The Umbrella He Never Held for Me

Another heavy rain. The company security guard politely handed me an umbrella.

Miss Smith, you're lucky. Your boyfriend's here with an umbrella again.

I took it with a bitter smile.

The truth was, I had left mine at home on purpose.

We were only halfway through rainy season, and my boyfriend had brought me an umbrella twenty times.

He had also gone to pick up his childhood sweetheart twenty times.

A month ago, on a rainy day just like this one, I slipped and fell.

Blood poured from my thigh in an instant.

But my boyfriend hesitated. He asked if I could make it to the hospital on my own.

Because he had not taken the girl home yet.

Our baby was gone.

Today I had deliberately told him I forgot my umbrella. The rain was heavy, and the subway had shut down.

He replied with a single, flat "okay."

I really thought he would come.

Until I saw his social media post.

"I told her the rain was too heavy to go out and sketch, but she just had to. Lucky I was quick. Not a single drop landed on her."

I stared at it for a long time. Then I turned around, walked back into the office, and handed in my resignation.

The rainy season in this city lasts too long.

I am done waiting for someone to hold an umbrella over me.

The wind was fierce.

By the time I got home, I was soaked through.

The moment I pushed open the door, I saw Ethan grab a blanket and drape it gently over Autumn's shoulders.

"You're back."

Ethan smiled at me.

A perfectly standard, perfectly mechanical smile.

Like it was just a step in a routine he had to get through.

He went straight to the kitchen, and a few minutes later came back out carrying a bowl of hot soup and some cold medicine.

"Here. Take these. Do not let yourself get chilled again."

I stayed standing in the doorway.

Everything in front of me felt strangely foreign.

When I miscarried, Ethan had only shown up with takeout. He had made a point of telling me he had carefully chosen something nutritious, reminding me to eat well for the next few days.

I was in the hospital for seven days. He came once.

Ethan said he was not good at taking care of people, so there was no point in him being there.

Turns out, he just did not want to take care of me.

With Autumn, Ethan was a completely different person.

He blew on the soup carefully, cooling it before bringing the spoon to her lips.

"It is still hot!"

The moment she said it, he tensed up.

A second later he tasted it himself.

They shared the same spoon.

Not a trace of hesitation on his face.

How was this possible?

Just a few days ago, I had found a coffee I really liked and slid it over to Ethan without thinking.

He had immediately looked uncomfortable and wiped the straw with a napkin.

He said lipstick was on it.

But I had not been wearing any makeup that day.

In the room, underneath the two of them laughing together, I could actually hear my own heartbeat.

Loud and fast.

It took Autumn a while to remember I was there.

"Ava, why are you just standing in the doorway? Come eat with us."

Ethan looked a little awkward.

He quickly ladled out a bowl for me.

Hot soup with oil floating on top, smelling wonderful. But it turned bitter the moment it hit my mouth.

This was not something I was meant to enjoy.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Autumn's gaze darting around.

"Ava, please do not read into anything. I just went out looking for some inspiration and ran into Ethan by coincidence."

At that, Ethan chimed in immediately.

"Exactly. She just wanted to finish her draft sooner, which would take some of the workload off you too."

Both of them looked at me at the same time.

Suddenly my throat felt like something was lodged in it. I could not make a sound.

I had heard these words too many times.

All twenty of those times before. None of it intentional. All of it coincidence.

I genuinely did not know how they could be so certain I would keep believing it.

When I did not answer, Autumn reached into her bag and pulled out her manuscript.

My rational mind came back a little.

Autumn was a bestselling manga artist. I was her editor.

Before I quit, it had still been my job.

I pushed my tears back down.

I forced myself to focus and review her manuscript properly.

Her art style was distinct and striking.

But the plot always felt scattered.

"This part does not work. The two leads just started dating. Why would they be showering together?"

"You have to keep it grounded in reality."

Before I had even finished, Autumn frowned.

Her expression was completely baffled.

"It is realistic."

"Last time in Bali, Ethan scrubbed my back for me."

For a moment, the air froze completely.

Autumn realized she had said too much and quickly covered her mouth.

My mind went blank.

All the strength drained out of me. The manuscript slipped from my hands and scattered across the floor.

I looked over at Ethan instinctively.

He bent down and picked up the pages one by one.

"This is not a big deal. We have bathed together since we were kids."

"Autumn has claustrophobia. I was just there to keep her company."

Just.

Was this really something ordinary to them?

Autumn spoke up too.

"Exactly. It really was nothing."

"Even if Ethan was standing in front of me completely naked, I would not feel anything."

Ethan's eyes went wide.

He set the manuscript down, then reached over and put his arm around Autumn's neck.

He pretended to be offended.

"Oh, is that right? Who was it that wrote in her diary she wanted to marry me when she grew up?"

"So what? You said you would marry me too, and now look at you. You have a girlfriend."

As if nothing had happened at all.

The two of them started bickering again.

They kept talking, but I could not hear any of it anymore.

If the Bali shower was real, then the other things in the manga...

Traveling to Italy just to eat pizza.

Holding each other for warmth while watching the northern lights.

And that kiss neither of them could hold back after a rainstorm.

All of it, straight from real life.

"Ethan, how much have you been lying to me?"

My words dropped the temperature in the room instantly.

Ethan's smile froze on his face.

He pulled me into a corner and lowered his voice.

"I brought you souvenirs from every trip. What more do you want?"

"But you told me you were away for work!"

I practically shouted it.

I knew he had gone to Italy. What I did not know was that he had gone with Autumn.

Looking back, Ethan had never lied to Autumn. If he was even a few minutes late to meet her, he would explain and apologize.

He was so honest with her that I had thought that was just the kind of person he was.

Only now did I understand. His honesty was reserved for Autumn.

For me, a few gifts from the airport were enough.

Just then, my eyes landed on the snow globe sitting on the shelf.

He had told me he picked it out especially for me. I had been happy about it for a long time.

But the moment I pictured Autumn standing beside him when he bought it, it was like something reached into my chest and squeezed. It hurt.

The tears fell onto the floor.

Ethan watched them fall. He seemed thrown off.

"Come on. It is not that serious."

"Ava, do not overthink this. You are my girlfriend. Do you not trust me at all?"

Then he reached into his pocket and held out a card.

"This is the money I have been saving for our wedding. The PIN is your birthday."

I did not respond right away.

I stood there staring at the card.

I did not even notice when Autumn had moved closer.

She looked at the card in my hand and her expression shifted.

"Ava, you are not even married yet and you are already going after his finances?"

Her tone was dripping with sarcasm, and it snapped me back to reality.

But Ethan spoke first.

"Enough."

Then he turned to me.

"Nothing changes."

"The day after tomorrow, we go register."

We had planned our registration date a long time ago.

I had half expected Ethan to have forgotten.

Even standing at the entrance of the marriage registration office, it felt like a dream.

My phone buzzed. A message from my boss.

"Ava, have you really decided to resign?"

My mind was a mess.

I had no idea what to say back.

The wind was picking up. Before long I was shivering.

I pulled my coat tighter and found a spot out of the wind.

One hour passed, then another.

I watched the wind die down and start up again, but Ethan never appeared.

He had lied to me again.

When I touched my ice-cold cheek, I felt a sudden urge to laugh.

Calls went unanswered. Texts went unread.

I walked all the way to the bank, and my phone stayed silent the entire time.

At least the cold had cleared my head.

I walked inside and checked the account balance.

Before I entered the PIN, I still felt a small flicker of hope.

Then I saw the number on the screen.

Twenty thousand dollars.

My chest went cold.

Not enough for one of Autumn's handbags.

Ethan had been a senior engineer, then started his own company. It was not that he did not have money.

He just was not willing to spend it on me.

I stood outside the bank for a long time, then finally sent the message I had typed out.

"I have decided. I am resigning."

My boss replied in seconds.

"Come in first."

I supposed I had to deal with the paperwork anyway.

I dried my tears and headed over.

But the moment I stepped into the office, I was hit with a shower of confetti and streamers.

"Congratulations, Ava!"

My coworkers' cheers filled my ears from every direction.

I stood there completely lost, staring at them.

Then someone threw an arm around my shoulder.

"Do not hold back, Ava. Just laugh. Let it out."

"The latest issue went viral. The revenue is more than all of ours combined."

A coworker smiled and pushed the numbers in front of me.

The figures were so big I had to count the digits twice.

The comments had already crossed a million.

The most-liked one asked whether the manga was based on real people.

Autumn replied: yes.

A few minutes later, she posted a video on her social media.

"Thank you all for asking. Here is my boyfriend."

"Everything in the manga is just our everyday life."

I stared at the video without blinking.

The noise around me seemed to dissolve into static.

Because the person standing beside Autumn was Ethan.

When I found them, they were still grinning at their phones.

Of course they were.

The whole internet was busy envying this perfect fairy-tale couple.

Each step I took felt heavier than the last.

Ethan spotted me first.

He pressed a quick kiss to Autumn's forehead, then walked over to me fast and grabbed my arm, pulling me outside.

"Let me explain."

His voice was calm.

Like this was a minor inconvenience that could simply be smoothed over.

"Explain? Explain what, exactly?"

"My boyfriend chose the day we were supposed to register to go public with another woman. And I am supposed to celebrate that?"

I told myself I could hold my ground.

But the moment I opened my mouth, the tears came anyway.

Seven years together. How did it end up like this?

Ethan glanced at me.

His brow furrowed immediately.

"Why would you not celebrate? You are her editor. You get a bonus out of this too."

"I am just playing the role of her boyfriend temporarily."

Temporarily. Again with temporarily.

I had heard that word from him so many times. I was done.

"And if the story gets to a wedding and a baby, are you going to help her with that too"

"That is enough!"

He cut me off before I could finish.

When I looked at him again, he had turned into someone I did not recognize.

His face was full of impatience.

Like I was the one who had done something wrong.

"Ava, when did you get so petty?"

"Autumn's dream since she was a little girl was to be a famous manga artist. I just want to help her make that happen. What is wrong with that?"

He pressed a hand to his forehead and started pacing.

Then he let out a long breath, like he was making a decision.

He turned and looked at me.

"Ava, there is something you should know. When you got into that graduate program years ago, I was the one who turned it down on your behalf. Then I introduced you to this company specifically so you would become Autumn's editor."

"We have come this far. Let us just see it through. Help Autumn reach her dream first."

"After that, we can get back to our own plans. Okay?"

Ethan's voice had gone flat and even.

But to me, it hit like a lightning strike out of a clear sky.

I could not process what he had said. I almost could not understand the words.

Back then, when I thought I had not gotten in, I had cried until I could not breathe. Ethan had held me in his arms and told me gently that there was still so much road ahead.

And now he was telling me it was all his doing.

So what did that make me?

Even my own dream had to give way to Autumn.

The memory of that breakdown came flooding back.

Standing in front of him, I felt my chest fill with something burning.

I raised my hand and slapped him as hard as I could.

He did not move.

He let me take out everything I had.

Until my arm was too heavy to lift and I slid against the wall, crying until I had nothing left.

"Feel better?"

"Good. Now go back to work. The next issue needs to go out early."

The company threw a celebration party.

I did not go.

I bought a bunch of drinks and wanted to drown everything out.

I wanted to forget all of it, even just for a night.

But I did not get that either.

Even in my dreams, Ethan was there.

We started with nothing. Sharing a tiny apartment, splitting a single bread roll, wrapped up in one blanket to stay warm.

He had cheered me on completely when I wanted to go to grad school. He had sworn he would work hard and earn enough so I could focus on studying without worrying about a thing.

Then Autumn came back, and everything changed.

Just because they had grown up together? Because she was his childhood friend?

But Autumn had gone abroad in high school. The time she had actually spent by his side was only five years. Ethan and I had been together for seven.

Time was not the excuse.

The truth was simple. Ethan never loved me.

I fell into a heavy, painful sleep.

And woke up to my phone buzzing.

The moment I opened my eyes, I realized I had been crying in my sleep.

I wiped my face and stared at the screen.

The name trending on social media was mine.

There was a photo taken yesterday. Me and Ethan, confronting each other outside the building.

"Shameless. Going after someone else's man in broad daylight."

"She is literally Autumn's editor. Who knows what she has been doing behind the scenes to sabotage her."

"I just feel for Autumn. She makes the money, and this woman stabs her in the back."

I blinked.

Going after someone else's man. Me?

That was almost funny.

I was about to head to the office to deal with it, but before I even made it downstairs, I heard shouting outside.

A group of angry fans had gathered at the building entrance.

"Homewrecker, get down here! You want to steal someone's man and hide from it?"

I sighed.

I knew I could not fight a crowd by myself, so I messaged Ethan.

"Are not you going to clear this up?"

I watched the typing indicator appear, then disappear. Nothing came through.

Then a rock came flying through my window and shattered the glass.

I rushed over to look and came face to face with the crowd below.

"There she is! Get her!"

I had no time to move. Objects started hitting me.

Rotten eggs. Stones. Broken glass.

One piece caught me directly across the cheek.

Blood started running down my face, and the panic hit all at once.

"Ethan, I am begging you, please. You are the only one who can stop this."

Finally, his message came through.

It knocked the last of my hope clean out of me.

"Fans have surrounded Autumn's studio. I need to go get her."

"You will be okay on your own, right?"

I was not okay.

I woke up in the hospital with a long scar running down my cheek.

If the police had not arrived when they did, that crowd might have killed me.

I picked up my phone.

Seven full days. Not a single message from Ethan.

"Are you ready to explain yourself now?"

I typed it out, feeling nothing.

Ethan replied instantly.

"There is nothing to explain right now. The buzz is at its peak and the manga just hit number one."

"Just hang in there a little longer, Ava."

I actually laughed reading that.

I had watched Ethan put Autumn first for years.

I had been patient long enough. I was done.

I changed my flight to the earliest available and did not wait for any follow-up appointments.

On the plane, I typed everything out as fast as I could.

The second I had a signal, I posted it.

If he was not going to clear my name, I would do it myself.

An hour later, my phone started going crazy.

"Ava, have you lost your mind?"