Reborn, I Refuse to Take Her Place

Before my roommate went to meet her online crush, I warned her. I told her Eric was way out of her league, a guy who stood on a pedestal. I told her he would never fall for a big girl.

Tears welled in her eyes. Defeated, she let me go in her place.

It worked out perfectly for me. I dated Eric, married him, and became the envy of everyone we knew.

But after the wedding, he grew cold. Distant.

Guilt ate at me. I was a fraud, so I constantly needed proof that he actually loved me. I became suffocating. Tracking his phone, bombarding him with calls, threatening to jump off the roof if he came home ten minutes late. That was my normal.

Seven years of that. He finally burned out. Even when I dragged a blade across my wrist, he barely blinked. He just calmly told his assistant to dial 911.

When I looked at him with bloodshot eyes and whispered that I might actually die this time, he looked exhausted.

"Do it," he replied. "If you die, I can finally marry someone normal."

He didn't know I actually meant it. I closed my eyes as the biting hum of an experimental psychiatric treatment took over my senses. I really did die.

But when I opened my eyes again, I was sitting on my dorm bed. It was the exact day my roommate was supposed to meet him.

I looked down at the expensive white dress she had bought for the occasion. I pulled it off and handed it back to her.

"I'm not going."

The rain was coming down in sheets.

I remembered this weather from my past life. The wind had been howling. By the time I had rushed to the cafe, I was an hour late, and the white dress Diana had bought me was plastered to my skin.

Eric hadn't asked any questions. He just walked over and draped his warm jacket over my shivering shoulders.

It wasn't until the dessert arrived that I remembered to introduce myself. "I'm Josie." That was the screen name Diana used.

He had paused, then nodded. "I'm Eric."

I walked home that night wearing his jacket. Diana had noticed it immediately. She stared at the floor for a long time before asking in a small voice if he had been disappointed.

"Not at all," I had told her. "He really likes me."

I knew I was breaking her heart, but I was too thrilled to care. She had trusted me with her secret online romance. She had no idea I was obsessed with Eric, too.

Besides, Diana had everything. A wealthy family, parents who adored her, an easy life. I had nothing. Why couldn't she let me have this one thing?

I used to envy her. I was jealous of her. But once I had Eric, all of that vanished. I thought we could finally be real friends.

"You're not going? But why?"

Diana's voice pulled me back to the present. Her eyes were red. "Sadie, are you mad at me? I'll apologize, I swear. But the meetup is in an hour. I can't go looking like this."

"Diana." It was the first time I used her real name. I usually called her some teasing nickname about her weight. "Do you trust me?"

"I do."

"Then go meet him yourself. He'll like you. And even if there's no spark, you guys will make great friends."

She sniffled, wiping her nose with her sleeve. "He won't. He won't like a girl who weighs a hundred and sixty pounds. You literally told me that last night."

I swallowed a heavy sigh. "He's not that shallow. I know him."

"You know him? Since when do you know him?"

Did I? We dated for three years and were married for seven. A whole decade. He never truly understood me, and looking back, I didn't understand him either.

The last thing he ever said to me was that he wished I were dead.

I spent my whole life trying to prove his love, but in the end, the only thing I proved was his hatred for me. A deep, bone-chilling hatred.

"Everyone knows him," I lied smoothly. "Besides, you didn't talk to him for months just to score a boyfriend, right?"

Her cheeks flushed. "Well, it would be nice. It's Eric we're talking about."

Eventually, I talked her into it. She threw on her favorite oversized hoodie and sweatpants and headed out into the storm.

I sat by the window, watching the rain. Would Eric like Diana? Probably.

In my past life, I once overheard his friends asking about his ideal type. Lively, upbeat, emotionally stable, and above all, kind.

"What about looks?" his friend had asked.

"Looks don't matter to me."

I had kicked the door open and demanded to know what he meant by that. He just looked at me with that dead, calm expression. "It means exactly what you think it means. I don't love you. I could never love a lunatic like you."

I spent the rest of the afternoon in a daze. The sky turned bruised and dark before the dorm door clicked open.

Diana walked in. She was wearing Eric's jacket. She sat down on the edge of my bed, staring blankly at the wall.

"Sadie, I think he was really disappointed."

I turned to look at her, genuinely surprised.

Eric had manners practically coded into his DNA. He wasn't the type to bank his entire love life on an internet stranger. Even if Diana wasn't his usual type, he would never let his disappointment show.

"Why would you say that? Are you overthinking it?"

Diana threw her hands up, her dramatic flair returning. "I sat down and said, 'Hey, I'm Josie.' And he kept looking past me. Like he was waiting for some supermodel to walk through the door and say, 'Just kidding, I'm the real Josie.'"

"And then," she continued, "he asked me like three times, 'Are you really Josie? The one I've been talking to?' He didn't drop it until I literally pulled up our chat logs on my phone."

She slumped back against my pillows. "Men are all the same. Shallow. I'm officially giving up on the male species."

"Sadie, I wish I was as pretty as you," she whimpered, resting her head on my shoulder. "I wish we could swap places. Just for one day."

I stared at the ceiling. She had no idea how much I used to wish the exact same thing.

Diana only cried for one night. By the next morning, she was back to her usual self, eating pancakes and cracking jokes.

My life slipped back into its familiar, exhausting routine. Classes, part-time jobs, sleep, repeat.

"Sadie, sweetie, this is for you."

I had been tutoring for Sarah, a young single mom, for about a year. She was incredibly sweet. She handed me a paper bag. Inside was a thick winter coat and an envelope with a cash bonus.

I looked down at my own jacket. The cuffs were frayed to threads.

"Thank you, Sarah. You really didn't have to."

I was packing my bag to leave when the doorbell rang. Sarah trotted over to answer it. "That must be my cousin," she called over her shoulder. "She brought a friend from campus to fix my laptop."

I didn't think much of it until the door opened. I looked up, and my eyes locked with a pair of startlingly familiar ones.

"Do you guys know each other?" The girl standing next to Eric looked between us, tilting her head.

"No."

"We don't," Eric said, cutting me off before I could finish my sentence.

He was finally free of me. I should have been happy for him. Instead, a sharp, twisting pain flared in my chest.

I kept my eyes glued to the floor and squeezed past him.

The girl stepped aside to let me through. I knew her. Audrey. She was the daughter of Eric's academic advisor. His favorite protg.

She was also the reason Eric had brought up divorce for the first time.

He had been dead serious. He slid the papers across the kitchen counter. "You can keep everything. The house, the money. I just want out."

He was willing to walk away with nothing just to get away from me. Any sane woman would have taken the deal.

But I wasn't sane.

"I'm not signing anything," I had screamed at him. "If you try to leave me, I'll kill myself."

He hadn't even flinched. He just offered a bitter, hollow laugh. "I'll make sure you get a beautiful funeral. And the day after, I'll marry someone else."

I had gripped those divorce papers, marched out to the campus lake, and thrown myself in.

I knew he wouldn't let me die. Not in front of him. His moral compass, his family's reputation. It forced his hand. He dove in and dragged me out.

The divorce was never mentioned again.

My phone buzzed, snapping me out of the memory. It was Diana. "Hey, I found that doctor you asked about. She's a college friend of my mom's. Super highly rated."

"Is she expensive?"

"Nah, I told her you were my best friend. She's giving us a massive discount."

I exhaled a breath I didn't realize I was holding.

In my past life, Eric constantly tried to drag me to a psychiatrist. Every time he brought it up, we ended up in a screaming match. It got so bad I once pulled a kitchen knife on him.

I refused to go to a loony bin. That was where my mother died. My father had dragged her there himself.

I was six years old when I watched them haul her away. She looked like a feral animal fighting for its life.

The next time I saw her was two years later. I had sneaked onto the bus to visit her. A tired nurse walked me down a sterile, bleached hallway.

"Is my mom in jail?" I had asked. The locked doors and heavy wire mesh looked like the prisons on TV.

The nurse said no. She pointed into a bleak room. Huddled in the corner was a woman with completely white hair, rocking back and forth. "That's your mother."

When my mom saw me, she reached out her bruised hands. I was so terrified I turned and ran.

By the time I finally gathered the courage to go back, she was in a body bag.

I knew I was sick. I had known it even when Eric tried to help me. I was just too terrified I would end up like her.

But this time, I wanted to try. Diana had told me it was just an illness. You take your meds, you talk to someone, and you get better.

I wanted to be normal. I wanted to be healthy.

Maybe seeing Eric had triggered something, because that night, I dreamt of what happened after I died.

Eric had moved out by then. He was renting an apartment right above Audrey's. They were in the same major, working on the same projects. They always had something to talk about.

Not like us. Every conversation we had felt like walking through a minefield.

Audrey had probably never seen Eric lose his temper. Hell, even his own mother hadn't seen the dark, explosive side of him that I brought out.

In the dream, his phone rang. I had been dead for exactly a month.

He didn't even check the caller ID. He just answered with an exhausted sigh. "I thought you'd finally give it a rest. Obviously not."

"Look, I'm coming back tomorrow. Stop calling me. You're giving me a headache."

"And what was all that poetic bullshit you texted me? 'Setting you free?' Did you watch a tragic movie and decide to play the victim again?"

He always used his sharpest words on me. With Audrey, his voice was like velvet.

The person on the other end finally spoke. "Eric? It's Audrey. Were you talking to someone else?"

Eric froze. He pulled the phone away, rubbed his temples, and let out a harsh breath. "Sorry. What's up?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to catch a movie tonight? I really want to see that new thriller, but I hate going alone."

"Let's raincheck," he said quietly. "I'm just really tired."

He hung up. Then he stared at his phone.

It was the longest I had ever gone without contacting him since we started dating.

Frowning, he grabbed his keys and drove back to our house. The place I had finally called home.

But it was completely empty.

I had cleared out. The only thing left on the kitchen island was the signed divorce papers. I hadn't taken a single dime. That was the fate of a fraud. Kicked out with nothing.

He tore through the house. I had even taken the potted basil and the little succulent we bought together. I didn't want to, but he always hated taking care of plants. I knew they would die without me.

Eric dialed my number. It rang out.

He sent a voice note. "What kind of game is this? You actually signed the papers? You're really letting me go?"

"If you're serious, come back tomorrow so we can finalize this at the courthouse. I don't want you dragging this out and ruining my chances of moving on."

Silence.

He sat heavily on the couch, glaring at the screen. Just as his thumb hovered over the record button again, the doorbell rang.

A dark smirk crossed his face as he walked to the front door. "Could you be any more predictable? I barely hit send and you're already back"

He pulled the door open. His smirk vanished.

It wasn't me. It was two police officers.

"Is this the residence of Sadie Collins?"

Eric's jaw tightened. "What kind of stunt is she pulling now?"

"Sir, we found a body."

The color drained from Eric's face instantly. His lips moved, but no sound came out. Finally, he whispered, "Sadie?"

"Sadie."

"Sadie, wake up."

My eyes snapped open. Diana's face was hovering inches from mine.

"What are you doing?" I gasped.

She tapped her phone screen. "Our appointment with Dr. Bennett. It's today."

"Right." I wiped the cold sweat from my forehead, sitting in stunned silence until my soul fully snapped back into my body.

"You're coming with me?" Diana was already doing her makeup in the mirror.

"Obviously," she said, popping her lips. "But don't worry, I'll wait in the lobby. Total privacy." She held up a pair of massive headphones. "Active noise cancellation. I won't hear a thing."

I grew up in a tiny, suffocating town where secrets didn't exist. If someone lost a spoon, the whole neighborhood gossiped about it by Tuesday.

Naturally, everyone knew my mother was a crazy woman.

I spent eighteen years in that town. No one let their kids play with the crazy lady's daughter. I hated them all.

Diana was my first real friend. After college, she moved back to her hometown, and we drifted apart. I was too ashamed of my toxic life to keep in touch. When she mailed me a wedding invitation, I ghosted her.

She had been hurt, but she still mailed me the bridesmaid gift.

I remembered opening the box. There was a handwritten card inside. I hope Sadie is always happy.

I had ripped it into pieces and thrown it in the trash.

Eric had watched me do it, his eyes full of disbelief. "Why do you destroy everyone who tries to care about you?"

"She's not my friend," I had spat back. "I don't have friends."

Later that night, I caught him taping the shredded card back together. He left it on my desk. Ironically, when I packed up my life before I died, that taped-up card was the one thing I made sure to take with me.

"Diana," I said softly from the bed. "I'm sorry."

She walked over and pressed the back of her hand to my forehead. "Are you running a fever? What are you apologizing for?"

I just shook my head.

When we got to the clinic, the receptionist recognized Diana's name and waved us right back to Dr. Bennett's office.

The door was cracked open. Diana, being Diana, immediately hunched over and peeked inside.

I reached out to pull her back, but she gasped. "Is that Eric? What is he doing here?"

I leaned in. Through the gap, I could see the sharp, familiar slope of his shoulders.

"It's him," I breathed.

"You sure?" Diana whispered.

Then his low, strained voice drifted into the hallway. "If she has severe control issues... if she constantly lashes out, and sometimes hurts herself... what kind of medication does she need?"

Dr. Bennett sighed. "Eric, I've told you. I cannot prescribe anything without evaluating the patient in person."

Eric slumped in his chair. He looked utterly defeated. "She won't come."

The doctor gave him a sympathetic look. "Who is she to you?"

Eric was quiet for a long time.

"She's my girlfriend."

Diana's jaw dropped. She turned to me and mouthed, He has a girlfriend.

The conversation wrapped up, and Eric stood to leave. I grabbed Diana by the sleeve and yanked her into the nearest stairwell.

Through the heavy fire door window, I watched Eric walk past. The grief in his eyes was suffocating.

Who was he talking about? Me?

But he didn't even know me in this timeline. Not really.

"Come on," I said, my voice shaking slightly. "It's our turn."

Diana shoved me into the office and shut the door behind me.

Dr. Bennett was warm. She promised today was just about getting to know each other, though we might eventually have to unpack some ugly boxes.

By the time I walked out, it was past noon. Diana knew I was broke, so she dragged me back to the campus dining hall, insisting it was her treat.

We had just sat down when my phone rang. It was my academic advisor. She demanded I come to the administration building immediately.

"What's wrong?" Diana asked, seeing my face drop.

"I don't know." I rarely got called to the office, let alone with that kind of urgency.

Diana grabbed my hand. "I'm coming with you. Don't panic."

My anxiety spiked instantly. I was so used to waiting for the other shoe to drop.

When we reached the office, the door was open. I heard a voice that made my blood run cold.

"Look what she did to my husband! Do you have any idea how much this has cost our family? And she gets to sit pretty in a fancy university while he's rotting in a bed!"

The advisor was trying desperately to calm her down.

Diana's eyes went wide. "Are they talking about you?"

I let go of Diana's hand and stepped into the room.

There she was. Aunt Brenda.

And lying in a specialized wheelchair next to her, completely paralyzed, was her husband. Uncle Richard.

"Sadie, you're here. What is the meaning of this?" My advisor rushed over, practically shielding me with her body.

"She's right about one thing," I said, staring dead at Brenda. I couldn't stop a dark, twisted smile from spreading across my face. "My only mistake was not hitting him hard enough to finish the job."

If only I hadn't been half-starved back then. I would've had the strength to cave his skull in completely.

My advisor grabbed my arm. "Sadie, what are you saying?"

I turned to her, letting the tears fall right on cue. "I was thirteen years old. Hemy uncletried to force himself on me."

Richard's eyes bulged, bloodshot and manic. He couldn't move anything below his neck, but his jaw worked furiously. Saliva sprayed from his lips as he made guttural, choking sounds, trying to deny it.

"Are you running a school for criminals?" Brenda shrieked. "She's a psycho! She tried to murder him!"

"Who's a murderer?" a voice cut in from the doorway.

Eric stepped into the room. I had no idea how long he had been standing in the hall. He walked right up and stood beside me. His voice was steady and loud enough for everyone to hear.

"I only see a brave girl who defended herself against a predator."