I Refuse to Be the Second Choice

When my fianc Ethan was picking out wedding jewelry, he bought two pieces and let my sister Ava choose first.

One was a pink diamond necklace he'd tracked down across three cities, paying a fortune at auction.

The other was a cheap black brooch that came free with the necklace.

It clashed completely with my wedding dress.

For once, I pointed at the necklace.

"This time can I choose first?"

Ethan ruffled my hair.

"Ava's always been picky. She has to have the best of everything. You're not like that whatever's left is still fine."

I didn't respond. I just felt hollow inside.

Twenty years of growing up side by side with Ethan, and in his eyes, I would always be the one picking up what Ava left behind.

Eventually, even love was no different.

He'd had feelings for Ava. But Ava chose to chase her career.

Heartbroken, Ethan turned to me and confessed.

I stared at that black brooch, and suddenly reached out and gave it a small push.

"Keep both. I don't want to choose."

I was done choosing leftovers.

Ethan let out a helpless sigh.

"Olivia, this brooch could never suit Ava."

I looked at him steadily.

"Then why does it suit me?"

Ethan froze for a moment, then smiled.

"When you two were little and stood next to each other, everyone said you looked like her scrawny little sidekick."

"Pink diamonds aren't your style. Black is good understated, suits anyone."

Sidekick.

Ava and I were twins. But I couldn't match her in a single thing.

At school, Ava was always number one. I'd pull all-nighters until my eyes were red, and still only hovered somewhere in the middle.

Mom would press a finger to my forehead and sigh.

"Same womb, same family how are you this slow? Oh well. One smart kid is enough."

I trailed behind Ava everywhere. Carrying her bag, peeling her fruit.

Ten years of being called her sidekick.

I'd told Ethan more than once that I hated that nickname.

He kept using it anyway.

I looked at him calmly.

"Ethan, let's break up."

Ethan stared at me, laughing like he was humoring a child.

"Alright, if you don't like the brooch, just pick something else. You don't need to say things like that."

"We'll go to the mall right now. You pick until you're happy. Deal?"

Ava slid the pink diamond necklace across the table toward me.

"Olivia, take my necklace. You're practically married you're an adult now. Stop acting out."

But Ethan stopped her.

"That one was specially picked for you. It wouldn't suit Olivia it'd be wasted on her."

So it wasn't a choice at all. He'd always intended it for Ava.

Ethan put his arm around my shoulders and steered me toward the door.

But the moment we reached the ground floor of the mall, Ava said she wanted to check out a new perfume.

Ethan nodded immediately.

"Then we'll go with Ava first. We can pick your gift after. There's no rush."

Again.

Ava spent a long time at the counter, testing different scents.

She narrowed it down to two and couldn't decide.

Ethan noticed her hesitation.

"Just get both. You pick one to use now, and the other one goes to Olivia. When you want it back, just swap with her."

He paid, then turned and handed a bottle to me.

"See? Now you don't even have to choose your own gift. Ava has great taste. You should be happy."

I didn't take it.

I stared at that bottle and almost laughed.

Wasn't I supposed to be choosing for myself today?

"I'm going back to your place to get my things. I won't be coming back after this."

Ethan's hand froze mid-air. For the first time, he looked genuinely serious.

"Olivia, stop this."

That same evening, he called my parents over.

Mom walked in and immediately went for my temples with her finger.

"Are you out of your mind? Breaking up? Over what?"

"You tell me what do you think you have that's good enough for Ethan? You're average-looking, you're not the sharpest. If Ava weren't busy with her career, you think you'd even be in the picture?"

My temples throbbed with every word.

I'd heard all of this so many times. Not a single word was new.

I was slow. I was plain. I wasn't Ava.

Ethan stepped in front of me then, smiling, smoothing things over.

"Don't say that. Olivia is the sweetest she's more than good enough for me."

Mom immediately turned to Ethan with an approving look.

"See? He's defending you. Where are you going to find someone like him again?"

"If you break up with him, don't bother coming home."

Right. Such a wonderful man. I should be grateful.

I breathed in slowly.

"Okay."

Everyone let out a quiet breath of relief, like a difficult child had finally come to her senses.

I went to my room.

I called my friend and let the tears fall without a sound.

"Lily, is there still room for me at that pottery studio?"

On the other end, she was careful with her words.

"Aren't you about to get married? Will your family even let you go?"

I looked out at the dark night beyond the window, and a small smile crossed my face.

"Lily what would you say if I told you I was going to skip the wedding?"

Lily couldn't believe it.

In her eyes, I was the good girl obedient, easygoing, never pushed back.

Eloping was the last thing she'd expect from me.

But if I wasn't good, no one would love me.

Growing up, Ava blazed with a light that made everyone run toward her.

I stretched onto my toes as hard as I could. Being obedient, being agreeable that was the only way to make Ethan and my parents notice me at all.

But I was tired of being good.

The next day, Ethan took me to see how the new house was coming along.

I moved toward the passenger seat, but he pulled me back.

"That's Ava's seat."

Ava had just come in. Ethan stepped around me and opened the passenger door for her.

"Ava's thinking about buying a place too might as well check this one out."

I sat down in the back without a word.

"Sure."

It was a small standalone house. The moment Ava stepped into the master bedroom, her eyes lit up.

"The light in here is amazing. The humidity is just right perfect for the bacterial cultures I'm growing for my research."

Ethan stood beside her.

"If you like it, this room's yours whenever you want to stay."

"I'll get our best designer in to set it up for you."

I stood in the doorway.

When we were choosing this house from the location to the layout to every design detail Ethan had never once got involved.

He always said, "It's just a house. As long as it works, it works."

But now he stood shoulder to shoulder with Ava in front of the window, talking about how to redesign the room.

Like a couple planning their own home together.

Ava turned and gave me a playful look. "Olivia, would you mind if I took this room?"

I looked at Ethan. "Do you remember this is the main bedroom? The one we set aside for the two of us?"

Ethan's expression was unbothered.

"A bedroom label doesn't mean anything. It's not a lab experiment that needs special conditions. Pick another one."

I unclenched my hand the one I'd been digging my nails into.

"You're my sister. Stay in whatever room you want."

Ethan patted my head.

"That's my girl."

After the house visit, we got a call from the bridal boutique.

The three gowns for the wedding had been finalized.

Ava linked her arm through mine.

"Olivia, let me come help you choose."

It really did look like something a caring older sister would do.

But while I was trying on the gowns, she got a phone call and came back with a pained expression.

"There's been a problem with the dress I was supposed to wear to an important event tonight. I can't find anything suitable on such short notice..."

Ethan's eyes swept the boutique.

"Then find something here."

Nothing caught his eye until he looked at what I was wearing.

"Ava's fair-skinned. This one would look great on her. Why don't you let your sister have this one?"

The stylist stepped in on my behalf.

"Sir, Olivia came in over thirty times for this dress. She designed it herself, made sketch after sketch to get every detail right. It was custom-made specifically for her."

"Besides you can't just lend out a wedding gown."

Ethan glanced at me like it was a perfectly reasonable request.

To him, it probably wasn't even a question.

But strangely, my chest didn't hurt the way I expected it to.

I stepped out of the gown and handed it to Ava.

"It's fine. You'll look beautiful in it."

Ethan looked mildly surprised for a moment, then softened.

"Olivia, you're so sweet. Come on, I'll take you to find something even better."

But his eyes were already fixed on Ava in my dress.

He knelt down and carefully smoothed out every fold of the skirt around her feet.

I had imagined this scene once.

I'd come to this boutique over thirty times. He had come with me exactly once.

The stylist smiled and said something about how romantic it was to have your partner fix your dress for you.

He hadn't even looked up. He'd said: "That's not romance, that's fuss. They're being paid to do exactly that."

Now I watched his back as he knelt at Ava's feet, and I finally understood the price of that fantasy.

Everyone had always liked Ava more. My parents. Ethan. Everyone.

And still, I couldn't stop loving him.

Because there was only him when Mom and Dad would grab my ear and call me slow, say I didn't seem like their child at all who would quietly slip a strawberry candy into my hand.

"Being a little slow is kind of cute, you know."

I kept that love folded up somewhere small.

Until the day he told Ava how he felt, and Ava said her heart only had room for her work.

He was lost after that. Then he turned and confessed to me.

I knew it was out of heartbreak. I said yes anyway.

I put aside what I actually loved art and stayed by his side as his assistant.

I taught myself to read dense data sets and technical reports the way Ava could.

But I could never become Ava. And he would never love me the way he loved her.

My phone buzzed.

The pottery studio is all set up. When are you coming?

Ava had already changed out of the dress.

Ethan picked up a black gown from the rack without much thought and held it out to me.

"Olivia, just grab one we're keeping Ava waiting."

"This one's fine. Simple, classic. Very you."

Black again. My least favorite color.

I looked down and typed back a reply.

Wedding day. I said I was going to skip it. I meant it.

That night, when we all went to my parents' house for dinner, I suddenly remembered today was mine and Ava's birthday.

The cake had been chosen by Ethan.

"You two share the same birthday. One cake does the job. So much easier."

It was a beautiful cake. But when I looked closer, I could see thick slices of mango tucked between the layers.

Ava loved mango. I was allergic to it.

Nobody seemed to notice anything wrong.

Ethan was busy with the candles. He placed the birthday crown on Ava's head.

"Ava, make your wish first."

I sat looking at that mango cake, looking at the crown on Ava's head, looking at the warmth on Ethan's face and something in me snapped loose.

"Ethan."

"You always buy two of everything. How come there's only one cake?"

"And why is it always me who goes last?"

The room went quiet for a moment.

Ethan frowned slightly.

"It's been like this for years. What's gotten into you tonight?"

Mom shot me a look.

"She's Ava. And Ava is better than you in every way of course she goes first. If you were half as capable as her, I'd let you blow them out first."

The words dried up in my mouth.

Ava began to make her wish.

The whole family gathered around her and sang.

By the time it was my turn, the candles had burned almost all the way down.

Ethan glanced over.

"There aren't any extras. A birthday wish is just a birthday wish you can make yours next year, it'll be the same thing."

Twenty years.

Every year, next year.

And next year never came.

Do children who aren't exceptional really not deserve to be loved?

I sat quietly while they cut the cake, my mind drifting somewhere far away.

Somehow the conversation turned to the wedding.

Mom looked up and asked me: "How are the reception arrangements going?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but she had already turned to Ethan.

"Actually Ethan, most of the guests on your side are from business circles, right?"

"Ava's new research product just launched. The wedding reception would actually be the perfect place to introduce it."

Ethan didn't even hesitate. He smiled and nodded.

"Sure, no problem. We can cut the part where the MC talks about our love story have Ava present instead."

Ava smiled and said, "We don't have to cut it. I'll just say a few words. I don't want to take over Olivia's wedding."

Ethan looked at her seriously. "No, if we're doing it, we do it properly. Don't worry about that I'll take care of everything."

The three of them talked excitedly where to set up the display table, when she should take the stage, whether they needed a banner.

It was supposed to be my wedding.

And it was turning into a product launch.

Not once did anyone ask what I thought.

It didn't matter. The wedding wasn't going to happen anyway.

I couldn't breathe in that room. I slipped back to my old bedroom.

Out in the living room, Ethan and my parents were gathered around the TV.

Ava was competing in a national competition tonight. The results were being announced live.

Everyone stared at the screen, too tense to speak.

I moved through the old house, quietly collecting my things.

There wasn't much to take. I only wanted one thing a sketchbook buried in the back of the drawer. Drawings I'd made as a kid.

Then the result came in. Ava won first place.

The living room erupted.

I heard cheers, applause, screaming.

Then I heard Ava's voice, a little playful, a little wistful.

"The awards ceremony is on the same day as Olivia's wedding. You won't be able to come with me. Such an important moment and I'll be there alone."

A second of silence in the living room.

Then Ethan's voice.

"You won't be alone."

A knock at my door.

Ethan stood in the doorway, his tone careful.

"Olivia an award like this only comes once in a lifetime for Ava. It really is a big deal."

"What if we moved our wedding to the evening?"

I almost wanted to laugh.

As if a wedding only comes around more than once.

One of the housekeepers muttered under her breath: "Who has a wedding in the evening?"

Mom immediately snapped at her.

"Don't talk nonsense. And you don't go believing old superstitions like that."

Ethan looked at me with that soft, certain expression. "Olivia what do you say? You've always been the understanding one."

I looked at him.

And I thought of something from a long time ago.

I had won a small art competition the first time I'd ever placed. I was so proud, I counted the days until my parents could come see me collect the award.

They told me Ava's speech competition was more important, and went there instead.

Ethan saw how crushed I was.

"Don't worry. I'll be there. I promise."

But in the end, he went to Ava's competition too.

I stood on that stage alone. In the audience, every face belonged to someone else's family, and the applause belonged to someone else.

And here I was, still alone.

"Fine. Move it to the evening. I don't mind."

There was no point. A wedding without its real center it didn't matter when it was held.

The moment they had their answer, the celebration started back up. Laughter rolled through the living room, one wave after another.

By the end of the night, Ethan had drunk too much.

They say people tell the truth when they're drunk. I looked at his unfocused eyes and, before I could stop myself, I asked:

"Ethan are you looking forward to our wedding?"

He didn't answer.

The wind passed between us, cold and thin.

"Then why did you confess to me? Why did you ask me to be with you?"

I knew the answer. I needed to hear him say it.

His voice came out thick and blurred.

"In this life... you aim for the top, and you settle for the middle. Finding someone five percent like her... that's already the best I could do."

"And you're her sister. Being with you, I still get to be close to her..."

The wind stung my eyes.

I didn't know when the tears had run out. There were none left.

The truth was crueler than I had imagined.

The morning of the wedding.

Before dawn, the whole house was in motion but not for my wedding.

Everyone was choosing outfits, doing hair and makeup, mapping out the route to Ava's awards ceremony.

I came out of my room, fully dressed and ready.

"I'll skip the ceremony. I need to get to the venue and make sure everything's in order."

Ethan didn't look up. He was helping Ava run through a last-minute checklist.

"Okay, go ahead. Don't keep the guests waiting."

I picked up a small bag and walked out the front door.

Then I headed to the airport.

As the car pulled away, I caught a glimpse in the rearview mirror Ethan's car, the whole family climbing in, laughing, heading off toward Ava's ceremony.

The awards show ran four hours.

Four hours later, I landed in Millhaven.

My phone buzzed.

A message from Ethan.

Olivia the wedding's in the evening anyway. Skip the reception prep for now. I'll be there later. Ava needs me here. Go wait at the hotel. Be good.

I stared at those words for a long time.

Then I blocked his number and locked my phone.

Lily wrapped her arms around me.

"Let's go."

Meanwhile, back at the venue.

By the time Ethan's group finally arrived, the wedding hall was chaos.

A friend grabbed his arm.

"Wasn't the bride supposed to be here already? Where is she?"

Ethan went still.

The wedding coordinator spotted the groom and rushed over.

"Mr. Carter we've been trying to reach the bride all evening. She's not picking up. We can't get hold of her."