Now I'm His Loss

I chased after Ethan Sinclair for five years. I drank on his behalf until I had a stomach hemorrhage, attended social events for him until I was covered in the world's grime.

Yet he called me dirty, tore apart my mother's keepsake in public while holding his new lover, and treated me like a dog that came running at his beck and call.

I turned around and married Mason Westwood, the man rumored to be uninterested in women.

It wasn't until Ethan knelt in the snow, begging me to come back, that Mason kissed me in front of everyone.

"Get lost. She's mine now."

Joanna's POV

After pursuing Ethan for five years, I went from being the Brooks family heiress to becoming his most obedient servant.

Everyone was betting on when he'd get bored and throw me away.

When I stood at the private room door, soaked to the bone and clutching documents, I heard Ethan casually making fun of me to his friends.

"With rain this heavy, will Joanna even show up?"

"Why wouldn't she? Everyone in our circle knows she gave up being a wealthy heiress just to run around being Ethan's secretary."

"Joanna loves Ethan so much. Our boy Ethan's got serious charm."

Laughter erupted from the room, mixed with the sound of drinking.

Three hours earlier, Ethan had called me, asking me to find an important document.

His new girlfriend, Sienna Cunningham, had lost it, and he urgently needed me to save the day.

Without a second thought, I pulled out my IV, dragged my feverish body out to search through trash cans and review security footage for three hours.

After finally recovering it, I rushed to the club.

Just as I was about to knock, the conversation inside clearly reached my ears.

"Last time he just casually mentioned wanting toast from that place downtown, and she waited in line for five hours. By the time she delivered it, she nearly passed out."

"She's pathetically desperate."

A burst of laughter erupted, each laugh piercing my eardrums like needles.

My hand gripping the documents trembled slightly from how hard I was clenching.

That time buying toast, I really did pass out.

It was winter then too.

Ethan sent me a message in the middle of the night saying he was hungry and wanted toast from that shop.

I drove halfway across London to get it.

The shop was packed. I waited for five whole hours until my hands and feet went numb from the cold.

When I finally delivered the toast to him, he just glanced at it and frowned.

"I suddenly don't want it anymore."

He casually tossed it in the trash.

Later, I developed a high fever and collapsed at his doorstep.

When I woke up in the hospital, Ethan only visited once, his tone full of impatience.

"If your body can't handle it, don't push yourself. Who's to blame? Stop doing these self-indulgent things."

Back then, I was foolish. I thought it was his awkward way of showing concern.

I thought if I was good enough to him, one day he'd see my sincerity.

Now I understand.

He never valued my devotion.

The next second, his careless voice drifted from the room.

"Her?"

Ethan's voice carried a hint of drunkenness.

"She's just someone who comes when I call and leaves when I tell her to."

"As long as I crook my finger, even if I told her to crawl in here on her knees right now, she'd be willing."

"You've got real skills, training the Brooks family heir to be so obedient."

"Who doesn't know Joanna loves him like crazy? Without him, she can't survive."

The room filled with unrestrained laughter.

Standing at the door, I felt my blood run cold.

I drank on his behalf until stomach hemorrhaging sent me to emergency care while he celebrated another woman's birthday.

I cleaned up his messes, even giving up the opportunity to study at Cambridge, staying at his company like a workhorse.

To match his preferences, I suppressed all my edges and became gentle and accommodating.

I thought hearts were made of flesh.

I thought after five years of companionship, even a stone would warm up.

Tears fell on the back of my hand, but I didn't cry out loud.

Through the door crack, I glimpsed that man.

He still stood out in the crowd.

He was holding his new girlfriend, Sienna Cunningham, in his arms.

He lowered his head to feed her a drink, his expression lazy and indifferent.

Sienna nestled in his embrace, smiling brilliantly.

I looked at the documents in my hand and felt truly pathetic.

"Miss Brooks?"

A waiter's surprised voice came from behind me.

"Why aren't you going in? Mr. Sinclair and the others are all inside."

The waiter's voice wasn't quiet. The laughter in the room stopped abruptly.

Ethan's cold voice drifted out.

"Since you're here, why not come in?"

"I just finished drinking anyway. Drive me home."

The waiter looked at me sympathetically.

I took a deep breath and forced the stinging sensation in my eyes back down.

I turned and left, casually tossing those documents into a trash can.

Then I called my father.

My voice choked as I spoke.

"Dad, I've changed my mind. Arrange a marriage for me. Make it fast, or I'm afraid I'll regret it."

Silence lasted a few seconds on the other end before his voice came through.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Alright, I'll arrange it."

After hanging up, I wiped the tears from my face and strode into the rain.

Joanna's POV

The next day, I started organizing everything related to my resignation.

Since I'd promised my family I'd get married, I decided to cut all ties and leave myself no way back.

The work I currently had wasn't that much. Five days would be enough to properly hand everything over. Whether HR agreed or not, I'd completely leave this place after five days.

I was about to write down Ethan's preferences to leave for whoever came after me.

Then he sent me a voice message asking.

"Joanna, where's the hangover remedy? Where did you put it?"

Instinctively, I stood up, wanting to go to the break room to make honey water.

For five years, whenever he had a hangover, I'd prepare a warm glass of honey water the next day, taking care of every detail, even though this wasn't part of my job description.

But this time, I stood halfway up and sat back down.

I didn't respond. I turned my phone face-down on the desk.

I typed the last line on my keyboard.

"When his stomach hurts, he can only drink warm water at exactly 45 degrees. One degree off and he'll throw the cup."

After typing that line, the shallow scar on the back of my hand seemed to throb with phantom pain.

That was from last year when the water was slightly too hot and I got cut by the glass he smashed.

At the time, he just glanced at it.

"Can't even get such a small thing right. Joanna, what can you actually do?"

Thinking about it now, I really couldn't do anything.

Except be pathetic.

I changed the file name of my resignation handover document to "CEO Office Work Guidelines."

Just endure five more days. After five days, everything will be over.

"Joanna, are you organizing materials for Mr. Sinclair again?"

A junior assistant peeked over, looking at me carefully before saying.

"Everyone's saying Mr. Sinclair really favors that intern."

"Oh?"

I laughed self-deprecatingly.

"That's her skill. I can't compare."

The assistant looked at me, unable to hide the indignation on her face.

"Mr. Sinclair is completely charmed by that intern, but he has no idea who's been taking care of him so well all these years!"

"His stomach problems-you went to doctors all over the city, begged for nutritional meal plans, and delivered them to him every single day without fail. He thinks they're restaurant meal subscriptions!"

"His severe insomnia-you sat by his bed every night, sometimes for half the night!"

"His suits-every single one is ironed and coordinated by your own hands. You even went to learn how to tie his ties properly!"

"Your life revolves entirely around him, but what about him? Some random intern dares to step all over you, and he doesn't even care about you!"

I froze.

So others had been watching all along.

Only he didn't know.

Or rather, he was used to it.

Used to everything he wanted appearing at hand the moment he reached for it.

I patted the assistant's hand, my tone calm.

"I was stupid before. It won't happen again."

"Joanna."

Footsteps sounded behind me, interrupting our conversation.

Ethan appeared, his expression cold.

Sienna followed behind him, her eyes red.

He threw a document on my desk-the same one I'd tossed in the trash last night.

"Letting personal emotions interfere with work and treating it like a game-is this your upbringing?"

Sienna spoke up pitifully.

"It's my fault. I'm clumsy and lost the contract, getting Joanna in trouble."

She tried to bow and apologize to me, but Ethan pulled her back and shielded her, looking at me even more coldly.

"What right does she have to receive your apology?"

"Joanna, Sienna made an honest mistake. What about you? You did it on purpose."

"I never thought you'd be so reckless just to get my attention."

The assistant tried to defend me.

"Mr. Sinclair... yesterday she..."

I held the assistant back and responded to him.

"Mr. Sinclair is right."

I didn't explain. I pushed the materials in front of me toward Sienna.

"Then from now on, let Miss Cunningham handle these tasks."

Joanna's POV

Sienna's expression changed. She stood there, flustered.

"Miss Brooks, did I do something to upset you? I absolutely didn't mean to take your position. I'm just an intern. You're still the person Mr. Sinclair trusts most."

I laughed coldly. I didn't even bother looking at her. My gaze turned to Ethan.

"Mr. Sinclair, how do you feel about this arrangement?"

Ethan's face darkened.

"Why are you making things difficult for an intern? Or are you trying to tell me I can't function without you?"

He scoffed.

"Joanna, these tactics get old when you use them too much."

I looked at him.

"Mr. Sinclair misunderstands."

"Miss Cunningham is new. Learning more can't hurt."

"Joanna, must you be so sarcastic?"

His brow furrowed.

Perhaps sensing my current mood, he softened his tone.

"You've been by my side for years. I know your temperament well. You're just worried I'll overlook your contributions."

"But you shouldn't make things difficult for a newcomer. Your position in the company won't be easily replaced by one new person. You're overthinking."

He turned to look at me warmly.

"Next week is the company anniversary. You'll still accompany me as my secretary."

He casually handed me a black card.

"Buy whatever you like."

When I didn't take it, he placed the card on my desk, then seemed to remember something and added.

"Oh, and on the anniversary day, bring Sienna along too. Teach her more."

Sienna smiled at me.

"Then I'll be troubling you, Miss Brooks."

With that, Ethan turned and walked toward the CEO's office. Sienna naturally hurried to follow, but after a few steps, she turned back and gave me a provocative look-completely different from the well-behaved, obedient girl she'd just been.

Watching them leave, I picked up the black card from my desk.

The assistant asked me worriedly.

"Are you really going to the anniversary?"

I snapped the card in half and tossed it in the trash, not answering her question.

The anniversary happened to fall on my resignation day.

But I didn't have time to dwell on it. I needed to finish the work at hand.

Before long, Sienna pushed the door open.

She smiled innocently, reaching directly for my computer.

"Joanna, there's a document Mr. Sinclair urgently needs. He asked me to bring it over for review."

Afraid she'd see my resignation information, I blocked her hand.

"I'm not done yet. I'll deliver it myself later."

"No need. Mr. Sinclair is very busy. He said not to let anyone disturb him. I should be the one to deliver it."

She suddenly yanked hard.

In the scuffle, she tilted toward the desk as if losing her balance.

The coffee by her hand spilled onto the document Ethan needed and splashed onto my computer.

The computer screen instantly went black.

"Joanna, I'm sorry! I just wanted to get the document and lost my balance..."

Sienna panicked and teared up, frantically trying to help me clean up.

Ethan happened to appear. Seeing this scene, he frowned.

"What's going on?"

Before I could speak, Sienna immediately rushed to Ethan's side, her eyes red.

"It's my clumsy fault. I was rushing to get the document you needed and accidentally broke Joanna's computer."

Ethan said nothing.

I held up the wet document.

"I already said it wasn't finished. I'd deliver it when it was done. What's your rush?"

Sienna's tears fell harder as she looked at Ethan.

"It's my fault. Joanna is so excellent, I was too eager to learn from her and made things worse instead. Mr. Sinclair, please punish me."

Joanna's POV

But Ethan didn't scold her. Instead, he looked at me with displeasure.

"You know Sienna is still an intern. New people need proper guidance. If she doesn't understand, surely you do?"

"Even without Sienna today, there might be other newcomers making mistakes in the future. As their supervisor, training them properly is your responsibility."

"Let's end this here. It's just a document. Print it again."

He gently comforted Sienna, his tone carrying a hint of indulgence.

"Were you hurt? Be more careful next time. If you really can't handle something, just have Joanna do it. She's used to these trivial tasks anyway. Don't push yourself."

"But I really want to learn from Joanna."

Sienna's voice was soft, and she carefully glanced at me.

"Her work doesn't require any technical skill. What's there to learn?"

After comforting Sienna, he led her away without giving me another glance.

My desk was a mess, and there were a few red spots on the back of my hand from where the scalding coffee had splashed.

It didn't hurt much-not compared to how much my heart hurt.

A chill surged through me.

I remembered during those five years of chasing after him, he once said he didn't like delicate, clingy girls.

So I left the Brooks family, gave up my identity as the Brooks family heiress, and became a capable secretary by his side.

But now, his every word and action defended Sienna. For her sake, he didn't hesitate to belittle me completely.

I closed my eyes and loosened my clenched fists.

I was leaving soon. I didn't want any complications.

Before leaving work, I delivered the newly printed document to Ethan's office.

Sienna was also sitting in the office. The two were laughing and chatting intimately.

Seeing me enter, Ethan's smile faded. Sienna sat watching me approach as if waiting for me to report on my work.

I placed the document in front of Ethan.

"Legal has double-checked the terms. If there are no issues, this document can be sent out tomorrow."

"Mm."

Ethan took it, glanced through it casually, then signed.

Perhaps feeling he'd been too harsh with me this afternoon, his expression softened as he looked at me.

"Victor's having a birthday party tonight. Come with me."

Victor was one of his good friends. Every year on his birthday, Ethan would bring me along.

I felt a bit dazed, unsure what he meant.

A complex emotion stirred in my heart. I looked at Sienna beside him and suddenly asked.

"Will Miss Cunningham be going too?"

Ethan paused.

"Sienna? Of course she's going."

I laughed self-deprecatingly. So I was being presumptuous again.

"Then I won't go. Miss Cunningham is new. You should bring her to more events like this, Mr. Sinclair."

Ethan's face darkened. He was somewhat angry, not understanding what mood I was in.

"Joanna, what are you implying? Or can you really not stand to see Sienna doing well?"

Sienna tried to persuade him.

"Ethan, maybe Joanna doesn't mean it that way."

I bluntly shot back at her without courtesy.

"Sorry, that's exactly what I mean."

Sienna's expression changed.

Ethan grew angrier, his tone turning harsh.

"Joanna, I never realized you were so intolerant! What exactly did Sienna do to offend you? Just because she accidentally spilled coffee earlier? It's such a small matter-must you blow it out of proportion?"

"You didn't suffer any real loss. Can't you just let it go? You're the Brooks family heiress after all. Don't make yourself a laughingstock."

I didn't even have the desire to argue. With someone whose bias had reached this extreme, what was there to argue about?

I said flatly.

"Yes, I'm blowing things out of proportion. I'm petty and can't tolerate others. So I won't be going to tonight's birthday party. I hope you both have fun."

"You're not going? You go every year. If you don't go this year, what will people think? That I'm mistreating you."

My phone rang. I glanced at it casually. It was a message from my father.

He told me the meeting time and place were set, and sent me the contact information for the man I'd be meeting. He asked me to add him first so we could get acquainted.

I held up my phone and waved it, smiling.

"Sorry, my family arranged for me to meet another quality man. I'm afraid I don't have time to attend the birthday party. Please convey my apologies to Victor, Mr. Sinclair."