Stopped Chasing the Two Who Ignored Me

While we were out shopping, I stopped to tie my shoelace.

When I looked up again, my boyfriend Robert and my best friend Nia were already ten feet ahead.

I was about to step forward to catch up, but the space between them the space that had always been mine was slowly closing.

They fell into step side by side, picking up a conversation I had no way of joining.

As if there had never been a third person there at all.

Back in school, Robert and Nia were the ones everyone called gifted.

After graduation, Robert and Nia became the youngest attending physicians at the hospital.

No matter how hard I pushed myself, I could only trail behind them just another ordinary nurse.

Robert would always ruffle my hair and say,

"You're adorable, even when you're clueless."

Then he'd turn around and seamlessly perform one complex surgery after another with Nia.

Watching their backs, I suddenly felt exhausted.

This road I had been walking always chasing after Robert I didn't want to walk it anymore.

We turned the corner, and Robert and Nia disappeared from view entirely.

Not once, from start to finish, had either of them turned around to check if I was keeping up.

I stood there quietly for a moment, then turned and walked away.

Back at the hospital, a coworker raised an eyebrow and leaned over.

"Didn't you switch shifts to go on a date? That was fast."

"Yeah. It's done."

I changed into my scrubs and sat back down at my station.

The hospital kept us all busy. Over the course of a year, Robert and I had been on proper dates fewer than ten times.

Today he had a rare day off, and I'd called in a favor with a coworker to swap shifts in advance.

I thought that even just holding hands and walking around the neighborhood together would be enough.

Then Nia showed up out of nowhere and threw everything off.

Before we left, I'd made a point of telling them with a straight face not to talk about work. Not one word.

Both of them had pinched my cheeks and nodded eagerly.

"Okay, okay. We get it."

But halfway through dinner, someone brought it up, and before long the two of them were going back and forth about patient cases.

I sat there beside them, pushing rice around my plate.

I don't even remember when the check was paid.

Then the landline at the nurses' station rang, snapping me back.

My coworker had already picked up. A car accident up north several people were being rushed into the ER.

I was about to text Robert when a message from him came through first.

"Patient came in. Nia and I are heading back to the hospital."

I turned the screen off and sat there, blank.

He still hadn't asked, not even once, where I had gone.

After my last procedure of the day, I ran into Robert in the hallway. He looked worn out.

I kept my eyes straight ahead and didn't fall into my usual habit of fussing over him.

But the moment we crossed paths, he caught my wrist.

He buried his face in the curve of my neck a habit of his.

"What's wrong? Don't recognize your own boyfriend?"

Every time he came home after a long shift, he'd do this. Said it was how he "recharged."

My mind told me to pull away. But there was a dull ache spreading through my chest that I couldn't explain.

It had taken me three years to go from quietly loving Robert to actually standing by his side.

The day we got together, someone in our cohort immediately started a side bet on how long we'd last.

Because honestly, the gap between us was hard to ignore.

Robert had been at the top of his class every single year.

Me? Since elementary school, I'd had teachers point fingers in my face and call me stupid.

The one who'd stepped in front of me with open arms back then was Nia.

I knew I wasn't the smart one. I always needed Robert's patience and Nia's encouragement just to keep going.

So even though I had made up my mind

the moment he leaned in close, all that resentment I had been holding onto began quietly dissolving.

We sat together in an empty stairwell. It was a rare moment alone.

In the silence, Robert finally spoke.

"Maya."

"Yeah?"

"Can you try to act a little more mature from now on?"

I blinked, caught off guard.

After a long pause, I slowly turned to look at him.

"What?"

His eyes were closed. His voice was flat the way you'd talk about the weather.

"This afternoon you disappeared without saying a word. You had Nia and me worried sick."

"We both finally had a day off. Even if you don't care about me, you could at least consider Nia. She's not your babysitter."

I didn't move.

But I felt like something inside me had cracked open, and cold air was rushing in.

Worried about me? Then why wasn't there a single call or text on my phone?

Was it worry or was I just ruining their day?

"Look at you. I say two things and you're already crying."

Robert's expression was full of resignation.

The way he looked at me was the way you look at a child who refuses to grow up.

I dropped my head. Tears hit the front of my shirt, leaving a damp patch.

"Okay. It won't happen again."

He sighed and patted the top of my head.

"Go home and get some rest. Nia and I still need to go over a treatment plan."

After Robert left, my phone rang.

It was my dad.

"Hey sweetheart, didn't you say you were bringing your boyfriend over for dinner? Still at work?"

I pressed my hand hard over my mouth so he wouldn't hear me break.

"Honey? Maya?"

It took a while before I could speak normally.

"Dad. He's not coming."

At dinner, my parents could tell something was wrong. They kept piling food onto my plate.

When I set down my fork, I took a slow breath.

"I don't want to be a nurse anymore."

They both stared at me.

"Didn't you say you'd repeat a whole year of high school just to get into nursing school?"

"Are you having a rough time at work? Don't give up on your dream over a bad stretch."

I shook my head without saying anything.

Medicine was Robert's dream. It had never been mine.

It started during a late study session in our senior year. He reached out his hand to me.

"Maya, work a little harder. Let's be together always."

For that one sentence, I threw myself headfirst onto the road chasing after him.

What followed were years of dense medical terminology, precise and unforgiving procedures, and nights that never seemed to end.

Things that came easily to everyone else took me ten times the effort sometimes a hundred.

Once I started working, I had to stay alert every single hour, terrified of betraying a patient's trust.

And even then, all Robert would do was cup my face and say,

"Watch how Nia does it. Stop being so scattered on the floor."

I was his girlfriend. But it had been a long time since he had looked at me like an equal.

The next day at lunch, I submitted my resignation and went to the cafeteria to eat.

Nia carried her tray over and sat down across from me.

She slid half of her tomato scramble into my bowl and studied my face.

"You were crying last night, weren't you?"

I looked up, not sure what she meant.

Nia looked mildly surprised.

"Nia and I worked so late we just got a room at the hotel for the night," she said. "Robert just told me he forgot to let you know. He figured you'd be upset."

I had slept at my own place last night and had no idea whether Robert had come home.

And honestly, it didn't matter anymore.

I kept eating.

"Is that so."

Nia tilted her head, studying me with wide eyes.

"Wait, you're really not upset? Then someone owes me a yogurt!" She spun around.

Robert appeared from behind me, placed a yogurt in Nia's palm, then sat down next to me.

He frowned slightly.

"Our Maya's finally growing up. Normally this would've set you off for three days straight."

"Hey, Maya is not like that."

And just like that, the two of them launched into a debate about who knew me better.

I sat between them, and everything became noise.

My hands were shaking around my utensils. A wave of nausea rolled through me.

The two people closest to me in the world were placing bets on my emotions.

I turned to Robert slowly. My voice came out steady.

"I want to break up."

The table went quiet. Robert stared at me.

"You"

Before he could finish, Nia leaned over carefully.

"Maya, are you mad at me? Last night was really just work. I didn't ask him to stay."

Robert's brow tightened.

When he looked back at me, the surprise in his eyes had curdled into irritation.

He took my words as a tantrum and spoke coolly.

"It's fine, Nia. You don't need to explain yourself. She's always like this dramatic. It exhausts everyone around her."

Nia opened her mouth to say something, but Robert pulled her away. I was left alone at the table.

I threw out most of my food and went to submit my resignation to the head nurse.

She didn't try very hard to talk me out of it. She just said the process would take at least a month.

Back at my station, a coworker hesitated before sliding up next to me.

"Maya did you and Dr. Robert break up?"

He hadn't agreed to it, but as far as I was concerned, we were over.

I nodded.

She exhaled slowly.

"That explains it. A patient got aggressive earlier and shoved Dr. Nia. Dr. Robert picked her up right away and rushed her to the ER himself. I was watching she barely even fell, but he completely panicked."

My brow pulled together.

"Did she hurt her hand?"

The resentment hadn't gone anywhere, but my legs were already moving toward the ER before I'd made the decision.

Back in school, Nia used to throw an arm around my shoulder and announce to no one in particular:

"I'm going to be the best cardiothoracic surgeon in the country."

"Maya, I've got your back once we're both at the hospital."

If her hand was injured, how would she ever operate again?

Every bad possibility tangled together in my head as I walked.

By the time I got there, Nia was lying on the exam table, eyes red.

"Nia, are you okay?"

I crossed the room quickly.

She spotted me and managed a small smile.

"I'm fine. Just twisted my ankle."

I had barely breathed in relief when Robert's voice cut through, flat and cold.

"Satisfied, Maya?"

I had no idea what he meant.

"If you hadn't thrown a fit, Nia wouldn't have come after you to smooth things over. She wouldn't have been in the way of that patient."

His words pinned me to the floor.

I couldn't think straight.

Nia was already pushing at his arm.

"Why are you blaming Maya? That's not fair."

But Robert kept his eyes on me.

"Why haven't you grown up after all these years? You always make everyone adjust around you. Who do you think you are?"

Silence.

Something hot was slipping out of the corners of my eyes again.

As if he'd finally noticed how sharp his words had been, he softened slightly.

"Just try to be calmer going forward. Okay?"

He reached out to wipe my tears. I turned my head and stepped back.

"Dr. Robert, we've already broken up. Please don't speak to me like that."

Robert let out a short, disbelieving laugh.

"Maya. Enough."

Even Nia looked at me with disapproval.

"Stop being stubborn."

Honestly they were more alike than either of them knew.

Neither of them could ever really see what I said, what I felt, or who I was.

I pulled up a bitter smile and walked out.

The days that followed, Robert gave me the silent treatment.

Between that and my own efforts to avoid him, we somehow went half a month without exchanging a single word.

But he was the hospital's golden boy, and gossip about him never stopped.

Word was that he brought Nia a fresh-cut steak every single day while she recovered.

Word was that they co-authored a paper published in a major journal and got recognized by the chief of staff.

When coworkers asked me for updates, I just shook my head. I didn't know anything.

One afternoon, Nia stopped me in the hallway.

She caught my sleeve like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Maya, did you really stop talking to me just because you and Robert fought? Come on."

"You two are both impossible. Let me be the bridge here just meet him halfway. Please?"

I looked at my best friend of so many years.

And felt something cold and unfamiliar wash over me.

We had known each other longer. I hadn't done anything wrong.

So why did she always take his side?

"Dr. Nia, I have work to get back to. If there's nothing else, please excuse me."

The color drained from Nia's face in an instant.

"Nia. Come here."

Robert was standing a short distance away. The glance he gave me was the kind you'd give a stranger.

That was fine.

I pulled my sleeve free and walked away.

Not long after, the three of us ended up in the same OR.

A colleague had called in sick, and I was filling in.

The patient's case was complicated. The hospital was taking it seriously.

Robert was the lead surgeon. Nia was assisting.

I took a slow breath, geared up, and triple-checked every sterile instrument before we started.

Halfway through the procedure, I was still tightly wound, checking every move twice.

Both of them were focused, expressions serious.

"Hemostat."

I passed the hemostat to Nia.

Then her hand slipped.

It hit the floor with a sharp clatter.

Before I could bend down, Robert's voice came through, clipped and cold.

"Get her out. Jessica, step in."

Coming out of the OR, I noticed cold sweat soaking through my scrubs.

It had only been a small hiccup. The surgery went fine overall.

After the shift, Nia left looking shaken and distant.

Then Robert's shadow fell over me. His eyes were tired, his voice heavy with disappointment.

"A mistake like that what kind of nurse are you?"

I looked up at him in disbelief.

"You saw what happened. That wasn't my fault."

"So you're saying it was Nia's?"

Robert's expression went cold immediately.

"Maya. Since when do you pass the blame?"

I understood then. He had decided, in that moment, to make me take the fall for Nia's sake.

My fingers drifted to my chest without thinking.

No wound there. But it hurt so much I thought it might kill me.

I don't know what Robert said to the head nurse.

The next day, I was reprimanded in front of everyone and a patient's family member happened to overhear.

It spread fast.

"That nurse Maya can't even hold a scalpel steady. She has no business in an operating room. One of these days she's going to get someone killed."

To contain the fallout, the hospital suspended me for a week.

The head nurse sighed.

"Administration is pushing hard on this. I put a rush on your resignation paperwork. Let's get your things today."

At three in the afternoon, I changed into my street clothes and packed everything into a cardboard box.

Robert spotted me in the hallway and frowned.

"They're letting you go over something this minor?"

"Suspended," I said.

He visibly relaxed and reached over to ruffle my hair.

"Then take it as a vacation. Rest up. I'll take you somewhere fun next week."

I said okay and walked out of the hospital.

He didn't know I was never coming back.