I Rescued Two Snakes And Now They're Hunting Me

I’d found two injured, perverted little snakes.

And they would not stop trying to crawl down the collar of my shirt.

I was dangling one from each hand, right in the middle of scolding them, when the text boxes suddenly appeared in front of my eyes:

【OMG, those are the brooding male lead and the unhinged villain. How dare this side character talk to them like that?】

【She used to bully them when they were kids. She's a major reason they had their villain origin story.】

【This whole ‘chance encounter’ was actually planned by both of them to get their revenge.】

【They just burned through too much of their energy fighting. Once they recover, they'll use their true forms—yards and yards of them—to crush her and eat her.】

What?

I’ve never bullied a snake in my life.

But the two snakes coiled around my wrists did exactly what the comments described.

They bared their fangs at me.

1

I found them on my way home, two small snakes fighting on the edge of the walking path.

It was interesting enough that I stopped to watch from a distance. One was the color of polished ink, the other a stark, porcelain white. They were barely a foot long, two thin little things that were, in their own way, kind of cute.

But they fought with the fury of dragons. Their upper bodies were tangled in a tight knot, mouths gaping wide. Both were already showing signs of the skirmish, little scrapes and nicks on their scales.

The white snake managed to roll over, pinning the black one. It reared back, fangs bared, ready to strike at the other's head. Just as it was about to land the blow, its eyes met mine, and it froze.

I wondered if I'd startled it.

The black snake seized the opportunity, twisting and sinking its teeth into the white one from below, instantly reversing their positions. But the white snake didn't fight back. It went limp, letting the black one bite, its bright, rosy-pink eyes fixed on me.

A pang of sympathy hit me. Bolstering my courage, I took a step forward and clapped my hands, shouting, “Hey! Knock it off!”

To my utter astonishment, the black snake actually seemed to understand. It stopped its attack.

The white snake lay on the grass, exposing its soft underbelly. The bite marks were clear against its pale scales, and it looked like it was on the verge of death. The black snake stared at me with its beady, black-bean eyes, then glanced at the motionless white snake beside it. A frantic energy seized it, its tongue flicking in and out of its mouth so fast it was a blur. It looked like it was trying desperately to speak.

Seeing my bewildered expression, it gave up and simply copied the white one, flopping onto the grass and going perfectly still.

Well, I figured that was a truce. I turned and continued home.

It wasn't until I was standing at my front door, digging through my purse for my keys, that I realized they had followed me.

Our eyes met—all six of them. In perfect unison, both snakes went limp and dropped to the welcome mat with a soft thump.

It was the most blatant case of insurance fraud I’d ever seen.

"You want to come home with me?"

Both of them started wagging their tails furiously.

"I don't know," I hesitated. "Wild snakes can be dirty, have parasites and stuff. And I'm pretty sure there are rules against just picking up wildlife."

The white snake stopped moving, its tongue flicking out pathetically. The black one, however, started spinning in tight circles, as if trying to show me how clean it was, that it wasn't wild at all.

2

After a moment of internal debate, I let them in.

I didn't have a proper terrarium, so a clear plastic storage bin would have to do for now. Surprisingly, they were almost unnervingly obedient. When I pointed to the bin, they slithered right in.

I spent a while on my phone, using an image recognition app to figure out what they were. The consensus was corn snakes. Following the app’s recommended links, I found a beginner's guide and ordered some antiseptic spray and other supplies for delivery.

While waiting, I spoke to the bin. "From now on, I'll call you Ash," I said to the black one, "and you'll be Ivory."

I didn't actually expect them to understand. My impression of snakes had always been that they were cold, detached creatures, not particularly in tune with humans.

When the supplies arrived and I was unboxing the antiseptic, I said aloud to myself, "Okay, Ivory, you're first."

To my shock, the little white snake nudged the lid of the bin with his head and slithered out on his own. He even rubbed against my palm like a cat, a bizarrely affectionate gesture.

Inside the bin, Ash curled into a tight, miserable ball in the corner, head lowered. He wasn't even flicking his tongue anymore.

"Ash," I said, testing it out.

He lifted his head to look at me, and I could have sworn I saw a glimmer of hope in his almost featureless face.

Ivory licked my palm with his forked tongue, as if hurrying me along.

I felt compelled to explain myself. "Ivory's wounds look worse, so he goes first. I'll get to you right after, okay?"

Ash’s head drooped back down.

I carefully straightened Ivory out on a towel and gently applied the antiseptic to each of his wounds. I checked his scales, too, but found no sign of mites or parasites. When I was done, I switched him out for Ash and did the same. He was just as clean.

My theory solidified: they weren't wild. They had to be someone's lost pets. It was the only explanation for them being so clean and well-behaved.

As I was thinking this, I discovered a larger wound hidden amongst the scales near Ash's neck. No wonder he seemed so dejected earlier. His injury was actually more severe, it was just harder to see against his dark coloring. He'd gotten the short end of the stick.

"Oh, you poor thing," I murmured, gently rubbing his little belly to comfort him.

Ash lay on the table, looking so content his eyes were closed, letting out the occasional soft hiss.

Now it was Ivory’s turn to sulk in the corner of the bin, the picture of reptilian misery.

3

I reached in and scooped Ivory out, wanting to give him a comforting belly rub, too.

But the little snake twisted and squirmed, evading my touch every time.

I let out an amused laugh, gently poking his head. "What's wrong, Ivory? Such a temper."

He coiled into a tight ball and ignored me.

Finding it funny, I poked his side. "Hello? Anybody home?"

That finally got a reaction. Ivory uncoiled, rolled over, and exposed his belly.

Ash, seeing this, grew agitated. He started slithering back and forth in front of Ivory, blocking my path. I nudged him aside. Before my fingers could even touch Ivory, Ash bit me.

It wasn't hard, more of a firm pinch meant to get my attention.

"Ash, you have to learn to share," I said, lifting him up and moving him further away.

It was a mistake. He arched his body like a spring and launched himself directly at my collar.

"Ash!"

I reached up to grab him, but he was too quick, disappearing down the front of my shirt. I had no choice but to pull the collar open to see where he'd gone. Just then, Ivory, who had been so docile, decided to join the chaos, darting into my collar as well.

…I really should have just lifted the hem of my shirt.

The cold, slithering sensation of two snakes against my skin sent a shiver down my spine. They were moving around frantically, their scales creating a dry, rustling friction against me. I quickly pulled up my shirt, only to find them fighting again.

Was this why they were abandoned?

"Ash! Ivory! No fighting!"

At the sound of my voice, both snakes froze, slowly closing their mouths.

I grabbed one in each hand, dangling them by their tails.

"No more fighting, do you understand me?" I lectured. "If I catch you two fighting again, I swear I'll turn you into soup. You hear me?"

The moment the words left my mouth, something bizarre happened. Translucent text boxes started to appear in my field of vision, like on-screen comments in a video.

【OMG, those are the brooding male lead and the unhinged villain. How dare this side character talk to them like that?】

【She used to bully them when they were kids. She's a major reason they had their villain origin story.】

【This whole ‘chance encounter’ was actually planned by both of them to get their revenge.】

【They just burned through too much of their energy fighting. Once they recover, they'll use their true forms—yards and yards of them—to crush her and eat her.】

What?

I've never bullied a snake in my life.

But as I looked down, the two snakes in my hands began to coil around my wrists, just as the comments described.

And they bared their fangs at me.

The instant our eyes met, they snapped them shut again.

4

I decided I was just hallucinating. It had to be the stress from being unemployed.

Shaking it off, I posted a "Found Pets" notice online. The snake owner community is a lot smaller than the one for cats and dogs. My post got a few comments but no messages for days.

True to form, however, the two snakes were on their best behavior. They didn't fight again, though it was clear they still couldn't stand each other. They were constantly vying for who would get petted first, a petty rivalry that I had to mediate carefully.

I tried to be as fair as possible. If I pet Ash first one time, Ivory would be first the next.

With the fighting issue resolved, they developed a new bad habit. Every night, after I'd fallen asleep, they would nudge the lid off their bin and slither into my bed. I laid down the law three separate times. But the fourth time I woke up to find them both plastered against my skin, I gave up.

I was getting used to their cool temperature, anyway.

…

Friday.

I woke from a deep sleep to a strange coldness on my stomach, followed by a faint, pinching pain.

Opening my eyes, I saw the two of them, Ash and Ivory, furtively trying to worm their way under my pajama top. When they realized I was awake, they both froze for a second before burrowing even more frantically.

I snatched them up before they could get any further.

"We've been over this. No going under my clothes. Do you two want to be soup? You little perverts."

Ivory dangled from my hand, the picture of innocence. Ash coiled around my wrist and started flicking his tongue against my skin.

I pointed a finger at him. "Flattery will get you nowhere."

He retracted his tongue and went limp, hanging from my wrist dejectedly.

And then the text boxes appeared again.

【LOL, does she really think he's trying to flatter her? He's trying to figure out the best place to kill her.】

【Weren't the male lead and the villain venomous? I seem to remember that.】

【She bullied them as kids, and now she just keeps doing things to piss them off. I wonder if her death is going to be particularly gruesome.】

A knot of dread formed in my stomach.

I quickly lifted my pajama top. There, on my abdomen, were several faint, reddish marks. They looked like bite marks.

They hadn't broken the skin, but the intent was terrifyingly clear.

5

These two snakes were actually trying to kill me.

But I've never, ever bullied a snake. Was it because I threatened to turn them into soup? Could they really be that petty?

I tried to act as normal as possible as I placed them back in their bin, this time weighing the lid down with two heavy books. I pulled out my phone and reposted the "Found Pets" ad on every platform I could think of.

If no one claimed them, could I just… release them? But would that make them hate me even more?

I spent the entire morning crippled with anxiety.

Maybe heaven was listening. At three in the afternoon, I finally got a private message.

【Hi, I think those are my snakes. When would be a good time to pick them up?】

【This afternoon is fine. Just let me know when you're here.】

I replied, sending her my location.

A quick【Okay, thank you】popped up in response.

An hour later, there was a knock on my door. The woman standing outside was gorgeous, dressed in a designer dress and holding a professional-grade snake carrier.

The comments exploded.

【The female lead is so beautiful. A true heiress. No wonder the hero and the villain fought over her for so long.】

【Okay, this was actually a smart move by the side character. With the female lead here, they probably won't try anything.】

【I don't know… I have a feeling they won't let her off that easily.】

"Hi, I'm Rae. What should I call you?" she asked, her voice as polished as her appearance.

"Uh, hi. I'm Paige."

Her last name is really Rae? The text boxes were right. My belief in this strange reality solidified.

Remembering what the comments said, I quickly led her to the storage bin. Sure enough, both snakes froze when they saw Rae.

"You can just take them," I said, eager to be rid of them.

"Okay. Thank you so much for looking after them."

Rae opened the bin and reached for Ash. But he kept slithering around, expertly avoiding her grasp. She gave up and went for Ivory instead. She managed to pick him up, but before she could get him into the carrier, he shot out of her hands like a bolt of lightning, landed on me, and scurried up into my collar.

Seeing his chance, Ash followed suit, launching himself out of the bin and right after Ivory.

Rae: "…"

Me: "!!!"

6

"I swear, they're mine. I have pictures on my phone," Rae insisted, fumbling to show me.

As she scrolled, her thumb slipped, and for a split second, two photos of enormous pythons flashed across the screen. One ink-black, one porcelain-white. They were unmistakably Ash and Ivory, but massive.

Seeing my face drain of all color, Rae quickly scrolled back. "Oops, sorry about that. Slipped."

But it was too late. With a speed I didn't know I possessed, I plunged my hands under the hem of my shirt to grab the snakes.

Oh god, are they going to poison me right here in front of the female lead?!

The moment my hands were inside, both snakes obediently coiled around my arms. They even started hissing at each other over who got to wrap around my wrist. It was a habit they’d developed over the past few days. I had foolishly thought it was a sign of affection.

I motioned for Rae to open the carrier. With a single, desperate motion, I flung them both inside. They landed in a tangled, dazed heap, and I slammed the lid shut and locked it tight.

Finally. I could breathe again.

Ash recovered first, furiously slapping his tail against the plastic, as if heartbroken that I had abandoned him. Ivory just lay there listlessly, the very picture of a depressed and pitiful creature.

Given his temperament and coloring, Ivory had to be the male lead, and Ash the villain.

Rae picked up the carrier. "Thank you so much. Let me buy you dinner."

Seeing the predatory way both snakes were now staring at me through the clear plastic, I shuddered.

I waved my hands frantically. "No, that's okay! Just please, keep a close eye on them. Don't lose them again."

And for the love of God, don't let them find me.

I had a feeling that after being tossed like that, their gazes had gotten even more unsettling.

7

That night, I had a… vivid dream.

It started with a faint coolness tracing paths across my skin, which gradually spread, becoming a heavy weight. My whole body felt pinned down, as if constricted by something powerful. But it wasn't unpleasant. In fact, it was almost comfortable. My body felt feverishly hot, and the cool pressure was a welcome relief, making me want to press even closer.

…

When I finally surfaced into consciousness, I was filled with a sense of despair at myself. To have such a ridiculous dream. With snakes. Two of them! It had to be because those little monsters were always crawling into my bed. Thank God they were gone.

I sighed.

And opened my eyes.

Staring back at me was a colossal, pure black python. The one from Rae’s photo.

I stopped breathing.

Slowly, carefully, I sat up, only to see the massive white one lying on my other side. Only a small portion of their bodies was actually on the bed; the rest snaked across the floor in thick, chaotic coils, filling my small bedroom almost completely.

My entire body was covered in what looked like love bites and faint bruises from being squeezed. If someone walked in, they’d think they’d stumbled onto the aftermath of a horror movie shoot.

So much for a close call. They had been busy trying to kill me all night, and I’d been busy… enjoying it in my sleep.

The on-screen comments returned, confirming my horror:

【Why did they fade to black last night? I thought it was because the scene was too bloody, but the side character looks fine.】

【My guess is the hero and the villain started fighting again over who got to deliver the final blow and ended up exhausting themselves.】

【Looks like they’re dead set on killing her.】

On the bed, the white python stirred, as if about to wake.

I scrambled out of the bedroom, making eye contact with it for just a second before slamming the door and locking it.

The hissing from inside the room grew louder, more frantic, followed by a series of heavy thuds against the door.

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