Five Rebirths

In the fourth year of my marriage to Jasper Blackwood, the childhood sweetheart who swore hed marry no one else, I was induced to deliver my fifth stillborn child.

Through it all, he loved me as if I were his entire world, comforting me that it just wasnt our time yet.

When I became pregnant again, I found the top specialist in the country, begging him to help me save this baby.

He just sighed. Maam, the first child you delivered for your ex-husband four years ago caused permanent damage. Its very difficult for you to carry a pregnancy to term.

My mind went blank.

Jasper and I got married right after college. What ex-husband? What first child?

I stumbled home, and as I pushed open the door, I heard voices.

Dad, are you done playing with her yet?

When you are, can you send her away? I want to live with Auntie Felicity all the time. Im tired of hiding from her.

A mans soft laugh. My ex-husband. Youre a clever one, Noah. She still has no idea her memories have been altered. She doesnt even remember that I divorced her for Felicity.

Then, Jaspers voice, nonchalant.

When Felicity was diagnosed as infertile, I promised Id give her a child to fulfill her dream.

As for Rachel seeing as shes willing to try for a sixth baby, I suppose shes passed my little test of devotion. Ill give her a real marriage certificate. A proper reward.

My head exploded with pain. I leaned against the wall, tears streaming down my face in silence.

The memories were fake. The marriage was fake.

The two men I loved most in the world neither of them had ever truly loved me.

My phone buzzed.

It was the acceptance letter from the architectural design program in Milanthe one Id been applying to for five years.

I wiped my tears, about to reply, but the email vanished before my eyes.

The voices from the study started again.

Thats the fifth time youve deleted that email.

Jaspers voice was flat. What if she remembers something in Milan? How would I get her back for the procedure? Besides, after I married her, no one dared to call her the bastard daughter of a mistress again. She shouldnt be so greedy.

Those quiet words shattered my heart into a million pieces.

But Jasper, I remembered everything now.

I remembered the despair when my first husband cheated.

I remembered the agony of you forcing me onto a surgical table, rewriting my mind.

All these years, the love I cherished was nothing but poison coated in sugar.

The two men I loved most in my life had personally dragged me from one hell and thrown me into another.

To understand Jasper's world, I had poured myself into architecture, staying up all night to master dense textbooks, my fingers raw and blistered from drafting pencils. From intern to project lead, I applied to the Milan program every year, just to be able to stand beside him as an equal.

I never imagined that the life-altering path I had chosen for him was nothing but a joke.

In his eyes, his love and his name were just charity, a gift to indulge my foolish fantasy.

I went downstairs to escape that suffocating house, but the little boy, Noah, burst out of a room.

He had the same two tear-shaped moles as my first baby. The tears Id been holding back finally broke free.

I took a hesitant step toward him.

The next second, I was shoved violently from behind.

A porcelain vase on the stair landing crashed at my feet, the shards slicing into my ankle, drawing blood.

Felicity stood there, tears streaming down her face, grabbing my hand and slapping her own cheek with it.

Rachel, you cant just kidnap my child because you cant have your own!

Im sorry! I know youre still angry that Jasper helped me move while you were having the induction. I promise I wont bother him again!

I stared at her familiar face, frozen to the core despite the summer heat.

She was the one who had led the charge at school, calling me a bastard.

For four years, she had called Jasper away every time I needed him, casually exposing my deepest wounds in front of others. And because of my fake memories, I had thought she was my best friend, forgiving her every transgression.

All of her blatant, malicious games Jasper had allowed them.

Before I could react, Jasper rushed out.

He glanced at my bleeding ankle for a fraction of a second before hurrying to Felicity, frantically checking her face for a non-existent mark.

Rachel, youve already lost five of your own children. Now youre trying to take Felicitys? Are you even human?

I stared at him in disbelief.

But that was my child my child

For four years, my body had been torn apart five times, my heart shredded by hope and loss. All those nights we held each other, I thought we were enduring the pain together. But I was the only one suffering.

He was just a cold observer, treating my agony as a test, and now he was reprimanding me for it.

I took a deep breath. I didnt do anything.

The words were barely out of my mouth when the boy stomped hard on my injured ankle.

She was bullying my mommy! Uncle Jasper, save me! I dont want this bastard to take me away!

I saw the cunning glint in his eyes, and the pain in my heart was so sharp I couldnt breathe.

The child I had given birth to was helping my enemies destroy me.

Jaspers face darkened. He dragged me into the shower.

My body trembled in an almost Pavlovian response, and I pushed against him. Jasper let me go!

He grabbed me by the throat, his voice like ice. Rachel, if you wont even spare a child, then dont blame me for punishing you like this.

A punishingly cold jet of water slammed down on my head. I couldnt breathe, struggling against his iron grip, the feeling of drowning overwhelming me.

Through the haze, I saw the eighteen-year-old Jasper, risking punishment to storm the girls dorm and snatch a showerhead from Felicitys hand as she tried to douse me.

As long as Im here, no one will ever hurt Rachel.

His voice echoed in my ears, but the twenty-eight-year-old Jasper was now using Felicitys methods to hurt me.

I forced my eyes open and saw Noah comforting Felicity.

I stomped on that bitch really hard, Mommy. I bet she wont dare to bully you again.

My heart felt as if it were being crushed by a tiny pair of hands. The pain was so intense that my vision went black, and I lost consciousness.

When I woke up, Jasper was gently applying ointment to my ankle, as if he hadnt been the one to hurt me.

Felicity bought this for you. Dont be angry with her anymore. Do you have any idea how much it hurts me to see you injured?

I looked at the tube of ointment, unsure who was the bigger hypocrite.

Years ago, Jasper had thrown this exact brand of cheap ointment in the trash.

Dont use this cheap stuff with hormones in it. Ill buy you the best.

But now, because it was a gift from Felicity, this same cheap ointment was a treasure in his eyes.

The wound stung. I quietly pulled my foot back.

Rachel, Felicity and Noah were frightened today, so theyre staying in the guest room. They dont want to see you. Could you please just stay in our room for now?

In my own home, I was a prisoner in my room because of another woman.

My throat was dry. I nodded silently.

I booked a flight to Milan for three days from now.

He didnt know. The doctor had said that with proper care, there was a good chance this baby would survive.

But in three days, he would never see either of us again.

I had just finished packing when the door was kicked open.

Jasper stormed in, his hand clamping around my wrist like a vice. Rachel, I never knew you could be so vicious! You put nettles in Felicitys bed and hired paparazzi to film her face being ruined!

The internet figured out it was our house. Now everyone is calling her a homewrecker. Are you satisfied?

A self-mocking smile touched my lips. Since youve already decided Im the villain, lets get a divorce.

Jasper froze, then moved to block me as I tried to wheel my suitcase past him.

Before he could speak, Felicity rushed in and knelt before me, crying.

Rachel, please dont threaten Jasper like this, okay? Fine, I put the nettles there myself! Is that what you want to hear?

I have no reason to live anymore anyway! Ill just die and get out of your way for good!

She made a dash for the balcony, and Jasper caught her, holding her tight.

Felicity! I know youve been wronged. Dont worry, Ill take care of everything.

Men, you can start now.

As a dozen bodyguards entered the room, I had no time to struggle before a needle pierced my arm.

Within seconds, I was paralyzed.

My clothes were ripped away and replaced with something cheap and vulgar. I was taken to the busiest street in the city.

A table was set before me, covered in an array of sharp instruments. And a sign.

Daughter of a Mistress. Do what you will.

Jaspers voice was cold. Rachel, you forced my hand. Enjoy this little public test of humanity.

I stared at him in disbelief, tears blurring my vision.

This was his solution? To rip open my deepest wounds for the entire world to see?

He was the one who had taught me how to stand on my own two feet again.

Now, for the woman who bullied me, he was the one breaking my legs, forcing me to kneel in shame.

Camera flashes seared my exposed skin. The disgusted glares of passersby were like needles.

What good can come from a mistresss kid? She looks like a slut.

Dressed like that, who is she trying to seduce? Like mother, like daughter. She was born to be a homewrecker.

I guess being shameless is genetic.

A rotten egg splattered against my face.

Someone cut my scalp with scissors, then my arms, my legs. Fists and palms rained down in a chaotic blur.

Then, someone picked up a brick and brought it crashing down on my head.

Blood streamed down my face, but I didnt even have the strength to whimper.

As the brick was raised again, I closed my eyes in despair.

The next second, someone threw themselves in front of me, taking the full force of the blow.

My last conscious image was of Jasper, his head bleeding, holding me protectively in his arms, his face a mask of panic.

As I faded out, I heard the wail of an ambulance siren.

Jaspers furious voice drifted in and out. Find the person who did that!

What if that blow made her remember everything? What would happen to Felicitys reputation? What would Noah think of her?

My eyelashes fluttered. A silent tear slid into my hair.

He was terrified for Felicity, but he never once wondered what would happen to me. Or what Noah would think of me.

How utterly laughable.

I woke up in the hospital.

Jasper was warming the IV tube with his hands, his voice hoarse. Rachel, youre awake. You should eat something.

He presented containers of all my favorite foods.

There was a time I would have happily eaten even his worst culinary disasters. Later, when I was sick and asked for the porridge he used to make, he told me to just order takeout. But Felicitys lunch boxes were always filled with his specialties.

Now, looking at this food I had longed for, I felt nothing.

I took a shallow breath, but a sharp pain shot through my abdomen, the one place I thought had been least injured. My heart sank.

Felicity she accidentally pushed your gurney into the wrong operating room. They removed your ovaries before they realized you were pregnant. They had to take the baby out too.

I stared at him, and then I laughed, a raw, broken sound that tasted of blood.

You believe she did it by accident, but you wont believe a single word I say? Jasper, that was your child too!

His face darkened.

Would this accident have happened if Felicity wasnt so desperate to save you? Besides, it would have just been another stillbirth anyway. This time, at least it can be donated to medical research.

Its far more valuable than the five pieces of medical waste you produced before.

I could barely believe my ears.

The five children I had fought to bring into this world to him, they were just garbage?

He seemed to realize his mistake, his voice softening. I had a thank-you banner made for you. You can give it to Felicity later. I know losing your ovaries means youll age faster, but I wont mind

I looked at the banner, which read, A Debt of Gratitude, My Second Mother.

Trembling, I threw it in his face.

Get out! I never want to see you again!

As the door slammed behind him, I collapsed onto the bed, my sobs tearing through me.

He would never know.

This child this one might have had a chance to call him Dad.

My flight was in three hours. I forced my trembling body out of bed and discharged myself.

As I was heading to the airport, I heard a childs piercing scream from the hospital rooftop.

Dont kill me!

I pushed through the crowd to see Noah, a man holding a knife to his throat.

The mans eyes were bloodshot as he roared, That bitch Felicity calls herself a midwife? My baby died because she gave my wife too much anesthesia, and then she used my dead child to practice induction techniques! Today, her son is going to pay the price!

My heart seized.

So thats what happened.

My five babies maybe they could have been saved. Maybe they were just practice for Felicity.

Noah saw me, his small hands reaching out desperately. Mommy!

A sharp pain shot through me. Despite everything, he was still my son.

Let him go! Hes my child! You have the wrong person.

The man sneered. Dont think I dont know youre that bitchs best friend. Trying to protect your master, are you? Get on your knees and slap yourself two hundred times!

Without hesitation, I dropped to my knees and began to slap my own face.

The sharp cracks echoed across the rooftop. My cheeks swelled, burning with pain.

I wiped the blood from my lips, my mouth numb. Are you satisfied now?

The mans smile was cold and cruel. It was entertaining. But who said I was going to be merciful?

He raised the knife and lunged at Noah.

No!

I threw myself over the boy, shielding him with my body.

The blade plunged into me, and a wave of hot blood gushed out.

My face was ashen, but I forced myself to soothe him. Mommys here. Noah will be okay

Noahs cries grew louder, his small hands smearing tears across his face.

And then I saw it. The two tear-shaped moles hed smudged away. I froze.

A roaring filled my ears. I couldnt speak.

So even the last thing I was holding onto that was a lie too?

Sirens wailed as police officers swarmed the rooftop and subdued the attacker.

Jasper and Felicity arrived at the same time.

Rachel!

Jaspers voice trembled when he saw me covered in blood. He rushed toward me, about to lift me up.

But Felicity got there first, crying and screaming. She snatched Noah from my arms and delivered a resounding slap across my swollen face.

My head snapped to the side. I didnt even have the strength to react.

Rachel, you remember everything, dont you? Thats why you staged all this, to try and steal my Noah!

Without a moments hesitation, Jaspers face hardened. Felicity, are you saying

She yanked the knife from my wound. Blood spurted out, and the agony made my vision go black.

When the knife hit the ground, the blade retracted into the handle.

See? Its a prop knife! Rachel, will you stop with these pathetic games already?!

Noah is not your son! You killed your own child!

It felt like a hot coal was searing my heart. How is that possible?

Noah sobbed as he pushed me away. So youre the mistress mom who faked a marriage with that bastards dad!

All the kids in my class hate him! Whenever we were bored, wed go beat him up. Its not like he had a mom to stand up for him.

The other day, someone pushed him down the stairs. His head was bleeding, and he kept whispering, Mommy, why are you a mistress? and then he stopped breathing.

Felicity leaned in close, her voice a venomous whisper in my ear.

He could have survived, actually. But I happened to need a bone marrow transplant, and Jasper didnt hesitate. He sent your son to the operating table and had them drain him dry.

The two of you, with your pathetic, worthless lives what could I do but gratefully accept your gifts?

The last thread of my sanity snapped.

He was the only thing I had left in this world

My precious boy, who should have been cherished, had been forced to live a life just like mine, worse than a weed.

How much fear and despair must have filled his short life?

The overwhelming grief threatened to split me in two. My vision blurred, turning red.

Jaspers hand clamped around my wrist, hauling me to my feet.

Rachel, you did something wrong, and you got caught. Stop acting crazy.

Now that you remember, youll just have another surgery! Well get all those poisonous thoughts out of your head for good!

With the last of my strength, I ripped my arm free and slapped him across the face.

Jasper, after all this, you still want to play games with my life?

He frowned, his face cold. Im doing this for your own good!

After the surgery, you wont be so vicious anymore. You wont be in pain! Ill treat you just like I used to

At that, I started to laugh, tears of blood rolling down my cheeks.

Like you used to? And give me more of your fake, nauseating love?

I dont want it anymore. Jasper, if youre so determined to operate on me, then this life you twisted beyond recognition I dont want it anymore either.

Before the last word left my lips, ignoring Jaspers horrified screams behind me, I ran to the edge of the rooftop and threw myself over.