He Wished I'd Never Been Saved

On my way home from work, I bought some oranges for twenty-two dollars.

I was in the middle of asking the vendor if he could knock off two bucks when my boyfriend Ethan suddenly slapped me across the face.

God, you're embarrassing. Making a scene over two dollars.

Looks like Rena was right about you all along. You really did let her mom die just because you were short a dollar on her medication.

"If I'd known what kind of person you were, I would've chosen Rena when the kidnappers gave me a choice. I should've saved her, not you."

He grabbed the bag of oranges out of my hands and threw them on the ground.

Then he walked away without looking back.

I stood there watching him go.

The vendor didn't know what to do. He quickly scooped up another bag of oranges and held them out to me.

I shook my head.

I didn't want the oranges.

I didn't want him either.

Ethan didn't come home all night.

I sat staring at the oranges scattered across the table, feeling a hollow kind of sadness settle in my chest.

The scene this afternoon had been loud enough to attract a crowd.

Someone had filmed it and posted it to social media.

"She's a gold digger, plain and simple."

"Spent all his money and now she's pinching pennies over a few oranges. Pathetic."

"Can't blame the guy. Anyone would lose it."

The comments piled on, one after another.

The video spread fast.

I told myself it didn't matter.

Just gossip. It would pass.

Then I saw Ethan's account.

He had liked every single comment attacking me.

My heart skipped a beat.

For a moment, I couldn't process it.

So that's what he really thinks of me.

Seven years together. Seven years of watching every dollar, cutting every corner.

If Ethan hadn't crashed his business and buried us in debt, I never would have haggled over two dollars in the first place.

Everything I did, I did for him.

And somehow, in the end, he decided I was the villain.

My eyes filled with tears before I could stop them.

Everything blurred. And without meaning to, my mind drifted back through all the years with Ethan.

This morning he had pressed a soft kiss to my forehead before he left.

At lunch he had gotten annoyed that I'd ordered cheap takeout, then turned around and cooked a proper meal and brought it to my office himself.

And then, just a few hours later, he became someone I didn't recognize.

My cheek still throbbed where he'd hit me.

I couldn't make sense of it.

That was when my phone rang.

It was my best friend, Lily.

I wiped my face fast and swallowed hard, trying to keep my voice steady.

She'd probably seen the post. And the likes.

I was going to tell her I was fine.

But she spoke first.

"I just saw Ethan walk into a club with a woman."

"I think it's... Rena."

The name hit me like cold water.

I made her repeat it. Asked again and again, until I heard the certainty in her voice.

"That can't be right. Rena moved abroad years ago."

"And Ethan deleted all her contacts right in front of me. He even changed his phone number. He did it himself..."

My voice trailed off without me noticing.

I was running through every detail in my head, desperate to prove that Ethan and Rena had truly cut ties.

But I couldn't lie to myself.

Lily had gone to school with Rena. She wouldn't mistake her.

When the truth finally landed, the strength went out of my legs. I slid down to the floor.

Breathing became difficult.

I forced myself up and stumbled toward Ethan's home office.

Ethan had always been particular about that room. From the day we moved in together, he'd made one thing clear: I was never to go inside.

Looking back now, that terrified me.

I didn't care about his rules anymore. I tore through the entire room.

I found it at the back of a cabinet.

A box.

My hands were shaking when I opened it.

Inside were letters. All from Rena. Packed in so tight there was barely room for another.

The dates were recent. The most recent one from just a week ago.

"Ethan, I can't take it anymore. I'm coming home."

The paper was stained with dried tears.

Standing there reading it, I started to laugh.

I couldn't help it.

Their love was so intense they had gone back to handwritten letters just to express it.

No wonder Ethan had always been so quick to hand me his phone to check. No wonder he'd always kept me updated on his schedule without being asked.

No wonder he spent entire afternoons locked in this room, then came out smiling.

It all made sense now.

Including the slap.

We were supposed to celebrate our seven-year anniversary today.

He hadn't been upset about the oranges.

He was upset because Rena had come back.

I took every letter and went to find them at the club.

The moment I walked through the door, I spotted Ethan at the center of it all.

He looked drunk.

He'd climbed up onto a table and was holding court, talking at full volume.

An occupational hazard of being a public speaker, I supposed.

Rena sat below him, gazing up at him like he was the only person in the room.

I had seen that exact expression on her face back in high school, the first time Ethan gave an impromptu speech on stage.

Someone in the crowd decided to egg him on.

"What's your biggest regret?"

Ethan's smile disappeared. He went quiet. His brow furrowed.

He turned and looked at Rena, and his eyes went soft with guilt.

"Years ago, when someone put a gun to our heads and told me to choose, I couldn't choose Rena. That's the one thing I'll regret for the rest of my life."

"She told me to go find help while she stayed behind. I didn't know she was going to call the police. Because of that, she almost got seriously hurt."

"If I could go back, I would choose her. Without hesitation."

Rena burst into tears.

So did I.

Seven years ago, we were kidnapped together.

Ethan hadn't brought enough money for the ransom. The kidnappers said they'd release only one of us.

He gripped my hand so hard I thought his fingers would break the skin.

After a long silence, his voice finally cracked through.

He called my name.

In that moment, I forgave Ethan for everything.

I made a silent promise to love him with everything I had.

So I quietly contacted the police. We worked together from the inside, and the kidnappers were taken down.

When I handed Ethan the recovered money afterward, something flickered behind his eyes.

Anger.

I hadn't understood it then.

Now I did. He blamed me. In the chaos of the police moving in, one of the kidnappers had panicked and hurt Rena.

Standing in that club, I finally felt it how ridiculous I had been. How ridiculous all of it had been.

The story seemed to sober Ethan up a little.

He looked at Rena with even more tenderness than before.

"Rena, we can't go back. That was my fault. All of it."

"But I want to make it up to you. Starting now."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a bank card.

My tears dried up instantly.

That was my bank card.

"Ethan, have you lost your mind?"

I pushed through the crowd and got right in front of them.

My eyes were fixed on that card.

But just as I was about to grab it, Ethan stepped aside.

He closed his hand around the card and turned on me, his face tight with anger.

"Ethan, you can't use that card. That's everything we have saved."

I was almost shaking.

Ethan just looked at me. Calm. Unmoved. Watching me fall apart like it was entertainment.

"So what? You owe Rena that much."

"Holly, how long are you going to keep up this act? From the day we got together, I handed you every paycheck from every gig for seven years. And you still nickel-and-dimed everything. The numbers never added up."

When our eyes met, he felt like a stranger.

Had he forgotten?

He still owed a debt.

"Ethan, that money was for paying off the "

He cut me off before I could finish.

Without a second's hesitation, he shoved me aside, turned, and pressed the card into Rena's hand.

Then he stepped in front of her like a shield.

He looked at me like I was a threat.

"Holly, don't forget you still owe me for the money you skimmed. I expect that back."

"Rena and I have missed enough time. I'm done wasting more."

He said it like he was reading a verdict, then turned away.

The music came back up. Ethan disappeared into the crowd on the dance floor.

Like nothing had happened.

I was the only one still standing there, frozen.

It was all my fault.

I had protected him too well.

Every time a creditor showed up at the door, I was the one who faced them alone.

I cut back on everything, worked myself down to the bone, all to pay off his debt as fast as I could.

And in the end, I had nothing left.

Not even the one thing I used to be most proud of.

My love.

The girl I used to be never could have imagined things ending up like this.

Ethan grew up without much. He was always hungry as a kid.

From the time we were in elementary school, I used to split my breakfast with him every morning.

Ethan loved to talk. He would climb up on the big rock by the river and use it as his stage, while I crouched below and played audience.

Then when we were fourteen, Ethan hurt his throat.

He stopped showing up at the river. After a few days I started to panic.

I searched for him all day before I finally found him on the roof of an abandoned building.

He said he didn't want to be alive anymore.

"My voice is gone. What's the point of any of this."

I grabbed him and dragged him straight to my father, Dr. Carter.

I promised, with everything I had, that my father could fix his throat.

My father was the most respected doctor in the whole area.

Several months of treatment. countless bowls of medicinal soup.

Ethan's voice came back, exactly as it had been.

He came back afterward with money to pay for the treatment.

I shook my head and refused to take it.

That day, Ethan looked at me for a long time. There was something deep in his expression I couldn't quite name.

Finally he turned toward the sun and made a vow. He would take care of me for the rest of his life. He would never stop trusting me.

In high school, he kept that promise.

But once Rena developed feelings for Ethan, she decided I was her enemy.

Rena was a little dumber than I had given her credit for.

She didn't even bother being subtle about it.

She slipped a laxative into my drink so I'd embarrass myself in PE class.

She organized a "ugliest girl" poll with her crew and put my name at the top.

It was anonymous, but she used the notepads she'd been showing off to everyone just days before.

When Ethan found out what she'd been doing to me, he gave a small, cold laugh.

"I didn't know people this stupid still existed."

The disdain was all over his face.

But the corner of his mouth had curved up.

I didn't bother retaliating, so Rena thought she was getting away with it clean.

Until she made the mistake of posting by name on a school forum.

"My mom was really sick. I had all the money for her prescription, but Holly refused to fill it because I was one dollar short. Because of her, my mom almost didn't make it."

It was a lie full of holes. But somehow, a lot of people believed it.

I couldn't walk down the hall without hearing people call me a murderer.

Then Ethan stepped in.

He walked straight up to one of them and slapped them across the face without saying a word.

He said he believed me.

I was so moved that day. So moved I didn't notice the way his jaw had tightened, just slightly, at the corner of his mouth.

Maybe everything had been wrong from the very beginning.

Rena never let go of her hatred. Ethan never truly trusted me.

How ridiculous.

I dragged myself up and stumbled toward the bathroom.

I needed to splash some water on my face. Clear my head.

But when I looked in the mirror, I saw Rena standing behind me.

"What do you want?"

She gave me a smile. Strange. A little too pleased with herself.

"Holly, I just feel so insecure."

"I want to know if he had to choose between us right now, who would he pick?"

I didn't follow her right away.

A second later, Rena twisted the lock on the door and set fire to the trash can.

Within seconds, flames had spread across the entire bathroom floor.

Smoke swallowed the room.

I moved toward the door.

But Rena was already blocking it. She didn't move.

Then Ethan's voice came from the other side.

He pounded on the door, calling Rena's name over and over.

Rena smiled.

"See, Holly? I win."

"Honestly, I always thought Ethan loved me just a little bit more. You were just a distraction. A temporary one."

"You must be crushed right now. Just like I was seven years ago."

I stared at her.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

I was choking on smoke. I might actually die in here. And she was standing there gloating about Ethan's love for her.

I used every ounce of strength I had and shoved her out of the way.

But the door chose that exact moment to jam.

Any chance of getting out on our own was gone.

When the smoke finally hit Rena's lungs, the confidence drained out of her face.

"Ethan, help me! I just wanted to see who you'd choose. I didn't mean for it to go this far."

"Of course I'd choose you, baby. Don't be scared. I'm getting you out of there right now."

It felt like forever before Ethan finally forced the door open.

He rushed in, scooped Rena up in his arms, and carried her out.

He never looked at me once.

At that point, I didn't really care. I just needed to get out.

What I hadn't expected was for Ethan to turn around after stepping out, and kick the door shut behind him.

The bathroom door jammed again.

I couldn't hold on much longer.

Through the haze, the last image that kept surfacing was Ethan's foot connecting with that door.

So that's how much he hates me.

Enough to leave me here to die.

If I could go back, I would go back to when we were fourteen. I would leave him on that rooftop.

He never deserved to be saved.

When I came to, I was in a hospital room.

A nurse came in to check on me.

She glanced toward the door and asked, almost as an afterthought, "No family with you?"

I shook my head.

Ethan wasn't coming. And I didn't want him to.

I had spent enough years squeezing every penny until it hurt.

I checked myself out immediately and went home to pack.

Ethan was still at the hospital with Rena.

I was rolling my suitcase out the front door when Rena posted on her Instagram.

"What's meant for you always finds its way back. No one can take what's yours."

That actually made me laugh out loud.

She wasn't wrong.

What belonged to Ethan should go back to him.

I pulled up a contact I had saved a long time ago and sent over Ethan's location.

Then I stopped thinking about it.

I got on a train headed back to my hometown.

As the scenery outside the window grew more and more familiar, something in me went quiet.

Then Ethan called.

"Holly, you cleaned out the whole apartment. What is wrong with you?"

"Just because Rena came back, you pull this little stunt? I'm telling you, I'm not falling for your manipulation again."

The fury in his voice came through the phone like heat.

I could even hear things being thrown and broken in the background.

Go ahead.

Everything he could throw was already his. Everything I'd bought, I'd taken with me.

I waited until he ran out of steam before I said anything.

"Didn't I leave a few things behind?"

"Someone will be delivering them to you shortly."

Ethan went quiet.

He started to say something, but the door flew open before he could.

No knocking. No warning.

"Hey. You know why I'm here. Time to pay up."