I Loved You in Silence

I loved Leah Williams for twelve years. I gave her everything.

A bullet from her brother's true killer has been lodged in my spine for three years, causing me unbearable pain.

Yet she treated the real murderer like family and me like a dog, forcing me to kneel and watching me suffer endless humiliation.

Clinging to my last breath, I only wanted to give her the truth before I died.

she pushed me into the abyss herself,smiling as she said I deserved it.

Only when I cut open my own chest and dug out that blood-soaked bullet did she finally panic.

And I no longer had the strength to look at her one more time.

Silas POV

I loved Leah Williams for twelve years.

From the day the Williams family brought me back as a bodyguard at eighteen, I gave her everything.

For these twelve years, I'd taken knives for her, drinks for her, and in that kidnapping case, I'd shielded her from everything.

But now, I was just a dog at her feet, beaten and cursed at will.

"Silas, kneel down."

Leah sat on the sofa, looking at me with eyes that held none of the love from years past. Only hatred.

Standing beside her was the scholarship student she sponsored, and also her deceased brother Ethan's best friend, Zane Sullivan.

Zane wore a pair of limited-edition sneakers splattered with mud, looking at me with feigned innocence. "Leah, Silas was head of security after all. Making him clean my shoes seems a bit much. I can just wipe them with a tissue myself."

"What does he have to complain about?"

Leah glanced at me, her eyes full of disgust. "When Ethan died, he said he'd spend his whole life making it up to me. Now I'm just asking him to clean a shoe. Do I need to beg him?"

I stood there, the bullet lodged near the major artery in my spine throbbing with dull pain, pressing on my optic nerve and making my vision blur with double images.

Whenever Ethan was mentioned, she lost control.

I didn't blame her.

Because I also hated myself for failing to save Ethan.

He was Leah's own brother, and someone I'd desperately tried but failed to save.

No one knew that shot wasn't a stray bullet.

It was deliberately fired by Zane, the man now sitting beside her, in the chaos.

The only evidence was that bullet with its distinctive rifling marks. To keep Zane from destroying it, I'd forced myself to leave it lodged in my spine.

It pressed on my nerves, making surgery impossible.

Removing it meant death. Not removing it also meant death.

I swallowed the metallic taste in my throat and offered no resistance, slowly bending my knees.

I lowered my head and reached out to clean Zane's shoes.

My vision blurred again. A precursor to blindness.

I gritted my teeth and used my sleeve to wipe the mud spots from the edges of Zane's shoes.

"What a good dog."

Leah looked down at me from above, her eyes full of revulsion.

She pulled Zane up to head upstairs. "Zane, let's go upstairs. Don't let him ruin the mood."

"Okay, Leah."

As Zane passed me, his foot ground hard into the back of my hand.

The pain pierced through me, but I didn't make a sound.

Only after I heard the door close upstairs did I collapse on the floor, gasping for breath.

I fumbled in my pocket for that critical condition notice. Vital organ failure. Less than a month to live.

Leah.

When I'm dead and they remove that bullet, you'll know the truth.

In the middle of the night, the bullet in my spine began pressing on my nerves.

The pain made me break out in cold sweat.

I crawled up from the storage room and felt my way to the bathroom.

My vision still hadn't recovered. I could only see blurred gray shadows.

I stumbled to the medicine cabinet above the sink, hands trembling as I searched for the heavy-duty painkillers.

The doctor had prescribed them, saying they'd help me go more peacefully.

Found them.

Just as I breathed a sigh of relief, the weight in my hand disappeared.

Someone had taken the pill bottle.

"Silas, up in the middle of the night looking for candy?"

Zane's voice echoed eerily in the bathroom.

I forced down the excruciating pain and reached out my hand. "Give it to me."

"Give it to you?" Zane laughed lightly, shaking the pill bottle in his hand. "These are prescription drugs with morphine, Silas. Taking too many isn't good for the brain."

"Zane!" I gritted my teeth. "Give me the medicine!"

If I didn't take it, I'd die from the pain tonight.

Zane walked to the toilet and, right in front of me, unscrewed the cap.

He poured the pills into the toilet.

"Oops, my hand slipped."

Zane turned around, a malicious smile on his face. "Silas, you don't have many days left anyway. Just tough it out, right? Saves wasting resources."

Rage instantly overwhelmed the pain.

I lunged forward and grabbed Zane by the collar, slamming him hard against the tile wall. "You're asking for it!"

"Help! Leah! Help!"

Zane suddenly screamed at the top of his lungs.

The door was kicked open and Leah rushed in.

Without thinking, she raised her hand and slapped me across the face.

Silas POV

The slap knocked my head to the side, my ears ringing, my already blurred vision growing even darker.

"Silas! Have you lost your mind?"

Leah shoved me aside and anxiously pulled Zane behind her, checking his neck. "Zane, are you hurt? Does it hurt anywhere?"

Zane's eyes reddened. "I just saw Silas wasn't feeling well in the middle of the night and wanted to get him some water. But he said I was being fake and tried to kill me."

"I didn't." I endured the nearly fracturing pain in my spine, my voice hoarse. "He threw away my medicine."

"Enough!"

Leah cut me off coldly, her eyes disappointed. "Don't I know what kind of person he is? But you, Silas, ever since Ethan died, you've become twisted!"

She glanced at the empty spot on the sink where the pill bottle had been and sneered. "Medicine? What medicine? I think you're just having drug cravings."

I opened my mouth, but in the end could only close my eyes bitterly.

What was the point of explaining?

In her eyes, I was nothing but a lowlife who'd sell out her brother just to survive.

"Since you have so much energy, go clear your head."

Leah pointed at the pitch-black rainy night outside the window. "Go stand in the yard. Don't come back without my permission."

Zane hid behind her, revealing a triumphant smile.

I took a deep breath, suppressing the blood churning in my chest.

"Yes."

I braced myself against the wall to stand straight, trying not to let her see my trembling legs.

I turned and walked into the pouring rain.

The ice-cold rain pelted my body, the bone-chilling cold slightly easing the burning in my spine.

I stood in the mud, facing Leah's bedroom window.

The lights blazed there.

I could vaguely see Leah drying Zane's hair, her movements so gentle it made my eyes sting.

Once, that tenderness had belonged only to me.

I couldn't help touching my chest.

Twenty-eight days left.

Leah, I hope these twenty-eight days pass quickly.

Even faster.

I stood in the rain all night.

Just before dawn, I couldn't hold on anymore. Everything went black and I collapsed into the muddy water.

When I woke again, I was in the hospital emergency room.

I moved my fingers and found myself lying on a simple hospital bed with an IV drip in my hand.

"Awake?"

A cool voice came.

Leah sat in a chair beside me, peeling an apple.

She didn't look at me, just focused on peeling the apple.

"The doctor said you had low blood sugar and caught a chill. Didn't manage to die."

She cut off a piece of the peeled apple, but instead of giving it to me, turned to hand it to someone on the next bed.

Only then did I notice Zane was also in this hospital room.

He wore a patient gown, his face ruddy, eating the apple Leah fed him with relish.

"Thank you, Leah. So sweet."

Zane swallowed a bite of apple and turned to look at me with false concern.

"Silas, really, you shouldn't push yourself when you're not well. Last night you collapsed in the yard. If Leah hadn't found you early, you might actually be dead."

Watching this scene, my heart felt like it was being squeezed by a giant hand.

I was the one who'd stood in the rain until I collapsed last night.

But now, the one receiving care and concern was him.

I spoke, my throat as hoarse as if I'd swallowed sand. "I want water."

Leah paused.

She set down the fruit knife, pulled out a tissue and casually wiped her hands, sneering. "Water? Don't you have hands?"

"Leah, Silas still has a fever..." Zane offered fake advice from the side.

"Let him burn to death for all I care." Leah stood up, looking at me. "Silas, do you know what else the doctor said?"

She walked to my bedside, her tone ice-cold. "The doctor said all your internal indicators are completely messed up, like you've been taking some kind of psychiatric medication long-term. So tell me, are you really having drug cravings?"

My heart jumped.

Had the doctor made up that lie to cover the inflammatory response caused by the bullet in my spine? Or had Zane already bribed the doctor?

I looked at Zane. He was winking at me, pointing at the door.

In that instant, I saw a figure in a white coat flash by the doorway. The attending physician Zane had bought off.

"I'm not addicted to drugs." I defended myself weakly.

"You know the truth yourself."

Leah straightened up, the last trace of warmth disappearing from her eyes.

"Silas, you disgust me. How could Ethan have idolized someone like you?"

"Since you're not dead, stop wasting money at the hospital. Pull out the IV and go buy Zane a sandwich. He didn't get to rest last night because he had to bring you to the hospital."

Silas POV

I looked at the IV bag still more than half full overhead.

It was antibiotics, life sustaining for my current condition.

But I said nothing.

I reached out and directly pulled the needle from the back of my hand.

Blood immediately gushed out, dripping along my fingertips onto the white sheets.

"I'll go buy it." I pressed the still-bleeding back of my hand and shakily stood up, gripping the bed frame.

Everything went black again.

I leaned against the wall, shuffling out step by step.

Behind me came the sound of Leah peeling an orange, and her gentle murmur to Zane. "Eat slowly, don't choke."

As I reached the door, I couldn't help looking back.

Leah was feeding a segment of orange into Zane's mouth, smiling warmly.

That smile I'd once dreamed of protecting.

I turned and walked into the bustling hospital corridor.

I leaned against the wall corner, gasping for breath, pressing hard on the old scar over my chest.

Soon.

Ethan, wait a little longer for me.

Once I return this life to the Williams family, I'll come to heaven and keep you company.

On the anniversary of Ethan's death.

The sky was overcast and the cemetery very quiet.

Leah held a bouquet of white chrysanthemums, standing before the headstone.

I stood three steps behind her.

This weather made my body ache more and more. I could only keep my back rigidly straight to keep from collapsing.

Zane stood at Leah's side.

"Ethan, Leah and I came to see you."

Zane crouched down, his fingers brushing over the young face in the photo on the headstone, his voice choking. "Don't worry, I'll take good care of Leah for you."

Leah's eyes reddened slightly as she reached out to pat Zane's shoulder, as if comforting him.

I looked at the photo of Ethan smiling brilliantly.

Three years ago, also on a rainy day like this, he'd gradually grown cold in my arms, calling out before he died, "Silas, run..."

"Silas, you come kneel before Ethan too." Leah suddenly spoke, her voice cold.

"Make him kneel? As if he's worthy?" Zane suddenly grew agitated, turning to glare at me. "If he hadn't been such a coward, how would Ethan have died!"

"Zane." Leah stopped him, though her tone held no reproach. "Let him kneel. This is what he owes Ethan."

I said nothing and silently walked forward.

My knees bent, falling heavily onto the hard stone pavement.

I lowered my head deeply before the headstone.

Ethan, I came to see you.

Just as I was about to stand up, Zane suddenly cried out, "Ah! My foot!"

He fell backward.

Zane's head hit the steps beside him, blood immediately flowing down.

"Zane!"

Leah's face changed dramatically. She shoved me aside and rushed over to hold Zane.

"What happened? Are you okay?"

"Leah... I'm fine... Silas, I know you're resentful. But how could you push me?"

"I didn't push him." I knelt there, feeling only absurd.

"Didn't push him? So he fell on his own?"

Leah whipped around, her eyes blazing with hatred.

"Silas, you used to just be a coward, but now you've become this despicable! Attacking someone in front of Ethan. What kind of person are you?"

"I really didn't-"

Slap!

Another slap struck hard across my face.

This one was especially heavy, making my ears ring and everything go black before my eyes.

"Apologize!"

Leah pointed at the blood-covered Zane and shouted, "Kneel and apologize to Zane! Until he forgives you!"

I froze.

Kneel to Zane?

"No."

This was the first time in three years I'd defied her orders.

"What did you say?" Leah looked at me incredulously.

"I can kneel to Ethan. I'll even kneel here until I die."

I raised my head, looking directly into Leah's eyes filled with fury, my voice hoarse but firm.

"But I will never kneel to Zane."

Because he didn't deserve it.

"Good. Very good."

Leah laughed in extreme anger. She stood up, her high heel grinding hard into my kneeling shin bone, crushing it with force. "Silas, since your bones are so hard, then keep kneeling here until you've thought things through!"

She helped Zane up and walked down the mountain without looking back.

"Leah, Silas he..." Zane was still pretending to plead for me.

"Shut up! Don't plead for this ungrateful dog!"

Their figures gradually disappeared into the rain.

In the vast cemetery, only I remained.

The rain fell harder and harder, soaking through my clothes and chilling my heart.

The excruciating pain in my spine mixed with the pain in my crushed shin, making everything go black before my eyes.

I turned my head to look at Ethan's smiling face on the headstone.

I don't know how long passed before the wound on my forehead split open, blood mixing with rain flowing into my eyes.

I still didn't kneel to Zane.

I faced Ethan's photo and once again lowered my head deeply.

This time, it was for myself.

When the time comes, I'll repay you with this life and return the truth to you.

Silas POV

That night, I didn't return to the villa.

I sat all night on a hospital bench. The wound on my hand was simply bandaged.

At three in the morning, a violent coughing fit woke me.

A metallic sweetness surged up my throat. I covered my mouth, coughing my lungs out.

Opening my palm, I saw a pool of horrifying black blood.

This was a sign my organs were beginning to fail.

The bullet in my spine had compressed too long. Toxins had already invaded my bloodstream. My body was long past the point of collapse.

"Mr. Sterling, you really can't delay any longer."

The doctor on duty was a young man, not the one Zane had bribed.

Looking at my examination report, his brow furrowed tight. "If we don't operate immediately to remove the foreign object, you could die suddenly at any time. We must notify your family to sign immediately."

I smiled bitterly. I had no family. My only relatives were the Williams siblings.

But now, Leah wished I were dead.

"No need."

I pulled a pen from my pocket and on that flimsy critical condition notice, signed my own name.

The handwriting was a bit crooked because my vision was starting to blur again.

"I'll sign myself."

The doctor froze. "But this surgery has extremely high risks, the mortality rate-"

"I'm not having surgery."

I interrupted him, handing back the notice.

"Just prescribe me those painkillers. Preferably something that keeps me alert."

Even if it was just a last burst of energy before death.

I still had one last thing to do.

Leaving the hospital as dawn was breaking.

I called my old friend in forensic medicine, Nathan Cole.

"Nathan, I need a favor."

On the other end, Nathan's voice was groggy. "Early morning call, what's up?"

"In a month, I might be dead." I spoke calmly. "When that happens, I need you to personally perform my autopsy."

Deathly silence on the other end.

After a long while, Nathan finally cursed through gritted teeth. "Silas, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm not crazy. There's something in my spine. Only you can remove it, and only you dare tell the truth."

I looked at the rising sun, but felt no warmth. "It's the truth about Ethan's death. Nathan, I'm begging you."

After hanging up, I took a deep breath, pulled out my SIM card, snapped it in half, and threw it in the trash.

When I returned to the villa, Leah was sitting at the dining table eating breakfast.

Seeing me come in looking haggard, her hand holding the spoon paused. A flash of barely perceptible panic crossed her eyes, but was quickly covered by coldness.

"Gone all night-getting bold, aren't we?" She spoke coldly, her gaze falling on my bandaged hand, her brow furrowing almost imperceptibly. "What happened to your hand?"

I instinctively hid my hand behind my back.

"Nothing. Just accidentally cut it."

"Good thing it's nothing."

Zane came out of the kitchen carrying hot milk. Seeing me, he immediately put on a friendly face. "Silas is back? Perfect timing. The champagne spill from last night hasn't been cleaned up yet. The cleaner called in sick, so I'll have to trouble Silas."

Leah said nothing, just lowered her head to have her oatmeal. Tacit approval.

I looked at the floor covered in glass shards and dried wine stains, nausea rising in my stomach.

But I didn't object.

"Okay."

I agreed and turned to get the broom.

The instant I turned, everything went black and I fell forward uncontrollably.

Bang!

My forehead slammed hard into the door frame.

"Silas!"

Behind me came the harsh sound of a chair scraping.

Leah had almost instantly stood up, her voice carrying a tremor she herself didn't notice. "What's wrong with you?"

I lay on the floor. It took several seconds before I could barely prop up my body.

My vision slowly recovered a bit. I saw Leah standing two steps away from me, her hand extended in mid-air as if wanting to help me, but then rigidly pulled back.

"Didn't sleep well. My blood sugar's low."

I supported myself on the door frame and stood up, forcing out an ugly smile. "Don't worry, I won't die."

Leah flinched as if stung.

The panic in her eyes quickly faded, becoming hard again.

"Who's worried about you?"

She sat back down and picked up her spoon, but didn't take another bite. "Since you're not dead, get to work. Stop being an eyesore here."

I nodded and took the broom toward the living room.

Behind me, Zane said quietly, "Leah, look at him, acting like nothing happened. Definitely faking again."

Leah didn't respond.

But I could feel a complicated gaze fixed on my back.

Leah, if one day you knew what kind of pain I endured while sweeping for you, would you feel even a little bit sorry?

Silas POV

On the weekend, Leah had a sudden impulse to go to the equestrian club.

Zane naturally accompanied her, and as her bodyguard, even with only half a breath left, I had to follow.

The equestrian club was in the suburbs with beautiful scenery.

Leah wore a sharp red riding outfit, her hair pulled high, looking spirited and heroic.

That was her favorite look from before. Confident and bold, like a flame.

"Silas, go bring my horse."

She flicked her riding crop, chin slightly raised.

Her horse was a spirited black stallion that used to only respond to her and me.

But these past few years my health had deteriorated, so I rarely touched it.

Enduring the discomfort in my spine, I walked into the stable.

For some reason today, my vision was very unstable, flickering between light and dark.

When I led out Shadowwind, it snorted restlessly, hooves pawing the ground uneasily.

I reached out to calm it, not noticing that someone had tampered with the girth under the saddle. It hung loose.

"What's taking so long?" Zane called from nearby. "Leah's getting impatient!"

I led the horse over.

"Silas, I want to try riding Shadowwind today. Leah said I could." Zane walked over with an innocent smile, reaching for the reins.

The instant his hand touched the reins, something between his fingertips discreetly pricked the horse's neck.

Shadowwind spooked! It reared up on its hind legs with a shrieking whinny.

"Watch out!"

Almost instinctively, I lunged toward Leah, who was closest to the horse.

In that moment, my world suddenly plunged into complete darkness.

Not the blackouts from before, but true pitch darkness.

I'd gone blind.

I could only rely on what little hearing and memory remained to shield Leah in my arms, using my back to take a heavy kick from the panicked horse.

The clear sound of bones cracking exploded in my chest.

I grunted, a mouthful of blood surging from my throat and spraying onto Leah's riding outfit.

But I still held her tightly until the stable hands controlled the horse.

"Silas! Have you lost your mind!"

Leah pushed me away in shock, her face turning deathly pale at the sight of blood on her clothes.

She frantically tried to check my injuries. Her hand had just touched my shoulder when she heard Zane's scream from beside us. "Ow... my leg... it hurts so much..."

Zane sat on the grass clutching his knee. In reality he'd only scraped it slightly while dodging.

Leah's hand froze.

She looked at me, then at the wailing Zane.

Finally, she bit her lip and withdrew her hand.

"What happened? Can't even handle a horse properly!"

She stood up and hurried toward Zane, her tone anxious. "Zane, where are you hurt? Let me see!"

I lay on the grass, my ribs likely broken and piercing my lung. Every breath carried a strong taste of blood.

I tried to get up, but the pitch darkness made me lose all sense of direction.

I reached out my hand bewilderedly, trying to grab onto something for support, but grasped only empty air.

"Leah..."

I called out instinctively.

"Shut up!"

Leah didn't look back, examining Zane's wound, her tone full of irritation and disappointment.

"Silas, you're truly useless now. Not just your body, but have you lost all sense of right and wrong too? Did you deliberately spook the horse to try to kill Zane?"

I smiled bitterly, blood foam choking in my throat, triggering a violent coughing fit.

"I can't see..."

I said softly, my voice so quiet only I could hear it.

"What did you say?" Leah seemed to hear something and glanced back at me.

"Silas, stop playing dead."

She commanded in a harsh tone. "Stand up. Don't embarrass yourself here."

I listened to her voice, trying hard to focus, but couldn't find her direction no matter what.

Before I could at least see blurry light and shadow. Now, there was nothing.

I felt around the ground, my fingers digging into the dirt, using the leverage to prop up my body bit by bit.

"That's right, Leah."

I still didn't look at her, but faced the empty sky with a smile uglier than crying.

"I've become blind."

"From now on, I probably really won't be able to lead your horse anymore."

Leah froze.

Silas POV

I didn't go to the hospital about going blind.

Or rather, it wouldn't help even if I went. The damage was irreversible.

Until three nights later, deep in the night.

I was leaning against the headboard enduring the excruciating pain when the door was suddenly slammed open.

"Silas! Stop playing dead, get up!"

It was Zane's voice.

He grabbed my collar and dragged me off the bed.

"Where..." I stumbled, completely unable to find my direction.

"Leah's been kidnapped!"

Zane's voice carried a weird excitement.

"At the abandoned chemical plant in the west suburbs! They specifically asked for you to come alone to ransom her! If you don't go, they'll kill her!"

Kidnapped?

I tensed immediately, even my body's pain suppressed.

"Take me there."

I grabbed Zane's wrist in return, with such force it made him cry out in pain.

"Still so strong for a blind man..." Zane muttered, but didn't break free. "Let's go, the car's outside."

The whole way, the car sped along.

I sat in the passenger seat, gripping tightly the tactical knife I always carried. Even blind, this blade was part of my body.

At the abandoned factory, the surroundings were deathly silent.

"Leah's inside, second floor, innermost room." Zane pushed me out of the car. "Go in yourself. I'll call the police."

With that, the engine roared away.

I knew something was wrong.

But I had no choice.

As long as Leah was inside, even if it was hell, I had to jump in.

I felt along the wall, relying on subtle air currents and echoes to move forward step by step.

My ribs hurt with every movement, sweat soaking my back.

"Silas?"

From deep on the second floor came Leah's terrified voice.

"Leah!"

I rushed toward the sound but tripped over debris on the ground, falling hard.

"This was the top bodyguard back then? How'd he become such a pathetic wreck?"

Mocking laughter surrounded me.

Then came the dull thuds of clubs hitting my body.

"Ugh!"

I curled up, protecting my head and chest, gripping my knife tightly and using my hearing to judge their positions.

Three on the left, two on the right.

"Everyone freeze!"

I suddenly lashed out, the knife precisely slashing across the wrist of the person on the left. A scream immediately rang out.

Though blind, my hearing had become even sharper.

"You really did go blind?"

Leah's voice trembled with disbelief.

I had no time to explain. I felt my way to her side and cut the rope binding her hands.

"Go! Hurry!"

I pushed her toward the exit.

"Think you can run? Not so easy!"

Wind rushed from behind.

I turned instinctively and spread my arms, shielding Leah behind me.

Thunk!

The sound of a blade entering flesh.

A short knife plunged deep into my abdomen.

The pain made stars burst before my eyes, but I gritted my teeth hard and didn't make a sound.

With a backhand strike, I stabbed the attacker's shoulder.

The scene descended into chaos.

Just then, sirens wailed closer and closer.

Hearing the police sirens, the kidnappers immediately scattered like birds.

I clutched my bleeding abdomen, my body slowly sliding down the wall.

"Silas! Silas, what's wrong?"

Leah finally broke free and rushed over to support me.

Her hand touched my blood-covered hand and she screamed in terror."You're hurt... so much blood..."

"It's nothing... just a flesh wound..."

I smiled weakly, wanting to reach up and touch her face to make sure she wasn't hurt, but remembering my hands were covered in blood, I pulled them back.

"As long as Leah is okay."

Zane rushed in with the police.

"Leah! Are you alright!"

Zane rushed over, shoving me aside to embrace Leah. "I just finished calling the police when I saw Silas sneaking around with these people... I knew it was him!"

"What?" Leah froze.

Zane pointed at me lying on the ground, his face full of righteous indignation.

"It was him! He staged the whole thing! He was already fired by the Williams family and held a grudge. He wanted to use the hero-saves-beauty trick to gain Leah's trust and extort money!"

"These kidnappers are all actors he hired! I recorded everything!"

Zane pulled out his phone, playing a heavily edited recording that sounded like me negotiating prices with those men.

"No... that's not..." I opened my mouth, trying to explain.

Leah looked at me, her expression shifting from panic to disgust.

"Silas, to make me forgive you, to get back into the Williams family..."

"You actually gambled with my life?"

"How long are you going to keep up this act? Getting yourself covered in blood just to make me feel guilty?"