Would She Be Happier Without Me

When we were kidnapped, the kidnappers told my parents to choose one of us.

They chose my younger sister.

I was locked in a sealed shipping container for twenty-four hours and developed severe claustrophobia.

After I was rescued, my parents were consumed by guilt. From then on, the lights in our house were never turned off.

To ease my fear, my mother quit her job and slept beside me every night.

She was even afraid my sister would trigger me, so she sent her to the countryside and did not bring her back until she started high school.

But on the day of my sisters school admission banquet, they wanted to turn off the lights to surprise her.

Panic rose in me.

Mom, Im scared of the dark. Can I go back to my room?

My mother suddenly broke down.

Her face twisted with anger. She grabbed my wrist hard and threw me into the bedroom.

Scared of the dark? How many years has it been? Youre still scared of the dark? Will you die if the lights are off for a few minutes?

Hasnt your sister paid enough? Today is her banquet. What else do you want? Will you only be satisfied if she stays in the countryside forever?

I shook my head in terror, wanting to say I had never hated my sister.

But my mother had already slammed the door shut, cutting off my voice.

In the darkness, my breathing turned rapid. My trembling hand reached for the light switch.

Click.

The switch sounded.

But the room remained pitch black.

My eyes widened in the dark. My hand kept pressing the switch again and again.

Click. Click.

Still, no light came.

The black space around me seemed ready to swallow me whole. My breathing grew frantic.

Why?

Why wasnt the light turning on?

Was there a power outage?

I searched my clothes and realized my phone was still in the living room.

There was not a single source of light in the room.

Mom! Mommy!

I cried out twice in terror, but my voice suddenly stopped.

I remembered the last time the power went out at home.

My whole family had found every usable candle and flashlight and stayed beside me.

My mother had held me gently in her arms, patting my back over and over.

Celine, my sweet Celine, dont be afraid. There wont be bad people again. Mom and Dad will always stay by your side.

But just a moment ago, the gentleness that once filled her face was gone.

She had looked tortured and furious.

Maybe I should learn to be independent.

I shouldnt trouble Mom anymore.

I could not trouble her anymore.

Even so, facing the darkness in front of me, my whole body still shook. My blood seemed to turn cold inch by inch.

The scene from ten years ago remained painfully vivid.

After my parents exchanged the ransom for my sister, the kidnappers originally wanted to get rid of me at once.

Then the police arrived.

In their panic, the kidnappers stuffed me into a box in the cellar and fled.

They had drugged me. I couldnt move. I didnt even have the strength to scream.

Children are already afraid of the dark, let alone in a sealed, damp space like that.

My empty stomach burned after a day and a night without food. I breathed in tiny sips, feeling the air grow thinner and thinner.

Would the oxygen run out?

I was so terrified I barely dared to breathe loudly. Tears kept falling. I heard the rustling of rats moving near me.

Some unknown insect crawled onto my ear. Fear froze my entire body.

I prayed for it to leave, begged silently for it to get off me.

But it crawled into my collar instead, cold and slick against my spine.

So scary so scary

I cried and muttered to myself.

In the darkness, my hollow eyes stared into nothing. My consciousness sank into chaos.

Now, I was trapped in complete darkness again.

This time, there were no terrifying insects.

No damp, suffocating cellar.

No oxygen running out.

But I was still so scared I could barely breathe.

My eyes fixed ahead.

That was where the curtains were.

If I opened them, would moonlight come in?

Using all my strength, I pushed up my limp body and stumbled to the window.

But heaven had not heard my prayers.

Outside, there was only more darkness.

It was cloudy tonight.

I pressed myself against the window, head lowered, looking at the ground below as my mind grew heavy.

My parents had wanted to give me as much sunlight as possible. Across from my room was an entire beautiful garden.

During the day, sunlight would pour through this huge glass window and brighten the space before it.

I loved sitting on the garden swing to bask in the sun.

Now that night had fallen, I seemed to see the gardens beautiful scenery anyway.

My body couldnt help leaning forward.

Light.

If I moved just one more step forward, would I see light?

With that thought, I finally leaned my whole body out.

Thud.

It hurt.

It hurt so much.

I gasped weakly. The smell of blood mixed with damp earth filled my nose.

The back of my head was wet.

When I fell, my skull struck one of the decorative landscape stones.

A sharp edge had cut into the back of my head.

Mom

My voice was faint. I wanted to call for someone.

Suddenly, a room upstairs lit up again.

That small light pulled at my fading awareness.

I knew I should call for help now.

Otherwise maybe I would die.

But as that room lit up, I heard faint cheers.

Then came the sound of several people singing a birthday song together.

Mom was there. Dad was there.

My sisters moved sobs were mixed in.

They sounded so happy.

How long had it been since I had seen my parents so happy?

After I was rescued, I spent three whole months trapped in my own world.

I feared everything around me and every unfamiliar person who came close.

Because of that, my mother quit her job and slept beside me every night.

Every night, the lights stayed on.

During the days when I screamed constantly, my parents made a decision.

They sent my sister, Ava, to the countryside.

That night, my mother held me, her eyes full of pain and determination.

Celine, we wronged you. Back then, we chose your sister. Now we cant let her stay at home and trigger you.

Sending Ava to the countryside is our joint decision. Its what she should do. She needs to atone.

At that time, my mind was too broken to understand what it meant.

I only burrowed deeper into her arms, trying to absorb a little warmth.

Later, I gradually became clearheaded again.

The first thing I wanted was to bring Ava home.

What happened back then was not her fault.

But my parents refused to listen.

Celine, this is what your sister owes you. Dont bring it up again.

She owes you a life. So what if she studies in the countryside? Your grandparents will take good care of her.

I wanted to speak again.

I wanted to say it had nothing to do with Ava.

But the moment I opened my mouth, I had to think of the kidnappers, and my voice got stuck in my throat.

Later, I discovered Dad often secretly went to the countryside.

The company was family-owned, yet Monday through Friday, Dad told me he had to go to work.

Then I overheard Mom on the phone.

Her tone was full of regret.

I want to see Ava too. She was so little when she went to the countryside alone. How could I not worry?

Next time you go, Ill say Im buying groceries and go with you. I feel awful when I cant see her. She was so young when she was kidnapped too. Even though we rescued her, she was frightened badly.

Sigh but in the end, we owe Celine.

So on the days Dad claimed to be working, he actually drove two hours to the countryside to spend time with Ava.

No wonder Dad was busy until nine every night.

Thinking of Dads exhausted face from traveling back and forth, and the sorrow in Moms eyes whenever Ava was mentioned, I suddenly didnt want to call for help.

Today was Avas banquet.

They were finally so happy.

Was I supposed to disturb them again?

Instead of caring for a useless person like me, someone with a psychological illness, they were better off with a healthy, normal daughter like Ava.

I silently closed my mouth.

My eyes stayed fixed on the lit room as my body grew colder and colder.

The light in my eyes slowly faded.

Suddenly, I felt light.

My vision lifted.

The dark world became clear before me.

I looked down at my body below and realized that I had died.

So people really did become spirits after death.

I floated and drifted through the wall, entering Avas room.

My parents had prepared a school admission celebration for her, and it was now near the end. They were happily cutting cake, their faces more relaxed than I had ever seen.

In front of Ava, my parents did not have to be cautious. They did not have to worry about her emotions every second.

My usually composed father had been smeared with cream by Ava, but he only smiled indulgently.

My mother watched everything gently, her eyes full of happiness.

Compared to their time with me, this looked more like a real family.

Looking at the scene before me, my now weightless body suddenly filled with sour pain.

My mothers smile paused.

As if remembering something, she picked up a slice of cake and pushed the door open.

Curious, I followed her.

She came to my room.

She knocked twice. No answer.

Her brows tightened.

She did not call me Celine affectionately this time. She called my full name.

Celine Hale, today is the day your sister comes home. Ive thought about it. We cant keep indulging you.

Tonight, I wont sleep with you.

She bit her lip, expression firm.

The whole family has accommodated your illness, but this cant go on forever. You need to learn independence. Tomorrow, Ill go back to the company. I wont stay with you every day anymore.

After saying that, she took a deep breath.

Dont blame me either. Even if your sister owed you, she has paid enough all these years.

She placed the cake at the door and left.

I crouched there and looked at the slice of cake.

A pretty strawberry sat on top. It looked delicious.

What a pity.

I could no longer eat it.

I returned to Avas room.

It was late. My parents looked tired, but their joy and relief were impossible to hide.

My mother gently held Ava in her arms, tears glimmering.

Ava, from now on, Mom wont leave you alone again.

In the years she spent with me, my mother had said the same thing to me countless times.

Now, she held Ava and said it again.

Maybe in her heart, leaving me to face the kidnappers and sending Ava away to the countryside were the same kind of sin.

That was why she had refused to bring Ava back.

It was the atonement she had decided on.

Now, she believed Avas punishment was over.

Avas eyes reddened. She hugged Mom gently.

Mom can you sleep with me tonight?

My mother agreed at once without hesitation.

My father looked confused.

What about Celine wont she be afraid?

My mother said coldly, Dont worry. I already talked to her. From now on, I wont sleep with her anymore. She was being stubborn too, didnt say a word to me. After all these years, she should overcome her fear.

Seeing that, Dad couldnt say more.

My heart ached dully.

Mom, I wasnt being stubborn.

I just couldnt answer you anymore.

If you wanted me to be independent, as long as the lights were on, I could have stayed alone.

Unfortunately, I no longer had that chance.

The next morning, I watched my parents and Ava sit at the dining table.

The atmosphere was tense and oppressive.

After a long silence, Ava spoke.

Should we call my sister to get up? She hasnt eaten anything since last night

Hmph. This is all because we spoiled her.

My mother slammed her chopsticks onto the table, her face angry.

The first day you came home, she refused to come down to eat. Is she trying to teach you a lesson?

In my opinion, youve long since repaid what you owed her. If she insists on being unreasonable, then let her starve.

After saying that, my mother picked up her chopsticks first.

Dad and Ava couldnt say anything, so they silently began eating.

I watched from the side, my heart aching.

Mom, dont worry.

From now on, you will no longer have this disobedient daughter.

You wont have to worry about me anymore.

Though my mother had spoken harshly, after Dad sent Ava to school, she still stood and came to my room.

This time, after knocking with no answer, she opened my door.

The curtains swayed. The room was dim, with no lights on.

My mother froze.

Celine you didnt turn on the lights?

I looked at her expectantly from the side, hoping she would realize something was wrong and collect my body.

The back garden was full of plants.

If she didnt find me soon, many terrifying insects might crawl onto my body.

Because of the kidnapping, I was terrified of insects.

I didnt want my corpse to be defiled by them.

But my mother didnt notice anything wrong.

Instead, she looked delighted.

Celine, see? You can overcome the dark. We spoiled you too much. After sleeping alone once, you realize darkness isnt that big a deal.

She came over happily and sat by my bed.

Looking at the raised blanket, she couldnt help sighing.

You. Still being stubborn, still refusing to answer Mom.

After saying that, she lifted a corner of the blanket.

At last, she realized there was no one in the bed.

Mom froze, then panic filled her face.

Since the kidnapping, she had quit her job and stayed beside me day and night.

Because of fear and avoidance, I had not stepped out of the house once.

Seeing me gone, Mom finally sensed something was wrong.

She searched everywhere in a panic, even opening the wardrobe.

But I wasnt there.

Nowhere.

After searching the whole villa from top to bottom, my mothers expression became frantic.

Then she suddenly exhaled.

I was too anxious. How could I forget? Celine must be on the garden swing. The sun is so good today, and she loves sunbathing.

Yet her steps grew faster and faster.

A strange panic rose in her heart. The words she said were only to comfort herself.

Celine! Celine!

My mother called loudly, desperately hoping I would answer.

Even though she had expected it, when she saw the empty swing, her eyes still reddened.

Celine where did you go? Mom cant find you.

For years, she cared for me, stayed with me, and let me withdraw from the normal world, placing me inside a private Eden at home.

She allowed me to hide and kept me under her wings.

Though she had grown tired of caring for me, now that I had left her first, she panicked.

Her calls gradually turned tearful.

She looked around, tears blurring her vision.

Suddenly, her foot stepped into something sticky.

Mom looked down.

Dark brown blood had dried along the stone path.

Her vision swayed. She staggered and fell to her knees.

She pulled aside the bushes.

My body was there, back turned toward her, eyes still staring at the distant window.