I Stopped Loving You Years Ago
The crowd erupted in cheers and whistles.
I was the only one who looked completely lost. But I already have a girlfriend.
The entire auditorium fell silent.
Sophies eyes instantly welled with tears.
Ethan, she choked out, her voice trembling. Havent you been in love with me for years?
1
The giant screen behind the stage was playing a slideshow of photos of me and Sophie.
A timeline of our lives, from diapers to dorm rooms, some of just her, some of just me, but mostly of us together.
The backing track was Wonderwall by Oasis.
You could tell she had planned this meticulously.
She was on stage as the valedictorian, the star of the show. Halfway through what was supposed to be a perfectly normal speech, it turned into this. A public declaration of love.
Under the watch of thousands, the silence was deafening.
My roommate, Mark, nudged me hard in the ribs.
Dude, havent you been obsessed with Sophie for, like, ever? he hissed.
This is your shot. Dont blow this because youre trying to be difficult.
His words just made me more confused.
It was true, Id had a massive crush on Sophie.
But hadnt she always been disgusted by me?
She told me to stop following her around like some pathetic, spineless puppy.
She told me that even if every other man on the planet dropped dead, she would never, ever choose me.
So, Id given up on her a long, long time ago.
2
My mom and Sophies mom, Penny, are best friends.
Growing up, the one thing I heard constantly from Aunt Penny was that she was reserving me to be Sophies future husband.
When I was little and didnt know any better, Id grin and agree, even promising Id have a whole bunch of kids with my Sophie-girl.
When I got older, Id just scratch the back of my neck and blush, my ears burning hot.
We were always together, a package deal, and Sophie never publicly contradicted the assumption about our relationship. It made me believe that maybe, someday, Sophie and I really would get married.
That belief lasted right up until high school graduation.
When it was time to apply for college, my first choice was a university that had the best program for my major.
When Sophies parents found out, they immediately started pressuring her to give up her dream school.
If you and Ethan go to the same school, you can look after your future husband, her dad said over dinner one night.
Exactly, Aunt Penny chimed in. Its good for you two to have each other for support.
So, does this mean I should start saving for the wedding? my mom joked.
The conversation around the dinner table was spiraling into fantasy.
I kept my head down, my face flushed, completely missing the fact that Sophies expression was growing darker and darker by the second.
Suddenly, she slammed her hands on the table and shot to her feet.
Cant you see I dont like him? she yelled, her voice shaking with rage. He follows me everywhere, so damn needy! Have some self-respect!
Her outburst froze me in my seat.
Humiliation, shame, a crushing sense of inadequacya storm of emotions I couldnt name washed over me.
I clenched my fists under the table, my knuckles white. I looked at Sophies face, at the undisguised disgust in her eyes, and my heart felt like it was being scraped raw with a dull knife, over and over again.
Crack.
Sophies dad slapped her across the face and ordered her to apologize to me.
What is this nonsense youre spouting! You dont like Ethan? Its a miracle a boy like Ethan would even look at you!
The mood was ruined. Everyones face was grim.
But Sophie was defiant.
Im going to Princeton, and you better not follow me! she snarled, her eyes locked on mine, as if I were some kind of criminal.
Being stared at like that by the person you love it physically hurt.
3
In the end, Sophie didnt get into Princeton.
She ended up at my school, Northwood University.
I didnt see her again until move-in day, when I spotted her dragging a suitcase across the freshman quad.
We hadnt spoken all summer. When she saw me, a flicker of anxiety crossed her face. It was only after Aunt Penny nudged her that she reluctantly came over to help with my bags.
I got stuck at this crappy school with you, she muttered under her breath, so only I could hear. Are you happy now?
It felt like a punch to the gut. I sidestepped her, moving away from her reach.
She froze, her hand hovering awkwardly in mid-air.
Aunt Penny quickly smoothed things over and offered to walk me to my dorm.
On the way, she apologized.
Ethan, honey, Sophies just being immature. Im so sorry for what she said back then. Ill speak to her.
I dragged my suitcase along the pavement. Sophie was already long gone.
Its okay, Aunt Penny. Its in the past, I said, my voice muffled. Were adults now. We dont like those childhood jokes anymore. Ill keep my distance from Sophie from now on.
I had thought it through.
Childhood fantasies arent real. A childhood crush cant be forced.
But Aunt Penny grabbed my arm, her face full of disapproval. What do you mean, keep your distance? You and Sophie grew up together. You know each other inside and out. That girl just doesnt know whats good for her
In my heart, she declared, you will always be the only son-in-law Ill ever want.
I didnt know how to respond.
Aunt Penny had always been incredibly kind to me. She didnt have a son, but whenever she saw cool sneakers or athletic gear, shed buy it for me. She always joked with my mom that she was just buttering up her future son-in-law.
Seeing my silence, she just smiled and patted my shoulder.
Ethan, youre at the same university now. I know that girls temperament. Just take care of her, be patient with her. She responds to a gentle touch, not a firm hand
I felt like I was going to be sick.
I liked Sophie, yes.
But I couldnt just swallow my pride and chase after her after shed rejected me so cruelly.
I gently pulled my arm from her grasp.
I can get to my room from here, Aunt Penny.
4
Sophie was beautiful, with fair skin and classic features.
It didnt take long for her to become the unofficial queen of the freshman class, attracting a swarm of admirers.
And, just as she wanted, I kept my distance.
A few months later, I saw her post on Instagram. It was a picture of her with a guy, their arms wrapped around each other. He was handsome, holding her and smiling brilliantly for the camera. They looked perfect together.
Her feed, which used to be so sterile, suddenly came alive.
She started asking for advice on what to get your boyfriend for his birthday, posting pictures of them holding hands, and even screenshots of their text conversations.
In those texts
He was sometimes moody, and they had their little arguments, but she always handled it with a gentle grace.
Thats when I realized Sophie had this soft, delicate side to her. That in front of someone she truly liked, she could be patient, thoughtful, and forgiving.
In that moment, whatever was left of my crush finally withered and died.
I decided it was time to close the book on that unrequited love story.
Then, about halfway through the school year, she texted me out of the blue. Im downstairs.
I went down and found her waiting impatiently by the dorm entrance. She shoved a gift box into my hands.
My mom made me bring this for you.
I took it and opened it. A pair of limited-edition sneakers.
I tried to refuse, but Sophie was already turning to leave. Is this seriously how you operate now? Trying these little tricks? Its never going to happen between us.
I didnt even get a word out.
Seeing her treat me like I was something to be avoided, even after Id already moved on it still stung. I looked down at the box in my hands, a lump forming in my throat.
I deleted her number and Venmod the money for the shoes to Aunt Penny.
She called me immediately, asking if Sophie had been causing trouble again.
I sighed and explained that we were both adults now, and things like this could cause misunderstandings and problems in her relationship.
Aunt Penny was silent for a few seconds before hanging up.
I thought that was the end of it.
A few days later, on my way back to my dorm, some guy Id never seen before ran up and punched me in the face, screaming that I was trying to steal his girlfriend.
5
The whole mess ended up in the Dean of Students office.
Thats when I found out the guy was Sophies boyfriend.
Sophie arrived a few minutes later.
The guy immediately started complaining to her, emotionally accusing me of starting the fight.
Sophie soothed him with a soft voice, but her eyes kept flicking over to me, her brow furrowed in a tight knot.
I heard everything! he yelled. You want to break up with me for him!
Sophies expression was complicated.
From their conversation, I pieced it together. Aunt Penny had never known Sophie had a boyfriend. After my call, she had phoned Sophie directly and ordered her to break up with him.
Somehow, her roommate overheard and the story got back to the boyfriend.
After asking around, he tracked down the guy Sophie had just given a gift to me.
Finally, after I showed him the Venmo transaction and Sophie swore up and down she wouldnt break up with him, the guy grudgingly believed us and backed off.
But his hostility towards me was still thick in the air. As if trying to salvage some pride after his baseless attack, he shot me a dirty look and sneered.
You should know to keep your distance when a girl has a boyfriend.
I cant even describe the feeling in my gut at that moment.
Watching Sophie protectively coddle this guy, whispering affectionately to him, I said nothing. I just walked up and slapped them both, one after the other, across the face.
Im not interested in being a pawn in your little drama.
6
Since the boyfriend threw the first punch, the incident was written off as mutual combat. We both got a stern warning, and that was that.
But my roommates now knew about my history with Sophie, and the gossip mill started turning.
Ethan, man, its been half a semester. How did you keep your connection to Sophie a secret for so long?
You and the campus queen are childhood friends? So when you said you worked your ass off in high school to get into the same college as a girl you liked
That girl was Sophie?
It was awkward. During a welcome week party, Id had a few too many beers and confessed the story of my high school motivations.
After all, back then, every late night I spent studying was genuinely so I could be worthy of standing next to someone like her.
I explained that there was absolutely nothing between us now, but my roommates didnt buy it. They looked like theyd just discovered the juiciest secret, going on about how we were like a real-life romance movie.
At the start of sophomore year, I heard that Sophie and that guy had broken up.
That afternoon, Mark came into our room, wiggling his eyebrows. Theres a beautiful woman downstairs looking for you.
I went down, and to my surprise, it was Sophie again.
Even in a crowd, Sophie was impossible to miss. In the few minutes shed been standing there, she had already turned a dozen heads.
Another semester had passed since wed last spoken.
When she saw me, her expression was a mix of emotions.
You blocked my number? was the first thing she said.
Her accusatory tone inexplicably pissed me off.
What do you want? I asked, ignoring her question and taking a step back.
My defensiveness and cold demeanor clearly got to her. Sophies face fell. After a moment of silence, she bit her lip and said, with a hint of resentment, I broke up with him!
I froze.
For the past six months, I had done an excellent job of avoiding her. If I saw her from a distance, Id change my route. When my roommates brought her up in conversation, Id stay quiet, doing everything I could to project an image of complete unfamiliarity.
I just shook my head, not wanting to waste any more time with her.
It was like she was this person I had admired for years, and then one day, the light around her just vanished. Sophie just wasnt that amazing to me anymore.
Suddenly, I just didnt like her.
She sensed my indifference and ran a frustrated hand through her hair, looking more and more uncomfortable. My mom found out he hit you. We fought about it for months because of her. I know my mom likes you, she was never happy about me having a boyfriend!
Sophie went on and on.
About her struggles.
About Aunt Pennys interference.
After a minute, I couldnt listen anymore.
Does this have anything to do with me? I interrupted.
Sophie pursed her lips, avoiding my eyes. Her voice lost its confidence. You know how my mom is
Ill talk to Aunt Penny and make things clear.
I didnt want to stay there a second longer. I turned to leave, fully intending to draw a clear line between myself and their entire family from now on.
But as I walked away, Sophie called out my name again. She hesitated.
Ethan can you tell my mom that you have a girlfriend? If she thinks youve moved on, it would be better for both of us
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