The Heart You Gave Back Came Too Late

On the way to the hospital, someone shoved a survey into my hands.

[What moment in your life would you most want to go back to?]

I thought for a few seconds, then put pen to paper.

[I want to go back to the day of the New York pile-up. I want to stop the doctors from saving me.]

The girl next to me read my answer and gasped.

"I heard only nine people survived that crash. Why would you want to stop them from saving you?"

I pressed my hand to the transplanted heart in my chest and looked up at the largest screen on the building across the street.

It was playing footage of Ethan Shelton dropping seven figures on a sapphire ring for some film school girl.

Everyone envied her. She'd brought one of New York's most powerful men to his knees.

But no one knew that I was on my way to terminate Ethan Shelton's baby.

I handed the survey back to the girl and forced a smile.

"I was always supposed to die that day."

Back then, the doctors had mistaken me for Ethan's sister.

They took her heart and gave it to me.

I'd been living with that heart for three years.

And Ethan had hated me for three years.

I decided it was time to give the heart back.

The girl stared at me, frozen.

Her mouth opened and closed a few times before she finally spoke.

"That wasn't your fault."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. What's done is done."

"You have to keep moving forward."

After those few words of comfort, she couldn't help asking one more thing.

"Did her brother ever come after you?"

I shook my head and smiled, though it tasted bitter.

Back then, Ethan hadn't come after me at all. He'd comforted me. Endlessly.

Every night I drowned in guilt, he flew back from Wall Street just to be with me.

When the medication made me sick, he drove thirty miles in the middle of the night to get me the cupcakes I loved.

I thought Ethan loved me.

Then, on our one-year anniversary, he brought a woman home.

After he was done with her in our bed, he looked at me with cold, empty eyes while I sobbed.

"Nina, if you hadn't swapped jackets with Vivian that day, how would the doctors have ever mistaken you for her? How would they have taken her heart and given it to you?"

"Vivian was pampered her whole life. She cried over the smallest things. Do you have any idea how much pain she was in when she died?"

"Nina, I want you to spend the rest of your life paying for what you did to her."

Ethan's reckoning came down hard and fast.

After that day, he started bringing women home constantly, forcing me to watch. He let them hurt me, again and again.

They locked me in a sauna room for three days and three nights.

They tied weights to my legs and threw me into a frozen lake.

Three years of this. I was exhausted.

If Ethan hated me that much for taking Vivian's heart, I thought, then I'd give it back.

I picked up the paperwork from the abortion clinic and went to the hospital where I'd booked my third consultation for the heart removal surgery.

The doctor took one look at me and frowned.

"Ms. Cole, I've told you you're still pregnant. We can't perform the heart removal surgery under these conditions."

I didn't argue. I set the abortion paperwork on his desk.

"I'm having the abortion today."

"It won't interfere with the heart removal."

"But once we replace it with an artificial heart, you'll only have a year to live. What's the point?"

"And the father has a right to know. Does he consent to the abortion?"

Would Ethan consent?

The doctor's words pulled me back to a few days ago.

I'd been excited. I'd grabbed the prenatal report and gone to find Ethan.

Instead, I walked in on one of his friends asking him a question.

If I were pregnant, would he still keep up his revenge?

Ethan paused for a few seconds. Then he threw his head back and laughed.

Like it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard.

"Pregnant?"

"That would be perfect."

"Nina owes Vivian a life. She can pay it back with the baby."

"Once she gives birth, I'll cut the child's heart out right in front of her"

His words hit me like a blade driving straight into my chest.

My thoughts spiraled. Tears streamed down my face as I pressed a hand to my stomach.

"The child has no father."

So it wouldn't affect the heart removal surgery.

The procedure took an hour. When it was done, I booked the heart removal surgery.

One week from now.

I walked out of the hospital, one hand pressed to my lower abdomen, breathing slowly and carefully.

I'd barely swallowed my pain medication when Ethan called.

"Nina. Golden Horse Club. Ten minutes."

"You know what happens if you're late."

I tucked the surgery paperwork into my bag and caught a cab.

The moment I walked in, a ball slammed into my face.

"Ethan, you called it it really is Nina."

"Almost thought we hit the wrong person." Someone laughed and grabbed the ball back.

My nose throbbed. A thick, metallic taste filled my mouth.

Blood dripped onto the white carpet.

I wiped it away like it was nothing, then walked over to Ethan.

His bare chest was covered in bite marks and scratches. A girl was draped in his arms. He swirled his drink, glanced at me, and smirked.

"You showed up."

"I lost at cards again tonight. Drink this for me." He gestured to a case of beer.

I looked at Ethan and forced a smile.

Without hesitation, I grabbed a bottle and tipped it back.

The alcohol burned all the way down.

My vision blurred with the pain.

In under a minute, the bottle was gone. My stomach churned violently.

But I didn't stop. I wiped my mouth and reached for the next one.

My fingers touched the cold glass and then my heart seized.

I gripped my palm hard, trying to breathe through it, and reached for the couch.

Someone kicked me to the floor.

Thud.

My head hit the ground hard. I nearly blacked out.

When I pulled myself back up, the room erupted in laughter.

Ethan sat at the center of it all, a faint smile on his lips.

"Enough."

The room went quiet.

He walked over to me, helped me to my feet, then reached into his jacket and pulled out the sapphire ring from the auction.

It caught the light a deep, brilliant blue that filled the room with color.

Ethan looked at me for a long moment, his expression unreadable. Then he got down on one knee.

"Nina, will you marry me?"

I hadn't even processed it yet.

Then his mouth curved into a contemptuous smile.

"I bet you've played this moment in your head a thousand times."

"I bet you already know exactly how you'd cry when you said yes."

"Too bad, Nina. This ring isn't for you."

He turned and gestured to the girl beside him.

She wore a white sundress. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes bright and clear.

I knew who she was. She was the film school student he'd been keeping Lily Smith.

"Lily. Give me your hand."

Ethan slipped the ring onto Lily's finger and laced his hand through hers.

He glanced at me sideways, his eyes full of contempt.

Then his other hand moved gently to Lily's neck, and he pulled her into a deep kiss.

The room erupted.

I pressed my hand to my heart and let my tears fall in the middle of the crowd.

An hour later, the party ended.

Ethan carried Lily to the car, rolled down the window, and spoke to me like we'd done this a hundred times.

"Nina, it's one in the morning. Walk home."

"And make sure you go past the crash site."

"I don't want to see you living too comfortably."

The window went up. The car pulled away.

I stood there as a cold wind rolled through.

I pushed through the pain and started walking toward the house, one step at a time.

One in the morning. That was when the New York pile-up had happened.

It was also the time Vivian's heart had been given to me.

Ethan never let me forget it.

Thirteen kilometers. It took me four hours.

By the time I reached the hillside house, my legs were giving out.

I reached up and pressed the doorbell with the last of my strength. My vision went dark. I was about to pass out when the door swung open.

"Nina, go clean up Lily. She's exhausted."

Ethan stood shirtless in the doorway, his body marked with Lily's lipstick and scratches.

The pain in my chest was so sharp I had to clench my teeth.

I looked up and met his eyes.

One more week, Ethan. After that, I won't owe you anything.

I looked away.

I lowered my head and walked through the house to the master bedroom.

The wide black bed reeked of them.

I went in anyway. I leaned over and gently shook Lily awake.

She opened her eyes and looked at me, suddenly shy.

"Nina, I'm sorry to trouble you."

"Mr. Shelton, he"

She didn't finish. I cut her off, took her arm, and guided her to the bathroom.

I filled the tub with warm water and cleaned her off with a towel, taking care of every mark on her skin.

Half an hour later, I helped her back to bed.

The entire time, Ethan watched with quiet amusement.

When I finished and turned to leave, he spoke.

"Nina. Is there something you forgot to tell me today?"

His eyes drifted toward my stomach.

I smiled, though it hurt. Shook my head. Went downstairs to the staff room.

I shut the door. My whole body shook as I slid down to the floor.

I dug the medication out of my bag and swallowed all of it at once.

The pills kicked in and I drifted off.

I hadn't been asleep long when the door burst open with a kick.

Ethan stood there, furious.

"Nina, what did you do to Lily when you washed her up?"

"Why is she bleeding?"

I pushed myself upright and saw that both of Ethan's hands were covered in blood.

I opened my mouth.

Before I could say a word, Ethan grabbed my arm and dragged me to the car.

"You're coming to the hospital with us."

"If anything happens to Lily, I will not let you walk away from this."

I was thrown into the back seat. I pressed my hand to my chest, the pain so severe I could barely breathe.

At the hospital, I watched Ethan rush through the entrance with Lily cradled carefully in his arms.

I sat alone in a cold plastic chair, clenching my teeth against the pain.

A few minutes later, Ethan came back out.

"Come with me. Lily has an ectopic pregnancy. She's hemorrhaging. You're Rh-negative. Get in there and give blood."

He turned and walked away like it was already decided.

For three years, I had done everything he asked.

But this time, I thought about the heart removal surgery in one week.

And for the first time, I said no.

"Ethan. I won't."

"What did you just say?"

He turned around. The disbelief on his face shifted into a cold sneer as it sank in.

He leaned against the wall.

"Nina. Have you still not figured out where you stand?

"You don't get to say no to me. Not ever."

He reached into his jacket and pulled out a folding knife.

"I'll give you two choices."

"Come give blood. Or I use this to take back the heart that was never yours."

Three years. Countless nights of suffering.

I'd thought about cutting the heart out myself and handing it back to Ethan more times than I could count.

But every time I picked up a knife, I thought of my mother. Stage-four cancer. Fighting every day to stay alive.

Every time, I told myself hold on a little longer. For her.

A few more days. Then a few more.

Three years passed.

This time, I forced down every thought screaming inside me and gave in.

"Ethan. I'll go give blood for Lily."

Three full bags. I watched them drain out through the tube.

A deep cold settled over me.

My body shook without my permission. A high-pitched ringing filled my ears.

Just when I thought I was going to slip under, I heard Lily's voice surprised, almost embarrassed.

"Mr. Shelton, Nina's health isn't good. Can she really give this much?"

"My doctor friend told me it was just my period coming on suddenly. You didn't have to rush like this."

The moment those words landed, I turned and looked at Ethan.

Tears slid down my face. Everything went black.

When I came to, I was in a hospital room.

I could hear nurses nearby, talking in hushed, excited voices.

"So romantic"

"Mr. Shelton he rented out a whole luxury yacht to propose"

I sat up and pushed open the room door.

On the screen at the end of the hallway, Ethan's proposal video was playing on a loop.

Down on one knee, eyes full of love. It brought back something Vivian had told me once, quiet and bright-eyed, like she was sharing a secret.

"Nina, my brother likes you. He's been asking me what kind of proposal you'd want."

I'd told her I wanted it on a yacht.

Ethan had done it. Just not for me.

A sharp pain moved through my chest. My phone buzzed.

[Ms. Cole, your surgery is approaching. Do you still wish to proceed?]

I pushed through the crowd and typed back.

[Yes.]

At noon, the heart removal surgery went smoothly.

When I woke up on the operating table, my chest beat with a steady mechanical rhythm.

An artificial heart. One that wouldn't spike with grief or flinch with love.

For the first time in three years, I didn't have to hurt over Ethan anymore.

Tears ran down my face anyway.

My phone rang on the table beside the bed.

"Nina, Vivian's memorial is in three days. You know what you're supposed to do. Don't tell me you've forgotten."

Ethan's voice was cold and flat.

I turned to look at the heart sitting in a cooler beside me.

"I haven't forgotten."

Vivian had loved extreme sports.

Every year on her memorial, Ethan and his friends forced me to take on some kind of challenge in her honor.

For three years, I'd been terrified every time. And every time, I'd gritted my teeth and done it.

This year, I didn't have to force myself anymore.

Because I was about to give the heart back.

I stayed in the hospital until the day of Vivian's memorial. Then I checked out temporarily and made my way to the most exclusive private cemetery in the city.

I'd barely reached Vivian's grave when I heard Ethan's friends laughing nearby.

"Ethan, we found something for this year. You're going to love it."

"Nina's going to lose it when she sees what we picked."

"You'd better not go soft on her."

"Soft? On the person who killed Vivian?"