He Burned My World For His First Love

After my grad school application failed, my hands started shaking. My stomach burned with a constant, dull ache, and I couldn't sleep for weeks.

My boyfriend, Julian, told me I just needed to stay busy. He pushed me to apply for jobs.

I lost twenty pounds before I finally landed an offer.

But the night before my first day, Julian gave my job opportunity to his first love, Emily.

"If Emilys parents hadn't given me the seed money for my startup, Id still be broke," Julian reasoned. "I would've never been able to help pay for your college tuition."

"We both owe her. Just let her have this one, Georgina."

From that day on, my emotions spiraled completely out of control.

Sometimes I would laugh hysterically for no reason; other times I would sob until I couldn't breathe.

Later, I picked up my paintbrushes again. Only when I buried myself in colors did I feel like I was actually alive.

Today, Julian walked up to me again, his face cold.

"I called you for dinner three times. You ignored me every single time."

The noise in my ears began to screech.

My chest tightened. I habitually reached out to grab my brush and paintbox, but my hands met empty air.

He looked at me with an annoyed sigh.

"Looking for that trash again? I threw it out. I burned your paintings too."

"Emily is the employee of the month now. She just won first place in sales, and she needs space for her trophy. Shell throw a fit if there's no room."

"Don't be so dramatic. Once I'm done with this busy season, I'll take you on a trip."

With trembling hands, I pulled open the cabinet. There were only faint stains of acrylic paint left. It was completely empty.

Three years. Over a thousand paintings. All gone.

At that moment, I felt something deep inside my soul die.

"Why do you look so awful?"

Everything around me felt like it had been blurred a thousand times. I hesitated for a long time, only snapping out of it when Julian called my name for the third time.

I forced a smile that felt more like a cry. "Oh. What's wrong?"

Julian frowned and reached out to touch my forehead. "Well, at least you don't have a fever."

"The doctor told you to get out more. You just lock yourself in the house all day painting, and your depression isn't getting any better."

I opened my mouth, but my throat felt like it was stuffed with wet cotton.

So you burned my only lifeline in the name of 'helping me'?

"Look at Emily. She never overthinks things. Thats why shes always happy."

"Cheerful girls always have good luck. You're just too timid and weak."

A bitter wave washed over my heart.

Someone like Julian, who had always sailed smoothly through life, would never understand.

Without a loving family or a healthy body, how hard it was for someone like me to just survive.

Seeing my eyes turn red, he threw his hands up in defeat.

"Fine, fine. My bad. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"Anyway, some friends and Emily are coming over for dinner tonight. A crowded house will be good for you."

After all these years together, Julian never remembered that I loved quiet. He never cared that I hated when he brought strangers into our home.

Or maybe he did remember. He just didn't care about me enough to bother.

I opened my closet and picked out a faded dress.

It was the most decent piece of clothing I owned.

The doorbell rang, and plates of food were brought to the table.

Emily, wearing the latest designer dress, sat right next to Julian at the head of the table.

She laughed as she stabbed a wing with her fork. "These spicy Buffalo wings are amazing!"

I sat in the farthest corner, quietly chewing on a small piece of dry bread.

I was severely allergic to spicy food. Julian knew this from the day we met.

Yet, for Emily, he still made a whole table of spicy dishes.

After a few drinks, the conversation turned casual.

"Emily is such an overachiever. She had straight A's in college, and now shes killing it at work."

"Shes already so successful, yet she still works so hard. How are ordinary people like us supposed to compete?"

Emily smiled, raising her glass in mock modesty.

"You guys are exaggerating. I just got lucky."

My heart was ripped to shreds. That job was supposed to be mine.

Emily and Julian had literally stolen my life.

"By the way, how is Georgina doing lately?"

Emily suddenly looked at me, the mockery in her eyes barely concealed.

"I remember back in school, your grades were always at the top of the class too."

Dozens of eyes focused on me like burning magnifying glasses.

My mind went completely blank. "I... I..."

Julian took over the conversation with a sigh. "Georgina is just resting at home. Shes sick."

He went into the kitchen and brought out a small plate, pushing it toward me.

"I made baked potatoes just for you. No spice. Eat up."

Before I could even take a bite, I heard him sigh.

"She worked so hard to get into a good college, but now she just lies around all day. I even have to bring her food to her face."

"She used to be so full of life. Now... I feel sorry for her."

Emily let out a dramatic, pitying sigh, her eyes lingering on my faded collar.

"I remember Georgina used to love dressing up. Why are you dressed so... simple now?"

Julian looked over, his voice laced with annoyance.

"Seriously. Don't I give you enough allowance every month? Why don't you take care of yourself?"

Before my condition got this bad, I had wanted to buy a new dress with the money I saved from my freelance work.

But Julian had only given me a cold look.

"You don't even go out. There's no point in buying pretty clothes. Save the money. Well need it later."

And now, he was embarrassed by me.

My stomach churned violently. I grabbed my stomach and stood up abruptly.

"I don't feel well. Excuse me."

The dining room immediately filled with whispers.

"Is that the scholarship girl, Georgina? I heard she used to be the star student."

"Life is cruel. Such a bright girl, ending up like this."

Someone looked at Julian, trying to be kind.

"Georgina must be really anxious. Julian, you should comfort her more. Make her happy."

"Yeah, the job market is brutal right now. Just let her rest for a while..."

Julian frowned, slamming his fork onto his plate.

"What? You guys think I'm treating her badly?"

"No, thats not what we meant"

He took a gulp of wine, his face darkening.

"Since Georgina lost her job, she's been home. I'm the one taking care of her, paying her medical bills, and taking her on trips to clear her head."

"I know how to love my wife. I don't need you guys to tell me what to do."

"Today is Emilys celebration dinner. Let's not talk about other things."

Even strangers could see my worth and understand my pain, but Julian couldn't.

I let out a bitter laugh and closed my bedroom door.

The laughter and noise from outside slowly swallowed me whole.

When I opened my eyes again, Julian was shaking me awake.

He snatched the pill bottle from my nightstand, shaking it. When he felt how light it was, his face turned pale with rage.

"How many times do I have to tell you? Do not take this many sleeping pills at once!"

"Do you really not care about your life at all?!"

The angrier he got, the harder he kicked the nightstand.

"You want to die that badly? Do you really think my heart won't break?!"

In all our years together, I had rarely seen him lose control like this.

It felt like my childhood all over againbeing screamed at, being helpless.

My vision blurred, my body shook uncontrollably, and I couldn't squeeze out a single word.

Seeing me like this, Julian seemed to realize his mistake. "I'm sorry, Georgina. I shouldn't have yelled at you."

He went to the kitchen. Half an hour later, he came back with a steaming bowl of chicken noodle soup.

"This is your favorite. Eat slowly."

He blew on a spoonful of soup to cool it down, then fed it to me.

"I was just so worried about you. Your health has been so bad, and taking that many pills... I was scared..."

Looking at the guilt on his face, my heart ached with a dull pain.

Julian's love was like a wet wool coat. Wearing it made me freeze, but taking it off made me cold.

I swallowed the soup, but I couldn't taste a thing.

"I'm fine. There were just too many people yesterday. I wanted a good night's sleep."

He pulled me into a tight hug.

"Emily was spoiled growing up, she doesn't think before she speaks. I apologize for her."

"Tomorrow, once I wrap up my work, I'll take you on a trip. Just the two of us. We'll relax."

The next day, after we got off the plane, Julian covered my eyes. He said he was taking me to a beautiful place.

My memories drifted back to the past.

In college, he used to do this too. He was always bringing me good food and little gifts, giving me surprises.

But when he took off the blindfold and I saw what was in front of me, my excitement shattered.

"Georgina, don't you love roses?"

"We made it just in time for the rose valley bloom. This will make you happy, right?"

I let out a hollow laugh.

"Julian, weve been together for so many years. Have you ever once bought me a rose?"

He froze.

I was allergic to roses. The one who loved roses was Emily.

"I'm sorry. I forgot."

He scrambled to explain, but I didn't have the energy to listen.

That suffocating, familiar wave of panic rushed over me again.

My chest felt like it was being squeezed by a giant fist.

Julian reached out to hold me, but his phone rang.

"Julian? I saw your Instagram post. Are you in town too?"

He instantly pulled his hand back, his voice turning professional and polite.

"Yes, Mr. Wilson. If you're free, can I buy you lunch?"

"Sure. I have a new project coming up, and I was thinking of giving it to you."

"Let's meet at the downtown cafe at three this afternoon."

Then, the voice on the other end changed its tone.

"By the way, how is that sick wife of yours?"

"You used to take so much time off work just to nurse her."

"Take it from me, Julian. Emotional men don't make it far in business. A burden like that... you should drop her when you need to."

Julian shot me a frustrated look.

"Yeah, she is a drag. But what can I do? I love her, so I spoil her."

My brain was buzzing.

In everyone's eyes, because I was sick, I was a burden, a piece of societal trash.

But no one saw how hard I tried to exercise every day, how much I read, how hard I tried to keep up.

My entire struggle against my fate meant nothing to them. To Julian, it was a joke.

All my bottled-up emotions exploded. I spoke up, my voice shaking.

"Mr. Wilson, you might be a successful businessman, but that doesn't give you the right to erase my hard work or show off your superiority over someone who is sick."

Julian grabbed my shoulder hard.

"What the hell is wrong with you? This is my client! Apologize to Mr. Wilson right now!"

"Mr. Wilson, I'm so sorry. She has mental issues, please don't mind her..."

I wiped my tears and looked straight at Julian.

"Julian, I have a mental illness, but that doesn't mean I am useless."

"You work hard every day, but I've been running my online shop and doing freelance work too."

"I am contributing to our home!"

"Why do you have to call me a burden?"

The man on the other end of the line lost his patience.

"Forget it, Julian. You can't even manage your own wife. Don't bother showing up for this project."

"You two can sort out your own mess. Don't come this afternoon."

Julian tried to speak, but the call went dead.

His eyes were terrifyingly red. He suddenly pushed me away with immense force.

When I fell to the ground, he panicked and reached out to help me, but I flinched away.

My knees were scraped, and blood was oozing out.

But the pain in my chest was ten thousand times worse than my knees.

Julian's chest heaved. He finally pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Do you have any idea how many all-nighters I pulled for this project? How much overtime I worked? And you ruined it with one sentence."

He pointed at me, his voice piercing my ears.

"Who hasn't struggled? Emily drank three cups of coffee a day during exams. I lived on instant ramen when I started my business."

"Why didn't we get depressed? You're just drama!"

"Don't try to scare me with suicide anymore. Next time you want to die, do it somewhere else. Don't dirty my house!"

After that, Julian and I entered a cold war.

He came home very late every day. He went straight to the study without even looking at me.

On the coffee table in the living room lay a credit card. That was my monthly allowance.

Other than that, we lived in two different worlds. No connection.

Two weeks later, he stopped coming home altogether.

During those days, my headaches grew worse. When people spoke, it sounded like they were shouting through thick glass. I even started forgetting what I had just read.

A few times, I wandered to abandoned buildings, half-conscious, wanting to just jump and end it all.

The day I stood outside the safety railing, a black-and-white stray cat ran over. It wrapped its tail around my leg.

I thought, Maybe it doesn't want me to die.

So, I brought it home. I named him Phoenix.

With Phoenix around, the days didn't seem so unbearable.

One day, Emily showed up at our house again.

"Julian has been in a horrible mood lately."

"He won't even reply to my texts. Did your pathetic, depressing self do this to him?"

I ignored her insults and kept stroking Phoenix's fur.

She suddenly leaned in closer.

"Have you ever wondered why you've tried everything for years but could never get pregnant?"

"The supplements Julian gives you every month? They're birth control pills. He's terrified you'll pass your crazy genes down to a kid."

My head went numb. I instinctively snapped back, "That's impossible. Julian loves kids. Stop trying to mess with my head."

"Impossible? If you don't believe me, go to the hospital and get tested. See if you can ever have kids in this lifetime."

The last bit of my self-delusion shattered.

Seeing my pale face, Emily smiled triumphantly.

"What was the point of getting good grades in school, Georgina?"

"You're still a nobody. Living like a piece of trash."

Before she could say another word, Phoenix suddenly pounced on her.

"Get off me, you filthy beast!"

Emily screamed, clutching her bleeding arm.

Just as I picked Phoenix up, Julian walked through the door.

He had a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a grocery bag in the other.

Emily immediately threw herself into his arms, sobbing.

"I was worried Georgina was depressed. I came to check on her, but she let her stray cat attack me!"

"What if I get rabies?!"

Julian already hated pets. Hearing this, his face darkened instantly. He snatched Phoenix out of my arms.

"Georgina, I came back hoping to make things up to you."

"I didn't realize you were this malicious. I am completely done with you."

"No wonder you failed your grad school application. People like you deserve to fail!"

He raised Phoenix high above his head and threw him hard against the floor.

A sickening splash of red and a sharp, choked cry exploded in front of my eyes.

I watched Phoenix twitch, his little body slowly going completely still.

It felt like my last thread of connection to this world had snapped.

I stood frozen for a few seconds. Then, a huge rush of warm blood poured from my mouth.

Before I lost consciousness, I saw Julian rushing toward me in a panic.

"Georgina! Georgina, what's wrong?!"

"Call 911! Now!"

When I woke up again, I was in the hospital. The whispered conversations around me made me feel like I was buried in ice.

"She actually woke up. How does someone like that still have the nerve to live?"

"Exactly. Real mental illness isn't like this. Shes just faking it for sympathy. It's disgusting."

With shaking hands, I pulled my phone from my pocket. It took three tries to type my passcode.

I opened Instagram.

#Abuser Georgina#

#Faking Depression As A Fashion Trend#

#Bipolar Or Just Evil#

Several tags were trending.

I clicked on the top post.

Emily had posted my photo with a long caption.

"This is my high school classmate, Georgina. She has always been paranoid and hostile."

"Lately, her behavior has been extreme. She abused her pet cat and drove her husband out of the house."

"She claims she has bipolar disorder because she failed her exams, but we all know she's just a toxic person."

The attached photo was Phoenix lying in a pool of blood. The comment section had thousands of replies.

"She's giving actual depressed people a bad name. Can she just die?"

"How could she do that to a cute little cat? Monster!"

I wanted to defend myself, but my hands shook so badly I couldn't even type.

The screen blurred. Everything around me felt stretched out.

What finally snapped me back to reality was a medical chart being slammed onto my bed.

"Dr. Lucas, please calm down. Don't waste your energy on someone like her."

"Calm down? I was the one who diagnosed her!" Dr. Lucas hissed, glaring at me with pure disgust. "I can't believe I actually helped such a monster. I feel sick."

My phone kept buzzing.

Emily had posted photos of my pill bottles, videos of my manic episodes, and all my personal information in the comment section.

Soon, I was completely doxxed.

People made memes out of my photos, and someone found my old school.

My email was flooded with hate, and my DMs were a swamp of slurs.

A text from an unknown number came through:

"Julian knows about all of this."

"He told me to teach you a lesson. Don't think just because you're 'sick,' everyone has to bow down to you."

"Since you loved that beast so much, why don't you go join it?"

Looking at the words on the screen, a smile slowly spread across my face.

She's right.

At 3:00 AM, I dragged myself to the hospital's utility closet, a blind spot for the security cameras.

I slowly pulled out the bottle of sleeping pills from my pocket.

I opened it and poured all of them into my mouth.

The pills, which used to taste bitter, now tasted sweet.

As I closed my eyes, I thought I heard a faint meow.

Phoenix, I'm coming to find you.