Of Love and Loss

1
My last ride of the day was my ex-wife, who I hadn't seen in seven years.
She had changed so much. Dressed head-to-toe in designer brands, the jade bracelet on her wrist alone was worth eight figures.
Through the car window, she whipped off her sunglasses, her voice catching.
Noah Vance youre alive?
I averted my gaze, pulling the surgical mask higher on my face. My voice was flat.
Are you the rider with the phone number ending in 1793?
Shannon bent down and slid into the passenger seat, her eyes never leaving me.
Her expression was a storm of conflicting emotions.
After you escaped from the psychiatric hospital why didnt you come back to me?
Her voice faltered, a barely perceptible tremor in it.
These past years have you been okay?
I didnt answer her. I just silently pulled down my mask.
A patchwork of burn scars covered my face, blurring the features she once knew.
The torture, the days where death seemed a mercy, had been enough to burn away all the love and hate I ever felt for Shannon.

Shannons gaze was fixed on me.
Throughout the drive, she opened her mouth to speak several times.
But each time she looked at my face, the words died in her throat.
Finally, she looked down, her voice barely a whisper.
After the fire I looked for you.
I stared straight ahead at the traffic light, one hand on the steering wheel, and said nothing.
Her lips trembled, but she pressed on.
During the search and rescue, they couldnt find any survivors. We all thought you were dead.
My fingers tightened on the wheel.
Hearing about my own death from someone elses lips was a special kind of irony.
I gave her a noncommittal reply.
Still breathing.
Shannon sensed my cold, detached attitude.
She clutched her Chanel bag, and the words failed her again.
The silence in the car was heavy, almost suffocating.
Following the GPS, I drove into an upscale neighborhood in the heart of the city.
Before I could even unlock the doors, a childs voice chirped from outside.
Mommy! Daddy and I missed you! You promised to take me to the amusement park!
A little girl ran at full speed and threw herself into Shannons arms.
Shannons face softened into a smile as she kissed the girls cheek.
How about tomorrow? Pinky promise.
In seven years, Shannon had remarried and had a child.
She was living a life that was a universe away from mine.
The man beside her, Evan, was smiling, until his eyes landed on me.
I saw a flicker of pure shock in his eyes.
Mentor? Is that you? Youre still alive.
Everyone seemed shocked that I was alive. And no one seemed particularly happy about it.
Evan took Shannons hand and led the child over.
Annie, this is Daddys mentor. Go on, say hello.
My fingers tapped lightly on the steering wheel.
A tremor went through me.
That name. It was the one Shannon and I had chosen together.
A boy would be Arthur, a girl, Anna.
Shannon had spent three days and nights poring over a dictionary to find those names.
But the child we were supposed to have we lost it.
As I was lost in thought, the little girl saw the charred, puckered skin on my face and burst into tears.
Shannon immediately scooped her up, cooing softly, her hand covering the childs eyes.
Evans lips curved into a smirk. When he looked at me, his eyes were full of smug triumph.
Sorry about that, Mentor. Annies still young. Shes probably just a little scared of you.
To make up for it, why dont you come inside? Its been too long.
My expression didnt change.
His thinly veiled insults didnt faze me.
Who would have thought that Evan, who once couldnt even afford a decent set of clothes, now lived in the most expensive, exclusive villa complex in the city?
When I didnt respond, Evans smile faltered, and he looked down, his voice laced with false apology.
Mentor, are you angry with me for marrying Shannon?
You were gone for seven years. She was crying every single day. I couldnt bear to see her like that, so I
I cut him off, my voice calm.
Do I know you? Why would I be angry with you?
The expression on his face froze. Even Shannon took a hesitant step forward.
I could see the guilt in her eyes.
I know youre still angry with me, but what happened back then
She wanted to explain, but any explanation would be laughably inadequate.
The way you are now if theres anything you need, Ill help you.
No, thank you.
Perhaps back then, when I was locked away in that hospital, I really did need her help.
Every day, every night, I begged them to let me see her, just once.
But now?
Why would I hold out hope for the person who personally threw me into hell?

2
After leaving the complex, I parked in a lot not far from my apartment.
I put my mask back on and kept my head down, avoiding the curious stares of passersby.
Before I could react, someone slammed into my side.
Watch where youre going! Dont you have eyes? Young people these days, so reckless!
The sharp, biting tone stopped the apology on my lips.
I looked up.
My heart skipped a beat.
It was my mother.
She saw my face, didnt recognize me, and took a few disgusted steps back.
Her friend tugged on her sleeve. Lets go, lets go. What bad luck.
I stood frozen as they walked away.
In seven years, her hair had grayed, but her personality was the same.
Caustic, cold, and cruel.
The cold night wind bit at my skin. I shivered, rubbing my arms, and hurried home.
The apartment was quiet. Id been living alone for the past few days.
I took off my thin jacket.
In the bathroom, the mirror reflected the hideous scars on my back.
That spot was where my mother had once carved her disownment into my skin.
The Vance family had produced a single heir for eight generations, each one a giant in the world of chess.
That included me.
At the time, I had just won my thirty-second international championship. My list of accolades was endless. Everyone agreed my achievements had surpassed my fathers, even my grandfathers.
And on that same day, I married Shannon.
They all envied me. Even I believed my life was charmed.
Until I met Evan, who at the time couldnt even afford his tuition.
I offered him a lifeline. I sponsored his living expenses, taught him chess, and took him on as my protg.
Evan was smart. He knew how to charm my mother and how to evoke Shannons pity.
But slowly, everything began to change.
At first, it was just Shannon mentioning him more often.
Then, she started making him lunch every day, memorizing all his dietary habits.
When I questioned her, she just laughed and called me paranoid.
Evan is your protg. Im his mentors wife. Hes had a hard enough life. Its only right that I look after him.
Until the third month of Shannons pregnancy, when there was an accident, and the baby was gone.
When I heard the news, I was overseas. I flew back immediately, not sleeping for dozens of hours. I messaged Shannon nonstop, but there was no reply.
When I finally rushed to the hospital, I found her sobbing in Evans arms.
I had never seen her so fragile.
Evan was comforting her, his hands gently stroking her back, as if she were a precious, breakable treasure.
I froze, staring at the scene before me. When my mother arrived, she slapped me across the face.
Youre not worth a fraction of him!
That day, it felt like I lost more than just a child.
The icy splash of tap water on my face pulled me back to the present.
I turned on the shower, trying to wash away the old scars on my back with cold water.
After nearly an hour, my skin was red and swollen.
When I stepped out of the bathroom, a text message popped up on my phone.
Moms 70th birthday is the day after tomorrow. Ill come pick you up.
There was no name attached, but I knew it was Shannon.
I stared at the message for a long time.
After escaping that fire, I had spent countless days and nights wondering.
What did my mother see me as?
A son, or a tool to bring the family honor and money?
I looked down, my fingers tapping on the screen.
Okay.

3
Two days later, I was in the back seat of Shannons car, watching the scenery fly by.
Evan, in the passenger seat, spoke up, his voice loud.
I didnt think youd agree to come, Mentor.
I didnt respond. Shannons eyes kept finding mine in the rearview mirror.
The silence was thick, broken only by the soft breathing of the sleeping child.
Evan Mom adopted him as her godson, Shannon explained, her voice stiff.
The hand supporting my head tensed.
I lowered my gaze and said nothing.
My mothers 70th birthday banquet was being held at the most luxurious hotel in the capital. The guest list was a whos who of the citys elite.
My reflection in the glass doors showed a man in a loose, ill-fitting suit. The scars on his face were a grotesque map.
Compared to them, I was a ghost at the feast.
I followed behind Shannon, and the stares immediately found me.
Until my mother appeared.
When she saw Shannon and the child in her arms, her face broke into a wide, happy smile.
Mom, I brought Noah back. Hes alive, Shannon said, stepping forward.
I thought he should come home.
I glanced at her, at the desperate way she was trying to explain.
It was almost funny.
Was she trying to assuage her own guilt, or did she genuinely want me back? I had no idea.
My mothers gaze followed Shannons and landed on me.
There was no shock in her eyes, no surprise. Only disgust.
I have no son like him!
Even though I knew it was coming, a sharp pain lanced through my heart.
Mom.
The word had been on the tip of my tongue for seven years.
That day was the last tournament before my birthday.
My opponent was Evan.
The match was being broadcast live, screens everywhere showing our faces.
My mother was in the audience, as always.
But that day, she didn't seem to see me. Her eyes kept darting to Evan, cheering him on.
Shannon, too.
No one expected me to win.
I played with a rare focus. Evan was completely outmatched.
But halfway through, he called for a stop.
He looked at me in disbelief.
Mentor, would you really cheat just to win?
His clear voice echoed through the arena.
My hand, hovering over a piece, froze. I looked up at him, uncomprehending.
The referees signaled a timeout and approached my table.
Mr. Vance, please cooperate with our investigation.
They searched my pockets.
In the inner lining of my jacket, they found a black chess piece.
My entire outfit for the match had been prepared by Shannon.
A ringing filled my ears. I shook my head, numb.
I didnt.
The flash of a dozen cameras blinded me.
Before I could process what was happening, I heard the referee announce my disqualification.
My mother strode forward and slapped me across the face.
Her voice was ice.
How could I have a son so shameless!
Overnight, I went from a celebrated genius to a pariah.
I fled, leaving the frenzied pack of reporters behind me.
I had to find Shannon, to ask her what was happening.
As I ran down the stairwell, I skidded to a halt.
The sight before me felt like it would tear my eyes from their sockets.

4
Evan had Shannon pressed against the wall, his hand on her waist, kissing her with a savage intensity.
Their clothes were half-off.
It was the sound of my footsteps that made Shannon snap back to reality.
A desperate roar tore from my throat. I kicked Evan away and lunged for Shannon, my hands closing around her neck.
Why? Why would you do this to me?!
You planted that piece in my jacket so Evan could win! Why?!
Shannon broke free from my grip and rushed to help Evan, who had fallen to the floor.
Evan scrambled to his knees in front of me, his hands clasped together.
Mentor, it wasnt her fault! It was all me! I know Ive wronged you
I wanted to tear him to pieces.
When he was at his lowest, I was the one who helped him.
When he had no money to bury his parents, I paid.
When he had no money for school, I paid.
I taught him everything I knew, hoping he would shine in the world of chess.
But why would you do this to me?
I stumbled back, tears streaming down my face.
Shannons expression had turned cold and calm.
Yes, I planned it. You have everything. Evan has nothing.
And yes, Evan and I are together. Weve been together since the day I lost our baby.
Mom knows, and she doesnt disapprove. She said if you cant accept it, we can get a divorce, but Ill still be a part of the Vance family.
Her words shattered me.
I dont know how I left.
For the next week, I was a ghost.
My mother publicly disowned me, striking my name from the family records.
Shannon and Evan started appearing everywhere together.
The news was filled with my scandal.
To prove my innocence, I swallowed my pride and went to the tournament officials, demanding the surveillance footage.
But just as I found the key piece of evidence, Shannon had me committed to a psychiatric hospital.
Her face was a cold mask.
Evan is young. Are you trying to ruin him? Havent you earned enough glory in your life?
Shannon and I had been betrothed since birth. From the day she was born, she was meant to be a Vance. After we married, we were the couple everyone envied.
But now, for another man, she had destroyed me.
I had never been so broken. I knelt before her, clutching her hands, begging.
Do you know what this tournament meant to me?
It was my birthday. You said you had a gift for me. I dont want anything else. Just give me back my name. Please?
I bowed my head to the floor, pleading with her.
But she was ruthless. She had me locked away.
In that place, I endured unimaginable torment, both physical and mental.
I wasnt sick, but they were determined to make me so.
A month after I was admitted, a fire broke out in the hospital.
Everyone died.
I escaped with my life, but I might as well have been dead.
Noah, just admit to what you did. Apologize. Maybe then you can come back and live a normal life.
Shannons voice pulled me back to the present.
I couldnt help but laugh.
Why should I apologize for something I didnt do?
The stares of the other guests were like daggers, all of them waiting for the next act of the drama.
I looked at my mother.
Meeting her cold gaze, I spoke softly.
Happy birthday, Mrs. Vance.
With those words, the last of my old attachments fell away.
She was right. She didnt want me as a son anymore.
The papers had been signed. There was no reason for me to go back.
Both Shannon and my mothers eyes widened.
You were right. I dont have a mother like you, either.
The color drained from my mothers face.
I turned to Shannon, my voice dripping with sarcasm.
No one knows the truth of what happened back then better than you. Dont you feel even a little bit guilty?
I strode out of the hotel.
Shannon followed me, sticking to me like a shadow all the way back to my apartment.
She was a frantic mess of explanations and apologies.
Ive regretted it every single day. I cant sleep at night. I have to take sleeping pills just to get a few hours of rest.
I
As I unlocked my door, she tried to follow me inside.
I blocked her path.
I glanced at my watch and cut her off.
Miss Florence, my wife will be home soon. Shes a bit timid and doesnt do well with crowds.

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