Live Each Day Fully

My husbands female colleague called again, deep in the night. Another body needed urgent cremation.

Already exhausted from days of work, my husband got up and left without a word. He didn't return until the sky was beginning to lighten.

Audrey was swamped. Good thing I was still awake.

I didn't respond. I just stared at the ceiling.

He wrapped his arms around me from behind, his voice a soft murmur.

I know Ive been neglecting you lately, but its my job. I had to go.

How about we take a trip after this busy stretch? Just you and me.

I remained silent, pulling away from his embrace. My voice was cold when I finally spoke.

Lets get a divorce.

Finns hands froze. He forced me to face him, his grip firm on my arms. The skin under his eyes was bruised with the dark shadows of sleepless nights.

Quinn, dont be like this I know youre tired. Im tired, too.

But this is my duty. You understand that, dont you?

I avoided his gaze and pulled my hands free.

His voice trembled, but he tried to keep it soft.

Is this because I havent been home for dinner? Or because I forgot your birthday last month?

Im sorry. Im truly sorry. Once Im through this crunch, well take a long vacation. Just the two of us, okay?

He stroked the back of my hand, the same way he always did to soothe me after a fight. I remembered our first year of marriage; I was miserable at work, suffering from insomnia, and he would sit with me just like this, never complaining, just whispering, Quinn, Im here.

Thinking about it now felt like a cruel joke.

Dont touch me, I said.

His hand froze mid-air, the exhaustion on his face morphing into bewilderment.

Whats wrong with you? Is it just because I had to go to work in the middle of the night again?

Quinn, life and death are serious matters. If I dont go, do you expect them to just leave a body lying there?

I dont care what you say. Divorce.

I repeated it. My voice wasnt loud, but it was absolute.

His eyes instantly turned red, as if he were seeing me for the first time.

Youre serious?

I turned my back to him. Nine a.m. tomorrow. Ill meet you at the courthouse.

Finn laughed, but it was a wounded sound.

Quinn, you have to give me a reason. Is it because of my overtime? Or do you think Audrey and I are

Leave her out of this, I cut him off. Its you. You make me sick.

The color drained from his face. His lips trembled, but no sound came out.

Is that really what you think of me? he finally choked out, his voice raw.

Audrey and I are just colleagues.

I didnt want to hear any more. I got up, left the bedroom, and closed the door behind me.

He didn't follow. He didn't try to explain further.

I heard the sound of a glass shattering on the floor, followed by a muffled curse.

A few moments later, my phone rang. It was Audrey.

She was Finns senior from college. And his first love.

The phone rang for a long time. Finally, I answered.

Her voice on the other end was weary.

Quinn, Finn just called me. I wanted to explain

Weve been taking on a lot of cases from the west side of the city recently

I didnt have the patience to listen. I hung up.

I sat on the sofa, remembering six months ago. He had come home late from a work trip then, too, so tired he collapsed beside me without even taking off his clothes. Hed touched my face with his eyes closed and whispered, Quinn, Im so glad youre here.

Back then, I really believed we could make it for a lifetime.

The sun rose completely.

When I woke up, Finn was gone.

The living room was spotless. Even the jacket hed worn last night was hanging neatly on the coat rack by the door.

A glass of honey water sat on the coffee table, still warm.

Next to it was a sticky note. Wait for me to get back. Ill make you your favorite barbecue ribs.

I picked up the glass, walked to the kitchen, and poured the water down the sink.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. A text from him.

Quinn, Im at work. Did you drink the honey water?

I didn't reply.

A few minutes later, another one came through.

Ill spend more time with you once this is all over. Theres really nothing between Audrey and me.

I stared at the screen for a long time before typing out a single line.

Nine a.m. Don't be late.

Then I blocked his number.

At eight-thirty, I was standing outside the county courthouse.

People came and went, mostly in pairs. Some were holding hands, whispering sweet nothings. Others stood apart, their faces grim.

I leaned against a pillar, watching the street.

Nine-thirty. He didn't show.

I took out my phone, unblocked his number, and called.

It rang three times before he hung up on me.

A surge of anger flared up. I redialed.

This time, it went straight to a "number unavailable" message.

I waited another half hour. Just as I was about to try again, a strange number called me.

I answered. A young womans voice spoke rapidly.

Is this Mrs. Quinn Harris? This is City Central Hospital. Your husband, Finn Harris, was in a car accident. Hes in emergency surgery. We need you to come and handle the payment immediately.

I froze, the words not quite registering.

The voice on the other end was still urgent. Mrs. Harris? Can you hear me? Mrs. Harris!

I hung up and hailed a cab.

By the time I arrived, Finn was out of surgery. A crowd was gathered outside his room.

Several people in dark blue uniforms were huddled together, talking in low voices.

One of them, a young woman, saw me and rushed over, her eyes red.

Where have you been! Do you have any idea that Finn was calling your name right before they took him into the OR?

How is he? I asked, my gaze fixed on the hospital room door.

The womans eyes widened in disbelief, tears spilling down her cheeks.

What are you doing!?

I ignored her and walked towards Finns bed.

He didn't look too bad. One eye was swollen shut, but the other was fixed on me.

Youre here Dont worry, Im okay.

I clenched my fists, then pulled the divorce papers and a pen from my briefcase.

Sign this. Otherwise, Im not paying your medical bills.

My voice was flat, devoid of emotion. The people around us stared, mouths agape.

The woman who had yelled at me earlier lunged forward and slapped me hard across the face.

Finn was on the phone with you when he got distracted and crashed! she screamed. And youre using this to threaten him? Are you even human?!

Audreys face was grim as she put a hand on my shoulder.

Quinn, Finn and I are just colleagues. If you really dont believe me, I can quit. But you cant do this to him. He only has you in his heart.

My cheek stung. I violently shook her hand off.

Who asked you to speak?

I walked back to Finns bedside. If you dont sign, you can wait for the hospital to kick you out.

Tears streamed from Finns open eye.

Why?

I looked at him, my voice heavy. Because you disgust me.

Finns sobs grew more intense, his chest heaving.

I wont sign. Id rather die than sign. I love you, Quinn. I havent done anything to betray you. I already bought the tickets to Aspen. You said you wanted to go skiing

A few of the younger women in the room started to cry. A pang of pain shot through my own chest, but it was fleeting.

Gritting my teeth, I held the papers out again. Sign.

Audrey snatched the papers from my hand and ripped them to shreds.

Quinn! How could you? He just got out of surgery! Even if you want a divorce, you cant do it like this!

I shot her a venomous glare. Before I could speak, Finn intervened.

Audrey, dont talk to her like that. Its my fault. I havent been a good husband.

He weakly reached out and tugged at the hem of my shirt.

I instinctively took a step back.

Dont touch me.

Finns face grew even paler.

Im not divorcing you over something so trivial. I already requested my vacation time to spend with you

Audrey stepped forward again. Ill just resign when I get back to the office. My conscience is clear. There is absolutely nothing going on between us.

Her righteous declaration instantly painted me as the hysterical, unreasonable wife. The others glared at me with indignation.

I suddenly found the whole scene absurdly funny, but I couldn't bring myself to laugh.

After a long silence, I finally spoke.

Youre right. Theres nothing between you. I just dont want to be married anymore, okay?

Finn looked at me, tears streaming silently down his face.

Quinn, whatever it is, can we please just talk about it after hes recovered? Im begging you, Audrey pleaded, her voice low and earnest.

I ignored her, my eyes fixed on Finn.

Sign, or I walk out of here right now. Your choice.

The woman who had slapped me lunged forward again, but someone held her back. Are you a monster?! He just cheated death! How can you provoke him like this?!

Its his life, I said, my voice calm, almost bored. It has nothing to do with me.

Finn started coughing violently, his chest rising and falling in ragged gasps.

Audrey quickly pressed the call button.

A nurse hurried in, frowning at the scene. The patient needs to rest. Family members, please control your emotions.

A dead silence fell over the room.

Finn stared at me through clenched teeth, but he still didn't give in.

Im calling our parents, I said.

Do what you want.

With that, I turned and walked out.

I walked in a daze until I found myself at the funeral home where Finn worked.

Are you Quinn?

An older man I didn't recognize approached me.

You know me? I asked.

He scratched his head, hesitating. Mr. Harris has a picture of you as his phones wallpaper. Ive seen it.

I forced a smile. Can you show me where Finn usually works?

He sighed. Come on, Ill take you.

The room was cold. I looked around, tapping on surfaces, and accidentally kicked a lighter.

It was a brand Id once mentioned to Finn. I remembered Audrey having one just like it.

The older man spoke up. Last night, Finn really was handling an emergency. I shouldnt be meddling, but hes a good man.

I didn't say anything. My phone rang. It was Finns colleague.

Quinn! Where the hell are you? Both of your parents are here! Get your ass back to the hospital!

Did you hear me?!

I clutched the lighter, my heart a frozen wasteland.

When I got back to the hospital, both sets of parents were there, their faces grim.

The moment I walked in, my father slapped me.