Never Their Invisible Girl Again

I was ten years old. My little sister, June, had insisted on going to the New Years Eve countdown, and the surge of the crowd in Liberty Square had turned into a stampede.

People were shoving, fighting for every inch of space. I saw a man close by gasp, his body squeezed too hard, and blood sprayed out of his mouth. June screamed, a high, panicked sound, and Dad immediately hoisted her onto his back.

I spotted the narrow ledge of a maintenance platform built into the side of a building. I gritted my teeth, pulling my parents toward it.

Mom, Dad, hurry! Get June up there!

They first lifted June, then Mom scrambled up, and Dad followed. But when it was my turn, Mom started to cry, grabbing Dads sleeve.

Aaron, the railing it wont hold any more. Its too much weight.

Dads handthe one that had been reaching for mineretracted instantly. June is still so little. Shes terrified down there. Youre older, Penny. You have to be strong.

I fell back into the churning mass. Before I could even find my footing, two pairs of boots slammed down onto my stomach.

My insides seemed to shatter. I coughed, a wet, ragged sound, and threw up blood. The world was dimming, and in that last moment of suffocating darkness, I couldnt hold back the tears.

Im sorry, Mom and Dad. I wasnt strong enough.

In the next life, I dont want to come back to this painful world.

...

The crowd was still a screaming, swirling chaos, and no one noticed the small body.

I couldnt make a sound. All my energy had drained away.

My stomach felt torn open. I remembered a movie Id seen once, and I tried desperately to push my organs back inside.

But I couldnt. My arms were too short.

The hands of a ten-year-old scrabbled blindly on the cold pavement, quickly bruised and bloodied by passing feet. I hated how small I was. If Id been just a little older, maybe I could have lived up to my parents wordsmaybe I could have been strong enough to survive.

But I failed. A cowardly part of me just wanted Dad to hold me, the way he held June.

Though, Mom and Dads eyes had always focused on June more.

The first day I went to school, Id come home beaming, clutching my new backpack. June had burst into tears.

Mom had immediately smashed all my new school supplies and taken scissors to my backpack, slicing the straps into ribbons. Seeing my wet eyes, shed only sighed in annoyance.

June cant go to school, and you cant show off in front of her. Be thoughtful.

I took the lesson to heart. When Mom suggested I live in the dorms at my magnet school, I readily agreed. Every weekend, Id make sure to change out of my uniform before I walked home, so June wouldnt be sad.

But one cold winter weekend, I knocked on the door in my street clothes, shivering, and no one answered.

I stood in the biting wind until nine oclock. When I finally collapsed on the porch, feverish, Mom and Dad arrived, hand-in-hand with June.

June was wearing a bright, sequined headband from the amusement park, and she was carrying a bag of chicken wingsthe exact ones Id been begging to try for months.

Moms face flashed with a fleeting, embarrassed look. Oh, sorry, Penny. We forgot you were coming home tonight.

Then she turned to June and smiled, Come on, honey, give your sister a wing.

But the moment June saw the Star Student sticker the teacher had put on the back of my hand, she shrieked.

My parents rushed to comfort her, locking me outside in the process.

The bag of chicken wings fell to the ground, instantly coated in grit.

But I was so hungry. I wiped them on my shirt, over and over, and stuffed them into my mouth.

It wasn't until past midnight that the door cracked open. Mom hurriedly pushed a cold pack and some pain relievers into my hand. She told me she and Dad had to take June to the hospital.

I stood there in the desolate night, watching their backs shrink into the distance.

I didn't know what leukemia was, but I remembered the look in their eyes every time we went to the clinic: heartbroken, tear-filled, devastated.

I knew they loved me. They just couldn't help it.

Theyd told me countless times: June is sick, and youre a year older, youre her big sister, you have to take care of her.

I knew June was in pain. So the whole family, including me, had to fulfill her every need. I couldn't upset June. I had to be the good, understanding one.

So now, I couldnt call out. I couldnt disturb Mom and Dad.

My crushed, bloody body would definitely scare June.

I lay silently in the crowd, biting down hard on my lip. Legs stamped over my body. The deafening screams blurred my consciousness. The pain was unbearable, but death, I realized, was a long process.

I suddenly remembered something Id read. A child comes into the world floating in their mothers amniotic fluid, and they leave it floating in their mothers tears.

I didn't want Mom to cry for me. I just wanted one last look, to tell her not to worry, that I would wait for them patiently in heaven.

Up on the platform, Mom was holding June, looking around frantically.

Was she looking for me?

I wanted to reach out and touch her warm face one last time.

But then, my body slowly floated up, passing right through the railing.

Dad, Mom

They didnt react to my voice. I realized I was transparent.

A light drifted down, and I heard a distant voice telling me to go, but I still wanted to see them one last time. To tell them I would wait for them in heaven.

But as I reached my parents, Mom covered June's eyes.

It looks like a little kid got trampled to death down there. Dont look, June. Its too bloody.

Dads face showed immediate alarm. Thank God it wasnt our June. Whose child is that? Parents shouldnt let their kids wander off.

I froze, awkwardly wringing my hands.

Im sorry, Mom and Dad. I didnt take good care of myself.

It was only after the words left my mouth that I remembered they couldnt hear me.

Mom suddenly paused. Honey, that person down there could it be Penny?

Dad stiffened for a second, then shot Mom a look of reproach. Why would you jinx Penny like that? Thats bad luck.

Pennys been in the dorms since fourth grade. Her teachers always praise how independent and mature she is. Shes probably already found somewhere safe to hide.

Mom nodded, relieved. Youre right. I shouldnt have said that. We need to focus on protecting June.

June was clutching Dad tightly, and Mom was watching her anxiously.

June was still little; she needed her parents.

I was relieved that I hadn't seen them much; we weren't close enough for her to miss me. What if she got upset because I was gone?

Even thinking that, a dull ache twisted in my soul. So, even souls could feel sad. Why did I feel this stinging envy? I was being difficult.

The police cleared another path, organizing the crowd to move out of the Square. They called out over a loudspeaker for parents to carry their smaller children to prevent more accidents.

Mom and Dad finally climbed down from the platform with June, scanning the faces as they went, looking for me.

But there were too many people. My body had already been kicked into a dark corner. Mom wasnt tall enough to see me. She shouted my name a few times, but her voice was lost in the din.

She frowned, a slight note of urgency in her voice.

I cant find Penny. Do you think she went into a shop to hide?

Dad was carrying June on his back, trying to hold her high above the crowd. He didnt have the energy to respond.

Ill take June and keep moving, then. You keep looking for Penny?

Mom agreed. They split up.

She was worried. She was calling my name in the crowd.

I thought this was good. If they found my body, they could take me home. June wouldn't have to see how mangled I was. Maybe at my funeral, I would finally see Mom and Dad cry for me for the first time?

They had cried so many tears for June, but never for my illnesses or my little injuries. My problems never seemed to matter compared to hers. I was always the "understanding" one.

But Mom and Dad, how I wished your eyes would land on me, just for a moment

A scream erupted from someone who had spotted me in the corner. Theres a child dead here! All that blood!

A womanan EMT, Dr. Reyesrushed over and crouched down to examine me.

Shes not completely gone, she called out. The child has a will to live. She tried to put her insides back in her belly. Call an ambulance! She might still have a chance!

Moms steps faltered. She turned and began to push toward the gathering crowd.

Was she going to find me? Could she save me?

Maybe I could live. I could stay with them, and I wouldnt care how hard or painful it was.

But just as Mom was about to push through, Dads startled voice rang out from behind her:

Dahlia, come quickly! June, shes passed out!

Mom spun around immediately, rushing toward June without a backward glance.

June, dont be scared! Mom is calling 911 right now! Mommys coming!

In the dark corner, my tightly shut eyelids fluttered once, then fell still, sinking into silence.

Junes condition couldnt wait. I shouldnt bother Mom.

But Mom, Dad I suddenly didnt want to love you anymore.

Maybe I really wasnt strong enough.

The EMT, the doctor who was kneeling beside me, was startled. She stopped the person who was dialing 911.

The child suddenly lost the will to live. Its too late now.

Her eyes reddened. She took off her jacket and covered my body.

We need to find her parents. We cant just leave her here.

People murmured, shaking their heads, and reported my case to the police. My body was stuck to the pavement. The police wouldn't touch the scene until the family arrived. They put up yellow tape and a warning sign, then started checking the CCTV footage.

Time dragged on until the early morning. The police found my parents cell numbers and called them repeatedly. Dozens of calls later, the phones remained unanswered.

The officer looked frustrated. We cleared the area quickly enough. If the parents had just protected the kid, she would have been fine. This one must have stumbled and fallen in the rush, and then she was trampled to death.

I was confused. But I hadnt just stumbled and fallen.

I was climbing the platform, but Dad let go. The fall wouldn't have hurt me. Id hit the ground, and I would have stood up.

But there were too many people.

Before I could get to my feet, the surging crowd had snapped my bones, and all my strength was gone.

I left my body and drifted through the city to the hospital June frequented. My parents had a special membership for June, granting them VIP treatment.

I walked into the room and saw June was awake. To cheer her up, her bed was surrounded by countless designer dolls and expensive, sparkling gadgets.

I paused. I remembered begging Mom for a single, pretty doll to hug in the dorms.

But Mom had earnestly told me, You cant compare yourself to June in everything. Shes sick and takes a lot of medicine, so we buy her these things. You get to go to school. You should be grateful. You dont need a doll to show off.

But Junes dolls were so many, and so beautiful.

Every time June swallowed a spoonful of medicine, Dad would laugh and give her a piece of candy. Mom would be right there, playing with a doll to distract her.

Both of their cell phones were tossed on the bedside table, powered off.

No wonder they hadn't answered the police calls. They were completely preoccupied with June.

My teacher once said that human love is finite.

I understood now. Mom and Dad had given all their love to June, so there was none left for me. They couldn't help it.

I only wished that in the next life, I could be the one who was sick.

I left the room, ready to go.

But as I passed the next door, I saw a set of brothers. The younger one was sick, but the older one was healthy, playing a game on a tablet nearby.

Their parents had bought both of them new handheld gaming consoles.

The sick younger brother whined, demanding the older brother stop playing. Their father immediately addressed him sternly: What your brother does is his choice. If you want to watch him play, just ask nicely.

Then their mother picked up the older brother and set him gently on the bed.

And you, buddy. At least let your brother watch. Turn the volume down a little so you dont bother anyone else.

I stood there, mesmerized, watching the two brothers play. They went from tense silence to laughter, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder. Their parents exchanged a soft, satisfied smile.

It was lunchtime, and the boys started arguing because they wanted different meals.

Soon, two separate take-out orders arrived in the room, ensuring both boys were happy and well-fed.

I floated back to Junes room.

June, full and tired, was hugging a doll and sleeping sweetly.

Only then did my parents finally remember me. They started to discuss my whereabouts. Penny should have gone back to the school by now. Thank goodness shes so self-sufficient; we dont have to worry about her.

Weve worried ourselves sick over our poor June, Dad replied. Well call Penny later tonight. We cant risk waking June up.

They stayed by Junes side, never leaving.

I went back to the other room. Then back here. Back and forth.

After watching for what felt like an eternity, a slow, quiet smile finally spread across my face.

Love wasnt a finite resource I had to sacrifice. It could be equally divided.

I was just a ten-year-old child, experiencing the world for the first time.

Mom and Dad, you didnt not know how to love equally. You just chose not to.

Since that was the case, I truly did not want to come back to this world.

It wasn't until early morning that Mom finally powered up her phone.

The moment the screen lit up, a torrent of missed calls from the police department flooded the screen.