Eight Years In Vain

When Mom issued her seventh warning about my biological clock, she gave a final ultimatum: marry Declan by years endor shed arrange a match upstate.

Declan barely looked up from his phone. Well marry eventually. Whats the rush?

I counted the years Id given him. Year one: I gave up a London fellowship for him, only to find him sharing an apartment with a female colleague. Year three: I ruined a setup Mom made; he swore hed propose, then ditched me at our engagement dinner to care for that same woman when she got sick. Year eight: Moms guards dragged me home; I fell in the mud. Declan sat in his car with her in the passenger seat, drove off without helping, then later held me, promising this year wed wed.

Now, staring into his evasive eyes, I knew the truthhe didnt want to marry me, and neither did I. In three days, Id return upstate for the arranged marriage.

...

"Declan, I am out of time."

I had waited eight grueling years. My friends were all buying houses and chasing toddlers around their living rooms. I was the only one stuck in this humiliating limbo, battling my family's ultimatums while begging a man to commit.

Whenever my friends gave me those pitying looks, I would force a stiff smile.

"He promised. He is going to do it."

The awkward silence of my friends, the vicious words from my mother, and Declan's constant moving of the goalposts were tearing me apart piece by piece.

Hearing my flat tone, Declan finally looked up from his aggressive texting.

His phone screen was still lit. Audrey had just texted him, asking to carpool to the office.

He never said no to her. In fact, he kept a pair of plush slippers in his passenger seat just for her, so she could kick off her heels and be comfortable for a twenty minute commute.

He seemed to have completely forgotten that the passenger seat was supposed to be mine.

Years ago, he had jokingly slapped a label with my name on the dashboard, bragging to his buddies. "This seat is reserved for the boss. Nobody else gets to sit here."

But lately? When a massive thunderstorm hit the city and I begged him to pick me up, he told me I was completely out of his way. He was busy driving Audrey home. I had to run six blocks in the pouring rain.

I sat shivering in our apartment, sneezing violently while clutching a mug of hot water. Meanwhile, he lingered at Audrey's place, meticulously blow drying her hair so she would not catch a chill.

Pulling myself out of the memories, a bitter, acidic ache settled deep in my chest.

"Louisa, I told you we are going to get married. Stop suffocating me, okay?"

Declan furrowed his brows, his eyes flashing with unfiltered annoyance.

"My career is just taking off. Are you really that desperate for a ring?"

Desperate. That one cruel word completely erased eight years of my unwavering loyalty and sacrifice.

The fading scratches on my arms throbbed faintly. My mother's furious, disappointed face flashed in my mind.

He never saw the immense pressure I carried for him. He never saw the physical bruises I took to defend our relationship. He never understood my desperate need to prove to my family that I hadn't wasted my twenties on the wrong guy.

Before I could form a response, his phone buzzed.

The irritation on his face melted instantly, replaced by a soft, genuine smile.

"Are you in the lobby? I will be right down."

"I made that artisan honey ginger tea you were craving the other day. I am bringing it down, you have to try it."

He bumped his shoulder roughly against mine as he grabbed the insulated thermos off the kitchen counter.

He made it halfway to the door before realizing I had not stepped in front of him to demand an explanation, like I usually did.

He paused, shifting his weight uncomfortably, and softened his voice.

"Louisa, everything I promised you, I will do."

"Just give me a little more time, alright?"

The old me would have interrogated him. How much more time? Which month? When are we booking a venue?

Only when he patiently answered every question with a firm tone could I finally relax, gaslighting myself into believing he actually meant it.

But tonight, I just offered him a small, empty smile.

"Okay."

The heavy front door clicked shut.

Declan was gone, leaving the apartment suffocatingly quiet.

Standing by the living room window, I watched Audrey do a little jog straight into his chest down on the sidewalk.

He froze for a split second, but he didn't push her away. Instead, he stripped off his tailored jacket and draped it over her shoulders.

A sharp gust of wind rattled the windowpane, sending a shiver down my spine.

I couldn't pinpoint exactly when it happened, but sharing a roof with this man felt like living with a complete stranger.

There used to be a time when a single sniffle from me would have him rushing over to wrap me in a thick blanket.

Now, I could be sneezing my lungs out, surrounded by a mountain of used tissues, and he would just keep scrolling through his phone, reading articles about how single women could improve their apartment security.

I had been so sick with a fever that I couldn't even sit up in bed. I croaked his name, begging for a glass of water, but he was completely deaf to it.

It wasn't until I passed out from the fever and my friends realized I was ghosting their texts that they kicked my door in and dragged me to the ER. The doctors said my brain would have practically cooked if they had been an hour later.

Exhausted, I collapsed onto the couch and closed my eyes.

This was my home, yet it was absolutely contaminated with her presence.

Audrey had lived with him for two years before I arrived. There were literally dozens of polaroids of the two of them pinned to the corkboard in the hallway.

I still remember the day I flew thousands of miles to finally move in. I stood in the doorway, stiff and awkward, feeling like an intruder.

Audrey was packing her bags, tossing out instructions like she owned him.

"Well, now that the girlfriend is here, I should make myself scarce. I am moving out."

"Oh, by the way, Declan sleepwalks sometimes, so watch out for his swinging arms in the dark."

"And he needs hot milk right before bed, but an iced americano the second he wakes up. Don't mix it up."

I could not even articulate how nauseous I felt in that moment.

The girl standing in front of me wasn't just a coworker. She was acting like a veteran wife handing over the reins.

Later that evening, Declan's coworker called my cell.

He told me Declan had drank way too much at a corporate mixer and needed a ride.

I gave a flat acknowledgment, knowing exactly what happened.

Declan only drank himself into a stupor when he was taking shots for Audrey.

He had a terrible stomach lining and avoided alcohol at all costs. But Audrey was his permanent exception.

He had literally ended up in the hospital three times because of it, yet he still threw himself on the front lines to protect her at every single networking event.

When I arrived at the upscale lounge, Declan was swaying on his feet.

Yet he stood firmly in front of Audrey, gripping a shot glass.

"Bullying the new girl? Really guys?"

"I will take her shots. Line them up."

One of the senior managers chuckled, leaning against the bar.

"Declan, the way you guard this girl, people might start thinking you are in love with her."

The entire booth erupted. People started happily gossiping about their dynamic at the office.

How they always synced their lunch breaks.

How he tracked her menstrual cycle better than she did, magically producing painkillers and a heating pad on her desk every single month.

How they were an unspoken package deal at the annual gala, walking the red carpet arm in arm.

I stood in the shadows, listening to all of this for the very first time. I had no idea he was capable of being so meticulously thoughtful.

When I had brutal cramps, his only advice was a brief text telling me to drink warm water.

Suddenly, someone brought my name up, and the table fell dead silent.

A coworker sighed, clapping Declan on the shoulder.

"Look man, you and Louisa have been together for eight years without a ring."

"Honestly, if the spark is gone, just cut her loose."

"Stop wasting her youth so you can both go find what you actually want."

Declan said absolutely nothing. He just nodded slowly, looking deep in thought, as if he was seriously considering the advice.

Audrey's ears flushed bright red. she pressed herself a little closer against his side, looking completely bashful.

"Ma'am, can I help you find someone?"

A passing waiter shattered the group's silence.

Declan's head snapped up. His eyes locked onto me, his expression totally freezing.

I just shook my head and turned toward the exit.

Declan chased me out to the sidewalk, grabbing my arm.

"Louisa, let me explain."

"They were just messing around. I don't feel that way about her."

"Audrey and I are strictly professional."

He looked so incredibly earnest, acting like I was the only woman in the universe for him.

But I knew the game. This was just his standard damage control.

Years ago, when he kept stalling the proposal, I threw fits. I packed my bags. I threatened to walk away.

He would do exactly this. He would grip my hand, look me dead in the eye, and swear he was committed.

Then, two days later, the proposal would be forgotten, and he would start working late to avoid me.

Back then, I swallowed the disrespect because I wanted our eight years to mean something.

But now? I was flying home to marry a stranger. I truly did not care anymore.

I slipped my arm out of his grip, taking a deliberate step back.

"It is fine. I believe you."

There was no screaming match. No tearful, heartbroken interrogation.

Just a calm, dismissive nod. The sheer indifference made him visibly panic.

He opened his mouth to speak, but Audrey rushed out of the lounge and planted herself right beside me, cutting him off.

"Louisa, it really is not what it looks like."

"I have known Declan way longer than you have."

"If there was a spark between us, do you really think you would even be in the picture?"

Her words were laced with toxic sweetness, carrying an unmistakable undertone of mockery.

And she was right. I had seen the polaroids.

They cooked together. They binged movies together.

They hid under blankets and laughed through thunderstorms.

She got to experience a version of Declan I never had access to. Every milestone I thought we hit, he had already practiced with her.

If I threw a tantrum right now, I would just look like a bitter, paranoid girlfriend.

"You are absolutely right."

"My mistake."

My deadpan response sucked the oxygen right out of the conversation.

For the first time in his life, Declan didn't put Audrey in an Uber and wait until she was safely inside her building.

Instead, he gripped my hand and pulled me toward his car.

The second we walked into the apartment, I headed straight for the bathroom. I just wanted a hot shower and sleep.

Declan stepped in front of me, completely blocking the hallway. His jaw ticked with barely suppressed rage.

"You are pissed."

"We have been together for eight years. Do you honestly think I don't know when you are giving me the silent treatment?"

"Then why did you take shots for her?"

The exhaustion cracked my composure, the words spilling out before I could stop them.

"She is a lightweight. Did you want them to force alcohol down her throat?"

"Are you blind? The whole department was trying to set you two up. They were doing it on purpose."

Declan wasn't stupid. He knew exactly what his coworkers were doing.

But he loved the ego trip. He loved playing the knight in shining armor for Audrey.

He thrived on the cheers from his buddies and the pure adoration shining in Audrey's eyes.

My private humiliation was a price he was more than willing to pay.

"We are all coworkers. Why does your mind have to be so twisted?"

Declan let out a long, exhausted sigh, framing me as the hysterical villain.

"I took a few drinks for her. That doesn't mean we are sleeping together. Why are you so damn obsessed with this?"

"Who knows, maybe tomorrow you will be."

"Louisa."

My dry laugh was cut off by his furious roar.

His chest heaved, his temper flaring right to the edge. Then, his phone buzzed.

He glanced at the screen just once. Instantly, he turned on his heel, grabbing his keys.

"See? I can never get you to stay."

"Even when I am standing right in front of you."

Declan stopped by the door, but he refused to look back at me.

"You are acting completely unhinged right now. You need to cool off."

It was always the same script. Every time he abandoned me, he made sure to diagnose me as the problem first.

When my mother's guards threw me to the pavement, he was standing ten feet away. He called it a "private family dispute," said he didn't want Audrey caught in the crossfire, and drove away without checking if I was bleeding.

On the day we were supposed to get engaged, he bailed to play nurse for Audrey. Later, he blamed my mother for making too many demands, using it as his excuse to bolt.

And now, one single text from Audrey, and he was walking out the door.

I didn't try to block his path. As his hand hit the doorknob, I spoke very softly.

"You don't need to marry me anymore. I am marrying someone else."

Declan didn't come home that night.

The next morning, I was just hanging up the phone after confirming my flight with my mother when the front door finally opened.

He stood in the entryway, kicking off his shoes, sounding totally bored.

"Where are you going?"

"Family emergency?"

I tossed my phone onto the counter and lied without blinking.

"My mom is having some health issues. I need to go upstate to check on her."

He bought it immediately, launching right into a lecture.

"Good. While you are there, talk some sense into her. Tell her to stop harassing us about a wedding."

"Does she want you to be happy, or is she just trying to sell you off to the highest bidder?"

I let out a flat "Yeah," and walked into the bedroom to pull out my luggage.

Declan trailed behind me. When he saw me clearing out my entire side of the closet, a frown pulled at his lips.

"How long are you staying? You are packing half the room."

"Not long."

"What time is your train? I will drive you."

"Flight. Out of JFK. Three o'clock."

He went completely quiet, a conflicted shadow passing over his face.

I zipped the suitcase shut and stood it upright before he finally spoke.

"I have a meeting at three. Do you want me to call you a black car so you can get there yourself?"

"Just text me your return flight, and I will definitely be at the airport to pick you up. Deal?"

There is no return flight.

I kept the thought locked in my head.

My face betrayed absolutely nothing. I gave him a bright, easy smile.

"It is fine. I can get an Uber."

Right on cue, the doorbell rang.

Before I could even take a step, the person on the other side unlocked the deadbolt and walked right in.

That was the moment I realized he had given her a key. He had let her keep it for years.

So all those times I came back from girls' trips and noticed the furniture slightly rearranged or a different scent in the air. I wasn't going crazy.

"Louisa. Today is my birthday, and I really wanted Declan to celebrate with me."

Audrey stood in the foyer, fully glammed up, flashing me a sugar sweet smile.

"You don't mind, do you?"

Everything finally clicked into place.

The velvet jewelry box I found hidden in his sock drawer last week wasn't for me.

The email receipt for nine hundred and ninety nine roses I saw pop up on his tablet wasn't for me either.

He could buy diamond rings for a "purely professional" colleague, but couldn't commit to the woman who gave him her entire twenties.

He didn't even remember that yesterday was our six year anniversary.

Looking at him standing there, practically vibrating with eagerness to leave with her, I felt a strange sense of peace.

I didn't call him out. I played my role perfectly.

"I don't mind at all. Happy birthday, Audrey. Have a great time."

Audrey beamed, immediately hooking her arm through his and tugging him toward the door.

Maybe some buried instinct finally kicked in, because right before crossing the threshold, Declan stopped and looked back at me.

"Text me when you get to the gate."

"I will see you when you get back. Bye."

Declan, this is the very last time you will ever see me.

There is no coming back.

After the door closed, I wheeled my suitcase down to the street and climbed into a cab.

The familiar skyline blurred past the window, slowly fading into the distance.

The only thing I left behind for Declan was a heavy, gold embossed wedding invitation sitting dead center on the coffee table.