When the Bimbo Met the Bot

The entire department was drowning in overtime to hit our quarterly project launch.

My coworker tossed a heavy folder onto my desk, her chin tilted up with practiced innocence.

Im a pretty princess, Elaine, she said, her voice dripping with weaponized sweetness. Thinking too hard gives me wrinkles, and honestly, you have that sturdy, low-maintenance look. Why don't you just take care of this for me?

I refused her. Coldly, and in front of everyone.

She lost her mind right there in the open-plan office, smashing my laptop to pieces while sobbing that I was only doing this because I was deeply jealous of her looks.

I did what any competent supervisor would do: I processed the HR paperwork and kicked her off the project.

That night, she waited for me in the dark parking garage. She ran me over three times with her car, her tires crushing my bones, all while she wept behind the wheel.

"I'm just so ditzy!" she whimpered as she shifted into reverse to roll over me again. "I can't tell the gas from the brake! If you had just helped me this morning, I wouldn't have been fired. Go to hell!"

Then, I woke up. Back at my desk, on the very morning the project tasks were being assigned.

I stared at the group chat on my screen. Specifically, at our new interna girl who proudly claimed to have a "human ChatGPT" personality. Her entire strategy was built on utter laziness masked by unshakeable politeness. If she made a mistake, shed just offer a blank, toxic-positive smile and repeat automated corporate platitudes.

I smiled.

With a quick flick of my wrist, I assigned them to work together.

I was going to sit back and watch this dynamic duo of corporate disaster tear each other apart.

"Im a pretty princess, Elaine. Thinking too hard gives me wrinkles, and honestly, you have that sturdy, low-maintenance look. Why don't you just take care of this for me?"

Tess stood over my desk, dropping the thick folder onto my keyboard with a soft thud.

I stared at the paper.

In my mind, I could still hear the sickening crunch of tires rolling over my ribcage, the damp chill of the concrete floor in the parking garage.

When I didn't immediately answer, Tess tapped her manicured nails impatiently against my desk.

"Earth to Elaine? What are you staring at? Just get it done." She patted her cheeks, plump with fresh filler. "All these tiny numbers make my head spin. What if I get under-eye bags?"

I took a slow, deep breath, forcing the violent surge of hatred back down into the dark corners of my mind.

In my past life, I had slammed my hands on the desk and told her exactly where to shove her spreadsheets. That had triggered her violent meltdown, her claims that my "plain-looking self" was out to get her, and eventually, my death.

This time, I didn't get angry. I simply smiled, picking up the folder and sliding it gently back across the desk to her.

"You're right, Tess. You are the face of our department. It would be a tragedy to let tedious administrative work ruin your complexion."

Tesss eyes lit up. She assumed I was rolling over, just like the male executives in the firm always did.

"I knew you'd understand, Elaine! You're the best. Im going to head out early to get my nails done, okay?"

She spun on her designer heels, ready to slip away.

"Wait," I called out.

She paused, her shoulders stiffening.

"Im buried under the accounts for our high-value clients right now. I physically don't have the hours to do your work for you."

Tesss face dropped. "What is that supposed to mean? Are you playing games with me?"

I pointed toward the quiet cubicle in the far corner of the room.

Sitting there was Shelby, our newest intern. Shelby was the girl who had posted a long thread in the company Slack about how she operated like an "AI-assistant"doing the bare minimum but keeping her vibes "highly professional and emotionally stable."

In my first life, I had spent hours trying to mentor her, only to have my blood pressure skyrocket from her endless, polite incompetence.

"Shelby, can you step into my office for a second?"

Shelby immediately abandoned her iced matcha latte and trotted over, her expression a mask of perfect, empty eagerness.

"Supervisor Elaine, speaking with absolute clarity and directness: I am fully prepared to synergize with your current directives."

I pointed to the folder in Tess's hands.

"Starting today, you and Tess are partners. You will be jointly responsible for auditing and compiling this core financial dataset."

Tesss face flushed red. She jabbed a finger toward Shelby. "You want her to help me? Shes an intern! She doesn't even know how to open Excel!"

Shelby stood perfectly straight, clasping her hands professionally in front of her skirt. "While I am still in the onboarding phase, Tess, I will deploy my maximum enthusiasm to assist you in executing this task."

Tess rolled her eyes so hard she nearly lost her balance.

"I don't want her! I want you to do it, Elaine. I literally cannot comprehend these tables. Do you really want to watch me suffer?" She pouted, shifting her weight from side to side in a desperate attempt to manipulate me.

I let my smile fade, my expression turning cold.

"Tess, this company doesn't pay people to look pretty. This is your job. If looking at a spreadsheet is too much of a threat to your beauty, you are welcome to walk down to HR and hand in your resignation. Go preserve your looks at home, but stop taking up space in my department."

The office went dead silent.

Tesss eyes welled with tears at the public humiliation. "How... how dare you speak to me like that! You're just jealous because you don't look like me! You're targeting me!"

"I am assigning work," I said, my voice level and quiet. "It isn't a negotiation. Shelby, you will assist Tess. Both of your signatures will be required on the final data sheets. If there is an error, both of you will be held accountable."

Shelby bowed exactly ninety degrees. "Understood, Supervisor Elaine. I have successfully processed your parameters and will establish a deep-collaboration pipeline with Tess."

Tess was shaking with rage. "You're going to regret this, Elaine! Im going straight to Mr. Davis!"

"Go ahead," I said, taking a slow sip of my lukewarm coffee. "And while you're in there, ask him if the company hired you as an assistant project manager or a desk ornament."

Tess grabbed her heavy compact mirror off her desk and slammed it onto the hardwood floor, glass shattering everywhere. "Fine! Whatever! I'll do it!"

She whipped around, glaring at Shelby. "You. Put every single one of these numbers into the system. If you miss a single decimal point, I will destroy you."

Shelby smiled back, her voice completely flat. "Acknowledged, Tess. I am currently generating an intake protocol. Estimated completion time: three business days."

Tess stomped off in her Louboutins. Shelby picked up the folder and followed her, pulling up a chair next to her desk.

"Tess, to ensure data integrity, I am currently initializing my system."

Tess slammed her hand on the desk. "Stop talking like a freak and start typing!"

Five minutes later, the screaming started.

"Shelby! Are you blind? You put fifty thousand instead of five million!"

Shelby stood up, hands pressed to her sides, and delivered another deep bow. "My apologies, Tess. My visual recognition matrix experienced a temporary calibration error. I am currently updating my processing parameters to prevent future low-level anomalies."

Tess clutched her chest. "Are you... are you actively trying to kill me?"

Shelby looked up, her smile flawless. "Speaking with absolute transparency, Tess, I have no such directive. I am simply reporting my operational status."

By lunchtime, Tess was too stressed to eat. She stormed into the branch managers office, her heels clicking furiously.

Half an hour later, Mr. Davis called me in. He looked at me, his brow furrowed with middle-management disappointment.

"Elaine, Tess came to me in tears. She says you're giving her an impossible workload. Shes a delicate young woman, Elaine. You need to show some leadership and ease up on her."

I looked at his greasy, aging face. "Mr. Davis, it is the standard workload for her position, and Ive even assigned an intern to help her."

Mr. Davis waved his hand, dismissing me. "An intern? Thats just making more work for her. Look, youre thirty now, Elaine. You should have some grace. Tess has her whole life ahead of hershe'll probably marry well. If she gets under-eye bags from pulling all-nighters over spreadsheets, are you going to pay for her Botox?"

The sheer, condescending sexism made my stomach turn, but I kept my face blank.

"The company pays her to work, Mr. Davis, not to pamper herself. If she can't handle the duties, she can request a transfer."

Mr. Daviss face darkened, and he set his coffee mug down with a hard clatter. "Watch your attitude, Elaine. You need to look at the bigger picture. We are a family here. We support one another. Ive made my decision: open up the master database permissions and take her off the final audit. Let someone else handle it."

I looked at him, offering no resistance. "Of course, Mr. Davis. I'll take care of it right away."

I turned and walked back to my desk.

As I rounded the corner, I saw Tess sitting in my chair. She was clicking rapidly through my desktop.

On my screen was the master database filethe culmination of a month's worth of my hard work, containing our core client records.

Tess selected the entire directory, hit delete, and then cleared the recycle bin. To make absolutely sure, she opened the system utility tool and clicked "permanently shred."

I stepped up quietly behind her. "Can I help you with something?"

Tess gasped, dropping the mouse.

When she realized it was me, a flicker of panic crossed her face, but she quickly smoothed her expression into one of wide-eyed innocence.

"Oh my gosh, Elaine! You scared me! You walk like a ghost." She stood up, brushing imaginary dust off her designer skirt. "Your desktop was just so messy, you know? I thought Id help you clean up some junk files. I'm just so bad with technology... did I delete something important?"

She blinked her heavy lash extensions, waiting for me to buy the act.

I looked at the empty screen, a cold smile forming in my chest.

Did she really think I hadn't set up real-time cloud backups the second I woke up in this life?

"Don't worry about it," I said, keeping my voice gentle. "I know you meant well."

Tess blinked, a hint of smug satisfaction settling into her eyes. She clearly thought I was a pushover. "Well, as long as you're not mad! Ill get back to work."

"Actually, hold on," I said, turning to Shelby. "Shelby, come over here."

Shelby rolled her chair over instantly. "Supervisor Elaine, I am online and awaiting your parameters."

"Mr. Davis just informed me that this project is our top priority," I told them. "Ive opened up the master permissions for you both. Since you're both so eager to contribute, Im putting you in charge of the final audited report."

I paused, letting the bait dangle.

"Mr. Davis mentioned that whoever delivers this project successfully will get the sole recommendation for the corporate 'Employee of the Year' award, along with the annual bonus."

Tesss eyes virtually turned into dollar signs. The award came with a massive cash payout and a feature at the annual gala.

Shelby stood up straight. "Supervisor Elaine, does the award include a financial incentive? I am fully optimized to generate value for this firm."

I nodded. "It does. So make sure you two coordinate closely."

Tess shoved Shelby out of the way. "Move it, intern. Don't get in my way. Don't worry, Elaine, I'll make sure these numbers look absolutely perfect."

I watched them head back to their desks, full of ambition. "I look forward to seeing the results."

Over the next few days, Tess showed up to work on time, but she spent the entire day turning her cubicle into a Sephora. Her desk was covered in creams, serums, and mists.

"Shelby, you're the intern, so doing the heavy lifting is good for your resume. Im going to go touch up my lip gloss," Tess would say, pushing stacks of printouts toward Shelby.

Shelby always agreed. "Understood, Tess. I am providing 24/7 logistical support."

But Shelby wasn't auditing anything.

Every time I walked past her desk, her fingers were flying across the keyboard, but she was using random number generator formulas to fill in the columns. Sometimes she didn't even bother with formulas; she just mashed her fingers against the numpad.

At one point, I noticed she had calculated a key clients profit margin at negative three hundred percent.

"Shelby, what is this?" I asked, pointing at the monitor.

Shelby slid into an immediate verbal apology. "My apologies, Supervisor Elaine. My processing algorithm may have experienced a minor variance. I will recalibrate the data model immediately."

She deleted the negative sign right in front of me and typed in a string of random zeros.

"Is the visual presentation of the data more robust and dynamic now?"

I looked at her blank, unbothered face. "It's your project. Just make sure the final report is submitted by tomorrow afternoon."

On submission day, Tess actually showed up without makeup. She had intentionally messed up her hair and smudged a bit of gray shadow under her eyes to simulate exhaustion.

She marched into my office, holding the printed report like a trophy.

"Elaine, I literally worked myself to the bone for this. Look at my skinit's so dull," she sighed, tossing the papers onto my desk. "I checked every single line myself. It's flawless."

I didn't even look at the pages. "Excellent work. Ill forward this to Mr. Davis and corporate accounting right away."

Tess smirked, swaying her hips as she strolled back to her desk.

At three o'clock that afternoon, the heavy oak door of the manager's office slammed open.

Mr. Davis marched out, his face a deep, unnatural shade of purple, clutching the printouts in his shaking hand.

"Tess! Get in here right now!"

Tess jumped, smoothing her skirt as she ran over. "Mr. Davis? What's wrong? Did you love the report?"

Mr. Davis slammed the sheets onto her desk, sending papers flying across the carpet.

"Are you insane? Why are our projected operational costs showing up as negative numbers?"

"What?"

"The corporate finance director just called and chewed me out for twenty minutes! Are we planning on paying our clients millions of dollars to do business with us?"

Tess turned white, her eyes filling with tears. "It wasn't me! I swear it wasn't me!" She whipped around, pointing wildly at the corner cubicle. "It was her! Shelby did it! I didn't touch those files!"

Shelby stood up calmly, smoothing her blazer. "Tess, according to my daily operational logs, all data points were input under your direct supervision."

Tesss jaw dropped. "You liar! When did I supervise you? You made all of this up!"

Without missing a beat, Shelby pulled out her phone and played an audio file.

Tesss sweet, lazy voice rang out clearly through the quiet office: Just fill in whatever, Shelby. Its not like anyone actually looks at these things anyway.

Faced with her own voice, Tess let out a high-pitched shriek. "You bitch! You recorded me?" She turned to Mr. Davis, desperate for a lifeline. "Mr. Davis, you have to believe me! This intern is setting me up!"

Then, realizing she was cornered, Tess pointed her finger at me.

"Its Elaine! Shes the supervisor, and she didn't help us at all! She gave us corrupted files in the first place because shes jealous of me! She set this trap!"

Mr. Davis stormed over to my desk. "Elaine! You are the project lead! Is this how you manage your team?"

I leaned back in my chair, looking at him calmly. "Mr. Davis, they did the work, and they signed off on the final sheets. Their names are on the submission."

Mr. Davis, desperate to save his own skin from corporate, screamed over me. "Don't you dare pass the buck! You gave them bad files because you wanted them to fail! The client saw that ridiculous bid and they're threatening to pull their entire portfolio!"

He slammed his fist on my desk. "You are suspended, effective immediately! Hand over your keys."

He turned to Tess. "Tess, you will take over Elaine's accounts, including the European portfolio. We need to save this relationship."

A collective gasp rippled through the office.

Tesss tears vanished, replaced by a look of pure, vindictive triumph.

"Oh, Elaine," she whispered, leaning over my desk. "I guess being 'sturdy' didn't save your job after all. Don't worry, I'll take great care of your clients. Go home and enjoy retirement. You're embarrassing yourself."

I stood up, packing my personal items into a small cardboard box, and looked at the two of them.

"I truly hope you both enjoy managing those clients."

Mr. Davis snorted. "Don't worry about us. Tess has ten times the people skills you do."

I walked toward the elevator, Tess trailing closely behind me. "Have a nice life, Elaine!"

The elevator doors slid open. I stepped inside, looked at her one last time, and let out a soft laugh.

"I hope you're still smiling this time tomorrow."