Wind Over Azure

The first time I flew on a plane piloted by my husband, I was met by the flight crew.

They smiled, What a rare sight! Looks like Miles finally saved a ticket for you this time, ma'am.

I smiled back, Nope, I snagged it myself.

Miles always reserved one ticket, and every single time, it went to his childhood friend, Scarlett Thorne.

Even when my father was critically ill, and I needed to fly back to see him one last time.

I never got that ticket.

Got it, got it. Must be for your wedding anniversary, giving Miles a surprise, right, Mrs. Shaw?

After you land, Mrs. Shaw, you should ask Miles to take you to Crystal Lake. Its absolutely stunning. He always takes amazing pictures of Scarlett there, they get hundreds of thousands of likes on social media.

Id seen them.

When I unexpectedly miscarried our first child and couldnt reach Miles.

I used to dream of it.

Through years of broken promises, Crystal Lake became nothing more than a blue and white dream.

Dont tell Miles Im on the plane, I said.

They all nodded.

Understood, understood. A surprise, right?

Miles will definitely be surprised.

Surprised? Perhaps.

After all, I was going to find the most reputable obstetrics and gynecology hospital to terminate my last child with him.

I no longer needed Crystal Lake. I wanted my freedom.

I only managed to grab an economy class seat.

And even then, it was through a favor, costing me a hefty sum.

As I was about to board, hurried footsteps sounded behind me. A girl ran up, panting, slapping her boarding pass onto the staff's counter.

Oh? Scarlett, I thought you weren't coming today.

Scarlett braced her hands on her knees, then lifted her flushed face, smiling at him. Of course, Id come.

Ive flown with Miles for six years. Have you ever seen me miss a flight?

I quietly stepped back a little.

Besides, he promised to take me to that trendy restaurant tonight, Scarlett said.

The staff hesitated, glancing at me, then at her.

I subtly shook my head.

Given Scarletts personality, she didn't like her plans disrupted.

Though she wouldnt say anything out loud, shed remember it, like a pebble in her shoe, occasionally acting out to annoy you.

But she didn't bother me.

She bothered Miles.

Miles and I had several arguments because of her, the worst time, I left home, and he, in a huff, didn't come looking for me. A month-long cold war almost led to divorce.

Isabelle, Scarlett noticed me.

What are you doing here?

My gaze fell on the necklace around her neck, a piece I had admired for a long time.

Miles had lied to me, saying it was sold to someone else. Turns out, he gave it to Scarlett.

Shouldnt I be here? I countered.

The girl pouted.

Im just worried about you. At least let Miles get you a business class seat.

Your back isnt good, and youre sitting so far back

You dont need to worry about me, I cut her off.

Scarlett said nothing more, pushing past me and walking through the VIP channel.

The door opened, revealing Miles standing in the jet bridge, waiting. Scarlett jogged over and hugged his arm.

Miles!

That was close, I almost missed this flight today.

Miles gently ruffled her hair, smiling. Its no big deal.

If you want to fly, I can always save a spot for you. This time is no different.

I was used to this scene.

I should have stopped feeling the pain, become numb to it.

The door slowly closed. From beginning to end, Miles never noticed me standing in the front row.

Miles Miller.

The door reopened.

I didnt understand why I called out to him.

Perhaps when a person is at their most vulnerable, they instinctively seek support, just like when I had a severe hemorrhage after my miscarriage, and, in my delirium, kept calling Miless name.

Miles looked at me, his eyes filled with surprise. What are you doing here?

The exact same words as Scarlett.

Was it so strange for me, his wife, to be by my husbands side?

A thousand words caught in my throat.

When they finally reached my lips, only one sentence remained:

Dont mind me. You two have fun.

After boarding, Miles sent me a message.

Are you upset?

I wanted to ask him back, should I be happy?

Should I applaud and cheer as I watched the boundless intimacy between him and Scarlett, their care and actions exceeding those of mere friends?

The words were typed into the chatbox, then I deleted them one by one.

It was pointless now.

Even my hysterical questioning back then couldn't elicit a single explanation.

No matter how much I cried, argued, or even threatened, Miles still contacted Scarlett, still treated her well.

It only made me look like a shrew.

Don't leave after we land. Scarlett and I will come find you. Lets go to Crystal Lake together.

You've been talking about it for years. Go see it for yourself.

I turned off my phone.

The moment we landed, I went straight to the hospital.

The surgery had been pre-booked; I could have it done immediately.

When I woke, the sky was completely dark.

Miles had called me, and sent messages, but I hadnt been able to answer any of them.

Who upset you? Throwing a tantrum again.

Never mind, I won't wait for you. Scarlett's celebrating her piano award today. I don't want to argue with you on such an important day.

Today was also our wedding anniversary.

Only, Miles never remembered it.

The next morning, I quietly handled my discharge papers alone, then took a lonely flight back to Kings Landing.

Miless social media updated.

It was a photo of Scarlett and a cat.

The caption: Little cat and you, both adorable.

A long time ago, Miles mentioned wanting a cat, but Im allergic to cat fur.

So he kept the cat at Scarletts place.

Every day after work, his first stop wasn't home, but Scarletts to play with the cat.

They bathed the cat together, took it out for sun, and in front of it, called themselves Mom and Dad.

What was I then?

What was the child in my womb?

I remember shortly after my miscarriage, Scarlett brought the cat to me, flaunting it.

I had just suffered a major blow and was weak from illness, so I could only lie in bed, crying silently, unable to even make a sound.

That cat even triggered my allergies.

But Miles brushed it off, saying Scarlett was just being thoughtless, and swept the whole thing under the rug.

Ill be back tomorrow. Do you want any souvenirs?

The pop-up message pulled my thoughts back.

I glanced at the bag at the bottom of my closet.

It was full of gifts Miles brought back for me when he and Scarlett went on trips.

Fridge magnets and trinkets easily bought at tourist spots, beaded bracelets with misprinted names, and jade scraps Scarlett used for her own bracelets, then carved a few small beads for me.

Too bad to throw away, but just taking up space to keep.

I typed: No, thanks.

The other side displayed typing for a long time.

Then, the chatbox fell silent.

When Miles returned, I was on the balcony, trying to save a few nearly dead flowers.

I asked you to buy some fertilizer to sprinkle on them. Did you forget?

He glanced at them.

Yeah.

It wasnt really on the way to the flower market, so I didnt buy it.

I turned away, choosing not to look at him.

I tenderly snipped the discolored branches.

I knew it. Id been meticulously caring for these flowers every day, but they weren't getting better.

Turns out, he hadn't even buried any fertilizer.

If theyre dead, theyre dead, he said. Tonight Ill drive you to the flower market, and we can buy some more.

Just pull them out now. Im going downstairs to take out the trash, can toss them along the way. The vase is pretty, we can keep

Shut up! I yelled.

Anyone would be angry if their beloved possession was treated with such disregard.

Miles stopped speaking.

He ignored me, carrying a large bag of groceries, and turned to the kitchen to cook.

I didn't even change my slippers, immediately went downstairs, and took a taxi to the flower market.

Owner, can you tell me if theres any hope for these?

I showed the owner a picture of the flowers.

He examined them for a while, then shook his head.

Get a new pot. Your flowers are in bad shape. I have plenty that are much better.

The owner suddenly looked up at me.

You look familiar.

Ah! I remember now! Your husband used to come here every day to buy you flowers.

How come he hasnt been around for almost two years?

I lowered my eyes, not answering the owners question.

Just looking at the flowers on the screen.

Two years. They no longer bloomed as beautifully as they did when Miles first gave them to me. Many leaves had fallen, and the flowers grew smaller and smaller.

Of course, I knew they werent pretty enough anymore.

But Miles never gave me new ones.

So, they withered little by little in the pot, until they were beyond saving.

Alright.

I turned off my phone.

Show me some other flowers. Ill get a new pot.

As soon as I returned with the new flowers, Miles said to me, Youre so impulsive.

Didnt eat dinner, didnt say goodbye, just ran off.

And youre pregnant. What if someone pushed you and you fell in a place like that?

I ignored him.

Walked onto the balcony and busied myself with the flowers.

Miles went into the kitchen to reheat the food.

After he finished, I finally sat at the dining table, surveying the spread.

Meat broth with green onions floating in it, steamed eggs with a milky smell, and asparagus, which I detested, mixed into the cold salad.

My appetite vanished instantly.

I couldnt help but ask, Miles Miller, its been six years. Dont you know what I cant eat?

What?

I hate green onions; they have a weird smell. And why did you steam the eggs with milk? Im lactose intolerant, itll give me an upset stomach. This asparagus is what I hate most; Ive told you at least ten times. I hate it, I hate it! Why cant you remember?! Why?!

My already gloomy mood tonight was subtly reaching its breaking point.

It was crashing headfirst, looking for an outlet.

Its not that serious

I remember all your habits and preferences. What about you? How can you forget even the simplest things? I slammed my chopsticks on the table.

He buried his head, silently eating his dinner.

Just like before, resorting to avoidance, leaving me to process my negative emotions alone.

I stood up, walked to Miles, grabbed his arm, and pulled up his sleeve.

Revealing a hair tie on his wrist.

How can you remember that Scarlett always forgets her hair tie?

I opened his bag, dumping everything out.

Sanitary pads, mosquito patches, a cartoon water bottle all sorts of things.

Wow, youre so thoughtful, Mr. Thoughtful, I laughed. She says one thing, and you treat it like gospel.

Who exactly is your wife?

Miles swallowed his food, took a deep breath.

Then he spoke, his tone flat. Are you crazy?

Ive made dinner. Eat if you want, otherwise Ill take you out to eat, or we can order takeout.

Theres no need to drag Scarlett into this.

Or maybe Ill take you to the hospital tomorrow to get some medication. It feels like your pregnancy hormones are unstable, and youre constantly getting angry for no reason. Its tiring everyone out.

Suddenly, I had nothing more to say.

I was tired too.

I have a flight tomorrow. I dont want to argue with you, he said.

Okay, I nodded.

Then lets sleep in separate rooms.

I heard Miles talking to Scarlett on the balcony.

The girl was saying playful things, making him laugh.

They were discussing where to go for their vacation; Miless annual leave was in a month.

I want to go to Florence.

Anything you want, Im just there to accompany you, Miles chuckled.

What about Isabelle, then?

Shes pregnant, its not convenient for her to travel. Ill hire a nanny to take care of her at home, Miles paused. After the first child miscarried like that, she has a trauma from it.

Ive spent a lot of energy these past few years taking her to doctors, for both therapy and physical conditioning. She finally got pregnant again, so nothing can go wrong with this one.

I couldn't help but wonder what his expression would be if he knew the baby was already gone.

Would he be as indifferent as usual?

Would he cry?

Would he hate me?

Or would he forgive me, just as he forgave Scarlett when she caused my miscarriage back then?

I pulled the blanket over my head and slowly drifted off to sleep.

But the sounds of a thunderstorm, unbefitting a peaceful night, filled my ears.

I was nearing my due date, already admitted to the hospital. That night, Scarlett called.

She was crying and yelling on the other end, and I could only vaguely make out Miless name.

My heart pounded wildly.

What happened to Miles?!

Hello? Speak up! What happened to him?!

The call disconnected.

When I tried calling back, no one answered.

Miless phone was also off.

I, heavily pregnant, ran towards home in the pouring rain, crying and shouting Miless name.

Countless horrifying conjectures flashed through my mind.

Did he get into a car accident?

Did the gas explode while he was making me soup?

I was terrified, my body cold and numb, biting down hard to run back home. But when I opened the door.

They were having a party.

Miles, who was princess-carrying Scarlett as part of a dare, met my eyes, which were red from the rain.

Dripdrip

At first, I thought there was a leak somewhere.

I looked down and saw blood all over the floor, only then realizing it was me.

In the end, I suffered a severe hemorrhage and almost didnt make it off the operating table. The baby had suffocated to death.

I overheard the nurse say that when the baby was delivered, his face was bruised purple.

Of course, I didnt get to see him.

Because Miles had already taken care of it.

How could you! How could you?!

That was my flesh and blood! My child, carried for ten months. Why couldnt I see him he was due in just a few days

I cried hysterically.

The police came, investigated the situation, and then I learned that Scarlett had lost a dare that night.

It was a punishment she had devised herself.

This matter, in a broad sense, was graveit cost a human life.

In a narrow sense, it was trivialthey were just playing a game.

Miles signed a letter of understanding behind my back.

He kept it a secret. When I asked, he said Scarlett had been sent for rehabilitation. Turns out, he secretly hid her at his old family home.

If Scarlett hadn't gotten drunk and let it slip last month, I would never have known.

My heart died instantly.

That's why I decided to terminate the pregnancy again.

When I woke up the next day, Miles had already prepared breakfast.

The milk in the cup had been replaced with soy milk, and the green onions in the omelet were gone.

I saved a ticket for you. The flight departs this afternoon.

Only then did I look up at him.

What for?

To get some fresh air, he said. So you dont stay cooped up at home all day, overthinking everything.

Miles fiddled with his phone for a moment.

Then my phone rang. The screen showed a business class ticket.

But I didnt want it anymore.

Today I dont have a round trip. Ill land, wait four hours, then take another flight to Japan.

Its cherry blossom season soon. You like flowers, we can go see them.

I didnt reply.

His unusual behavior finally made sense at check-in.

Wheres Scarlett?

I hid in the crowd, listening to the staffs casual chat.

Scarlett has something on today; she really couldnt make it.

What a shame. Scarlett was talking about wanting to see the cherry blossom rain, but Miles changed his flight for her, and shes not going anymore.

Not entirely a shame, I guess. Miles called his wife instead.

So, it was my turn when others didn't want it.

I said nothing, checked in and boarded as if nothing were amiss, found my seat, and slept until landing.

Miles met me, explaining, I have some matters to attend to. You wait at the airport for a bit.

Ill come find you soon.

I shook my head, saying flatly, Its fine. You go on with your work.

Watching his back disappear around the corner.

Only then did I pull out the divorce agreement document I had prepared on my phone, found the nearest print shop, printed it, and signed my name.

Then I took out the abortion certificate that had been in my bag.

Finally, I folded them both and handed them to Miless assistant.

Tell him to have a good flight. He can look at these once he lands in Japan, I said.

The assistant nodded.

Mrs. Shaw, why dont you come with me? I can transfer you.

No need, I declined. Im not a child, I wont get lost.

Ill just wander around.

Wander around. Thats how I wandered to the boarding gate, and onto another plane.

Through the window, I could see the plane Miles had just piloted, growing smaller, until it became a tiny dot and vanished.

By the time this flight landed, his must have landed too.

As the announcement sounded.

I picked up my bag and got off the plane. Only then did my phone get signal.

Messages flooded in, one after another.