Giving Her to the Sea

On the day of my agonizing labor, I fought with everything I had to bring my husband's child into the world.

Ben wept with relief, pressing his forehead against mine, his eyes full of deep, aching tenderness.

Jess, he is perfect. He is healthy, and he looks just like you. The doctor gave you a sedative, sweetheart. Just close your eyes and rest.

I squeezed his hand, a weak smile brushing my lips.

The Monroes had struggled with fertility for generations. After years of painful injections and endless medication, I had finally delivered a healthy baby boy.

But just before the darkness claimed me, the muffled voices of my husband and my brother, Nate, drifted through the heavy haze of the sedative.

"Do it, Nate. Rainey might have been adopted by our family, but she has always been fragile and insecure. She compares herself to Jess in everything."

"This time, because her own baby was born with a dark birthmark, she has been completely devastated. If she finds out Jess gave birth to a perfectly healthy boy, it will break her."

Nate's hands trembled as he held the surgical shears.

"Ben, are you sure? This might be the only child you ever have. You really want to clip his finger and make him disabled?"

My heart constricted violently. The blood in my veins turned to ice.

"Don't talk about it, Nate." Ben's voice wavered, but then it hardened with terrifying resolve. "We already agreed. Rainey has suffered too much. Protecting her is our responsibility. If I wasn't bound to Jess by that childhood arrangement, well, forget it. I've already failed Rainey in this life. Nothing matters more than keeping her happy from now on."

I tried to wake up, screaming inside, but my limbs felt like lead.

But my body betrayed me.

Under the heavy weight of the sedative, I could not even flutter my eyelids.

A sharp, piercing wail of a newborn shattered the quiet of the room.

Nate's voice drifted over again, carrying a faint, relieved chuckle.

"It's done. Go tell Rainey the good news. This should cheer her up."

Ben's response was eager and hurried.

"Thanks, Nate. I'll leave the rest to you."

I lay there, my body frozen, feeling as though I had been plunged into an abyss. That desperate cry echoed in my mind, refusing to fade.

"No!"

I jolted awake, gasping for air. Looking around the unfamiliar recovery room, my heart hammered against my ribs like a trapped bird.

I threw off the blanket, desperately trying to get out of bed, but a pair of strong, familiar hands caught my shoulders, pinning me down.

"What's wrong, Jess?"

Ben looked down at me, his eyes wide with concern. "You just gave birth. You are incredibly weak. The doctor said you cannot get out of bed yet."

"Where is my baby?"

I stared at him, my gaze cutting like a knife.

Ben's eyes rimmed with red. He hesitated, looking away before speaking in a low, choked voice.

"Jess, I am going to tell you the truth, but you have to stay calm."

"The baby, he was born with a congenital defect. His middle finger is missing half its length. Nate took him to a specialist right away to see if there is any way to reconstruct it."

"Don't worry." He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tight against his chest. "No matter what it takes, no matter the cost, I will find a way to fix our son."

Listening to his shameless lie, my chest tightened. It felt as though a thousand needles were piercing my heart over and over, suffocating me.

I pushed him away with all the strength I could muster.

"I want to see my baby. Now!"

I stumbled toward the door, my legs trembling. Just as I reached the hallway, I ran headfirst into Nate.

He was cradling a sleeping infant in his arms.

A gasp of relief escaped my throat. I snatched the baby from him, immediately unwrapping the blanket to check his tiny hands.

Ten perfect fingers. Not a single scratch.

Wait. Something was wrong.

My hands shook, and I nearly dropped the child.

Nate quickly took the baby back, glaring at me with deep disapproval.

"You are a mother now, Jess. How can you be so careless? Rainey's baby is the pride of our family. What if you had dropped him?"

Ignoring his scolding, I gripped his arm.

"Where is my baby, Nate? Ben said you took him. Where is he?"

Nate blinked, a sudden look of guilt crossing his face.

"Oh. I ran into Rainey on the way, and she needed to use the restroom. I just left your baby on the plastic chairs by the elevator."

The world seemed to spin. I pushed past him and ran down the corridor.

Ben chased after me, calling my name.

But then, a soft, delicate voice echoed from behind us.

"Ben."

The hurried footsteps behind me stopped instantly.

Mercifully, my baby was still on the bench. Two kind strangers were standing guard over him.

I wept as I thanked them, cradling my son against my chest. Looking down at his tiny, bandaged hand, a fresh wave of agony washed over me.

When I carried my baby back to the room, sound of laughter drifted through the half-open door.

Ben and Nate were huddled around Rainey, eagerly playing with the baby in her arms.

They looked like a perfect, happy family.

And I felt like the stray they had accidentally brought home.

I wiped a tear from my baby's soft cheek, turned around, and walked to the nurse's station to borrow a phone.

I dialed a number I hadn't called in years.

"I've decided to join the classified research project."

The voice on the other end lit up with excitement. "Jess! I am so glad you finally realized how much the department needs you. But this project is a ten-year commitment in a secure, isolated facility. Are you sure you can leave your family behind? What about the baby?"

"I am bringing my son with me," I whispered, my voice thick with unshed tears. "But I have one condition."

"Name it."

"Help me find the best pediatric reconstructive surgeon in the world. We need to leave within the week."

The line went quiet for a moment, the tone shifting to one of serious concern.

"Jess, what happened?"

"Please don't ask. Just help me."

A heavy sigh came through the receiver. "Alright. Consider it done. I will have everything arranged within seven days."

"Jess."

Rainey was the first to notice me standing at the door.

Her soft call made the two men freeze, the cheerful smiles on their faces instantly turning into awkward grimaces.

Ben quickly hurried toward me. "Jess, is the baby okay?"

I didn't say a word. I walked past him, heading straight for my bed.

"Please don't be sad, Jess."

Rainey handed her baby to Nate, then reached into her bag, pulling out a delicate gold bracelet and a matching lock charm.

"Ben and Nate got these for my baby. They had them blessed at a temple to keep him safe and healthy."

"But I want your baby to have them instead. I am sure your little boy will get better soon. Don't worry."

I looked down at the gleaming gold pieces.

Before Rainey's baby was even born, I had watched Ben spend weeks meticulously choosing these exact gifts.

At the time, I foolishly thought they were for our child.

It was all a lie.

"No, thank you," I said, my voice cold and flat.

"Since it was a gift of love from them to your child, my son doesn't deserve to wear it."

Rainey's hand hovered in the air, her knuckles whitening as she gripped the gold.

"Jess, are you still angry with me? Do you still think I am trying to steal what is yours?"

Her lower lip trembled, and her face grew pale.

I wanted to laugh.

Had she ever stopped?

From the moment she was adopted into our home at ten years old, she had taken over my life. On her very first night, she claimed she was afraid of the dark, and my parents gave her half of my bedroom.

Later, when she caught a mild cold, she said she was afraid of making me sick, and I was permanently moved to a tiny, drafty spare room down the hall.

When I was thirteen, I scored the highest marks in the city. Nate bought me a limited-edition Lego set as a reward.

Rainey cried in her room for an hour, and by evening, my Lego set belonged to her.

My new dresses became her dresses.

Even the university I fought so hard to get into, she entered right alongside me, riding on the coattails of my family's connections.

And then there was Ben.

He was my childhood friend. When he knelt and proposed to me, I finally believed there was something in this world that belonged solely to me.

But it was only because of a stupid childhood arrangement between our parents.

How blind had I been? It took the mutilation of my own son to finally wake me up to the truth.

Seeing my silence, Rainey stuffed the gold lock into Ben's hand.

"Forget it, Ben. Since Jess is unhappy, you should take it back."

Ben's face darkened instantly.

"Jess, it is just a gold lock. If you want one, I will buy you another. There is no need to make a scene and ruin everyone's day."

I turned away, too exhausted to argue. My body was still aching, and my energy was rapidly draining.

I placed my baby gently into his bassinet, intending to lie down and rest.

But Rainey suddenly lunged forward.

Seeing her hands reaching directly toward my baby's bassinet, right toward his injured hand, panic surged through me. I threw my weight forward, pushing her away.

The next second, a stinging slap cracked across my face.

The force of the blow made my ears ring.

I turned my head slowly, looking at Ben. His hand was still raised in the air, his expression icy and furious as he held a trembling Rainey in his arms.

"Jess, how can you be so vicious?"

"Over a gold lock, you would put your hands on your own sister?"

"Do you have any idea how bad Rainey's back injury is? If I hadn't caught her, she would have slammed into the sharp edge of that table!"

Nate stepped forward, his eyes cold.

"I saw the whole thing, Jess. Rainey just lost her balance, and instead of helping her, you shoved her."

"You grew up in the same house, ate the same food. How did you turn out so incredibly selfish and cruel?"

"Apologize to Rainey. Now."

I was the cruel one?

Rainey had targeted my baby's bandaged hand on purpose. She had been standing perfectly fine, yet somehow, she managed to lose her balance on a flat, even floor.

Looking at the two of them shielding her like she was a fragile glass doll, a bitter laugh escaped my lips.

"I am sorry, Rainey."

Rainey sniffled, leaning into Ben's chest before stepping back.

"It's okay. I know Jess didn't mean to."

Ben's expression softened slightly.

"I will have my assistant buy another gold lock and send it over. You don't need to be jealous of Rainey."

I didn't even bother to smile.

My child would never need anything from him again.

On the day I was discharged, Ben had promised to pick me up.

But by the time I took a taxi back to the Taylor residence, he was nowhere to be found.

Instead, I saw Rainey's latest social media update.

"Taking the baby for his vaccinations. I am so terrified of needles, but thankfully, I have someone here to keep us safe."

The post was accompanied by a photo of a man's back, a baby resting on his shoulder.

I didn't even need to zoom in. I recognized the slope of those shoulders instantly. It was Ben.

The ringing of my phone broke my train of thought.

"Jess, I have managed to contact a world-class reconstructive surgeon. But he is currently in Europe and cannot travel here. You will need to bring the baby to him."

"Okay," I said, a weight lifting from my chest. "I will pack our things and leave tomorrow."

"Going where?"

Nate's voice startled me. He was standing near the doorway, his brow furrowed in disapproval.

I quickly locked my phone, my voice returning to a neutral calm.

"A friend recommended a private wellness retreat. I am going to check it out."

He didn't press further, his tone turning indifferent.

"Rainey is coming back to stay for a few days. If you don't have any pressing business, you should leave early."

My grip tightened on the phone.

Ten years of secure, classified research meant I would not see this place again for a very long time. Before leaving, I simply wanted to spend one last night in the house where my parents had raised me.

Five years ago, I refused to give up my research assistant position to Rainey.

In a fit of tears, Rainey had run out of the house. Our parents had chased after her into the rainy night, only to be hit by a truck.

Since that day, Nate had hated me. He believed I was the one who killed them.

"I will be gone tomorrow morning," I said quietly.

"Good."

Before dinner, Ben walked through the door, carrying Rainey's bags.

"Ben, when that needle went into the baby's arm, I couldn't even look. I am so glad you were there," Rainey said, her voice dripping with sweet affection.

Ben gave her a gentle smile, but then his eyes found me, and he quickly walked over.

"Jess, I spent the afternoon consulting with several specialists about our son's hand. That's why I couldn't pick you up. Nate told me you came here. Why didn't you call me?"

Rainey's eyes flashed with a sudden spark of jealousy, though she quickly masked it with a sweet smile.

I tested the temperature of the formula on my wrist, gently placing the bottle into my baby's mouth.

"I forgot," I replied, not looking up.

He hesitated, reaching out to touch the baby. "You must be exhausted, sweetheart. Let me hold him."

I subtly shifted my shoulder, shielding my baby from his touch.

His hand froze in midair, his face tightening as he slowly drew back.

That night, my baby's soft whimpering woke me.

Before I could even open my eyes, low whispers from the hallway drifted through the door.

"Ben, can my baby call you Daddy?"