Love on the Eve of Erasure

As my due date drew closer, I kept having the exact same dream over and over.

In the dream, a little girl was crying, begging me not to bring her into the world.

Please, Mom, just let me go.

He cheated on you with his intern the moment you got pregnant. This family isn't worth breaking yourself over!

"Without me, without him, you'll finally be free!"

I bolted upright in a cold sweat, my heart hammering against my ribs. Beside me, my husband immediately wrapped his arms around me.

"Hey, sweetie, are you okay?"

Nolan's eyes were filled with pure worry. We had grown up together, knowing each other's deepest secrets. Since our marriage, he had been the neighborhood's poster child for the perfect husband.

Him? Cheating?

While he was in the kitchen pouring me a glass of warm water, I reached over and grabbed his phone from the nightstand.

The passcode used to be my birthday. Now, it had been changed.

Before I could process the cold dread settling in my chest, the doorbell rang.

Late at night, a heavily intoxicated woman was standing outside our door, slurring his name repeatedly.

When she saw me, her smile grew even more unhinged.

"Hey there. I'm just here to grab something from Nolan."

"Do me a favor and check under his pillow. Is there a pair of black lace stockings there?"

I didn't say a word, but my stomach suddenly tightened in a sharp, sudden spasm.

It was her. Charlene, the intern from my nightmares.

Charlene wanted to cause more of a scene, but Nolan had already hailed a cab and bundled her into it.

By the time he came back into the bedroom, I was already tossing the covers aside, searching.

"What are you looking for?"

"You don't seriously believe a drunk girl's rambling, do you?"

Nolan let out a casual, disbelieving chuckle and took the initiative to lift his pillow. "See? Nothing here."

He reached out to pull me into his arms, but I quietly stepped out of his reach.

"A woman gets drunk in the middle of the night, calls you repeatedly, and then shows up at our doorstep."

"Don't you think you owe me an explanation?"

I stared at him, trying to find even a sliver of guilt on his face.

But he only sighed, his expression a mix of gentle exhaustion and forced patience. "I get it. You're pregnant, and your hormones are making you hyper-sensitive."

"Young people get drunk and do stupid, reckless things. It happens."

"Paige, let's not let silly paranoia get between us, okay?"

That night was the first time we slept in separate rooms.

The next morning, I didn't wake up early to make him breakfast as I always did. The atmosphere in our home slowly froze over.

By the fourth day of our cold war, Nolan didn't return home even after midnight.

Restless and frustrated, I dialed his number over and over. When the call finally connected, it wasn't his voice that answered.

"Paige? Is something wrong?"

I couldn't help but let out a cold laugh. "I'm calling my own husband. Do I need to report to you?"

"You sound so hostile, Paige. I didn't mean anything by it."

"It's just that Nolan is completely wasted. Since you have such a big belly, are you sure you want to come pick him up?"

The line went dead. I threw on a coat, ordered a cab, and rode to a private lounge downtown.

Before I even pushed the heavy double doors of the VIP suite open, the raucous cheering from inside hit my ears.

"Chug! Chug!"

Through the glass panel, I saw Charlene coyly holding a shot glass, leaning close to Nolan.

His tall frame hovered over her. He cupped her face, tilted her head back, and shared a mouthful of wine, pressing his lips against hers in a sloppy, alcohol-fueled kiss.

I kicked the door open with a resounding bang.

The laughter died instantly.

"Paige?"

Nolan frowned, his eyes narrowing as he looked at me. "What are you doing here?"

I gestured toward the trembling woman beside him. "She already threw down the gauntlet. Did you really think I wouldn't show up?"

Charlene scrambled to defend herself. "Nolan, when you went to the restroom, she kept calling. I was just worried she'd be anxious, so I told her we were here for business networking."

Instead of getting angry at her, Nolan gently patted the back of her hand.

"It's not your fault."

He stood up, walking past her to face me.

"Are you happy now that you've made us the laughingstock of the room?"

Without waiting for my response, he pushed past me and stormed out of the suite.

I wanted to chase after him, but a sudden, violent spasm racked my abdomen. I slid down against the wall, clutching my belly.

"Nolan, it hurts..."

I was admitted to the hospital that night for emergency observation to prevent preterm labor. Nolan ran around handling the paperwork and medical supplies, finally collapsing into the chair beside my bed just as the horizon began to turn gray.

Exhausted, he tucked my hand back under the blanket.

"Just listen to the doctor. Everything will be fine."

"Look at you, making such a mountain out of a molehill."

His dismissive tone set off a spark of pure rage in my chest.

"A molehill?"

"Nolan, if I hadn't shown up tonight, would the two of you have ended up in bed?!"

"Paige!"

He roared, his eyes flashing with a terrifying, bloodshot anger.

"Do you have any idea what business networking is?!"

"I swear, you've got too much free time on your hands. Do you have any idea how exhausting my job actually is?!"

Silence fell over the room.

During my first trimester, the morning sickness had been brutal. I had spent weeks practically living on the bathroom floor, losing twenty pounds in a single month.

He was the one who had begged me to quit.

"Just stay home and let me take care of you. I can easily support us."

"Earning money is a man's job. Don't worry your pretty head about it."

The sweet promises of yesterday had become the sharpest daggers of today.

A flicker of guilt crossed his face. He ran a hand through his messy hair, trying to reach for my hand.

"Sweetie, I didn't mean it like that."

"What do you want to eat? I'll go buy it."

I stared at him, extending an open palm.

"Your phone."

He froze for a second, offering a strained laugh. "What? You don't trust me?"

I didn't blink. "Your phone."

"Why did you change the passcode?"

"What is on there that I'm not allowed to see?"

Nolan shoved his hand into his pocket, his fingers tightly gripping the device. He glared at me, his jaw clenching.

Suddenly, he pulled it out and smashed it onto the linoleum floor. The screen shattered into a million glittering pieces right before my eyes.

"Are you happy now?"

"Are you done throwing tantrums?"

He turned on his heel and stormed out, leaving me entirely alone in the sterile white room.

I stayed in the hospital for seven days, and Nolan never showed his face again.

The nurses watched me with pity. Compared to the other pregnant women whose husbands hovered over them with endless warmth, I looked pathetic.

When it was time to handle the discharge paperwork, a young nurse finally couldn't help but ask, "Do you want me to call your emergency contact? There are a lot of post-discharge care instructions."

I remained quiet, which she took as a yes. Deep down, a small, foolish part of me still hoped.

Unfortunately, after she tried calling him five times, Nolan still didn't pick up.

She looked at me awkwardly. "Maybe he's in a meeting?"

I forced a smile, thanked her, and called a cab myself.

As the taxi pulled up to our building, I noticed the lights in our apartment were on.

Nolan was home.

So why hadn't he answered the phone? Was he still playing his petty silent game?

Anger flared in my chest. I marched upstairs, determined to demand answers.

But the moment I unlocked the door, I froze.

There was a pair of high heels sitting on the shoe rack.

Loud music was pulsing through the apartment, so loud that neither of them had heard the door open.

"Nolan, grab the bowls! Dinner is ready!"

"Want a glass? I bought red wine today!"

Charlene's voice drifted from the kitchen. I walked forward like a zombie, only to see Nolan wrapping his arms around her waist from behind as she stood there in her apron.

"Smells amazing."

"But honestly, I'd rather eat you first."

I stood there in a daze, watching them. They looked like a loving, happily married couple. I was the intruder.

Charlene giggled, turning her head to kiss him, and that was when their eyes landed on me.

I slowly walked toward them. Nolan instinctively stepped in front of Charlene, shielding her.

Tears spilled over my cheeks, and when I spoke, my voice was raw and broken.

"Nolan..."

"Why?"

My mind flashed back to a dusty afternoon during my childhood.

I had come home early from school, eager to show my parents my report card.

Instead, I found my father and another woman in the bedroom, behaving like animals.

My mother had come home early that day too.

She had been carrying two heavy bags of groceries, smiling warmly as she told me, "Go do your homework, sweetie. I'm making pork chops tonight!"

We never got to eat those pork chops, because she spent the evening chasing my father with a kitchen knife while he scrambled to pull up his pants.

I didn't grab a knife. I just stood there like a statue, watching Charlene scramble to gather her things and flee.

Shortly after she left, Nolan tried to slip past me carrying a heavy black trash bag.

"Sweetie, I'm just going to take the trash out. I'll be right back."

I snatched the bag from his hands. Before he could stop me, I ripped it open and dumped the contents onto the floor.

Stockings, handcuffs, lipstick, a toothbrush, lace lingerie, remote-controlled toys...

The air in the room turned ice-cold. Trembling, I locked the front door and took the key.

"Starting today, you're not going anywhere."

"If you dare cross that threshold, I'll take both of us down."

On the first day of our confinement, Nolan acted completely normal.

He knelt before me, weeping and begging for forgiveness, claiming it was just a temporary lapse in judgment.

"You've been pregnant and we couldn't do anything. Charlene just happened to be assigned to my team."

"I'm a man, Paige. I have needs!"

"I promise it will never happen again, okay?"

He repented like a devout sinner, hovering around me, cleaning every corner of the house, and cooking elaborate meals to appease me.

On the third day, his phone rang incessantly.

Finally, he looked at me with a strained, pleading expression. "There's so much going on at the office."

"Let me go out just for a bit, sweetie. You can set a timer, track my location. You can monitor the office security cameras if you want!"

I gripped his hand tightly, refusing to let go.

"Charlene is at the office, isn't she?"

"You're just going to see her!"

Nolan sighed with exhaustion, running a hand over my hair.

"Fine, fine. I won't go."

"Stop overthinking. I'll stay right here with you."

We managed to survive another day in fragile peace, until the early hours of the fifth morning.

A soft rustling woke me. I got out of bed to find Nolan quietly trying to pick the lock on the front door.

"What are you doing?"

He jumped, startled, then rubbed his temples in sheer frustration. "Paige, you are seriously ruining my career."

"I promise you, the moment I finish this meeting, I'll come straight back."

I lunged forward, grabbing his arm and shaking my head violently. "I won't let you leave."

"You're going to her, aren't you? No!"

Fear and hysteria consumed me. I blocked the door with my entire body, completely losing my mind.

"Paige! You're acting like a complete psycho!"

Nolan shoved me, and when I kept fighting, his patience finally snapped. He raised his hand and slapped me across the face.

The sting on my cheek was burning. His harsh, mocking words rang in my ears.

"Now I see why your dad walked out on your family."

"Your mother was a psycho, and so are you!"

"Why don't you just go join her in the grave!"

The front door slammed shut, leaving me alone in the dark.

My mother had indeed gone mad.

She had refused to get a divorce, spending her days screaming and crying, her face covered in saliva and tears. She would hit me and yell at me, and I had been too terrified to even cry out loud.

Back then, Nolan would always find excuses to drag me to his house.

He would share his snacks and let me read his comic books.

"Don't worry, Paige!"

"I'll protect you!"

Later, when my mother committed suicide, he was the one who stayed by my side to handle the funeral, bowing to every guest who came to offer condolences.

"Paige, from now on, I'm your family."

He had been the only light in my dark childhood, healing my deepest scars.

Yet now, he was the one ripping those scars open and pouring salt into them.

Nolan refused to answer my calls, and I didn't sleep a wink.

His friend was the one who finally called me.

"Paige, you've gone way too far this time."

"What man doesn't make a mistake? Did you really have to leak their private photos online? How is Nolan supposed to show his face again?"

Confused, I hung up and opened my browser. I quickly found a trending post featuring explicit photos of Nolan and Charlene.

The title was vicious: A Trashy Whore and a Dog Belong Together.

There were uncensored photos and videos of them in the office, the bedroom, the car, the park. Nolan was pouring his desire into her, his eyes, which had once belonged only to me, filled with lust for another woman.

But I hadn't posted any of that.

I frantically dialed Nolan's number. When he still didn't pick up, I left a voice message:

"Tonight at eight. The Ferris wheel where you proposed. I'll be waiting."

After a long time, he sent a short reply:

"Fine. Eight o'clock."

Those few words calmed my racing heart. I even put on lipstick, something I hadn't touched during my entire pregnancy.

I arrived two hours early, sitting beneath the Ferris wheel.

Watching the couples walking past, a deep, hollow ache settled in my chest.

Many years ago, we had been one of them.

When the Ferris wheel was first built, Nolan had dragged me there.

"Paige, legend says that if a couple kisses at the very top of the Ferris wheel, they'll stay together forever."

Blushing, he had gotten down on one knee in the high-altitude cabin, pulling out a diamond ring.

"Will you marry me? I swear I'll cherish you for the rest of my life!"

The memory was so warm that by the time I snapped out of it, Nolan was already sitting silently beside me.

"Nolan..."

"Let's go."

His voice was dead flat. I followed him, trying to reach for his hand, but he pointedly evaded my touch.

We stepped into the cabin, and even then, he refused to look at me.

After a long, agonizing silence, I finally spoke. "About the photos, I swear I didn't do it..."

"You didn't?"

He let out a sharp, mocking laugh, finally turning to glare at me. "Paige, stop acting."

"You wanted to ruin my life, didn't you?"

"Well, congratulations! You got exactly what you wanted!"

"But let me tell you something. You ruined her reputation, so now I have to take responsibility for her!"

His voice escalated, screaming in the very place where he had once promised to love me forever, telling me he had to take responsibility for another woman.

It felt like a bucket of ice water poured over my head. I shook my head frantically.

"It wasn't me! I swear it wasn't me!"

"You said you only loved me, Nolan!"

His face was contorted with anger as he violently shoved my hand away.

"I absolutely despise you right now."

"Paige, you disgust me."

His words froze the blood in my veins. As the Ferris wheel cabin touched the ground, he quickly leaped out, slammed the door shut, and locked it from the outside.

My phone buzzed. It was a text from Charlene.

"Don't you love the Ferris wheel?"

"Then stay up there and enjoy it!"

I looked toward the control booth; it was completely empty. Through the glass, I watched Nolan wrap his arm around Charlene's waist as they walked away.

Suddenly, a warm gush of fluid pooled between my thighs. I pounded frantically on the glass, screaming in sheer terror.

"Help!"

"Stop the wheel! I'm in labor!"

By the time the ambulance arrived, I had already given birth to my daughter inside the cabin.

With severe tearing and blood staining the floor, I used the last ounce of my strength to hand the baby to the paramedics.

"Where is the father? What is his number?!"

I weakly signaled that I would sign the forms myself, offering a faint, weary smile.

"I don't have any family. They're all dead."