He Proposed To Her In The Dress I Paid For

Four years. That was the tally of our long-distance marathon.

I never once worried that Holden would betray me.

Why would I? My best friend, Sienna, attended the same university as him. She was my eyes and ears, my proxy on the ground. She kept me synced to his life, beat for beat.

Over those four years, Holden came to see me more than two hundred times. Between the flights and the hotels, he must have burned through thirty thousand dollars.

I remember how he used to smile, his hand warm and heavy as he ruffled my hair. You get air-sick, and cars make you nauseous, hed say, his voice a soft rumble. So let me come to you. I never want you to look at other girls and envy their boyfriends. Not for a second.

I can make money tutoring, hed insist. If Im not spending it coming to see my high-maintenance girl, whats the point?

On the day of his graduation, I told him a lie. I said my advisor was chaining me to the lab for three days.

In reality, I endured a twenty-hour trip from hellthree layovers and a Greyhound busjust to make it to his ceremony. I had a ring in my pocket. I was going to propose to him.

When I arrived at the university, the air was electric. A crowd had gathered on the main quad, the cheering deafening. It was the sound of a spectacle.

I tilted my head, curious. Through the gaps in the crowd, I saw a man down on one knee.

It was my boyfriend. It was Holden.

And the girl standing before him, hands over her mouth?

That was my best friend. Sienna.

1

I felt like Id been struck by lightning. My vision blurred, static filling the edges of my sight.

Rub your eyes, Avery, I told myself. Its the travel fatigue. The stale air. Youre hallucinating.

But when I focused again, the image sharpened, and the tears came before I could even process the pain.

I saw Holdens hand trembling as he held the velvet box. Sienna, he said, his voice projecting clearly over the hush of the crowd, I have never imagined spending the rest of my life with anyone else.

To me, there is only you, and then there is everyone else. Will you marry me?

My head turned mechanically, locking onto Sienna. She was weeping, that beautiful, delicate cry she had perfected.

She looked stunning today. She was wearing a white, tiered chiffon dress paired with little leather loafers. In the sunlight, it looked almost like a wedding gown.

Sienna, who hated makeup, was flawless today. The kind of beauty that makes your heart ache.

A memory, sharp as glass, sliced through my mind. Two weeks ago. Her voice on the phone.

Babe, which dress should I get?

I had told her to pick the white tiered one.

But it's three hundred dollars over my budget, she had hesitated. Is it worth it?

Its gorgeous, I had insisted. Its perfect for you. If you love yourself, buy it. Ill Venmo you the difference.

At the time, I thought she was wearing it to a dinner with her roommates.

Now I realized: She was wearing the dress I paid for, to accept a proposal from my boyfriend.

The shock was physical. It froze my blood, locking my limbs in place.

Part of me wanted to scream, to sprint into the center of that circle, snatch the ring, and crush it under my heel.

Instead, I watched Sienna smile through her tears. I couldn't imagine loving anyone but you, she sobbed. Id rather die.

Holden... yes! I will! I will marry you!

I watched, paralyzed, as Holden slid the ring onto her finger.

They embraced, their lips meeting in a kiss that looked like it belonged on a movie poster. The crowd erupted, a tidal wave of applause and cheers.

Beside me, two girls sighed in admiration, their words twisting the knife deeper.

Holden and Sienna are literally perfect. From freshman year sweethearts to marriage... Ive been shipping them since they got together first semester!

Right? Hes the Student Body President, shes the brilliant Lit major. You couldnt write a better romance novel. Three years together and straight to a proposal? Im dying. Its too romantic.

The bouquet of flowers in my hand slipped. The ring box I had been clutching tumbled onto the pavement.

Three years.

Only now, amidst the confetti of my shattered reality, did I learn the truth. My best friend and my boyfriend had been the campus power couple for three years. Everyone knew.

Except me.

A metallic tastebloodsurged in my throat. My body began to convulse, a violent rejection of what I was seeing.

The world tilted, and I hit the ground.

Strangers, kind students, rushed to help me, carrying me toward the campus health center.

In the distance, Holden and Sienna were still lost in their kiss, oblivious to the universe outside of their deceit.

When I woke up in the clinic, the nurse looked relieved.

Honey, your blood sugar bottomed out, she said gently. You need to take better care of yourself.

I sat up, hands shaking, and dialed Holden. No answer.

I messaged Sienna on every platform. Called her. Nothing.

Tears dripped onto my phone screen, blurring the keypad.

The nurse handed me a candy wrapped in gold foil. Why the tears? Here, have a chocolate. Some students dropped these off. Party favors from the big proposal.

That Sienna girl and Holden... theyre a sweet couple. Big scene on the quad today. Very exciting.

I walked out of the clinic like a ghost haunting the campus.

The nurses words echoed in my ears, a loop of torture.

Freshman year, Sienna fainted during physical fitness tests. Holden carried her all the way here. You should have seen how panicked he was.

After that, they were inseparable. Wanted to be together twenty-five hours a day. People even wrote stories about them on the campus forum. Totally codependent. And now, look at them. Happily ever after.

Every sentence was a razor blade, carving fresh wounds into my heart.

Freshman year. I had fainted during my fitness test, too. My roommates had helped me.

I never imagined Holden and Sienna were lying to me.

They were building a romance in the very clinic where I imagined him worrying about me.

My phone buzzed. A voice message from Holden.

I played it. His voice was thick, slightly slurred.

Baby... graduation was crazy. Went out drinking with the guys, sorry I missed your call.

Don't be mad, okay? Can we FaceTime? Actually... no, I smell like a brewery. Ill FaceTime you tomorrow.

I ordered breakfast for you, it'll be at your door in the morning. Remember to eat. Love you.

My heart plummeted into the abyss.

A message from Sienna followed seconds later.

Avery! Is the thesis stressing you out? I was so busy taking grad photos with my roommates I totally missed your texts. My bad!

Your boy Holden is behaving, by the way. Some girls tried to get photos with him, but he shut them down. He only wants to take photos with you.

They were so coordinated. They had built a fortress of lies, timing their messages to cover the cracks.

If I hadn't seen the proposal with my own eyes, I would have believed them. I would have been the fool who thanked them for their loyalty.

I sank into a crouch right there on the sidewalk, burying my face in my knees, and wept until I couldn't breathe.

Then, I heard them.

I looked up. Under the streetlights by the campus lake, Holden had his arm around Sienna. They were laughing, that intimate, secret laughter of lovers.

They were feeding a stray orange tabby cat.

Siennas voice was wistful. Mittens... we've been feeding you for three years. Youre like the witness to our happiness.

Holden looked at her, and the love in his eyes was so potent it was terrifying.

I love you, Sienna.

The words shook my very soul.

Sienna bit her lip, looking tragic and beautiful as she buried her face in his chest.

You've done enough for me. After today... we can't love each other out loud anymore.

You have to go live with Avery. Build your little home. And Im going to France for grad school. We might never see each other again.

Holden held her tighter. Sienna, no matter how far you go, you are the one in my heart. I proposed to you.

She nodded, a sad, accepting smile on her face. I have enough memories. At least you asked me first. Even if you marry Avery later, I won't be jealous.

Don't feel guilty. Even if we don't get the marriage license... maybe you'll remember me longer because of it.

My fingernails dug into my palms until the skin broke. I watched them kiss again, desperate and passionate.

Holdens voice was ragged. I'm sorry, Sienna. I'll find ways to come to France. I'll see you.

The wet, intimate sounds of their kissing drifted through the night air.

Holden was a master at partitioning his heart.

He would secretly propose to Sienna, the love of his life, and then settle for marrying me.

Sienna was his 'one that got away.' His golden ghost.

My face felt like it was burning. Tears plastered my hair to my cheeks.

I looked at the chocolate in my handthe party favorcrushed it into a shapeless lump, and threw it into the nearest trash can.

Then, I turned around. I went straight to the airport and boarded the first flight back.

I had arrived full of hope. I left with a heart that had turned to ash.

Exhaustion pulled me into a feverish sleep on the plane.

Dreams flickered like a horror movie reel. Holden and Sienna holding hands on the quad. Feeding the kitten until it grew into a fat cat. Eating in the cafeteria, picking out the vegetables the other didn't like. Walking through the first snow, sharing a scarf.

I woke up gasping, sweat chilling my forehead, tears soaking my pillow.

I was back in my dorm. My roommates were hovering, looking worried.

Avery? You're back? We thought you were proposing! Why do you look like a wreck?

Yeah, did Sienna get a video? Show us! It must have been so brave. Seriously, you're a legend for doing that.

I had kept the trip a secret to surprise Holden.

Surprise. The word tasted like bile.

I looked at their curious, kind faces and couldn't even force a smile.

Holden... he had to go collect data with his advisor suddenly. I missed him. So I came back.

They glanced at each other, sensing the lie but kind enough not to press.

I couldn't say it. I couldn't say that the World's Best Boyfriend I had bragged about for four years had been sleeping with my best friend the entire time.

My head was splitting. I went to the balcony to brush my teeth, needing air.

Thats when I saw him.

Downstairs. Holden. Standing there, looking windblown and desperate.

He was holding a bouquet of Cappuccino rosesmy favorite. And a box of that expensive pistachio cake from the bakery I loved.

He looked up, his eyes full of that familiar, deceptive warmth.

Last night he was making love to Sienna. Today, he was playing the perfect boyfriend for me.

Avery! he shouted. Let's take graduation photos!

My roommate poked my shoulder, swooning. God, he's romantic. Go down there!

I moved like a robot. I didn't even put on shoes. I walked out of the dorm barefoot.

When Holden saw me, he frowned, running over to scoop me up and deposit me on a nearby bench.

Are you happy-shocked? Why no shoes?

Were going to live together soon, he scolded gently. I have to break you of this bad habit.

Soon? The word made me want to laugh hysterically.

He paused, noticing my expression.

Avery, do you feel sick?

Are you still mad? I know, I know. Not texting back last night was terrible. That's why I caught the first flight out. Flowers and cake as a peace offering.

The rage hit me all at once, a physical blow.

I grabbed the cake box and smashed it into his face.

Before he could react, I took the rosesthorns and alland hurled them at his chest.

Holden! Do you think Im an idiot? Do you think you can just play me like a fiddle?

My voice was a scream, raw and terrifying. I didn't recognize myself.

The ring was still on his finger. The one he gave Sienna. How much did he love her that he couldn't even take it off to see me?

Holdens temper was terrifyingly good. It made my skin crawl.

He wiped frosting from his eye, forcing a smile. Babe, is the lab work going badly?

It's okay. I handled everything at my school. I'm here to help you prep for graduation. I'm here. Don't stress.

We have our trip coming up. Smile for me.

And hey, didn't you want to buy a going-away gift for Sienna? Ill pick up some extra shifts. You can buy her something expensive.

He started cleaning up the mess, cautioning me, Watch out for the thorns.

I didn't feel the thorns. I walked up to him and slapped him across the face. Hard.

Holden. You are absolutely disgusting.

But the grief was a vacuum, sucking the energy out of my cells. The world went black, and I collapsed.

The last thing I saw was Holdens face crumbling into panic as he lunged to catch me.

When Holden heard the doctor say I had fainted from acute gastroenteritis and stress, guilt washed over his features.

He gripped my hand. Avery, this is my fault. I made you feel like you couldn't even tell me you were sick.

Don't be scared. I'm staying right here. I already emailed your professor.

He was a wolf in sheeps clothing. A perfect mask over a rotting soul.

I couldn't even muster the energy to be angry anymore. I watched him bustle aroundwiping my face, buying food, dealing with the insurance forms.

Since high school, he had taken care of me. Peeling fruit, remembering anniversaries, the grand gestures.

After finals senior year of high school, he had confessed to me with a bouquet he arranged himself.

I fell into that sweet, first-love dream.

Sienna, interestingly, hadn't liked him.

Babe, I don't think Holden is good enough for you, shed said.

They were like oil and water. I was always the mediator.

When we got into different colleges, I cried for days.

Sienna stayed by my side, volunteering to keep an eye on him.

Babe, I'll watch him. If Holden so much as talks to another girl, I'll report back instantly.

I remembered leaning on her shoulder, looking at Holden with arrogant pride. See? Don't think about cheating. Sienna is my CCTV.

He had promised, hand over his heart. Don't worry. She won't have anything to report.

I thought I had the world's most thoughtful boyfriend and the world's most loyal best friend.

I didn't know they were using my trustand my lack of social media stalkingto build a life together. They were the campus sweethearts, living a romance everyone else envied.

Holdens phone rang on the bedside table while he was getting water.

It was his mom. Mrs. Warner.

I remembered how she always held my hand, bringing me homemade dishes. I picked up.

Her voice froze me solid.

Son! When are you bringing Sienna home for dinner? Your dad and I miss her.

Don't bring Avery this time. Every time she comes, I have to fake a smile and cater to her. She's such a princess. High maintenance. I like Sienna so much better.

Tell Sienna I miss her. I have that vintage pearl necklace for hergrandmothers pearls. I couldn't bear to give them to Avery.

My heart felt like it was being squeezed in a vice.

The woman who smiled at me... behind my back, she had already chosen her daughter-in-law.

My voice rasped. Mrs. Warner. If you hate me that much, why do you call my parents 'family' every time you see them?

She recognized my voice. The line went dead instantly.

I let out a bitter, hollow laugh.

Driven by instinct, I reached into Holdens jacket pocket.

There it was. The second phone.

I typed in Siennas birthday. It unlocked.

The photo gallery. Thousands of them. Intimate, domestic, happy.

Every wallpaper was Sienna. Every app was organized by her.

No wonder Holden always let me check his phone with such confidence.

He had a burner life.

A message popped up from the pinned contact: My Sienna.

Honey, I'm coming to see Avery now. She won't suspect anything, right?

I need to see you. Plus, with her princess temper, if I don't show up, she'll blame me for not caring.

The words were poison.

I typed back: Come over.

On my way! Wait for me, my love!

I put the phone back. I sat in the silence, waiting for the curtain to rise on their little play.