His Secret Crush Diary Broke Our Engagement

After the SAT exam ended, my boyfriend Ethan's mother gave his old books to my brother Mason.

Mason found Ethan's secret crush diary among the pile of books.

The notebook was thick, documenting three yearsa full one thousand and ninety-six pages.

Mason cleared his throat and read teasingly in my ear:

"March 1st, gave the strawberry milk to Sophia, but she refused it again. Had to give it to that Vivian girl instead."

"March 2nd, bought two movie tickets, but Sophia didn't show up. Didn't want to waste them, so I had to go watch it with Vivian."

The last page read:

"Failed to confess to Sophia. In a fit of anger, I accepted Vivian's confession."

Mason laughed breathlessly.

"Vivian, how embarrassing! You chased Ethan for 10 years, and he only agreed to date you to spite the girl he actually liked!"

I silently clenched the hem of my school uniform, my face flushing red with embarrassment.

I turned and went back to my room, opened my wish journal, and crossed out the wish about attending the same university as Ethan.

This was the scene Mason saw when he chased after me.

He leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed, continuing to mock me:

"Vivian, you're so petty. So what if Ethan deceived you once? Someone as outstanding as himyou were never good enough for him anyway."

"If it wasn't for Sophia rejecting him, would you have ever had a chance to take her place? This is what they call a blessing in disguise, understand?"

"Not really."

Mason rolled his eyes at me and sneered:

"Stop pretending. There's no point explaining to someone as stupid as you. Anyway, if I were Ethan, I definitely wouldn't like someone as dumb and plain-looking as you either."

"After all, when you stand next to Sophia, you don't even qualify to be background decoration."

I raised my hand to hit him, but he made a face at me and quickly ran away.

This diary was Ethan's heart and soul. After thinking it over, I felt I should return it to him.

So I sent him a message on SnapChat.

Ethan was always slow to reply to messages. Sometimes a single message would take over ten hours, or even a full day, before he'd send back a brief response.

Even after we started dating, this situation didn't change at all.

I'd always consoled myself that it was just his personality, and I shouldn't take it to heart.

Until I saw the diary, where Ethan would stay up all night waiting for Sophia's messages, and could drop anything he was doing to reply to her instantly.

That's when I realized.

It wasn't that he was aloofit was just that I wasn't important to him.

As expected, this message sank like a stone. A day passed with no activity in the chat window.

I decided to deliver it in person.

The next morning, I stood at his front door.

Through the clean glass window, Ethan sat at the table eating breakfast, exchanging conversation with his mother.

My hand hovered above the doorbell. Before I could press it, Ethan's voice passed through the window and clearly reached my ears.

"I don't want to apply to NYU anymore. I'm probably going to apply to Harvard instead."

My hand gripping the diary suddenly tightened.

Then I heard his mother ask:

"Didn't you and Vivian agree to go to NYU together? Why the sudden change to Harvard? Is this Vivian's idea?"

"No, it's my own decision. I haven't told her."

His mother's expression immediately darkened.

"You're dating Vivian, and not only are you not applying to the same university, you're not even discussing it with her? Is this how you treat your girlfriend?"

Her tone was sharp, and Ethan also lost his temper for the first time.

He slammed his teacup on the table.

"What era are we living in? Who says dating means you have to apply to the same university? That's so backward."

"Besides, with Vivian's grades, it's questionable whether she can even get into NYU. Why do you have to bind us together?!"

I stood there helplessly, my fingertips digging deep into my palm.

I remembered the encouraging words Ethan had said at school about how I could definitely get into NYU. My nose stung uncontrollably.

So those words were all lies. He looked down on me just like everyone else.

I suppressed the urge to cry. Before he pushed the door open, I left the diary on the windowsill and fled in a hurry.

After that day, I didn't say another word to Ethan.

Instead, he changed his usual behavior. The messages he sent in those two days nearly matched two months' worth.

Yet he never mentioned the diary.

On the night scores were released, Ethan's house suddenly lost internet connection, so he had to come to my house temporarily to use ours.

Mom washed a plate of fruit and placed it in front of himsome tropical fruits she normally wouldn't buy.

She smiled and told Ethan not to be nervous.

Mason also busied himself massaging Ethan's shoulders, serving him water, extremely attentive.

Then he looked at me sitting alone in the corner with nothing and laughed: "Don't secretly cry later if you didn't do as well as Ethan. I get so annoyed every time I hear you cry."

"You brat, is that any way to talk to your sister?"

Ethan laughed and pinched his arm.

He scratched his head: "Oh, she's used to it. She's thick-skinned. These little comments don't hurt her at all."

"She always says she's better looking than Sophia. I tell her she's being narcissistic but she won't believe it. Ethan, you tell herdoesn't she fall far short compared to Sophia?"

Mason had also seen that diary, so naturally he knew he was deliberately trying to embarrass me.

Ethan froze for a moment, then glanced at me sideways.

I lowered my head, so embarrassed I wanted to escape immediately.

In the end, he took the initiative to break the awkward tension, half-joking:

"Stop making fun of your sister. I'm sure she wouldn't ask such a question."

"Alright, everyone stop dwelling on this. It's almost time to check scores."

At eight o'clock sharp, both Ethan's and my score pages appeared simultaneously.

In an instant, the atmosphere became extremely tense.

Ethan and I had received the same score.

My parents' first reaction wasn't excitement, but to scrutinize the screen repeatedly, then ask me where I'd copied from.

Mason first praised Ethan effusively, then said to me with a grin:

"You didn't even get caught? Vivian, your cheating skills are off the charts. You should teach me sometime."

The emotions I'd been suppressing finally erupted. Tears streamed down uncontrollably.

I violently pulled back my chair and yelled at them for the first time: "I didn't cheat! I earned this score with my own ability!"

Everyone was clearly stunned.

After playing the role of the good girl for eighteen years, they'd already carved my compliant image into their bones. They obviously didn't believe I would suddenly lose my temper.

Under their shocked gazes, I got up and ran outside.

Before opening the door, I heard Ethan's voice. He was defending me:

"Uncle, Aunt, you've misunderstood Vivian. She works very hard at school. This SAT score is what she deserves. We should be happy for her."

...

I'd barely taken two steps outside when Ethan followed me out.

He walked alongside me, and after a few words of comfort, suddenly asked: "We'll be filling out college applications in a few days. Where are you thinking of applying?"

If this had been before, when Ethan asked this question, I would have said NYU without hesitation.

But that day, his conversation with his mother had left a thorn in my heart. I didn't answer immediately, but threw the question back to him.

"Where do you want to go?" Even though I already knew the answer.

He paused, then replied: "...I'll probably go with NYU."

After meeting my gaze, Ethan immediately looked away, afraid I might see through him.

My chest ached as if pierced by countless needles.

Two seconds later, I looked away, my voice hoarse: "Same as you."

"That's great then. We can go together."

After he spoke, his eyes looked forward again.

I stared at him. The words about breaking up that I'd been contemplating swirled on my tongue several times, but I couldn't bear to say them.

On the way back, Ethan and I parted ways.

I knew he was lying to me. And I was lying to him too.

Ethan didn't want to apply to the same university as me. I would fulfill his wishI wouldn't apply to either Harvard or NYU.

Cowardice and unwillingness made me unable to speak the word "ending," so I would use this method to say goodbye to him properly.

This relationship that was impure from the startI didn't want it anymore.

We had to return to school to fill out college applications.

Afraid others would discover our relationship, Ethan specifically told me beforehand to avoid suspicion and not to approach him at school.

I nodded in agreement.

His absence would actually make it more convenient for me to act.

By the time I finished filling out the application, it was already noon. Ethan was waiting for me far from the school. As soon as we met, he asked:

"Did you put NYU as your first choice?"

I lied without changing my expression: "Yes."

"I also applied to NYU."

My throat tightened. I stared at his smile, momentarily dazed, unable to process it.

Wasn't Ethan doing everything possible to avoid me, to not apply to the same university as me? What did this mean now?

It wasn't until the evening when the school organized an alumni dinner that I suddenly understood.

It wasn't for meit was for Sophia.

Sophia had also applied to NYU. Naturally, Ethan wouldn't pass up this golden opportunity to get close to her.

Most of the dishes on the table were very spicy. Unable to handle spicy food, I had few options, so halfway through the meal, my stomach was still empty.

There was one last slice of pizza left on the plate. The second I reached for it, Sophia also extended her hand.

Our eyes met in mid-air.

I was starving.

The frustration bottled up inside me made me unwilling to yield. Sophia seemed to sense this and was too proud to withdraw her fork.

In the standoff, a hand with distinct knuckles reached across in front of me.

And placed that slice of pizza in Sophia's bowl.

Ethan set down his fork and looked at me sideways, his tone gentle:

"Sophia hasn't eaten much all evening. Let her have this slice. If you want some, I'll buy you more on the way home."

Glances from all directions landed on me. I understood the mockery in them, as if saying competing with Sophia for food was overestimating myself.

I immediately lowered my head in embarrassment and pretended to be busy eating several bites of spicy stir-fried meat.

The spiciness spread from my tongue, sliding into my stomach, all of it burning with pain.

I somehow felt like laughing.

I wanted to say that actually, I hadn't eaten much either.

But when I caught his gentle gaze as he glanced at Sophia, in the end I said nothing.

I couldn't compete with her anyway, could I?

Why invite humiliation?

After the dinner ended, they suggested going to karaoke. When Ethan saw Sophia was going, he eagerly signed up too.

I didn't want to participate and be a third wheel, so I called a rideshare home.

The spasms in my stomach made it impossible to straighten up, and fine beads of sweat covered my forehead.

I leaned against the seat back, enduring the pain while typing out a message.

When the driver reached the destination, the words in the chat box were just being sent out.

I had officially broken up with him.

At midnight, Ethan sent me a SnapChat message telling me to come downstairs.

I threw on a thin jacket and went out. He was sitting on a bench in the park, a pile of cigarette butts at his feet.

This was the first time I knew he smoked.

It was different from the person I knew.

Ethan's expression was gloomy. He didn't look to be in a good mood. Thinking about last night's dinner, he'd probably been rejected by Sophia again.

Seeing me standing in front of him, he got straight to the point: "Vivian, why are you breaking up with me?"

I didn't quite understand.

Wasn't this the result Ethan had always wanted?

He liked Sophia, not me. What was wrong with me proposing a breakup?

I thought about it and finally answered:

"Because of that slice of pizza tonight. I was a bit sad I didn't get to eat it."

"Just because of one slice of pizza?"

"Yes, just because of that."

Ethan laughed bitterly at my response.

"Didn't I say Sophia hadn't eaten much, so I let her have that slice, and that I'd buy you more on the way back?"

"Why do you have to fixate on that one slice? Vivian, why are you so petty? What was so special about that pizza?"

His words placed all the blame on me.

But he didn't know that some food only has appeal in specific settings. Once removed from that context, there's no desire to touch it.

It's true for food, and for people too.

I took a deep breath, trying to keep my voice calm.

"That slice of pizza wasn't special. What was special was your attitude."

"She wasn't the only one at the table who hadn't eaten much. I hadn't either. But your gaze only stayed on Sophia, so you could only see her."

"You like her. I can't force you to like me. I just don't want to force myself anymore."

Ethan was smarthe understood immediately what I meant.

He remained silent for a long time, then frowned and said: "You saw my diary?"

"Yes."

He rubbed his brow, his voice unable to hide his exhaustion:

"That was all written a long time ago. When filling out applications, I chose NYU for you. Isn't that enough to show my attitude?"

Seeing that I remained silent, Ethan's patience ran out. He asked me one last time:

"I'll ask you one last time, Vivian. Are you sure you want to break up with me?"

I nodded firmly: "Yes."

"Fine. You said it yourself."

"When you get to NYU, I won't wait for you. And you'd better not regret it when I'm with Sophia."

I agreed to everything.

Ethan stared at me intently, his eyes turning red from frustration. After accumulating enough disappointment, he left.

After that day, we never contacted each other again. Our relationship instantly hit rock bottom.

Mason would sometimes deliberately bring up Ethan at the dinner table, saying he and Sophia had finally achieved their happy ending.

"Ethan and Sophia are the perfect match! Both talented and beautifuljust standing there, you can't look away. So much more pleasing to the eye than standing with you! Tsk tsk tsk, too bad you didn't see it in person."

I kept my head down eating, showing no reaction.

He couldn't help but poke me.

"Hey, don't you have anything to say about this?"

"Oh, congratulations."

My tone was flat.

The day the acceptance letters arrived, I received a call from the delivery person and went downstairs. I ran right into Ethan, who had also come to pick up his letter.

His gaze flashed over me, deliberately pretending not to see me.

I kept my distance from him, walking one behind the other to the delivery person.

When the acceptance letter was handed to him, the delivery guy smiled: "After delivering all day, you're the only one from NYU in this area. Not bad, young man."

Ethan's body suddenly trembled. He immediately turned to look at me.

I knew what he was thinking at that moment.

So under his bewildered gaze, I stepped forward with a smile:

"Vivian Walker, Cornell University."