him off.
"Teri, I don't really get this part. Can you help me look it over?"
"Sure, let me see."
Teri immediately bent his head to look at Rachel's form.
I let out a bitter laugh and walked away. By the time he looked up to say something else, I was already back in the classroom.
"Ava! Remember to check it again! Check it carefully!" he called after me.
Right.
As if his words were gospel.
He probably thought I'd do what he said, see that he'd switched his application, and immediately switch mine to follow him.
What a joke.
He wouldn't tell me the truth, so I would just pretend I didn't know. He thought "dealing with me" was a hassle; well, I thought explaining myself to him was an even bigger one. Thank God I finally saw things clearly for once.
Back in the classroom, Ethan noticed my foul mood and insisted on dragging me out to a campus concert to cheer me up.
As we were leaving, we ran into a stone-faced Teri.
He glared at Ethan, his expression thunderous.
I knew what he was thinking.
But I didn't feel like explaining. I treated him like he was thin air.
As we rounded a corner in the hallway, I ran into him and his friends again.
"Dude, just tell her already," one of them was saying. "The UK isn't exactly next door to France. Are you really okay with Ava going all by herself?"
Teri snorted. "What do I care what she does?"
"Besides," he added, "she's definitely already changed it. She's just throwing a fit to get my attention. She's so damn clingy. I can't get rid of her."
I froze, and we came face-to-face.
Teri told the others to go on ahead, then backed me into a corner.
"Going to a concert with him instead of me? You're getting bold, little shadow."
"You think this little act is going to get to me?"
He grabbed my hand, his voice low and lazy. "Fine. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you the other day. Can we be done with this now?"
"Did you check your application?" he asked. Then, he hesitated. "Did you, uh, check mine for me, too?"
I said nothing. The silence stretched, thick and awkward.
Just as the tension was about to break, Rachel walked up.
"Teri! They're all picking on me! You have to help me!" she whined. Then, as if just noticing me, her tone shifted to one of surprise. "Oh! Ava, you're here too! You didn't see my story and follow us here, did you?"
"Don't get the wrong idea," she rushed on. "I just love a good crowd, so I asked Teri to come. I've been a fan of this band forever."
There it was again. That cloying, manipulative sweetness.
I was done playing her games. While Teri was distracted, I slipped past him. I was about to make a run for it when Rachel physically blocked my path.
"I'm sorry, Ava. Is my being here making you uncomfortable?"
"I'll leave. I just don't want you and Teri to fight. He's been in such a bad mood because of you lately, and it breaks my heart."
"I'd do anything to make him happy."
With that, her eyes welled up, and she made a show of bowing deeply to me.
"What are you doing? Rachel, get up!"
Teri shoved me aside and wrapped his arms protectively around her.
"Ava, can you just stop freaking out every time you see Rachel?"
"We're going to be spending the next three years together. Can't you be less petty?"
I stared at him, the absurdity of it all making me want to laugh. "You think this is how normal friends act?"
He flinched, then sneered. "So, the act is finally over?"
"Weren't you the one who said she was pitiful and that we should take care of her? What's with the jealousy now?"
I looked at his face, a face I’d known for over a decade, and felt like I was seeing a stranger.
"If you want to take care of her so badly, why don't you just marry her!"
I spun around and walked away, ignoring Teri’s furious roar behind me.
"If you walk away now, don't ever come back!"
I didn't even turn around.
When I got home and sat down, I saw Rachel had posted a new story.
They were playing Truth or Dare. She'd been dared to kiss someone in the group. Her eyes scanned the room and landed on Teri, but he didn't move.
"Teri… you're the one I know best here."
"Whoa, Rachel, what are we, chopped liver?" one of his friends joked. "You don't know us?"
As the catcalls and whistles grew louder, Rachel's face turned beet red. She stammered an explanation, tears welling in her eyes as Teri remained motionless.
"If Teri doesn't want to, I'll just take the penalty drink."
She closed her eyes and reached for a glass.
Suddenly, a hand shot out and stopped her.
"You're allergic to alcohol. Are you trying to kill yourself?" Teri's voice was low.
"Well, what else am I supposed to do? I have to finish the dare."
Looking at Rachel's tear-streaked face, Teri lifted her chin. "You couldn't have picked someone else?"
"No."
Fighting through her embarrassment, Rachel grabbed the collar of Teri's shirt, stood on her tiptoes, and tentatively pressed her lips to his.
This time, Teri didn't pull away. He wrapped a hand around her waist and deepened the kiss.
"TERI, YOU'RE THE MAN!"
The cheering and laughter around them swelled, but my heart felt like it had been dropped into a deep fryer, sizzling with a white-hot pain. Even though I'd told myself I didn't care anymore, seeing that still hurt. A decade of feelings doesn't just disappear; ripping it out is always going to be agony.
At 11:50 PM, a small pebble hit my bedroom window.
It was our signal.
For a split second, I wished I had amnesia.
I leaned out and saw him standing below, the same Teri who had been wrapped around Rachel just hours before.
His voice was slurring, pleading.
"Ava… stop being angry, okay? Please… just change the application…"
"The UK… it's great… I'll… I'll take you to see Big Ben…"

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