No Return to the Harbor Anymore

In my last life, I was the reason Derek's first love died.
She took a knife meant for me.
He hated me for it. So he locked me away, and for years, my days and nights were a living hell of his making.
Until my twenty-second birthday. My body and spirit were broken, and I couldn't take it anymore.
I chose to end it. I slit my wrists.
The last thing I saw was Dereks eyes, red and blazing with something I couldn't name.
"In your next life," he warned, his voice a ragged whisper, "don't love me. And don't you dare get between me and Luna again."
As he wished.
When I woke again, I was back in my senior year classroom. From the athletic field outside, I could hear the roar of the crowd at a basketball game.
Derek pushed open the classroom door and tossed his school jacket into my arms.
"Hold this for me. Luna's coming to watch the game later."
For the first time in my life, I didn't greet him with a heart full of joy.
Derek didn't know it yet.
This time, I would stay far, far away from him.
1
The light jacket landed on my desk.
Instinctively, I flexed my wrists.
There was no deep, aching pain.
In my last life, Derek had bound these same wrists to the headboard with one of his silk ties for seven straight days, all because I refused to apologize on the anniversary of Luna's death.
What was I supposed to apologize for?
Luna was my sister. The family's biological daughter. From the moment they found her and brought her home, she had captured everyone's heart.
I admit, I was jealous of her. For a long time, I resented her. I hated how her arrival had stolen my parents, stolen my Derek.
But she was so small and frail. When she first came to us, her face was always pale. She would only whisper my name softly, "Sophie, little sister."
And just like that, my heart softened. Maybe having a sister wouldn't be so bad after all.
My parents told me she had a weak constitution. That I needed to give in to her in everything.
So, when she wanted my room, I gave it to her.
When she wanted my dolls, I gave them to her.
When she liked a beautiful dress I had my eye on, I let her have it.
But when I started middle school, I realized she liked Derek, too.
This time, I refused to yield.
He was my Derek. We had grown up together. I couldn't give him up.
But I never imagined that the one and only time I ever competed with Luna would cost a human life.
And four years of my own life, spent in unending darkness.
...
Luna stepping in front of that knife was so sudden.
She collapsed in a pool of her own blood. Her last words were, "Sophie... I'm giving Derek back to you... Please don't hate me, okay?"
Just then, Derek arrived, rushing to the scene, only to witness that final, damning moment.
Luna had taken the blade for me. She was bleeding profusely. With her blood clotting disorder, she didn't even make it until the ambulance arrived. She died right there.
And her ambiguous last words became the fuel for Derek's undying hatred for me.
That day, my Derek asked me, his face terrifyingly calm, "Sophie, why wasn't it you who died?"
Only later did I learn the truth.
That afternoon, Luna had planned to confess her feelings to Derek. But by a cruel twist of fate, she ran into a gang fight.
In the chaos, she pushed me out of the way.
2
It was strange. Everything was so strange.
After everyone found out Luna had died for me, I became the villain in everyones story. The home I had known for over a decade was shattered.
My father's hair seemed to turn gray overnight. "You shouldn't be alive," he told me.
My mother beat me, screaming through her tears, "You're a jinx! You killed my Luna! Give me back my daughter!"
They pulled me out of school. I was locked in the family's old, dusty attic day after day.
But... why didn't they blame the attacker? Why did they blame me?
Wasn't I a victim, too? Was it wrong to be the one who survived?
I didn't know.
All I knew was that, just as they said, I owed Luna a debt I could never repay. I owed her my life.
...
I spent a long time in that sunless attic.
Until my eighteenth birthday.
Derek somehow convinced my parents to finally let me out.
Seeing sunlight for the first time in years, my legs buckled. I could barely stand.
Derek said nothing. He simply knelt down and carried me on his back.
Step by step, he walked to Harborview University.
It was the university I dreamed of attending. It was Luna's dream, too.
The wisteria was in full bloom, and Derek's voice was a soft whisper against my ear.
"Did you know, Sophie? This was Luna's dream, too. But she'll never get to see it now."
I didn't answer. I just cried silently on his back.
That day was my eighteenth birthday.
It was also the last time Derek ever showed me any kindness.
After that, my school enrollment was officially terminated. I was locked away in the main house's attic. My parents moved abroad, washing their hands of me completely.
With them gone, Derek had no restraints.
At first, I would beg.
"Please, Derek, let me go."
But the attic was so dark, so suffocating. Not a single ray of light ever pierced the gloom. Trapped inside, I lost all track of time, of the seasons. Slowly, my mind began to fray.
On another anniversary of Luna's death, Derek demanded that I kneel. We had a violent argument.
"I won't kneel!" I screamed. "I hate her! I hate you all! I never asked her to save me. Why don't you just kill me, Derek? Just get it over with!"
I must have been truly mad then. Derek kicked me hard in the knee. He hated it when I disobeyed.
As punishment for my defiance, he dislocated my wrist. He bound me to the headboard in a humiliating position.
His voice was cruel. "Don't blame me, Sophie. This is what you owe Luna. You have no right to feel wronged. At least you're still alive."
Oh.
So my being alive was the mistake.
In that case, I didn't want to be alive anymore.
On the night of my twenty-second birthday, I couldn't hold on any longer.
I slit my wrists.
As the blood soaked the sheets, I thought, I would finally grant their wish: to give my life back to Luna.
3
Derek's handsome brow furrowed. He waved a hand in front of my face.
"Sophie?"
I snapped back to the present. The boy in front of me had clear, bright eyes, with none of the dark hatred I remembered from my past life.
But I scrambled to my feet, putting as much distance between us as I could.
"I... I have something to do. I can't make it to the basketball game. You guys go ahead."
I was afraid of him. Truly terrified. Just being near him made me tremble.
He looked momentarily stunned, as if he couldn't process me rejecting him for the first time. After all, wasn't I always the one chasing after him?
He thought for a moment before speaking. "Sophie, are you mad at me? Because I brought Luna a gift the other day and not you?"
Mad? A bitter smile touched my lips. I didn't have the right to be.
In my last life, Derek had never said he liked me, but he'd never said he liked Luna, either. Yet he was always by her side.
And I was the blind fool who couldn't see it. The fool who still harbored delusions. Who dared to compete with Luna.
No wonder my end was so miserable.
The bell for the next period rang, saving me. If I remembered correctly, it was gym class. Our class and the one next door had a basketball game.
Luna was in the next class over. I could already see her standing by their classroom door.
Derek didn't press the issue. He gave me one last look before turning and jogging toward Luna, who was waiting for him.
Watching their retreating backs, side by side, I let out a long breath of relief.
But I hadn't even had a chance to properly enjoy the sunlight of my new life when, just before school let out, a call from my mother summoned me to the hospital.
Luna was having an episode. She needed a blood transfusion.
Just like in my last life. Whenever she needed it, I was her on-demand blood bag.
At first, when my parents told me Luna had a rare disease that required frequent transfusions, and that my blood type was a perfect match, I was actually happy. I had plenty of blood. I could save my sister.
I knew long ago that my parents loved her more. She was their biological daughter, after all. I couldn't fault them for that. I just thought that if I was good to her, extra good, my parents would be happy. And if they were happy, maybe they would love me again, too.
But Luna was too greedy. She was always crying, always needing my blood. The transfusions became more and more frequent, until I could barely handle it. It was always worse when Derek was around.
Just like now.
I rushed to the hospital in a taxi. Just before they pushed me into the treatment room, Derek quickly shoved a gift box into my hands.
4
A long, suffocating silence filled the room.
Luna was in the bed next to mine. She saw the gift box.
A faint smile touched her pale lips. "Derek really does care about you, Sophie. You didn't come to the game this afternoon, and he just stopped playing halfway through. Said he had something to do and just left. I found out later he went to buy you a gift. He was afraid you were upset."
I raised an eyebrow. So that was the reason for today's "episode."
I remembered it from my last life, too. Anytime Derek showed me the slightest bit of kindness, Luna would inevitably fall ill and end up in the hospital.
I glanced at the gift box. A very expensive, limited-edition designer watch. A Harborview exclusive. No wonder Derek thought I was angry. I had wanted this watch for a long time and had even asked him to get it for me. But then Luna had wanted it too. And seeing how frail she was, he had given it to her instead.
I shook my head, laughing at my own foolishness. Every sign was there, telling me Derek already had someone he favored. How could I have been so blind?
The blood draw left me dizzy.
Seeing how pale I was, Luna's face filled with guilt. "I'm so sorry, Sophie. It's all my fault for being so useless. Always needing your blood. If it weren't for me, you would have..."
Before she could finish, right in front of her, I tossed the gift box into the trash can.
A smirk played on my lips. "It's just the two of us here. You can drop the act."
Luna froze, clearly not expecting me to be so blunt.
I was too tired to play along anymore. I pulled the needle from my arm, stood up, and walked over to her bed, looking down at her.
"You weren't sick this afternoon," I said, my voice low and steady. "You just saw Derek give me something, and you didn't like it. So you decided to cause trouble for me. It's a trick that never fails, isn't it?"
5
That blunt conversation changed nothing.
After Luna was discharged, she went right back to her act, frequently visiting my classroom to see Derek and me.
But something was different. I no longer walked with them. The cafeteria, the sports field, the walk home from school anywhere outside the classroom, I avoided them like the plague.
Derek was the first to notice.
After a week of me completely ignoring him, he finally snapped. He cornered me at my desk.
"Alright, what did I do now, Your Highness?" he asked, a teasing tone in his voice. "Give me a hint."
The boy before me was handsome and carefree. His playful, affectionate tone held no trace of the hatred and disgust I remembered. For a moment, it took me back to a time long ago.
Derek used to be so good to me.
Whenever his family's friends brought him snacks or toys from abroad, he always let me pick first.
Yes. The boy who always put me first.
The boy who'd take a beating from his father to cover for me.
The boy who'd cross half of Harborview in the dead of winter with a black eye just because I craved a certain cake.
Why, then? Why did a single sentence from Luna turn him into the monster who tormented me for four years?
I couldn't understand it.
My eyes welled up with tears.
Seeing me cry, Derek panicked. "Hey, why are you crying? Seriously, who bullied you? Tell me. I'll beat them to a pulp."
You, I wanted to say. You, Derek. You're the one who hurt me more than anyone.
But before I could speak, someone called him away. A student from the next class was at the door.
Luna wasn't feeling well.
The boy who had been right in front of me a second ago was gone in a gust of wind, rushing out the door without a moment's hesitation.
The flicker of warmth that had sparked in my heart was instantly extinguished.
...
It wasn't until Derek was long gone that the sounds of the classroom returned.
With college entrance exams approaching, everyone was discussing which schools they wanted to apply to.
A jolt of fear shot through me.
If I remembered correctly, in my last life, it was this week, while we were discussing our college choices, that Luna planned her confession to Derek. They were going to apply to Harborview University together.
But...
The flash of a blade seared through my mind. I clutched my head as a splitting headache took hold.
I remembered Derek's warning before I died.
"In your next life, don't love me. And don't you dare get between me and Luna again."
Fine. As you wish.
Derek, I will leave. I will go far, far away. I had already planned on leaving Harborview anyway.

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