Cold Love That Pierces the Bone

The unexpected twist on our graduation trip tore me and my fiance apart for good.

For six hours, I scoured the unfamiliar city like a madman, hunting for any trace of her. It wasnt until I passed a cozy, warmly lit pub on a street corner that a voice drifting out froze me solid.

I never planned on bringing him anyway, I deliberately ditched him.

Willows drunken complaint pierced my ears. Landon is just too clingy, its honestly annoying.

Her senior, Noah, chuckled in agreement. But she pressed on, If only he could be as mature and steady as you.

I stumbled back to the beach, screaming her name with all my might until my throat was raw and bleeding. I couldn't stop. Finally, I had no strength left even to confront her. I dragged my leaden legs back to the hotel, grabbed my passport, and hailed a cab straight to the airport. The city outside the window blurred into a smear.

At the boarding gate, my phone finally lit up with her name.

Just charged it. You must have been worried sick, right? Send me your location, Ill come find you right away.

Hearing her utter lack of apology, I hung up. My trembling fingers typed out four words: Wedding cancelled.

1 Landon, what do you mean? You couldnt keep up with me, you ran off, and now youre taking it out on me?

Three seconds after I sent the message, Willows call came through. Faintly, I could hear our friends trying to calm her down on the other end. Noah, the senior, was clearly the closest.

Youre getting married, Willow. Talk to Landon nicely. Boys need to be coaxed.

A chorus of laughter erupted, and Willows voice grew colder.

We only booked the venue, the invitations havent even gone out. If Landon wants to cancel the wedding, fine by me!

She hung up.

Willows fury, just like that, vanished.

My phone wallpaper still showed her sunny smile. I paused, then decided to change it immediately. But when I opened my photo gallery, Willow was everywhere.

I loved capturing every moment I spent with Willow. The way shed scrunch up her nose at bitter Americano. The disgusted look as she picked out mushrooms Id prepared. And the goofy hand dances Id dragged her into.

I selected them, one by one, deleting them. In the end, I simply cleared the entire album. For some reason, a huge chunk of my heart felt empty too.

A fellow traveler tapped me on the shoulder, reminding me that my phone was buzzing relentlessly. It was Willow again. This time, her tone was softer.

Landon, I was out of line earlier. I was just too stressed.

Dont be mad at me. Where are you? Ill come pick you up right away.

Seeing that I still said nothing, Willow grew a little anxious.

We planned to go snorkeling tomorrow, isnt that what youve always wanted to do?

I opened my mouth, a reflex to say something. Willow loved snorkeling. As someone who couldnt swim, Id specifically hired a private instructor before this trip, practicing tirelessly. I didnt want my clumsiness to wear out Willows patience. So I repeatedly overcame my fear, holding my breath and diving, my eyes bloodshot from the water after each lesson. Now, I felt it was all for nothing.

I wanted to say lets break up, Im not getting married. But my throat felt like it had been scraped with gravel, dry and painful.

The silence, lasting several seconds, completely infuriated Willow.

Landon, youre really something.

An hour of me not finding you at the hotel, and were done!

Whenever Willow and I argued, this tactic always worked. Because I loved her, seemingly more than she loved me. But this time, I wouldn't budge.

As the final call for boarding echoed, I walked towards the counter with my passport. The ground staff looked up at me, then handed the document back. It was then I realized, in my haste, Id picked up Willows passport by mistake. And tomorrows flights back home were fully booked; the earliest I could rebook was the day after.

An hour and a half later, exhausted, I rushed back to the hotel. My plan was to swap passports and find another place to stay. But just as I entered the lobby, I ran into Willow and Noah. Willow was clearly drunk, leaning on Noahs shoulder.

Landon is really something too, how could he just leave without a word and abandon me?

Here, have some water.

Noah held a glass to her lips. There was a noticeable lipstick print on the rim. Seeing me, he guiltily pushed Willow towards me.

Good youre back, Ill leave Willow to you.

I have allergies. As soon as I got close, the perfume scent clinging to Willow made me sneeze twice. Without thinking, I pushed her back to Noah. My voice was flat.

The senior got her drunk, so the senior can take care of her.

On the way back, Id bought throat lozenges, and they helped a lot. I turned and walked upstairs, ignoring Noahs darkened expression. There were six of us on this trip, three of them Willows college roommates. She wouldn't be without a place to sleep tonight.

After showering in my room, I realized Willows phone was on the bedside table, buzzing with notifications. Annoyed by the noise, I planned to mute it. But the stored facial recognition automatically unlocked the phone.

The first thing I saw was Willows group chat.

Why does Willow put up with Landon, the rich kid? Hes useless except for being clingy.

She was so wasted, Noah had to bring her back. I think theyre a perfect match.

Wasnt it because Noah was almost engaged that Willow even said yes to Landon?

My fingers stiffened, unable to press the power button. Because Noah had a girlfriend, even though Willow was overly attentive to him, I never dug too deep. At most, Id pretend to be mad for a couple of days and wait for Willow to sweet-talk me.

The more I thought, the more it hurt. Since Id decided to break up, why did I still care about these things? Seeing the latest message pop up in the chat, I scoffed.

You didnt know? Noah broke up with his girlfriend at the beginning of the month.

I paused, then suddenly understood why Willow had been so eager to organize this trip. Take me snorkeling? Film beautiful videos for me? All the reasons shed spouted were just excuses.

I turned to my suitcase, filled with all sorts of clothes. For me, this was supposed to be a journey of special significance. Because after returning home, Id dive into wedding preparations, ready to become a husband, even a father. The day before we left, I stayed up all night planning.

But fate always seemed to mock the earnest. Whether this relationship, or this trip, both had been utter failures. I looked out at the tranquil ocean beyond the French doors, feeling tears were utterly superfluous.

Just as I was about to put down my phone and sleep, Willows phone received another message. From Noah. Just a few simple words:

Feeling better?

I stared at it for two seconds, then, on a whim, tapped the video call icon. The call connected instantly. Noah, on screen, was wearing a silk robe, his physique clearly visible.

You why are you?

Facing his undisguised embarrassment, I smiled.

Senior, really. If you want to hook up with someone elses girlfriend, at least wait until Ive dumped her. Then youd be legitimate, wouldnt you?

Noahs face turned green, and he ended the call.

Perhaps it was sheer exhaustion, but I slept deeply. Until Willow burst in and dragged me out of bed.

Landon, Noah just broke up, why would you provoke him? If anything happens to him, Im done with you!

This morning, with Noah missing, Willow had been a nervous wreck. Calling the police wasnt enough; she even wanted to contact the embassy. I kept wondering if Willow had ever worried about me like that. But it seemed, never once.

I always arrived ten minutes early for dates. Id always report what I was doing, who I was seeing. If Willow missed me, even if I was vacationing with my parents, Id take the fastest flight to be by her side. This was how I loved her. But in Willows eyes, it had become clinginess. Annoying.

I didnt know if I had used the wrong approach. Or perhaps, the fault wasnt mine at all. This morning, Willow had publicly scolded me in front of her roommates, then later returned to ask for my help contacting the local business association. Out of respect for my parents, they would certainly lend a hand. But why should they? Noah and I had absolutely nothing to do with each other. And even Willow, not yet married, was no one to me. So I refused.

Noah is an adult. Hes responsible for his own safety.

Those were Willows words, spoken to Noah after shed ditched me yesterday. Now, I returned them to her verbatim. But Willow grew furious.

Landon, I just realized today what a petty man you are! Do you think every woman in the world should revolve around you? You just didnt like me inviting Noah on this trip, why didnt you just say so?

Even her roommates chimed in from behind.

Willow was just worried youd be uncomfortable as the only guy, so she invited Noah.

Landon, Willows been good enough to you, what more do you want?

Before Noah left, hed texted saying he didnt want to spoil my fun. They all assumed Id said something nasty to him. I had, but it was all true. Yet Noah had turned it around on me, and hed succeeded.

Since I couldnt leave, I didnt want to waste any more time. I was now at the beach, warming up for snorkeling. The instructor said there was a good chance of seeing whale sharks today, and I was absolutely thrilled.

As we were about to set sail, I saw Willow and her friends approaching, clustered around Noah.

I told you you wouldnt hold a grudge against Landon, it was all a misunderstanding.

Willow winked at me, signaling me to say something nice to Noah. I fought hard not to flip the table right there and then, and instead climbed onto the boat. There would be no peace today, I figured.

It turned out Noah had just been in a bad mood and had gone to explore the local market alone. Hed even thoughtfully brought back gifts for everyone. Leaving no room for complaint. Once the boat set off, Willow, right in front of me, put on the handmade necklace Noah had given her.

Noah, your taste is really impeccable.

Willow cherished it like a treasure. And the one shed taken off, she casually handed to me. I remembered, it was the birthday gift Id given her last year. Willow had said shed wear it forever, a promise to keep her close. Now, it seemed the meager sense of security she offered was just a temporary thing.

I silently let my hand drop, allowing the necklace to be silently swept away by the waves. Letting go was my freedom, too.

When we reached the snorkeling spot, Willows three roommates eagerly jumped into the water. She, like an expert, patiently helped Noah adjust his mask, fins, and other gear. By the time Willow remembered me and turned around to offer help, I was already fully geared up and had flipped into the water. No fear, only the passion to explore the ocean. Even in the few seconds a whale shark swam alongside me, I felt immense satisfaction.

Lifes choices, perhaps some right, some wrong. But they always corresponded to different scenery. Having been here, having loved, was enough.

After snorkeling, the atmosphere on the boat ride back was incredibly awkward. Noah, the university leagues 1000-meter butterfly champion, had been afraid to get in the water today. Willow had to sit with him on the boat all afternoon. When the instructor enthusiastically showed me the snorkeling videos and photos hed taken of me, Willow looked a little regretful.

Landon, lets come back again when we get married and go on our honeymoon.

Even now, Willow thought I was just speaking in anger yesterday. I was about to seize the opportunity to make things clear, when the sea suddenly grew windy. The change happened in an instant.

When the boat capsized, it would be a lie to say I wasn't scared. My hand instinctively reached for Willow, who was closest to me. But my fingertips brushed past her arm, grasping empty air. I watched Willow swim, without hesitation, desperately towards Noah.

Stunned for a moment, a huge wave crashed over me, pushing me into the deep sea. I struggled with all my might, but it was futile. Both Willow and the shore drifted further and further away.

Willow and I were neighbors, went to the same primary and middle school. Back then, my parents business was just starting, and they were very busy, so theyd have Willow and me walk to and from school together. Willow had always loved to tease me. On the first day of school, she deliberately left me behind. I was timid back then, dared not go anywhere. I just sat at the school gate, from sunset until late at night.

Landon!

It wasn't my parents who came, but Willow.

Are you stupid? You dont even know your way home!

After scolding me, Willow opened her backpack. It was stuffed with snacks, all her apologies.

Remember to stick with me from now on, got it?

Because of Willows words, I became her shadow. Dazed, I almost followed Willow into the girls restroom once. I was so embarrassed, I didnt want to go to school. Willow, however, punched out the front teeth of the kid who was leading the teasing. As if telling everyone, being her sidekick was nothing to be ashamed of.

In high school, my parents sent me to an international school. Willow went to a top-tier state high school. Every Friday, Id wait for her early outside her school gate. Willow would always impatiently toss her backpack at me, no longer full of snacks, but instead, envelopes filled with love letters. Some for her, some for me.

Landon, dont come looking for me at school anymore, your admirers are driving me crazy.

I habitually followed behind Willow, timidly apologizing. But secretly, Id open the love letters people sent her. Reading the lines, sometimes subtle, sometimes bold, Id get so jealous I couldnt sleep. I dont know why, but I just felt that I was the only one who could be Willows boyfriend.

She was never a patient person. Yet shed spend entire afternoons with me at the library. Shed wait two hours in line with me for trendy ice cream. On my 18th birthday, Willow, amidst everyones cheers, kissed my forehead. My face was so red I wanted to crawl into a hole. My friends said Willow would definitely confess to me after college started. To go to the same school as her, I worked incredibly hard. Even my parents, who insisted I study abroad, were convinced by me.

But I never expected Willow to make an exception for another guy on the very first day of freshman orientation. Noah was a year ahead of us, responsible for greeting new students. On orientation day, my parents were busy, so Willow and I went together, eager to explore the campus where wed study and live for the next four years. At the club recruitment fair, someone bumped into me. Willow, protecting me, got into an argument with Noah and almost came to blows. Noah stepped in to mediate, and Willow accidentally scratched his elbow. Willow panicked, insisting on taking Noah to the infirmary. In the crowded hallway, I couldn't hold onto her arm. Willows phone was dead, I couldn't reach her, but I thought shed eventually come back for me, so I waited in place. In the end, Willow never appeared.

That day, Noah showed Willow around the school and invited her to join the swim club. At the freshman welcome dance that evening, they were the most dazzling pair, while I arrived late. From that moment on, I decided not to wait passively anymore.

I memorized Willows class schedule, always secretly sneaking into her classrooms. If the photography club had an event, Id sign up as an external staff member. Everyone called me Willows inseparable shadow. But no one knew I was afraid, afraid Willow would be snatched away by someone else, like a Sword of Damocles hanging over my head.

College life was different. Willow had many friends; she no longer included me in everything, even lied to me. I heard Willow was celebrating New Years Eve with her roommates by the river. Even though it was jam-packed, I braved the cold wind and rode a shared bike for two hours, just to see the fireworks with her at midnight. But when I shared my location, Willow was ten kilometers away at a shopping mall, celebrating Noahs birthday.

Landon, actually, since youre on the way, could you pick up a box of caramel egg tarts on Fortune Road? Noah wants some.

Even though both ends of the phone were noisy, I felt an eerie silence all around me, pushed and shoved by the New Years Eve crowd, like driftwood at sea, without a branch to cling to.