Terminal Illness

The doctor told me it was terminal stomach cancer. I had three months left.
I decided to die. But before I did, just like any other morning, I knotted Landon Coles tie.
He leaned against the doorframe, the face his fans had placed on a pedestal a mask of bored irritation.
Amanda, Im not coming home tonight. Dont call me.
Okay, I said, smiling. Goodbye, Landon.
He arched an eyebrow, probably finding my compliance unusual. With a short, contemptuous laugh, he slammed the door and was gone.
He had no idea that this goodbye was forever.
Three hours later, I parked my car on the bridge over the river and jumped.
Landon, Im finally setting you free.
1
The day I decided to jump was one of those rare, perfect days.
The sun was so bright it made my eyes ache.
I clutched the crumpled doctors report in my hand, staring at my reflection. My face was a ghastly white, like a ghosts.
Landon was a bear when he first woke up. I heard him call my name from the bedroom, his voice raspy and short-tempered.
Amanda, wheres my gray tie?
I shoved the report into the very bottom of the trash can, took a deep breath, and pasted a smile on my face before opening the door.
He was sitting on the edge of the bed, shirtless, the lines of his muscles taut and smooth. His hair was a mess. Even after ten years, that face could still make my heart skip a beat.
I pulled the tie from the wardrobe, walked over, and knelt by his legs to fasten it for him.
Right here.
Landon looked down at me, his fingers idly twisting a strand of my hair. Suddenly, he yanked.
A sharp pain shot through my scalp, forcing my head back. I met his mocking, almond-shaped eyes.
Amanda, what perfume are you wearing today?
Its disgusting.
He let go, wiping his fingertips on the bedsheet as if hed touched something foul.
I froze, a lump forming in my throat. This was my favorite scent. He used to say it smelled like Landon Coles wife.
Now, it was just disgusting.
Im sorry. I wont wear it again.
I lowered my head meekly and straightened his collar.
Landon stood, looking down at me. He pulled a card from his wallet and flicked it at me. It grazed my cheek, stinging slightly, before fluttering to the floor.
Take this. Go buy some decent clothes.
Stop dressing like a maid all the time. Youre embarrassing me.
The knit sweater I was wearing was a birthday gift from him, back when he was just starting out. It was pilled and worn, but I could never bring myself to throw it away.
I bent down to pick up the card, my fingers trembling, but I forced my voice to remain steady.
Okay. Thank you, honey.
He snorted and turned to leave. At the door, he paused without looking back.
The celebration party is tonight. Bella will be there.
Im not coming home, so dont act like a psycho and call me a hundred times to check up on me.
Bella. The up-and-coming starlet he was currently tangled with in a storm of media gossip. Id heard she looked a lot like I did when I was younger.
Okay.
I watched his back, his silhouette framed so perfectly, so coldly, by the light.
Landon.
I called out to him. He didnt turn, his posture radiating impatience.
Spit it out.
Goodbye.
I said it so softly, it was almost a whisper to myself.
He glanced back at me then, an eyebrow raised, a scornful smile playing on his lips.
Dont be so dramatic, Amanda.
Youd never leave me. Not as long as theres money involved.
Slam.
The door shut. The world fell silent.
I slowly sank to the floor, wrapping my arms around myself.
Youre right, Landon. I could never bear to leave.
But I have to go now.
I dont want you to see me bald from chemo, withered to a skeleton. And I dont want to watch you smile at another woman while Im dying.
I drove to the bridge over the river. The wind was strong, biting at my cheeks. I climbed onto the railing, taking one last look at the world.
My phone vibrated. A text from the bank. The card hed given me had a million dollars on it.
See? He always thought money could fix everything. But it couldnt buy my life, and it couldnt buy his love.
I closed my eyes and took a step forward.
The world fell away.
The water was brutally cold, swallowing me in an instant.
Landon.
In the next life, I hope we never meet.
2
I thought death would be an endless void.
I was wrong.
I became a weightless shadow, drifting uncontrollably. Maybe my attachments were too strong, because I found myself floating into Landons celebration party.
The ballroom was gilded and glittering, the air thick with warmth. But I still felt so cold.
Landon sat at the head table, wearing the same custom-tailored suit I had once touched. He swirled a glass of red wine, a practiced smile on his lips as he listened to the fawning compliments of those around him. That easy confidence made him look like a king, radiant and in command.
Anyone who couldn't hear his thoughts would have thought him the perfect gentleman. But I knew better. I knew he was bored to tears. He hated these schmoozing events.
Mr. Cole, a toast to you.
A sweet, delicate voice cut through the noise. I turned to see Bella approaching, wine glass in hand. She wore a long white dress, her hair flowing over her shoulders. She did look a bit like I used to.
Just a bit.
As she neared Landon, her ankle suddenly twisted. With a small cry, she stumbled and fell right into his arms. Red wine sloshed over his expensive shirt, blooming like a dark wound.
A collective gasp went through the room. Everyone knew Landon was a notorious germaphobe. An investor had once accidentally brushed against his sleeve, and Landon had frozen him out on the spot.
I floated in the air, waiting for the explosion.
But it never came.
A long, steady hand caught Bellas waist. His thumb even brushed lightly against the curve of her hip.
Careful, Landons voice was a low, magnetic hum, laced with something that sounded like affection. Are you hurt?
Bellas face turned the color of a ripe tomato. She pushed herself upright, looking up at him shyly. Im so sorry, Mr. Cole. I ruined your shirt
Its nothing. Landon let her go, a smile playing on his lips, his eyes crinkling into a handsome curve. A shirt can be replaced. If youd fallen, I would have been worried.
The crowd erupted in teasing cheers.
Ooh, listen to Mr. Cole, already so protective!
Looks like the rumors are true!
Bella ducked her head, blushing, but her fingers secretly curled around the hem of Landons jacket.
I watched the scene, feeling a hollow ache in the place where my heart used to be. So he wasnt a germaphobe. He was just disgusted by me. Look how gentle he could be with someone else.
Landon took a napkin from a passing waiter and dabbed carelessly at his chest. Im going to go change. He nodded to the crowd and turned toward the private lounge.
Bella started to follow, but he held up a hand to stop her.
Be good. Wait for me here.
Be good.
In the ten years we were together, he only ever called me hey, you, or the full, formal Amanda Price.
I wanted to laugh at the irony, but I couldn't even manage that now.
I drifted after him into the lounge.
The moment the door clicked shut, the smile vanished from his face. In its place was a chilling, violent disgust.
He ripped off his tie and threw it on the floor. He tore off the wine-stained shirt and tossed it directly into the trash can.
Filthy, he muttered, his voice like ice.
He stormed into the bathroom and turned on the tap. I watched as he grabbed a bottle of antiseptic soap and began scrubbing the hand that had touched Bella, a frantic, desperate motion.
Over and over, until the skin was raw and red, almost bleeding.
He just kept scrubbing, his brow furrowed in a tight knot, as if hed touched some unspeakable disease.
I hovered behind him, tilting my head.
What kind of sick game are you playing, Landon? Youre the one who pretends to be so charming, and youre the one whos repulsed.
Youre insane. Truly.
After a full ten minutes, he finally turned off the water and dried his hands. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, his face a blank mask. Only his eyes were dark, bottomless pits.
Amanda.
He said my name to the mirror.
I jumped, thinking he could see me. But he was just staring into the empty space, running a hand through his hair in frustration.
Its late. Why the hell hasnt she called?
3
After changing into a spare suit, Landon didnt return to the party.
He went to the rooftop garden. The wind up there was strong enough to cut through the smell of alcohol on him. He leaned against the railing, expertly tapping a cigarette from its pack and placing it between his lips.
Click.
The flame of the lighter flared, illuminating the hard line of his jaw. Smoke curled into the air, blurring his features.
I used to hate it when he smoked. Every time I asked him to quit, hed blow a cloud of smoke in my face and laugh cruelly. Worry about yourself, Amanda.
Well, no one was here to nag him now. He must be thrilled.
Landon pulled out his phone. The screen lit up, and I drifted closer to see.
There was only one contact pinned to the top: The Woman. The profile picture was a photo of me, holding my cat.
The chat history was a monologue, all from me.
Last night, 8 PM: [Made your favorite sweet and sour pork. When are you coming home?]
Last night, 10 PM: [The foods cold. Ill heat it up.]
1 AM: [Dont drink too much. Its bad for your stomach.]
This morning, 7 AM: [Your tie is in the second drawer on the left.]
His replies were sparse and brutal.
[Not coming home.]
[Annoying.]
[Get lost.]
The last message was the one Id sent this morning, a transfer receipt for one million dollars. It was the card hed given me. Id sent the money right back, along with some of my own savings.
He hadnt replied. Or accepted it.
Landons thumb swiped up and down the screen, rereading the messages over and over. Usually, a single text from me would annoy him. Now that I was dead and silent, he couldnt stop looking.
This woman, he muttered around his cigarette. Wont take the money, wont even check up on me.
Playing hard to get. Is that her new game?
He snorted, stubbed out his cigarette, and dialed my number.
The line rang and rang and rang.
My phone, like my body, was at the bottom of the cold, dark river. Of course, no one was going to answer.
Landons brow furrowed. He hung up and redialed.
And again. Still no answer.
His expression began to shift. The lazy arrogance was gone, replaced by an unfamiliar anxiety. He started pacing, his leather shoes making sharp, frantic clicks on the tile.
Youve got a lot of nerve, Amanda Price, he seethed. Ignoring my calls.
Just then, the click of heels sounded from behind him.
Mr. Cole
It was Bella again. She had followed him up, a mans coat draped over her arm, her face a perfect picture of shy concern. Its windy up here. I was worried youd get cold.
She moved to place the coat over his shoulders.
Landon was on edge, the incessant ringing of the phone grating on his last nerve. He spun around, dodging her touch. The movement was so abrupt that the coat slipped from her grasp and fell to the ground.
The atmosphere froze. The smile on Bellas face stiffened, and her eyes instantly welled with tears. Mr. Cole, I was just
This isnt a work event, Landon cut her off, his voice sharp enough to draw blood. He didnt even glance at the coat on the floor, his gaze fixed on his phone screen, his thumb rubbing restlessly at the edge.
And another thing. He looked up, his eyes, which had been so full of feigned warmth at the party, were now burning with rage. Who gave you permission to follow me up here?
Bella flinched, the tears threatening to spill. I I just I like you
You like me? Landon let out a harsh, disbelieving laugh. He raised his left hand. A plain silver band on his ring finger caught the moonlight. It was the cheap ring wed bought when we got married. I had been so happy Id worn it to sleep for days. Hed always said it was embarrassing and never wore it. I had no idea why he had it on tonight.
See this? he asked, holding his hand out for her to see. Im a married man.
He paused, his voice suddenly dropping, thick with an emotion I couldnt place. Im a creature of habit. I dont like change.
Bellas face went white. She covered her face and ran, sobbing.
Landon didnt watch her go. He shoved his phone back in his pocket with a frustrated sigh.
Damn it, he cursed, and strode toward the exit.
Youd better just be asleep, Amanda. Or I swear to God, when I get home, Ill kill you.
He was already dialing my bosss number as he walked.
I floated behind him, watching as his pace quickened, his steps becoming almost a stumble. A twisted sort of satisfaction bloomed in my chest.
So, you can feel anxious too, Landon?
Dont rush.
You cant kill me. Im already dead.
4
Landon didnt stay at home for long. He got in his car and sped to the nearest police station, running three red lights along the way. He screeched to a halt and jumped out before the car had even fully stopped.
I want to report a missing person. He stormed into the station, slamming his hands on the front desk, his knuckles white. My wife is missing.
The officer on duty, startled by his aggressive demeanor, pushed up his glasses. Sir, please calm down. How long has she been missing?
Landon glanced at his watch. Thirteen hours.
The officer paused, then put on a weary, professional smile. Sir, for an adult, we cant file a missing persons report until theyve been gone for at least twenty-four hours. Thirteen hours her phone probably just died, or maybe shes out with friends?
Impossible, Landon snapped. She has no friends. Besides me, she knows no one. And her phone is never off. If I call her, she always answers immediately.
An old man at the next counter, there to report a stolen scooter, couldnt help but chime in. Now, hold on, son. You cant talk like that. Thats what do they call it? Gaslighting? The girls a person, not your property. Shes allowed to have a life.
I bet she just got tired of you and is taking a break.
Landon shot the man a glare so venomous the old man flinched, dropping his bag of sunflower seeds.
She would never leave me, Landon said, turning back to the officer, his voice low and intense. Shes completely dependent on me. Even if I tried to kick her out, shed be on her knees, begging me not to.
I floated in the air, watching his arrogant, self-assured performance. I wanted to slap him. But my hand passed right through his face.
So, Landon said, taking a deep breath to control his rising temper. She must be in trouble. I want you to check the surveillance cameras, track her phone, I dont care what you have to do. Turn this city upside down if you have to, but find her.
The officer, though rattled by Landons intensity, was about to explain procedure again when a shrill phone rang, cutting through the tense silence. It was the inter-departmental line.
The officer answered, his expression immediately turning serious. Yes, this is the downtown precinct Whats that? A body found under the Riverside Bridge?
Landons body went rigid.

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