Ugly, Then Next
Two months ago, on my birthday, fueled by a bit of wine, he took me to a hotel. After that night, he went completely silent on me.
When I went to find him, I overheard him complaining to his friend that once my clothes were off, there was nothing to look at. He was terrified I’d cling to him and was planning on ghosting me completely.
He even mocked himself: "Was I blind before? I passed on all those gorgeous women and somehow got hooked on her."
You think I'd let that slide? From that moment, I began the quiet, painful process of detoxing him from my heart.
So when Steve, after ignoring me for months while he partied with some freshman girl, finally came back to break up with me…
I announced my new relationship the very next day.
He was speechless.
1
Two months ago, on my birthday, Steve Bergman and I ended up in a hotel room, thanks to a little liquid courage. My period decided to crash the party, so we didn't go all the way, but it still felt like our relationship had taken a quantum leap forward.
I’ve always been a reserved person, my world revolving around academics. Steve pursued me for two years, and we dated for another two. Over that time, I’d grown to depend on him more and more. After our near-miss in that hotel room, my natural instinct was to cling to him, to be closer.
But that's when I noticed it. He was barely responding to my texts.
At first, I didn't suspect anything. His devotion to me was obvious to everyone. I just assumed something was wrong at home.
So, after class, I skipped the welcome party for my study group and took a cab to his house to check on him. I had the code to his place; he’d made me memorize it not long after we got together.
I let myself in. The living room was empty. As I headed upstairs, I heard voices coming from the study. The door was slightly ajar.
Sometimes I think I must have incredible luck to have stumbled upon that moment.
Steve was in there with his best friend, Mason, planning how to dump me.
A cigarette dangled from the corner of Steve’s mouth.
“Back in school, all I saw was how smart she was. I was obsessed with that cool, untouchable vibe she had,” he said, a cloud of smoke escaping his lips.
“But then, with her clothes off, under the light… I realized she’s actually ugly.”
“Seriously, man, was I blind? I passed on all those bombshells and got addicted to her of all people.”
Mason shrugged. “Who knows? I figured you were just tired of the usual and wanted to try something different.”
“Think about it,” he continued. “Every girl we grew up with looks like a model. You probably got visually fatigued. A nerdy-but-plain girl is a good palate cleanser. At least now, look, your vision’s back to normal.”
Steve took a long drag from his cigarette. “You know, I think you’re right. I came so close, man. So close to sleeping with her.”
“And knowing Clara, with her by-the-book personality, if I had, she would’ve latched onto me for life. The thought is terrifying.”
“I’ll just ignore her for a while. Wait for her to have a huge meltdown, then break up with her. It’ll save a lot of trouble.”
He rubbed his arms as if shaking off something disgusting.
I just stood there, watching it all, a buzzing roar filling my head.
Because of my father’s infidelity, I’ve never had a high opinion of men. Growing up, my only goal was to study hard, get out, and build a life where I could depend on myself.
Then Steve had bulldozed his way into my life. He was this brilliant, dazzling trust-fund kid who threw his pride to the wind, confessing his feelings for me again and again. Even my best friend said it had to be true love, that Steve was different.
I believed her. And now, I was the punchline to a joke.
Tears welled up as I stared at his handsome, radiant face. I’m a person, not a block of wood. We had been inseparable for two years, and my feelings for him had only grown.
That night in the hotel, when Steve held me, his voice thick with emotion as he called me baby, I thought my heart would burst with happiness.
But here I was, dreaming of forever, while he was repulsed by my body.
What a fucking joke.
My pride wouldn't let me storm in and make a scene.
I quietly closed the door.
I walked for what felt like miles, my legs burning, until I finally collapsed onto a bench at a bus stop. My heart felt like it was being shredded by a dull knife.
As if on cue, the heavens opened up, and a torrential downpour began. Across the street, a department store was blasting music, the lyrics a perfect, cruel soundtrack to my life.
Let the rain fall down, let it hide the pain on my face.
Let’s just end it all, and be honest, were you the selfish one all along?
Fine. Let’s end it, Steve. You want a clean break? You’ve got it.
And I’m not just going to break it off. I’m going to do it beautifully.
Otherwise, this high-achieving brain of mine would be a complete waste.
2
The next day, Steve still hadn’t contacted me. This was clearly step one in his grand ghosting plan. I had no idea how long he intended to ignore me, but I wasn't going to sit around waiting for his call like an idiot.
First, I unpinned his chat from the top of my message list. Then, I changed our matching profile pictures.
The second I did, a message popped up.
Steve: ?
I didn’t reply.
Another one came through. Why’d you change your picture?
I ignored that one too.
He must have gotten bored, because he went silent after that.
I muted his social media feed and then completely overhauled my study schedule. I had sacrificed so much time for our relationship, skipping study group sessions to the point where my professor was getting annoyed with me.
No more. I wasn't going to let some guy derail my future.
I packed my schedule with review sessions and competition training, then headed to the lab.
A few of my senior lab partners were already there, along with someone new. His back was to me, so I couldn't see his face.
The moment I walked in, Mark, one of the seniors, waved me over. “Clara! Clara, you have to meet the new guy.”
“This is Bob. He’s a freshman in the computer science department. He won the gold medal at the national competition last year, and his entrance scores were even higher than yours. This is a meeting of giants! Come on, you two, hug it out. I’ll take a picture for posterity.”
Bob was two years younger than me, but he was incredibly tall and devastatingly handsome. The kind of face that could launch a thousand ships.
Kids these days, I thought to myself. Great nutrition, amazing genes. They just keep getting better.
As I was musing, he extended a hand. His fingers were long and elegant.
“Hi, I’m Bob. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“You’re too kind,” I said, shaking his hand. “Just call me Clara. And you, my friend, are seriously impressive.”
It was true. The national competition was a gathering of the best of the best. If Bob’s score was higher than mine, it meant his overall skills surpassed my own. And knowing Mark, he was probably being modest about it.
Our little team had a bright future.
Well, if my love life was a disaster, at least my career was looking up. It was a silver lining, I guess.
I pushed my personal drama aside and dove into an intense training session with Bob and the others.
By the end of the day, I was blown away by Bob’s abilities. He was young, but he had the calm, steady demeanor of a veteran. No matter how complex the problem, he tackled it with unruffled confidence.
We left the lab together. As we walked, Bob, clutching a stack of books, looked down at me.
“Clara.”
“Yeah?”
“I’ve actually… noticed you for a while now.”
“Oh?”
“This might be a little forward, but… do you have a boyfriend?”
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