Too Late to Regret: I Was Just Your Substitute Wife

I was Julians first love.

But after years of marriage, he started looking for younger girls who looked just like me.

When the car crash happened, Julians first instinct was to shield me with his body.

Outside the emergency room, someone sighed emotionally, An instinctive reaction like that doesnt lie. Thats true love. I believe in love again.

I could only smile bitterly. What they didn't know was that Julian and I had been sleeping in separate bedrooms for years.

Even when I swallowed my pride and crawled into his bed at night, he would only look at me with cold indifference.

"Sorry, Elena. I'm too tired. I'm not in the mood," he would say, brushing me off.

But on my birthday, the very day he claimed he was too busy with work, I saw him with my own eyeskissing a young girl in the middle of a shopping mall.

When I finally made up my mind to walk away, his eyes turned red, and he growled at me:

"Elena, you never loved me. I was just a substitute for him, wasn't I?"

I discovered Julians secret in the fifth year of our marriage.

My birthday party was supposed to be held at our estate in the suburbs. I put on my new pink dress, walked up to Julian, and asked him how I looked.

Julian was smiling at his phone, texting someone. Hearing my voice, he looked up and spared me a casual glance.

"Pink doesn't suit you. Don't wear it again."

I froze. A suffocating pain pierced my chest.

I was seven years older than Julian, and I was no longer young.

No matter how much money I spent on skincare, fine lines were starting to creep up under my eyes. My body was losing the firm youthfulness it once had.

I didn't even know when it started, but Julian and I had become a "separate bedroom" couple.

Even when I just wanted a simple goodnight kiss, he would turn his head away impatiently.

But Julian never used to be like this.

The old Julian loved me with everything he had. I was his entire world.

He would look at me with the gentlest eyes, telling me I was the most beautiful woman in the world. He would drive across the entire city of New York just to buy me my favorite sandwich.

I clenched my fists, looking at the mocking expression on his face. Panic surged deep within me.

I parted my lips, desperate to ask him.

To ask him if he still loved me.

Before I could speak, Julian stood up and prepared to leave the bedroom.

"Theres an emergency meeting at the office. I won't be able to make it to your birthday dinner tonight."

I grabbed the sleeve of his shirt.

He pulled his arm back sharply, his voice laced with annoyance. "Can you stop being so needy for once?"

Three years ago, Julian would have canceled a multi-million-dollar deal just to spend my birthday with me.

Now, he just brushed me off and told me to grow up.

I stared blankly at his cold, impatient face.

After a long silence, he sighed and patted my head.

"I'll come back to celebrate with you as soon as the meeting is over."

I watched his retreating back in silence, slowly lowering my eyes.

I used to ask Julian silly questions.

I would grab his sleeve and ask, "Would you still love me if I turned into an ugly bug? What if I turned into a tiger?"

Every single time, Julian would look at me tenderly and say, "No matter what you become, Elena, I will always love you."

Back then, I was sure of his love.

But now, I didn't even dare to ask him if he still loved me.

The birthday party was canceled. I sat alone in the dining room, staring at the cake on the table.

In moments like this, I desperately wanted someone to be with me.

But back when I chose to be with Julian, I had a massive falling out with my family. My parents refused to see me.

After we got married, Julian kept me in his mansion. I quit my job and became a full-time housewife.

My old friends had gradually drifted away. Now, besides Julian, I couldn't find a single person to talk to.

With trembling fingers, I placed the candles on the cake and made a quiet wish in my heart.

"I hope Mom and Dad stay healthy."

"And finally, happy birthday to me."

I blew out the candles in one breath, wiped away my tears, and scooped a dollop of frosting into my mouth. The cream was too sweetso sweet that it tasted bitter.

After we married, Julian gave me a credit card and deposited a large sum of money into it every month.

But because I had made successful investments before our marriage, I had never touched his card.

Today, I decided to use his card to buy myself a designer bag as a birthday gift from him.

Since our driver was on leave, I had to take a cab to the mall.

Just as I paid the driver and prepared to get out, a familiar black Bentley pulled up a few yards away.

The door opened, and Julian stepped out, a soft smile playing on his lips.

My heart skipped a beat. Was he lying about the emergency meeting just to surprise me with a birthday gift?

He used to do things like this all the time. He would pretend he couldn't make it, let me cry my eyes out, and then show up with flowers and gifts to wipe away my tears.

He would say he just wanted to surprise me, and I would make him promise never to lie to me again.

Back then, his eyes were full of love and tenderness. Was he doing it again?

I smiled and made a face at him through the window.

Just as I was about to roll down the window to tell him his little game was up, a young, pretty girl suddenly threw herself into his arms.

"Do you have any idea how long Ive been waiting for you?" she whined cutely.

Julian looked down at her, his eyes filled with a tenderness I hadn't seen in years. He whispered something in her ear.

The girl blushed, tapping his chest playfully. "Be serious!"

Julian chuckled, caught her wrist, and planted a soft, lingering kiss on her forehead.

"I'll always be here for you," he murmured.

They held each other tightly under the setting sun, looking like the perfect, madly-in-love couple.

Julian had said those exact words to me once.

It was the year I turned twenty-five.

Jamess surgery had failed. In the middle of the night, I was wandering aimlessly down the cold streets of New York.

Julian threw his jacket over my shoulders and followed me silently for blocks.

Only when I broke down, having nowhere left to go, did he pull me into his arms. His voice was incredibly gentle.

"Elena, I will always be here for you."

Julian was only eighteen that year. His love was fierce, raw, and honest.

Whenever I rejected him, he would just kiss me anyway, forcing his way into my life with an unstoppable passion.

A light rain started to fall in the evening.

When Julian came home, I was standing in front of the mirror, analyzing every inch of my face.

My eyes were still bright, my skin fair, my lips rosy.

But age doesn't lie. I knew I was no longer young. I had lost that vibrant spark.

I looked like a dead, stagnant lake.

A warm, large hand suddenly wrapped around my waist. Julian leaned down and hugged me from behind. "Why are you crying?" he asked, surprised.

I lowered my eyes, my voice flat. "I accidentally poked my eye while removing my makeup."

Julian let out a soft laugh, turned me around, and carefully examined my face. He gently rubbed my eyelid with his thumb.

"Still so clumsy."

Feeling the warmth of his thumb, I looked at him through my tear-filled eyes and asked quietly, "Do you still love me?"

His hand froze, then slowly pulled away. Julian leaned against the bathroom doorframe, his expression unreadable. "Why are you asking that?"

I stood there, still clutching the edge of his sleeve, staring at him.

After a long pause, he sighed, wiped the tears from my face, and carried me out of the bathroom.

"You're a grown woman. Why do you still need to be coddled like a little girl?"

Before going to sleep, Julian brushed my hair aside and put a necklace around my neck. "Happy birthday, Elena."

I clenched my fists under the blanket, forcing my voice to sound calm.

"Your meeting ran really late today. Did everything go well?"

Julian paused for a second before replying smoothly, "Yes."

I stared at his back as he turned away from me. "It's late. Go to sleep."

My eyes remained open all night.

Only after I was sure Julian was fast asleep did I sit up. I quietly took his phone from the nightstand and unlocked it.

A long time ago, Julian had registered my fingerprint on his phone.

We had dated for two years and been married for five. I trusted him completely and had never once checked his phone.

Perhaps because of that trust, Julian had no guard up against me. His Snapchat was filled with flirty, intimate messages with that young girl.

Her name was Chloe, a new intern at his company. He had saved her contact name as "Sweet."

When Chloe complained about her long commute from her cheap apartment, Julian immediately rented a luxury high-rise apartment for her right next to the office.

He even went furniture shopping with her.

Pink bedsheets, a bright yellow sofa, even the kitchen platesthey had built a sweet little love nest together, piece by piece.

My fingers trembled as I scrolled down.

Before Julian came home tonight, Chloe had sent him a picture. She was wearing a pink topaz necklace around her delicate collarbone.

I love pink. Only old women wear that tacky blue tourmaline.

Julians reply: You're right. You're the prettiest. You look way better than any gemstone.

I reached up and gripped the blue tourmaline necklace hanging around my neck. I felt like I was drowning in the deep ocean, suffocating.

My tears dripped onto the screen. I wiped them away and kept scrolling.

It turned out that six months ago, Julian had taken Chloe to Paris.

They had held hands and carved "I love you" on a wall in Montmartre.

Their last messages were from right before he came home. Chloe had demanded impatiently:

When are you going to divorce that old woman?

I hate sharing you. The thought of you being in the same house as her makes me sick.

Julians reply was short: I'll handle it soon.

Looking at the cute emojis he used, I felt a wave of misery. Since when did the cold, mature Julian start using such childish emojis?

Julian had also sent Chloe a thirty-three-second voice note. I transcribed it to read:

"Sweet, don't be sad. I love you, and I'm yours. We have a lifetime ahead of us. Don't worry about the obstacles right now. I'll handle everything and come to you."