The Absurd Husband

My husband has selective hearing.
If I ask him to take in the laundry, he doesn't hear me. If I ask him to do the dishes, he doesn't hear me.
When I finally scream at him in frustration, he just watches me silently, letting me lose my mind.
Then, he never fails to add, I never said I wouldn't do it. What are you freaking out about?
I've finally had enough. I'm tired. So, I started to play his game, developing a selective hearing of my own.
And this time, the one who's going crazy is him.

1
After dinner, I took our son, Leo, for his bath.
On my way to the bathroom, I specifically told my husband, Addison, to remember to do the dishes.
He was glued to his phone and grunted an "uh-huh" without even looking up.
But when I came out of the bathroom after getting Leo washed and ready for bed, the dinner table was still a disaster zone.
Addison was sprawled on the sofa, scrolling through his phone, letting out little snorts of laughter every now and then.
"Addison, didn't I ask you to do the dishes?" I asked, my voice tight as I fought to keep my anger in check.
He still didn't look up, his fingers flying across the screen. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Don't rush me."
Since he said that, I couldn't really press the issue.
After I tucked Leo into bed, I came back out to the living room. The dirty dishes were still sitting on the table, untouched.
I glanced at Addison, who was still lost in his phone on the sofa, and thought, Hes a grown man. He shouldn't need me to ask him three or four times to do a simple task.
If I kept nagging, it might just make him dig his heels in even more.
Swallowing the words that were about to burst out, I went back to our room and went to sleep.
The next morning, I got up to make breakfast, only to find yesterday's dishes exactly where Id left them.
Grease had congealed into a sticky, disgusting film on the table. After sitting out all night, it was hard and nauseating to scrub off.
I remembered how Id reminded him again and again last night to clean the table and do the dishes. And what did he do? He played on his phone from six o'clock until God knows when before finally stumbling into bed.
Time for his phone, but no time for the dishes.
A hot fury surged through me.
I cleaned the table, washed the dishes, and then made breakfast.
By the time Addison got up, I was already eating.
"Oh," he said, feigning surprise. "There's breakfast?"
He sat down across from me without another word and started digging in.
"Addison." I took a deep breath, trying to force down the inferno in my chest. "Didn't I remind you twice yesterday to do the dishes? But when I got up this morning, they hadn't moved an inch."
Addison didn't say anything, just kept eating.
I slammed my fork down on the table and glared at him.
Sensing my anger, he finally looked up with a sheepish grin. "Oh, wow, I just forgot. Look at you, getting all worked up."
"Don't worry," he added, his tone far too cheerful. "I'll get them next time. I promise!"
Looking at his smug, carefree face, a profound sense of helplessness washed over me.

2
After breakfast, I got up to wake Leo.
As I left the table, I told Addison to take the clothes out of the washing machine and hang them up to dry.
This time, he nodded enthusiastically. "Mission accepted."
I figured that after what happened yesterday, and with me having just lost my temper, he'd actually do it. It wasn't even a big dealjust a few items of clothing. It would take him five minutes, tops.
I got Leo dressed and ready, and without even checking the laundry, I took him out the door.
I dropped Leo off at daycare, then headed to work.
When I got home that evening, I glanced instinctively toward the balcony. Seeing no clothes hanging there, my stomach dropped.
I rushed over and threw open the lid of the washing machine. Just as I'd feared, this morning's load of laundry was still sitting there in a damp, crumpled heap.
After being sealed in the machine all day, a sour, mildewy smell hit me.
There was nothing for it. I had to wash them all over again.
The moment Addison got home, he flopped onto the sofa and pulled out his phone.
Our living room connects to the balcony, and the washing machine isn't exactly quiet, but he acted as if he couldn't hear a thing.
When the machine beeped, signaling the end of the cycle, I shouted from the kitchen.
"Addison, the laundry's done! Go hang it up!"
Silence.
I poked my head out of the kitchen and called out again, louder this time.
"Addison, hang up the laundry!"
Still nothing.
Clutching my spatula, I stormed over to the sofa and kicked his foot.
He slowly tore his eyes away from his phone, his expression full of annoyance.
"I heard you, I heard you."
"I heard you the first time."
"It's just hanging up some clothes. I'll get to it."
That was it. I exploded.
"You'll get to it? Didn't I ask you to do it this morning before I left? Did you do it then?"
"I came home to find the clothes still in the washer, and they stank! Do you have any idea?"
Addison just clicked his tongue. "So I forgot. You just wash them again. Its not a big deal. I don't know what you're so mad about."
His casual, dismissive attitude made me feel like I was the one making a big deal out of nothing.
I repeated myself one last time, my voice steely. "Remember to hang the clothes. I'm going back to cook."

3
Addison didn't respond.
I went back to the kitchen to finish dinner.
By the time I brought the food out, the clothes were still not hung up.
Addison wasn't on the sofa. I glanced around and saw the bathroom door was closed.
Great. He was in the bathroom.
I was done waiting for him. I went and hung the laundry myself.
When Addison came out of the bathroom, the clothes were already drying on the line.
He shot me a smirk but said nothing as he sat down at the table and started to eat.
The sound from his video clips was blasting, the noise filling the small apartment as he ate and watched.
Leo is only three, at that age where hes curious about everything.
He saw Addison eating with his phone and looked at me.
"Mommy, why can Daddy watch his phone while he eats, but I can't?"
I know the best way to teach a child is by example.
So I said quietly, "Addison, can you just eat your dinner? Put the phone away."
Addison didn't react, his thumb continuing to scroll.
I raised my voice. "Addison, put the phone away."
Still no response.
I took a sharp breath and yelled, my voice ringing through the room.
"Are you listening to me? Did you hear what I said?"
"Put the phone away and eat your dinner!"
Addison rolled his eyes at me, his face a mask of irritation. "I know, I know! God, you talk so much. You sound just like my mother."
He sneered. "Chloe, you're not that old. Don't go into early menopause on me."
I felt like I was going to explode.
Ask him to do one simple thing, and he drags his feet.
Talk to him, and it takes three tries before he even acknowledges me.
Is he deaf? Are his legs broken?
Or is there something wrong with his brain?

4
I didn't want to fight in front of our son.
So I tried to reason with him.
"You're eating and playing on your phone, and Leo is watching you. He's going to copy everything you do."
Addison was completely unbothered.
"He can eat and play on his phone too. I'm not stopping him."
A firestorm of rage was building inside me, but I had nowhere to direct it.
"Addison, do you hear yourself?"
"He's three years old! You want him to pick up bad habits like this? What happens later?"
Addison just shrugged. "Well, he's not gonna starve."
I couldn't stand to say another word to him.
I fed Leo his dinner, and only then did I start to eat my own.
After Addison finished, he went right back to his phone.
"Addison, go give Leo his bath."
My plan was that while he bathed Leo, I could clean up the kitchen, and then I could read Leo a few stories before putting him to bed.
Addison was still glued to his phone, laughing so hard his eyes disappeared into slits, but he didn't answer me.
I kicked him again, and he finally looked up at me.
"What!" he snapped, his voice dripping with impatience.
"I said, go give your son a bath! Are you deaf?"
Addison let out an annoyed "tsk." "Alright, alright. I got it."
"So much nagging."
I finished my dinner and went to do the dishes.
When I came out of the kitchen, I found Addison lying in our bed playing on his phone, while Leo sat on the floor watching TV.
The bath was still not done.
"Addison, I asked you to give Leo a bath. When exactly were you planning on doing it?"
He didn't answer, just shifted his position on the bed, his eyes never leaving his phone.
I was so tired.
So incredibly tired.
And in that moment, I finally understood. It wasn't that he couldn't hear me. He was pretending not to.
Because he knew that if he just played dumb, played deaf, eventually I'd get fed up and do it myself.
I couldn't understand it. His mom had only been gone for three days. How did Addison turn into this person?

5
Addison and I met and fell in love on our own.
We'd been dating for over a year when I got pregnant unexpectedly, so we got married.
At the time, I had a good job and was on the fast track for a promotion.
I didn't want to quit because of the baby, so Addison asked his mom to come and help.
My mother-in-law was a wonderful woman. When I was recovering from childbirth, she cooked me four different meals a day, never repeating a dish. She took amazing care of Leo, and I barely had to lift a finger.
This year, Leo turned three and started preschool.
His mom said she wanted to go back to her hometown; she wasn't used to the big city.
Honestly, I was sad to see her go. Her being here made our lives so much easier. But if she wanted to leave, I couldn't stop her, so I agreed.
I had forgotten that when his mom was around, Addison wouldn't even get his own plate of food. She would serve him and bring it to him at the table.
When had he ever done a single chore?
So now that she was gone, he just assumed life would continue as it always had, with him being waited on hand and foot.
But a good home requires effort from both people.
When one person does too much, they're bound to break.
I decided it was time Addison got a taste of his own selective hearing.

6
I took Leo, gave him a bath, read him a picture book, and tucked him in for the night.
The next day, I made breakfast just for Leo and me.
After we ate, I woke Leo up and had him get ready.
When Addison finally emerged from the bedroom, he found the kitchen empty.
He asked me, "Where's breakfast?"
I didn't answer him, just focused on packing Leo's school bag.
Addison asked again, his voice a little louder. "Where's breakfast?"
I just said, "Oh, we already ate."
"You didn't make any for me?" Addison sounded annoyed.
I shrugged. "You never asked me to."
"You!"
Addison was so angry he just stormed out, slamming the door behind him.
Ha. He couldn't handle that?
This was just the beginning.
That evening, Addison said he had a work dinner and wouldn't be home.
I was perfectly happy with that. I picked Leo up from preschool and took him out for dinner. We even went to an indoor playground. By the time we got home, I gave him a quick bath, and he was so exhausted he fell asleep without me even having to read him a story.
The third day, at breakfast, I once again told Addison to remember to hang up the laundry.
I knew he wouldn't do it, so I only put his clothes in the washing machine. Leo's and my clothes had been washed and dried the night before.
Sure enough, Addison didn't hang up the laundry.
When I got home from work, his clothes were still sitting in the washing machine.
I didn't touch them. They were his clothes, not mine. If he couldn't be bothered to hang up his own clothes, why should I do it for him?
It wasn't until the next morning that Addison realized he had nothing clean to wear.
His company requires a uniform for work. He has two sets. One was still sitting in the washer, and the other, which he wore yesterday, was already starting to smell.
"Chloe, why didn't you hang up my clothes?" he asked, his voice laced with anger.
I raised an eyebrow. "Didn't I ask you to hang them up yesterday morning? You didn't do it?"
Addison was speechless. He must have assumed that, like last time, I would see the unhung laundry, rewash it, and hang it up for him.
He never expected that I would stop enabling him, that I'd just let his clothes sit in the washing machine for a day and a night.
When Addison finally pulled the clothes out, the stench almost knocked him over.
"Chloe, did you do this on purpose?"
"Last time I forgot to hang the laundry, you noticed right away. This time, you deliberately let my clothes sit in there all day, didn't you?"
I'd never met anyone so shameless.
"And you," I shot back, "did you deliberately not hang them up?"
"You figured that if you didn't do it, I would, so you just decided not to bother."
Knowing he was in the wrong, Addison could only pull on yesterday's dirty uniform and head to work.

7
I thought after these last couple of days, Addison might finally learn his lesson.
But then, I overheard a conversation between Addison and one of his buddies.
"Man, I'm so over it. It's just a bunch of little things, and she's constantly on my case about it."
"If she cooks, I have to do the dishes."
"If she does the dishes, I have to give our son a bath."
"If she puts the laundry in, I have to hang it up."
"Why?"
"It's such a small thing, does it really have to be me? Can't she just do it herself?"
"When my mom was here, she never asked me to do a single thing!"
I couldn't hear what his friend said on the other end, but whatever it was, it just made Addison angrier.
"You think I haven't tried that?"
"I used to just drag my feet. Not do the dishes, not hang the laundry."
"And you know what happened?"
"She stopped making me dinner. She only washes her own clothes and Leo's."
"I'm serious, man. I'm so done."
"If she hadn't gotten pregnant, you think I would've married her?"
"I must've been cursed to end up with her!"
I stood just outside the study door, hearing every single word of his rant.
My fists clenched so tight my knuckles turned white.
So that was it. The only reason he married me was because I was pregnant.
And I was foolish enough to think it was for love.
Especially with his mom being so wonderful, we never had any of the typical mother-in-law drama.
So I just assumed that my relationship with my husband was fine, too.
I never imagined this is how Addison truly felt about me.
The truth is, he knew exactly what he was doing all along. He was doing it on purpose.
If he despises me that much... then maybe it's time to let go.

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