New Over Old

I got home late from work, and my wife told me she was in love with someone else.
I just want to divorce him and be with him.
Even if it means walking away with nothing.
My eyes fell to the divorce papers already laid out on the table.
Suddenly, a wave of relief washed over me.
Fine, I said. I agree.
Its human nature to be drawn to the new and tired of the old.
I'm no different.
1
Tina stared at me, dumbfounded.
"You... you're just agreeing?"
A cold laugh escaped my lips, thick with sarcasm.
"What else am I supposed to do?"
"Oh, right. I'm supposed to fly into a rage and demand to know who he is, aren't I?"
"I should probably break down, beg you not to leave, plead with you not to do this."
"You're willing to walk away with nothing just to divorce me, but you also want me to beg you to stay."
"So which is it? Do you want a divorce or not? Is your left brain at war with your right?"
Tina was speechless.
I ignored her, picking up the papers and scanning them carefully.
Satisfied, I reached for my briefcase, which was still on the floor where I'd dropped it when Tina had anxiously pulled me inside.
Id just come home from a long day of overtime to find this waiting for me instead of a hot meal. She hadn't even asked why I was so late. She'd just launched straight into the divorce.
I was done with this cold, empty life.
I pulled a fountain pen from my bag and signed my name decisively on both copies.
Capping the pen, I stared at its faded, worn barrel.
It was a gift for our first anniversary. Tina had used half a month's salary from her part-time job to buy it for me. After nearly twenty years, it was battered and old.
It was time for a new one.
I tossed the pen into the trash can.
"We can get the paperwork filed tomorrow morning."
Then I walked out of the room without looking back.
2
I went to my son Toby's room.
He was facing away from me, buried under his comforter.
I sat down on the edge of his bed.
"Don't pretend to be asleep. I know you saw everything."
After a long moment, he finally turned over and sat up, his eyes red-rimmed.
"Dad," he whispered, "is Mom leaving us?"
I sighed inwardly. At nearly forty, I'd seen my share of life and loss, so I could process a separation. But Toby was only twelve. In his world, his parents were his entire sky.
When Tina and I separated, no matter who he ended up with, half of that sky was going to collapse.
But he was a part of this family. He had a right to know about the changes happening to it.
I told him the truth. "Yes. Mom asked for a divorce, and I agreed."
"But that just means we won't be husband and wife anymore. We will always, always be your mom and dad who love you more than anything."
Toby looked at me, and tears streamed down his face like a broken dam.
"Dad... I'm sorry..."
He covered his face with his hands, tears seeping through his fingers.
I was confused. Shouldn't I be the one apologizing?
I gently pulled his hands away and wiped his tears.
"What is it? Why are you sorry?"
Toby's shoulders shook with sobs. "The other day... when Mom picked me up from school, she was with another guy."
"She said he was her assistant, but when she was driving, he kept leaning against her, and his hand... his hand was on her leg."
"I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't want to lie to you, I just... I didn't know how to tell you..."
My hands clenched the bedsheet.
A cold fury crept through me.
How dare she.
To flaunt her affair in front of our son.
I let out a long, slow breath and pulled him into a hug, my heart aching for him.
"Toby, this is not your fault."
"Anyone would be confused in that situation. If I were you, I would have done the exact same thing."
Toby pulled away, his tear-filled eyes looking up at me pitifully.
"Dad... do you still want me?"
I paused, then gently stroked the back of his head.
I smiled. "I think the question is, do you want to stay with me?"
Toby sniffled and nodded so hard his head bobbed.
I squeezed his cheek gently. "Alright. You have school tomorrow. Time to get some sleep."
He obediently lay down.
After I tucked him in and waited for him to drift off, I turned off the light and quietly left the room.
3
The next day, Tina and I went to the courthouse and filed the divorce papers.
When we got back, she started packing her things. Neither Toby nor I asked if she needed help. We moved around each other like ghosts.
But that evening, as I came home from work, Tina called out to me.
"Your father called me today."
My heart leaped into my throat.
"He said Sean lost his job and he wanted me to help him out, give him a position at my company."
"It's not a big deal for me, so I agreed. But I thought I should let you know."
Before she could say another word, I had my phone out, dialing my father's number on speaker.
He picked up almost immediately.
"Dad, about Sean's jobtell him to figure it out himself."
"Tina and I are divorced. Don't bother her again."
"Divorced? When did this happen? Why?"
"Leo, you can't"
I knew what was coming. He was going to try to talk me out of it. He'd always liked Tina more than he liked me.
I cut him off.
"Tina is seeing someone else. We're divorced. It's over. Do you understand?"
There was a moment of stunned silence on the other end. I used it to hang up.
When I looked up, Tina's face was flushed red. She clearly hadn't expected me to be so blunt with my father.
My phone buzzed. It was him again.
I declined the call and stood up to leave. If we were going to argue, I didn't want to do it in front of Tina.
But she grabbed my wrist.
"Leo, it's just a job for Sean. It's a small thing. You don't have to refuse my help and fight with your dad over it."
My relationship with my father was strained, and I hated arguing with him. But I hated the idea of being indebted to Tina even more.
She used to be my wife. We were family.
Now, she was just the mother of my child. Nothing more than a stranger.
I yanked my arm free.
"I'll handle this myself. Stay out of it."
She blocked my path, her voice laced with confusion and a hint of anger.
"You'd rather fight with your father than accept my help? Why?"
I sighed, a bitter laugh escaping my lips.
"Do I need to remind you that we're divorced?"
The color drained from Tina's face.
"Yes, we're divorced," she stammered. "But we were together for twenty years. If we can't be husband and wife, can't we at least be friends?"
The idea was so absurd I had to laugh.
"Friends with your ex-husband? Have you asked your new boyfriend how he feels about that?"
Tinas pale face seemed to crumble. She just stood there, frozen.
4
The phone was still ringing.
I needed to take the call, so I left Tina standing there and stepped out into the stairwell.
The moment I answered, my father's shrill voice nearly pierced my eardrum.
"Leo, tell me right now, are you really divorced from Tina?"
"Yes. We are."
My father's voice cracked with desperation.
"How could you divorce her? She's the owner of a huge company! You're divorced and almost forty, where are you going to find another woman with that kind of success?"
"Besides, plenty of women fool around on the side. You just have to suck it up and get over it, right?"
"Look at me, that's what I did. Listen to your old man, don't get divorced. If you do, you'll have nothing."
For a moment, I wanted to cry.
I could almost see my promiscuous mother standing before me again, looking down with cold indifference at my father as he begged her to stay.
I had pleaded with my father to divorce her. But he hadn't worked since they got married. If he left, he couldn't even support himself, let alone my brother and me.
So he stayed, begging for money like a dog, refusing to divorce her and let some other man benefit. He let himself be ground down by that rotten marriage until the day she died.
A sarcastic laugh bubbled up in my throat.
"So I should just put up with it for the rest of my life, just like you?"
The other end went silent. When he spoke again, his tone was agitated.
"What else are you going to do? That's just how life is. You endure."
"And if you divorce Tina, what's going to happen to your brother?"
There it was. I knew it.
It always came back to Sean.
Tina, the successful daughter-in-law who made him look good, had helped Sean out of more than a few jams. He wasn't about to let that go.
"Then let Sean go live with Tina," I snapped. "I'm out of the picture. The position of husband is vacant. He can make a play for it."
"You"
I had no patience for his lecture, and even less for an argument.
I cut him off.
"I'm not you. I don't have to endure anything. I can support myself and my son just fine without her."
"I'm telling you about the divorce, not asking for your opinion. And don't worry, it won't affect the two hundred dollars a month I send you for your expenses."
"You can spend it however you want. But that's all you're getting."
I hung up the phone.
I leaned back against the cool wall, tilted my head back, and let out a long breath.
But the tears came anyway.
I wiped them away before going back inside.
That's just how it is when you're an adult.
Even when you cry, you have to do it in secret.
5
My father called a few more times after that, always bringing up Sean's need for a job. But Sean was a grown man with two hands and two feet. He wasn't going to starve. I wasn't going to help him. Seeing my firm stance, my father finally gave up.
Tina moved out. The night she left, I heard Toby crying in his room. I didn't go in. Kids have their own worlds, their own emotions they need to process in private.
The days of the cooling-off period ticked by. Tina and I had no contact.
Until one afternoon, after a long meeting, I checked my phone to find dozens of missed calls, all from her.
And a text message.
[I'm downstairs at your office. Come down when you see this.]
For Tina to come all the way to my office, it had to be serious.
I hurried downstairs. As I reached the lobby, I saw her pacing anxiously by the entrance.
"What's wrong?" I asked as I approached.
She started to speak, but a colleague walking in interrupted her.
"Afternoon, Mr. Hayes."
Tina froze, her eyes wide.
"You... when did you become a Director?"
My voice was flat. "Last year."
"Why didn't you ever mention it?"
I looked down. A few years ago, when I was promoted to manager, I had rushed home, ecstatic to tell her. Her only response was a lukewarm "congratulations."
I remembered when I'd been promoted to assistant team lead, years before that. She had been more excited than I was, insisting we go out to celebrate. Tina, who never spent more than a few dollars on a meal, had splurged on a massive seafood dinner for us that night.
When did it all change?
When did promotions stop being a cause for celebration? When did our anniversary become nothing more than a perfunctory bouquet of flowers? When did we stop even saying "happy birthday" to each other?
We no longer went out for walks or to the movies on weekends. Even sharing a meal became a silent affair. We stopped asking about each other's work.
Besides our son, it felt like there was nothing left for us to talk about.
In a reality like that, what difference would it have made if I'd told her?
6
A wave of exhaustion washed over me. I didn't have the energy to get into it with her.
"You were in such a hurry to find me," I said, changing the subject. "What is it?"
Tina hesitated, swallowing hard.
After a moment, she finally spoke. "My mom just called. It's her birthday this weekend. She wants the family to get together for dinner."
I raised an eyebrow. Her mother's birthday dinner. That's why she'd rushed all the way down to my office?
I didn't know what game she was playing, and I didn't care enough to ask.
"Fine. I'll tell Toby. You can pick him up then."
I turned to leave, but she grabbed my arm again.
I glanced at her, then down at the hand gripping my wrist. She let go, looking embarrassed.
"What I meant was... I want you to come too."
I frowned. "What are you talking about? You haven't told your mom we're divorced?"
Tina looked uncomfortable. "Well..."
"Can we just... not tell her yet?" Her voice was almost a plea. "She has high blood pressure. I'm afraid the shock..."
"And you didn't think of that when you asked for a divorce?"
Tina fell silent, looking down in shame.
I sighed. When Toby was born, I was working myself to the bone to re-establish my position at the company. Tina was pouring all her energy into her startup. It was her mother who had stepped in to help with the baby, saving us. A few years ago, her health had started to decline, and not wanting to be a burden, she had moved into an assisted living facility.
She had always been good to me. I respected her deeply and didn't want anything to happen to her.
"I'll agree to this, just this once," I said. "But you need to find the right time to tell her yourself before we finalize the divorce."
Tina let out a huge sigh of relief. "Leo. Thank you."
I just nodded and went back upstairs.
That weekend, I took Toby to the retirement home. Tina was already waiting for us at the entrance. We went in together.
Her mother was overjoyed to see us. She fussed over Toby, pressing a red envelope into his hands, then took my arm and asked how I'd been. The atmosphere was warm and happy.
Until a voice cut through the cheerful chatter.
"Happy birthday, Mom!"
We all turned. A young man was standing in the doorway. He looked like he'd just graduated college, full of youthful energy.
Tina looked horrified. She rushed to the door to block his path.
"Evan! What are you doing here?"
Toby suddenly tugged on my sleeve. His face was pale.
He leaned in and whispered, "Dad... that's the young guy from Mom's car. The 'assistant'..."

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