I Died While You Saved Him

The first thing I did when I was given a second chance at life was purge the past. I spent the morning incinerating the physical remnants of a decades worth of lies.

Nancys lettersthree years worth of carefully scripted devotionwere fed into the shredder until they were nothing but confetti. The framed photos of Diana and me? I set them ablaze in the fireplace, watching the edges of our smiling faces curl and blacken into ash.

In my previous life, I had been the quintessential fool, a supporting character in a drama where I wasn't even credited in the playbill. I believed Diana when she whispered that she loved me. I believed her so much that I turned down a prestigious fellowship at Oxford just to stay by her side.

And for what? She left anyway. She followed Felix halfway across the world the moment he beckoned, leaving me with nothing but a cold, parting remark: He needs me more than you do, Ben.

I spent those months living like a ghost. Nancy was the one who pulled me back, or so I thought. She brought me dinner every night, looking at me with those soft, empathetic eyes, telling me she had waited eight years for me to notice her. I thought I had finally found my harbor. She never stayed out late; she never looked at another man.

Until the winter of my accident.

I spent seven days in the ICU, hovering in the gray space between life and death. Nancy never showed up. Not once. Instead, I drifted in and out of consciousness to the hushed gossip of the night nurses: Poor guy in Bed 12. His wife is here every day, but she never steps foot in his room. Shes always next door, fussing over that guy, Felix.

Later, I learned the truth. Diana hadnt gone abroad to be with Felix out of loveshe went to pay off his gambling debts. And the money? It had all come from Nancy.

In the twisted play these three were staging, I was nothing more than the human ATM and the emotional safety net.

Not this time. This time, I moved fast. I put the house on the market and booked two one-way tickets to London for myself and my grandfather before the first act could even begin.

...

The guy in Bed 12 is breaking my heart. His wife is here around the clock, but she hasn't even looked in on him.

I know. She goes straight to the room next door. That patient, Felix? She wont leave his side.

The nurses' voices filtered through the heavy door of the ICU. My body was shattered from the car wreck, a map of broken bones and internal bleeding. My eyes were fused shut, but my mind was sharp, recording every word. I heard the nurses call Nancys phone over and over. She never picked up.

She was busy with someone more important.

The "redemption" I thought Id found with her was just another layer of the scam. I tried to scream, to wake up, to demand an explanation, but my strength failed. The last thing I "saw" was the jagged rhythm of my heart monitor smoothing out into a single, eternal horizontal line.

When I opened my eyes again, the sunlight was blinding.

I was sitting at my old mahogany desk. The calendar read three months before the deadline for the Oxford fellowshipthe one I had thrown away for Diana in my past life.

I didn't hesitate. I picked up the phone and dialed the International Programs office.

Professor? Its Ben. Im calling to confirm my acceptance of the exchange program. Id like to finalize the paperwork today.

The professor sounded relieved. Glad to hear it, Ben. It would have been a tragedy to waste talent like yours over well, anything.

A tragedy. Yes. Throwing away a future for a woman who viewed me as a footnote wasn't just a tragedy; it was a farce.

After hanging up, I called a real estate agent. I told him I wanted my parents' house soldcash only, fast closing. No exceptions.

As I finished the call, Dianas name flashed on my screen. I felt a phantom ache in my chest, the ghost of a love that had once consumed me.

Ben, she said, her voice cool and commanding. Felix is struggling with his senior thesis. His design is a mess. Youre the best in the department; I need you to go over to his place and fix it for him.

Always Felix. He was the invisible third person in our bed, the constant shadow over our dinners. In my past life, I had pulled three all-nighters to rebuild his project from scratch. When he won the departmental award, my name wasn't even mentioned in the fine print.

Dianas excuse back then? Felix has such a fragile constitution, Ben. He needs this win for his resume more than you do.

I gripped the phone, a cold smile touching my lips. Sure, Diana. Have him email me the files.

Good boy, she said. One word. Like she was patting a golden retriever.

I looked out the window, marveling at how easily I used to be manipulated.

An hour later, there was a knock at the door. It was Nancy, holding a takeout bag from my favorite dim sum place. She set the containers out with practiced grace, her expression a mask of gentle concern.

Eat while its hot, Ben. I know youve been stressed helping Diana and Felix. Dont burn yourself out.

She always appeared right when Dianas coldness reached a breaking point, playing the role of the nurturing alternative.

You know, she added, her tone conversational, Felixs project is so vital. Diana is just worried. Hes been sickly since they were kids; he cant handle the pressure like you can.

The script was so predictable. Felix was weak, so he deserved everything. I was strong, so I deserved to be bled dry.

I picked up a dumpling and smiled at her. I get it, Nancy. I wont make things difficult for Diana.

Nancy smiled back, satisfied. They both thought I was still the same Benthe man who would compromise his soul for a scrap of affection.

The next day, I took my laptop to the campus library to finish my visa application. As I scanned the aisles for references, I saw them.

Diana and Felix were tucked into a corner booth. Felix was leaning into her, his head on her shoulder. He looked perfectly healthyflushed and laughing.

Diana, I dont know what Id do without you, he whispered.

She looked at him with a tenderness she had never afforded me. Silly boy, she murmured.

When Diana stood up to get a coffee, she spotted me. Her expression hardened instantly. My presence was an intrusion on their curated intimacy.

I didn't storm over. I didn't demand an explanation. I simply caught her eye and gave her a polite, distant nod before returning to my books. I could feel her gaze burning into the back of my neck, confused by my lack of reaction.

I didnt care. My countdown had already started.

I didn't touch a single file of Felixs thesis. Two days later, Diana cornered me in the library. She snatched the book out of my hands and slammed it onto the table. The loud thud drew glares from the surrounding students.

Ben, what the hell? I told you to help Felix. Why are you sitting here reading trash?

I looked up at her, then at Felix, who was hovering behind her with a practiced look of innocence.

Im doing my own research, I said simply.

What research could possibly be more important than Felixs graduation? Diana hissed. She pulled Felix forward. He hasnt slept in days worrying about this, and youre just ignoring him?

Felix touched her sleeve, his voice a soft whine. Diana, dont. Ben probably has his own stuff to do. Ill just Ill figure it out. Even if I fail.

Dianas eyes flashed with anger. See? Even now, hes more considerate than you! Ben, Im saying this one last time: I want that completed proposal on my desk in a week.

I looked at them, the golden boy and his protector, and felt nothing but a dull sense of relief.

Understood, I said.

She assumed I had folded. She softened slightly, gave my shoulder a dismissive pat, and led Felix away. I went back to my work. It was the last time Id ever let her see me as her subordinate.

The calls started becoming frantic as the deadline approached.

Ben! Where is the file? Its due in forty-eight hours! Dianas voice was shrill over the phone.

I turned on the faucet in the kitchen, letting the rush of water fill the silence. Im sorry, Diana. My grandfather hasn't been feeling well. Ive been at the hospital with him. Everything else has had to take a backseat.

Felixs future depends on this! Cant your grandfathers nurse handle it? Just finish the damn project, Ben.

My grandfather, the man who raised me, was less important to her than a plagiarized thesis for a boy who had never worked a day in his life.

Ill see what I can do, I lied.

Youd better. If Felix doesnt graduate, we are done. She slammed the phone down.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I couldn't believe I had ever loved a woman who held me in such low Brooke-style contempt.

The real estate agent called ten minutes later. He had a buyer. All cash, quick close, way over asking price. I told him to send the contract immediately.

To make the "move" look real, I needed to get rid of some of the heavy antique furniture my parents had left behind. It was a two-person job, and I decided to test Nancy one last time.

Nancy? Are you free? I need to move some of the heavy stuff out of the house today. Could use a hand.

There was a long pause. Then, the sound of a faint, pathetic cough in the background. Felix.

Oh, Ben, Im so sorry. Im stuck at Felixs. Hes running a fever and Im the only one here to look after him. Cant you just hire movers? Ill Venmo you the money later.

Always Felix.

Dont worry about it, I said, my voice steady. Take care of him.

I hung up and booked a professional moving crew within five minutes. If money could buy my freedom from their "favors," it was worth every cent.

An hour later, I called Nancy back. My voice was a strained whisper. Nancy my stomach. Its bad. I think I need to go to the ER. Im at City General.

Stay put! Im coming! she cried.

I sat on a cold plastic bench in the hospital lobby, watching the automatic doors. Thirty minutes later, Nancy burst through. She was breathless, eyes darting around frantically. But she didn't see me. She didn't even look toward the waiting area.

She ran straight past me, sprinting toward the Orthopedics wing.

I stood up and followed her at a distance.

Outside an exam room, Felix was sitting in a wheelchair, his ankle wrapped in a light bandage. He was cryingfat, theatrical tears. Nancy dropped to her knees in front of him, her face a mask of genuine agony.

Its okay, baby, its okay. The doctor said its just a minor sprain. Youll be fine in a few days.

But it hurts so much, Felix whimpered, leaning his head against hers.

She reached out to touch his ankle, her hands trembling with a tenderness she had never shown me even when I had a 103-degree flu.

This was the "care" I had been promised in the ICU. It had been happening long before the accident.

I stepped out from behind the pillar. Nancy?

She jumped, nearly knocking Felix over. Her face went pale. Ben? What why are you here?

Felixs tears vanished instantly. His eyes narrowed, flashing a look of pure, territorial triumph.

Stomach pains, I said, patting my midsection. I was just heading to get my prescription.

Are you are you okay? Nancy stammered, standing up.

Ill live. Its an old issue. I looked at Felix. Looks like youve got your hands full, though. Ill let you get back to it. I can find my own way home.

I didn't wait for her to explain. I walked away, knowing that my "jealous but resigned" act would keep them from suspecting anything until it was too late.

The day I signed the closing papers and saw the wire transfer hit my account, the sun was shining. I went straight to the registrars office, filed for an indefinite leave of absence, and finalized my student visa.

That weekend, a mutual friend organized a karaoke night. I knew Diana and Nancy would be there. To keep up appearances, I went.

The neon-lit room was thick with the smell of cheap beer and perfume. After an hour, Felix, clutching a bag of dice, stood up with a grin.

Lets play Kings Game! Whoever draws the King gets to make any two people do whatever they want!

The room cheered. Diana and Nancy laughed, looking at Felix with indulgent eyes.

Naturally, Felix drew the King in the first round. He probably cheated.

I command Number 2 and Number 5 to reenact the Im flying scene from Titanic!

Everyone revealed their cards. I was Number 2. Diana, with a look of visible annoyance, flipped over Number 5.

The room exploded into whistles and jeers.

Come on, Ben! Your big moment!

Diana, dont be a killjoy, just hug him!

I was pushed onto the low coffee table in the center of the room. Diana stood in front of me, her arms crossed, looking like shed rather be anywhere else.

Nancy laughed from the couch. Hurry up, Diana. Dont keep us waiting. Ben, open your arms!

I stood there, stiff and humiliated, closing my eyes to avoid seeing the disgust on Dianas face. I waited for the hug.

It never came. Instead, I felt a violent shove against my chest.

It was Felix. He had leaped up behind me, laughing as he wrapped his arms around me in a mocking embrace. Look, Diana! Is this better?

But his momentum was too much. I lost my balance on the slick surface of the table. My feet slipped, and I went crashing backward.

CRACK.

My head hit the sharp corner of a side table. Stars exploded in my vision. Everything went black for a second, then a searing, white-hot pain bloomed at the base of my skull.

I fell to the floor, and the impact knocked several drinks over. Ice-cold gin and sticky soda drenched my hair and clothes.

The room went silent. Then, I heard it.

Diana didnt gasp. She didnt run to help. She let out a sharp, mocking snort.

God, Ben. Youre such a buzzkill, she said, turning back to the group.

Nancy just sighed, checking her manicure. Honestly, Ben, how clumsy can you be? It was just a game.

No one reached out a hand. All eyes were on Felix, who was now pouting, his eyes welling with fake tears. Im sorry, Diana I didnt mean to I just wanted to be funny.

Diana pulled him into her side, her voice softening. Its okay, sweetie. Its not your fault. He just cant keep his feet.

The pain in my head was nauseating. I lay there on the cold, sticky floor, shivering and soaked. I didn't say a word. I gathered what was left of my dignity, stood up, and walked out of that room.

I didn't look back. I just felt a profound sense of gratitude. The house was sold. The visa was in my bag. I was leaving in three days.