I Let My Childhood Sweetheart Delete His Own Future

My childhood best friend threw away his Stanford acceptancethe one wed both bled forall for a girl who was suddenly too fragile for California sunshine.

The deadline for application material submission was half an hour away when his social media updated.

In the soft glow of candlelight, he was gently placing a delicate birthday crown on her head.

The caption: Some choices are more important than a future.

My phone was vibrating wildly; it was my best friend, Jade.

Riley, are you still going to submit his forms? Youve got three minutes left.

I closed the browser tab, watching the countdown clock tick.

No, I said. Im not. Thats his call.

I only pay for my own flight plan.

At 6:00 p.m. sharp, the Stanford application system automatically closed.

Jade let out a long, relieved breath on the other end of the line.

Its about time you came to your senses! Ill finally get to visit you in California next spring break!

Just as she was speaking, I heard the familiar beep of my front doors smart lock.

Beckett Nolan walked in, followed by Sadie Miller, looking as comfortable as if they were entering their own home.

Riley, you submitted your grad school application, right?

He didnt wait for my answer. I told Sadie that given her circumstances, staying domestic for a Masters is the safest bet, but she was worried and insisted I come check on you.

He nudged her gently. See? Shes more focused on your life than you are. He gave the girl next to him a fond, almost paternal rub on the hair.

The moment Id decided not to follow Becketts path and stay behind, many of my raw emotions had settled into a quiet calm. I no longer felt that familiar tightening in my throat when I saw Sadie clutching his arm.

I nodded. All submitted. Did you need something?

Beckett frowned at my flat expression.

Riley, whats with the attitude lately?

Sadie subtly tugged on his sleeve and spoke in a small voice: Riley you know about my family situation.

Going abroad is too much of an expense. Even with a full scholarship, I cant afford the living costs and flights.

My grades are just okay. Its better if I stay here, work on a domestic research project, and get a stipend.

She lowered her gaze. Its because of me that Beckett gave up his plan to go abroad. Please dont be mad at him. Hes been working all afternoon connecting me with potential domestic advisors, so he didnt get a chance to tell you himself

Listening to her soft, frail explanation, I cut straight to the chase.

Didnt you know all of these difficulties back when we started the application process?

Why wait until the eleventh hour to bring it up?

Sadie looked genuinely shocked, her eyes instantly welling up.

II had talked it over with Beckett a while ago. Its just that today was the final decision

A while ago?

I lowered my eyes. So, while I was pulling all-nighters with him, working on essays, grinding out practice problems, and dreaming of watching the sunset on the West Coast together, he was already planning a completely different future with Sadie.

Seeing me silent, Sadies voice dropped to a whimper, laced with tears.

Beckett placed his hand on her shoulder, his tone turning cold.

Thats enough, Riley.

Theres no need to be so aggressive.

His words were like a bucket of ice water, jolting me completely awake. I looked at his familiar, yet suddenly alien face, then shifted my gaze away.

Im not mad. I just wanted to know the reason.

Now I understood. And finally, I could let go.

Beckett and I were the definition of childhood sweethearts, attached at the hip since kindergarten.

After my father passed away, my mother became permanently based at her companys overseas branch. She came home less than twice a year. For most of my childhood, it was just me and my grandmother in our old house.

Some relatives always whispered cruel thingsmocking my mother as a "career woman who neglects her home" or hinting that my family was "lacking a strong male presence." Id always hide under the old oak tree in the backyard to cry, not wanting my grandmother to see.

That was where Beckett found me. Hed squat down in front of me, stick up for me, and every day after that, hed bring me a warm bag of candied pecans.

From then on, I was his shadow. We went to school together, studied for tests together, and cheered each other on through countless late nights, fueling each others dreams. We promised to go to America together, to get into the best schools, to drive Route 66, and wait for the sunrise over the Grand Canyon. We agreed that once we were settled there, wed finally officially be a couple.

Everything changed last year, the day Sadie arrived. She was a student his mother had sponsored from a disadvantaged school district. She was given special permission to transfer to our highly selective high school for her senior year, temporarily living with the Nolans.

Initially, Beckett was distant, avoiding her at home and ignoring her at school. Sadie silently followed him around, organizing his messy homework, saving him a seat in the cafeteria, and collecting his lab reports. Her cautious, almost timid devotion occasionally reminded me of my younger self. So, I often urged Beckett to be kinder to her. But he was always indifferent.

When we went off to college, Sadie applied for the Humanities programthe one with the lowest admissions scorejust to be on the same campus as him.

Then one day, while turning in forms at the Sociology department, we saw Sadie alone in the corner of a lecture hall, secretly wiping tears while listening to a TOEFL audio lesson.

Becketts face was a study in conflicting emotions: surprise, guilt, pity. And perhaps a flicker of something else I couldnt quite name.

From that moment, everything shifted.

He started canceling our weekend dates to help Sadie with English tutoring. He started walking her to public lectures because her roommate was giving her the cold shoulder.

This afternoon, hed texted to say he was officially pulling his application and would be staying in the country to pursue a direct PhD with Sadie.

I was stunned for a long time, but the overriding emotion was, surprisingly, relief. It was as if a heavy stone Id been carrying for years had finally hit the ground.

Beckett was so sure Id follow him that he didnt even bother to ask about my choice before he and Sadie left.

That evening, the department had a dinner gathering. When I arrived, they were already there. I chose a seat as far away from Beckett as possible. He kept staring at me, his eyes full of a complicated mix of confusion and irritation.

A guy at the table laughed, trying to lighten the mood. Riley, why so far away? Better keep an eye on Beckett, or someone else might snatch him up for good.

Everyone knew who that "someone" was. Sadie didnt deny it; she just blushed and glanced at Beckett.

Our class president tried to smooth things over. Dont be ridiculous. Didnt Beckett and Riley promise to study abroad together?

Before I could speak, Sadie gently interjected, Beckett didnt accept the overseas offer. He was worried I wouldnt adjust to life abroad, so he decided to stay here with me.

There was a hint of barely concealed triumph in her voice.

The table went quiet for a beat.

Someone asked me, Riley, is that true? You dont mind? You guys have been preparing for this since sophomore year, right?

I looked at the slight upturn of Sadies mouth and spoke calmly.

I dont mind.

To each their own path.

Just as Beckett had chosen Sadie.

I had chosen my own road.

Halfway through the dinner, I stepped out to take a call. When I returned, Beckett and Sadie had moved to the seats right next to me.

Becketts cheeks were flushed with alcohol. He leaned in conspiratorially.

Riley, I know youre upset that I gave up the study abroad plan.

But you know Sadies situation. Going abroad is just too much stress for her.

If she stays here, she can keep her financial aid and be close enough to care for her sick mother.

Shes so sensitive; shes never been far from home. You wouldnt want her to be here alone, would you?

Sadie said if you want to visit the US, we can save up after graduation and go together.

Dont be so dramatic, okay?

I pushed his shoulder away.

I told you, Im not mad.

I raised an eyebrow. But if Sadie has trouble with basic living expenses, how is she planning a trip to America?

Clang.

Sadies glass tipped over onto the table. She bit her lip, her eyes instantly red.

Riley, I know your family is wealthy, and youve always looked down on me.

I was planning to tutor on the side to save up for the trip, and Id pay Beckett back for everything.

Are you saying only people like you deserve to see the world?

Am I supposed to just rot away here?

I dont steal or cheat; I earn every penny. Please stop talking to me like Im beneath you.

The surrounding students started whispering: That was a bit much from Riley

Shes smart, but sometimes shes just too aggressive.

Honestly, if I were him, Id pick the sweet one like Sadie, too.

Sadies tears began to fall in earnest.

Becketts eyes hardened completely.

Riley, apologize to Sadie. Now.

Jade, who had been quiet, finally snapped back. Why? Shes the one who keeps playing the poverty card!

Riley only asked a logical question based on her own words. Why should she apologize?

Sadie had three months this summer. She could have interned or worked. But she hasnt. She just tags along with you everywhere, planning trips to the States. Whos being high and mighty now?

Sadie began to sob hysterically.

I looked at the scene, feeling only a profound exhaustion. I pulled Jade up to leave.

Beckett grabbed my wrist, his voice low with fury.

Riley, apologize. Or dont bother coming on the graduation trip.

My wrist was throbbing. I gently peeled his fingers away, one by one, and looked him in the eye.

Beckett, you and Sadie can go wherever you like.

Just dont involve me in your drama.

And dont contact me again.

With that, I turned and walked out.

That same night, Sadie posted on social media. It was a photo of her and Beckett at an amusement park.

Caption: Meeting you was the best kind of luck.

I glanced at it, feeling a deep, abiding peace.

I went back to packing, preparing for my summer stay in the city where my mother worked.

The moment the plane landed, my phone blew up with notificationsall from Beckett.

Riley, Sadie and I are planning the California trip. You can still make the reservation if you apologize now.

Theres nothing going on between Sadie and me. That post was just a thank you.

Riley, I truly dont understand you.

A domestic PhD track is a golden opportunity. Whats so terrible about it?

You had a guaranteed spot. Why throw a tantrum over this?

I scrolled past the messages, leaving them unread.

Beckett had considered Sadies needs from every angle. Yet, he had never once stopped to think that with my father gone, my mothers business overseas, and my grandmother needing care in a warmer climate, staying in the country was the worst option for me.

When I arrived at the apartment, a tall, well-built young man was sitting in the living room.

He stood up and took my suitcase. Do you remember me? Im Damon Fox.

Damon, the son of my mothers old colleague, was two years older than me and currently pursuing his PhD in California. Hearing Id decided to go abroad, hed flown home specifically to help me get a head start.

For two solid weeks, Beckett didnt try to call again. His social media feed was a constant stream of travel photos with Sadie. Meanwhile, with Damons steady help, I familiarized myself with my courses, secured an apartment, and sorted out all the details for my life across the ocean.

Once all the paperwork was finalized, I returned to Boston one last time. This trip was purely to finalize the sale of our old house. My mom, still cautious, asked Damon to accompany me.

Just as we entered the neighborhood, we ran into Becketts mother coming home from the grocery store. She insisted we come up for dinner. Unable to refuse, and hearing that Beckett and Sadie were out, we went upstairs.

While cooking, Becketts mother lamented.

Riley, that son of mine drove me crazy.

He secretly rejected the overseas scholarship without telling anyone. I only found out when the confirmation email hit my inbox.

Thank God he said you eventually decided to stay, too. Otherwise, Id have wrung his neck.

Now that you two are doing your doctorates here, I need you to keep an eye on him for me.

Becketts mother treated me like a daughter. She was the one who always sat by my bedside when I had a fever as a child.

I paused, then spoke softly, Aunt Nora, I didnt give up the scholarship. My paperwork is all done.

Becketts mother froze. Then she patted my hand, simply telling me to be careful out there alone.

The dinner finished in a subtle, uncomfortable silence.

After saying goodbye, I went home for the final clean-up. The house sale was final; the buyers were a couple desperate for a good school district for their child, scheduled to sign the contract that afternoon.

I was showing them the view from the patio when a familiar voice erupted at the door:

Who are you?

Why are you in Rileys house?

I turned around. Beckett was standing in the doorway, his eyes narrowed, staring aggressively at Damon.

I stepped forward. Beckett, this is Damon Fox, my mothers friends son. Damon, this is Beckett Nolan, my oldest friend.

Becketts face darkened even further. He was about to press the issue when he was cut off by a tearful female voice.

Beckett, did you find out what happened?

It was Sadie. She was standing on the landing, her eyes red-rimmed.

Becketts expression changed. He looked back at me.

Riley, did you stop by my house earlier today?

I nodded. I ran into your mom, so I stayed for dinner.

The moment I finished, Sadies tears began to fall.

Becketts brow furrowed. Riley, what did you say to my mom at lunch?

She suddenly gave Sadie the cold shoulder and told her to move out once she starts grad school.

Giving up the scholarship was my decision. If youre angry, take it out on me, but stop bullying Sadie.

Go explain everything to my mom right now.

Otherwise, youll regret it when the semester starts.

I was anxious to sign the contract. I had no energy for this. Fine.

Beckett froze, then his face turned ashen. Riley, what do you mean by that?

I didnt answer. I gently closed the door.

After the contracts were signed, I started the final sweep. The large furniture was staying; most of the clothes were handled. All that remained were some documents, photo albums, and a single cherrywood keepsake box.

The box contained every birthday gift Beckett had given me from age eight to eighteen. The origami stars hed folded, the simple silver necklace hed saved up for, and the lucky charm hed hiked for.

Only my nineteenth birthday was missing.

I remembered that Sunday. I was at the Nolans working on application details with Beckett. Things were already strained between us. All afternoon, he was helping Sadie revise her study proposal, barely speaking to me. I was hurt, but I refused to show my vulnerability in front of Sadie.

As I was leaving, I spoke quietly. Beckett, its my birthday today.

He paused, a look of immediate annoyance flashing across his face. He said hed go straight out to pick up the gift hed pre-ordered.

But Sadie called out to him.

Beckett, I still dont understand this question. Could you please go over it one more time?

Beckett looked at me, then at Sadie. After a moment of hesitation, he finally said, Riley, just go home and wait for me. Ill come over after I finish helping Sadie.

I waited until midnight. The clock struck twelve, and he never showed.

When we met the next day at school, he didnt bring the gift. He just frowned and told me, Riley, you know Sadies never even had a birthday cake in her life. His tone was laced with pity and concern.

The ring of my phone pulled me back to the present.

Damons voice. Riley, your books and important documents have been shipped. Anything else I can help with here?

I looked around the empty room. No, Im all set. Just wait for me at the transit hub.

I sealed the cherrywood box and placed it, along with the rest of the unwanted clutter, into the recycling bin.

Damon and I had a late-night flight booked. After saying goodbye to Aunt Nora, I rode my bike toward our meeting point.

I didnt expect to run into Beckett on the way.