Broken Faith

My name is Sarah.

Five years into my marriage with Jean, I gave up my life to save his, leaving this world forever.

The only piece of my soul I left behind was our four-year-old son, Toby.

In the years that followed, Jean raised our little boy all on his own, fiercely guarding every single memory of the life we shared.

That was, until a woman named Nicole walked into his life. She pursued Jean relentlessly, throwing her whole heart at him.

But no matter how desperately Nicole confessed her feelings, Jean turned her down cold.

"I made a promise to Sarah," he told her. "For the rest of my life, my heart belongs entirely to her. She is my one and only wife."

I floated right beside him as a spirit, watching him, silently praying he would keep that promise.

I never expected what would happen next. A massive fire broke out at Toby's school.

Nicole charged into the burning building without a second thought. She managed to save my son, but she was trapped under a falling beam and slipped into a deep coma.

Jean lost every ounce of his composure. He fell to his knees beside her hospital bed, begging Nicole to open her eyes, over and over again.

Nicole's eyes remained firmly shut.

But I, inexplicably, felt a violent pull. Before I knew what was happening, I was sucked directly into her body.

I blinked her eyes open. The first person in my line of sight was Jean.

He didn't recognize me.

With tears streaming down his face, he looked at me, or rather, the woman he thought was Nicole, and choked out a confession. "Nicole, I love you."

For a split second, I honestly thought the smoke had messed with my hearing.

But Jean immediately said it again.

"Nicole, I love you."

"I already talked to my parents. The second you're out of the woods and fully recovered, we are planning the wedding."

"Thank God you're okay..."

He pressed my hand against his wet cheek, looking at me with pure, unadulterated devotion.

I lay there completely paralyzed. I had no idea how to tell him that I wasn't Nicole.

I was his dead wife, Sarah.

Worse yet, I had no idea how to process the crushing reality that he had genuinely fallen in love with another woman.

Seeing my silence, Jean panicked and started apologizing.

"I'm so sorry, Nicole. I was a fool before. I clearly had feelings for you, but I was just too much of a coward to admit it."

"I swear to you, from this day forward, I will love you and only you. Okay?"

Those words were the exact same words he used when he proposed to the real me years ago.

Back then, I had wrapped my arms around his neck, laughing and teasing him. "It's a deal! If you ever change your mind, I'll never forgive you, even if I'm dead!"

And yet, here we were.

All I could do was dig my fingernails into my palms, fighting back a wave of bitter tears as I tried to correct him.

"But I'm not Ni..."

Before the name could fully leave my lips, a tiny figure bolted into the hospital room.

"Mommy! You're finally awake!"

My entire body violently jolted.

I watched helplessly as my little boy threw his small arms around my torso, his eyes swollen and red from crying.

Feeling the radiating heat of his small body, a massive rush of joy completely short-circuited my brain. My voice trembled uncontrollably.

"What... what did you just call me?"

"Can you say it one more time?"

It had been so unbelievably long since I heard my Toby call me Mom.

But before Toby could open his mouth again, Jean gently covered the boy's lips, offering a patient correction.

"Toby, buddy, you can't call her that yet. Auntie Nicole hasn't agreed to marry daddy."

"She isn't your mom right now."

Those words hit me like a bucket of ice water. The brutal reality snapped back into place.

Right now, in their eyes, I was Nicole.

Even Jean couldn't spot a single difference.

How could my sweet, innocent son possibly know that his real mother was trapped inside this woman's body?

My nose stung fiercely.

I lowered my gaze, trying to explain myself one more time.

"Actually, I really am Toby's mo..."

Jean completely misunderstood my hesitation. He grabbed my hands, his eyes wild with excitement.

"Wait, does that mean you're saying yes? You'll marry me?"

I froze. I was just about to shake my head.

But Toby let out a joyful cheer and hugged me even tighter.

"Yay! That means Auntie Nicole is going to be my new mommy! Right?!"

I looked at the absolute elation lighting up both of their faces.

The truth withered and died in my throat.

In the three agonizing years since my death, this was the first time I had seen either of them look so genuinely happy.

They truly loved Nicole.

As for me...

I was a ghost who had been dead for three years. No matter how much it tore me apart, what right did I have to steal the happiness they so desperately wanted?

My eyes burned with fresh tears. I awkwardly turned my face away and offered a single, stiff nod.

"Yes."

I had no idea when my soul would be ripped away from this body.

But if Nicole was the only person they wanted to see, then I would give them exactly what they wanted.

Hearing my answer, both father and son practically tackled me in a massive hug.

Jean's voice cracked with raw emotion.

"Nicole, thank you..."

"Thank you for forgiving me, and thank you for being willing to be Toby's mom."

Toby was too young to understand the gravity of it all. He just buried his face in my chest, echoing his dad's thank you.

As I sat there, the scent clinging to their clothes drifted into my nose, leaving me entirely dazed.

After all these years, they still smelled exactly like gardenias.

It was my absolute favorite scent.

When I was alive, I constantly bought that specific floral detergent to wash all of their laundry.

Whenever I hung the clothes up to dry, Toby used to cling to my legs and grin. "Mommy smells so good! I love it!"

And Jean would always pull me into his chest and whisper. "Every time I smell gardenias on you, it just makes me feel so grounded. So safe."

It was the signature scent of our little family of three.

But right now, they were carrying that exact same scent while holding another woman's body.

A sickening wave of revulsion and rejection clawed at my throat.

I pushed them away, holding my breath.

"What is that smell on you two? It's way too strong. It's suffocating."

Jean lifted his sleeve to his nose, and his entire body went rigid.

Toby immediately piped up to explain.

"It's gardenia flowers! Daddy says it's because my first mommy loved..."

Before he could finish, Jean clamped a hand over his mouth.

"It's just a regular detergent. If you don't like it, I'll throw it out and buy a new one tomorrow."

Jean looked at me with total caution, treating me like fragile glass.

The very next day, the scent on their clothes completely changed.

It was a sickly sweet citrus scent. The exact kind of fruity smell I absolutely despised.

To make matters worse, Toby kept clinging to me, excitedly asking if I liked the new smell.

Looking at his sweet, innocent face, I forced a fake smile and nodded, silently ordering myself to let go of the past.

I wasn't Sarah anymore.

I had to play the role of Nicole perfectly, right up until the day she returned to claim her life.

I arrived in silence, and I would leave in silence.

If I did that, I could at least lie to myself. I could pretend that in my memories, our family was still as beautiful and flawless as it used to be.

To the current Jean and Toby, "Nicole's" feelings were the only things that mattered.

Because he thought "Nicole" didn't like it, Jean voluntarily took off his wedding ring, leaving behind a stark, pale indentation on his ring finger.

Because he thought "Nicole" didn't want to see any reminders of Sarah, Toby took off the custom silver locket I had personally engraved for him. He stuffed it in a drawer and never wore it again.

Bit by bit, piece by piece, father and son meticulously scrubbed every trace of my existence from their lives.

And I was forced to sit there and watch it happen.

Right before I was discharged from the hospital, my period hit. I lay curled up in the hospital bed, shivering violently from the brutal cramps.

Toby scrambled up onto the mattress and snuggled into my chest, using his little body heat to warm my aching stomach.

Jean actually called out of work. He rushed all the way home just to cook a pot of warm, brown sugar pecan oatmeal for me.

Everything was playing out exactly like it used to.

But I knew the truth. They still hadn't recognized me.

Jean scooped up a spoonful of the hot oatmeal and brought it to my lips.

"Be a good girl, eat it while it's hot. The pain will go away soon."

It was a sweet, comforting bowl of food, but the steam rising off it made my eyes sting with unshed tears.

I turned my head away. "I don't want it."

Jean's hand froze mid-air. His voice hitched with sudden anxiety.

"But this used to be your absolute favorite. Why don't you want it? Is your stomach acting up?"

He turned around, fully prepared to hit the call button for the nurse.

My voice sliced through the air and stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Jean, I'm highly allergic to pecans. I've never touched the stuff in my life."

"Who exactly is the woman in your head right now?"

My dead heart suddenly sparked back to life.

God knows how desperately I wanted Jean to figure out the truth.

I wanted to find even the tiniest crumb of evidence that he still loved me.

But he just stood there, his lips parting and closing for several agonizing seconds, completely speechless.

I wasn't allergic to pecans. Sarah loved them.

But in my inherited memories, the real Nicole was severely allergic, and she had explicitly warned Jean about it multiple times.

The fact that he completely forgot about her allergy... did that mean I still held the top spot in his heart?

Toby looked back and forth between us. He tugged gently on Jean's sleeve and whispered a reminder.

"Daddy, the person who loves pecan oatmeal is Mommy."

My eyes flooded with heat. I bit down hard on my lower lip and looked away.

I couldn't even describe the twisted, suffocating feeling in my chest.

Jean slowly set the bowl down on the nightstand. He pulled me into a tight embrace, apologizing over and over again.

"I'm so sorry, Nicole... I completely forgot."

"Sarah always loved eating this. Whenever her time of the month came around, making this for her always made her smile."

"I just haven't adjusted yet. I'm so sorry. Please, just give me a little more time. I swear I'll memorize every single thing you like, and I'll wipe Sarah from my memory entirely. Please?"

I bit my lip so hard I tasted copper, letting the metaphorical blood drip straight down into my shattered heart.

Fine. Let it be like this.

I needed to stop holding onto these pathetic delusions. I was only torturing myself.

I rested my head against his shoulder and gave a weak nod. "Don't let it happen again."

Toby pressed his little face against my arm and spoke up in his sweetest voice. "Don't worry, I'll supervise Daddy! We'll memorize everything about you!"

They were men of their word.

From that day forward, they never got "Nicole's" preferences wrong again.

After I was officially discharged, Jean brought me back to our family home.

During the years I existed purely as a spirit, I had haunted this house.

I knew Jean couldn't bear to throw any of my belongings away. He had kept the house in pristine condition, looking exactly as it did the day I died. He forbade anyone from touching a single thing.

Once, when Nicole shamelessly invited herself over, she accidentally knocked over a half-finished Lego castle I had been building with Toby. Jean had completely lost his mind, screaming at her to get out.

Afterward, completely ignoring his usual polished dignity, he had dug through the trash bin to find the missing plastic bricks. He and Toby spent hours rebuilding it, placing it perfectly back on its display shelf.

But now...

I scanned the expansive living room.

The Lego castle on the entryway console was gone.

The custom ceramic vase I bought for the coffee table had vanished.

Even the massive family portrait of the three of us that used to hang proudly above the fireplace had been taken down.

The only things left were a few bare nails sticking out of the drywall, acting as a ghost of what used to be there.

Every single trace of my existence had been surgically removed by Jean's own hands.

My chest caved in, leaving a hollow, echoing ache.

Without thinking, I murmured aloud. "This house... it's missing so many things."

Jean stepped up behind me, wrapping his arms securely around my waist. He spoke softly into my ear.

"You're right."

"This house is missing a hostess."

"Nicole, will you marry me?"

As he spoke, a flawless, glittering diamond ring appeared directly in my line of sight.

Even though I knew this exact moment was coming, an uncontrollable tremor ran through my entire body.

Should I say yes?

If the real Nicole were standing here, she would accept it in a heartbeat, wouldn't she?

As my thoughts spun into total chaos, Jean took a step back. He held the ring up and dropped to one knee right in the middle of the living room.

"Nicole, I have never been more serious."

The very next second, a dozen people poured out from the adjacent dining room and hallways. Confetti cannons popped with a loud bang, showering us in colorful paper as our friends erupted into cheers.

"Say yes! Say yes!"

For a fleeting, dizzying moment, I thought I had traveled back in time to the day Jean first proposed to me.

Back then, we were surrounded by this exact same crowd, cheering us on, wishing us a lifetime of happiness.

And Jean had spoken his vows in front of everyone, just like he was doing now.

He thanked Nicole for lighting up his dark world. He thanked Nicole for dragging him out of the abyss of his grief.

And he thanked Nicole for saving his son's life.

"Sarah was the love of my past, but Nicole... you are the salvation of my entire life."

"Please, marry me."

The blinding sparkle refracting off the diamond cut sharply into my eyes.

I knew Nicole would say yes.

I knew I was supposed to just accept it.

But in that exact moment, my throat locked up. I couldn't force a single syllable out.

What kind of woman could stand there and willingly hand her own husband over to someone else?

I couldn't do it.

Seeing my frozen silence, Jean's parents stepped forward. Their eyes were red and pleading as they approached me carefully.

"Nicole, honey, we know any woman would feel hesitant about marrying a widower."

"But ever since that woman passed away, Jean has been a walking corpse. You're the first person to bring him back to life."

"As his parents, our only wish is to see our son happy. We just want him to walk out of the past and actually live again."

"Nicole, please, won't you say yes to our family?"

Looking at my former mother and father-in-law, I suddenly felt like all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room.

Even they had completely, effortlessly accepted Nicole as the new woman of the house.

Jean's close friends gathered around, chiming in, urging me not to worry about his history.

"Jean is the most fiercely loyal guy on the planet. Once he commits to someone, he loves them until the bitter end. You never have to worry about him changing his mind."

I stood rooted to the hardwood floor, completely dazed, a bitter smirk tugging at the corners of my mouth.

Loves them until the bitter end?

Never changes his mind?

Then why doesn't he love me anymore?

My fingertips turned ice-cold from the emotional pain.

I knew I had to make the final call.

I reached my hand out toward Jean, pulling every last ounce of strength from my bones to force the words out.

"Okay. I will."

His eyes lit up like fireworks. He grabbed my hand with trembling fingers and slid the heavy diamond onto my ring finger.

The metal felt incredibly weighty on my skin.

Yet somewhere deep inside my chest, there was a gaping, desolate void.

The crowd around us clapped and cheered, wiping away happy tears as they showered us with blessings.

Toby danced around our legs in a circle, totally ecstatic.

"Yay! Daddy and Mommy are getting married! I have a mommy again!"

Jean swept me up into a crushing hug, laughing and crying at the exact same time.

"Once you're completely healed, we're going to have the biggest wedding this city has ever seen."

"I promise you, I'm going to give you an unforgettable day..."

I felt like a wooden puppet suspended by strings. I forced my facial muscles into a stiff, unnatural smile.

"Okay..."

Before the word could fully register, the heavy mahogany front doors burst violently open. Two familiar figures stormed into the entryway, screaming at Jean.

"What the hell do you mean, a wedding?! We absolutely forbid it!"

I jumped, my head snapping toward the entrance in total shock.

Dad... Mom?

Toby sprinted toward them, throwing his arms around my mother's legs.

"Grandma! Grandpa! I'm getting a new mommy!"

Hearing that, my parents' faces turned dangerously dark.

"What new mommy?!"

"You only have one mother in this world, and her name is Sarah!"

My mother marched straight past the kid, walked right up to Jean, and slapped him directly across the face.

Smack.

"You were the one who insisted on dragging Sarah out on that road trip! When that drunk driver crossed the median, Sarah threw her body over yours to take the impact!"

"She was our only child! She wasn't even thirty years old! She died so you could live!"

"What did you promise us at her funeral?!"

"You swore you would guard her memory forever and dedicate your life to raising Toby!"

"My daughter hasn't even been in the ground for three years, and you're already rushing to get a new wife?!"

"What about my little girl? Was she nothing to you?!"

"How is her spirit supposed to rest in peace watching you do this!"

"I'm telling you right here, right now. If you think you're going to remarry and bring a stepmother in to raise Toby, you'll have to do it over my dead body!"

I stared at the deep wrinkles etched into my parents' faces, at the stark white hair framing their temples.

My heart physically ached, a tearing sensation ripping through my ribs.

In this entire massive, cold world, my parents were the only people left who still cared about my pain.

Jean kept his head bowed, taking the abuse in total silence. He was probably replaying the horrific car crash that stole my life. His face was a mask of suffocating guilt and panic.

His mother immediately stepped up, screaming right back at my mom.

"My son is in the prime of his life! He mourned your daughter for years, why shouldn't he be allowed to move on?!"

"Besides, Toby needs a mother! What is so wrong with bringing a new woman into the house! Can't you see the boy wants her here?!"

"Are you trying to drive my son and my grandson into an early grave just to satisfy your own grief?!"

My mother's face turned ash-gray with fury. She pointed a trembling finger at Jean's mother.

The next second, her eyes rolled back into her head, and she collapsed.

My heart completely stopped. I lunged forward, catching her before she hit the floor, screaming on pure instinct.

"Mom!"

In the sheer chaos of the moment, nobody seemed to catch the slip of my tongue.

Nobody except Jean. His pupils dilated in sheer shock, staring down at me with an expression of total, unadulterated disbelief.