The Secret I Carried

I was a Special Ops Commanders secret girlfriend for seven years. My mother, worried, had urged me to move onthis was her 99th try. She mentioned a former classmate asking about me, suggesting it was time to consider someone else. Gideon and I were to attend a military reunion the next day. I promised her Id give him one last chance: if he still wouldnt acknowledge us, Id leave.

At the reunion, a game called Blind Fate had single men blindly choose a womans hand from behind a curtain. When it was Gideons turn, I offered my left handthe one with a jagged scar from taking a bullet for him years ago. Hed once vowed hed always recognize my touch.

But when the curtain lifted, he was holding Audreys handthe academys former crush. The room cheered, calling it fate. Audrey blushed; Gideon smirked and didnt pull away. I just looked at my scar. His promise lasted far less than a lifetime.

The room was heavy with single men and short on single women. After the game ended, a few couples were jokingly paired off, leaving a handful of us sitting alone. I was one of them.

Jason, our old class monitor, finally noticed me sitting quietly by the wall. He raised an eyebrow in genuine surprise.

"Sienna, you're really still on the market? Hard to believe."

I ignored the sharp, warning look Gideon shot my way. I just smiled and shook my head.

"I'm not single."

The loud chatter in the room died for a split second. Gideon's hand froze halfway to his glass. For a fleeting moment, his eyes went completely blank.

Right on cue, my phone buzzed against the table. I did not even need to look at the screen to know who it was. Over the last seven years, the only time he ever texted me with that kind of desperate urgency was when he was terrified I might speak out of turn.

I kept my head up. I did not touch the phone.

"Oh damn, since when?" Blake, our old sports captain, leaned in with a grin. "Who's the lucky guy? You just played a singles game while secretly taken. You're sneaky, Sienna."

I met Blake's gossipy stare. "He's a great guy. Steady. He treats me really well."

"How'd you guys meet?" Blake pushed, clearly invested. "You never post him on social media. You haven't breathed a word about him."

Before I could answer, a soft cough echoed from across the table.

Gideon picked up his whiskey glass, his tone dripping with casual annoyance. "Blake, are you running a background check? If she doesn't want to talk about it, drop it."

Blake rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Alright, alright, my bad. Let's drink."

Gideon threw his head back and drained his glass in one fluid motion. I picked up my teacup and took a slow sip. The tea had gone completely cold, making the bitter taste cling to the back of my throat.

The spotlight quickly shifted off me and landed squarely on Gideon.

Blake's booming voice carried over the music. "Speaking of relationship statuses, Gideon is the one we should be interrogating. What's the deal with our most eligible bachelor?"

"Exactly!" someone chimed in. "Back at the academy, the line of girls chasing you stretched from the dorms to the main gates. How are you still flying solo?"

Gideon leaned back in his chair. That familiar, careless smile rested on his lips. He stayed silent.

Blake dragged out his words, his eyes darting back and forth between Gideon and Audrey. "Unless there's someone who's always owned your heart, making everyone else look invisible?"

Audrey dropped her gaze, the tips of her ears burning a bright crimson.

The room exploded into laughter and catcalls.

"Holy shit, Blake, just say her name already!"

"Like it's a secret? We all remember how it was back then."

"Man, that blindfold game tonight really sealed the deal."

The cheering grew louder, crashing over the table in waves. Audrey's face flushed deeper. She playfully shoved the guy sitting next to her, murmuring for them to stop talking nonsense.

Gideon neither confirmed nor denied it. The smile on his lips simply deepened.

After seven years in the shadows, I knew how to read every micro-expression on his face. I knew exactly what that smile meant. It meant he didn't hate the rumors. It meant he welcomed their teasing. It meant Audrey's blushing ears fed his ego perfectly.

The coldness from my teacup seeped through my skin, traveling straight up my arm and settling in my chest until my fingertips went entirely numb.

"Come on, Gideon, say something!" someone urged.

Gideon finally spoke, his voice wrapped in a lazy drawl. "What do you want me to say?"

"Tell us if it's true!"

He let out a low chuckle and placed his empty glass on the table. "What answer are you guys fishing for?"

That vague response sparked more wild imaginations than a straight confession ever could. The private room turned into a chaotic celebration. Audrey pressed her lips together to hide a smile, her eyes sparkling like they caught the light.

I used to have that same light in my eyes.

But I couldn't pinpoint exactly when it started to fade. It just dimmed, day by day, until I ended up here. Standing in the middle of a crowded room like an absolute outsider, listening to old friends cheer for the man I loved and the woman he actually wanted.

"Alright, alright, let's calm down," Jason intervened with perfect timing. "Stop putting the poor girl on the spot. Everyone, raise your glasses!"

The clinking of glass rang out around the table. I lifted my cold tea along with them.

Audrey choked a little on her cocktail, coughing until her face flushed. Gideon's head snapped toward her immediately. Without missing a beat, he took her drink away, replaced it with a glass of warm honey water, and pulled a napkin from the dispenser to hand to her.

I stared down at the soggy tea leaves resting at the bottom of my cup.

This group got together once a year. Every year it was the same routine. The seating arrangements shifted, the gossip evolved, but one thing remained utterly unchanged for seven years.

Gideon never once put food on my plate, poured my water, or even called me by my full first name in front of them.

He always said he needed to maintain boundaries. He claimed the military rumor mill was vicious, that dating a fellow officer could complicate his promotion, that people would talk, that there were endless rules to navigate.

I believed him. I waited. I waited for seven long years.

I waited until I was completely used to sitting three chairs away from him. I got used to him walking past me without breaking his stride. I perfected the role of the polite, distant former classmate.

It wasn't until tonight, when Audrey finally returned from her overseas peacekeeping tour and walked into this room, that the truth hit me.

The woman he desperately wanted to show off to the world was never me.

I unlocked my phone. The screen lit up with the two glaring words he had just sent me: [Drop it.]

I stared at those words until my eyes burned. My fingers unconsciously traced the scar on my wrist. It hadn't hurt in seven years. But tonight, for some inexplicable reason, it itched terribly. It felt like something was clawing its way out from deep inside my bones, only to rot the second it hit the air.

"Hey, speaking of which," Sarah, our old social secretary, chimed in. "Audrey just got back stateside. We need to find her a man, fast."

"Her parents made it clear. If she doesn't settle down soon, they're sending her back overseas for good."

"We can't let that happen!" Blake shouted. "We've got a room full of elite officers. No way we let them ship you out."

Audrey smiled shyly, keeping quiet while the back of her neck turned pink.

"Well, the solution is sitting right here." Blake shot a loaded look at Gideon.

The table erupted all over again.

"Hell yeah, Gideon, time to step up!"

"Don't make the lady wait any longer, man."

"Match made in heaven!"

People nudged Audrey, practically pushing her into Gideon's space. She didn't say a word, but she didn't pull away either.

Gideon just sat there, wearing that unreadable smirk. He didn't say a word.

But his silence was all the answer anyone needed.

A sudden thought crossed my mind. I opened the chat with my mother and finally gave her the answer she had been begging for.

[Okay. I'm fine with the wedding date. I've already filed my marriage paperwork with base admin.]

The second I put my phone facedown, Harper leaned across the table toward me.

"Wedding date? Paperwork? Sienna, are you getting married?"

Her voice wasn't particularly loud, but she asked right as the cheering for Gideon died down. Half a dozen pairs of eyes snapped toward me.

I smiled, offering no denials. "Yeah. I'm not getting any younger. My parents picked out a date."

"Holy shit!" Blake was the first to lose his mind. "We literally just found out you were dating someone, and you're skipping straight to the altar?"

"Who is this mystery guy? Is it someone from the academy?"

"When's the reception?"

The questions pelted me from all sides. I was just about to laugh it off and give a vague answer when Audrey suddenly spoke up.

"Oh, stop crowding her, you're going to make her uncomfortable," Audrey said sweetly. "But if a date is set, you guys must have been together for a really long time, right, Sienna?"

That question sucked the air out of the room. Every eye was locked on me.

I let my lips curve up into a small smile. "We've known each other a month. He's a good man. Steady. He's an officer, too."

That dropped like a bomb. It hit so hard that the silent figure sitting diagonally across from me instantly stiffened, his spine snapping straight.

"Wait, Sienna, are you serious?"

"With your looks and credentials, you don't need to do a one-month flash marriage!"

"It's not a flash marriage," I replied, my voice perfectly level as I took another sip of my cold tea. "When you meet the right person and your values align, a month is plenty of time."

Gideon remained frozen in that rigid posture.

Over the years, I had dropped countless hints that I wanted a family, that I wanted to be his actual partner in the light of day. Just a month ago, I had practically begged for his birth details so my mom could take our charts to an astrologer to pick a lucky date. He knew exactly what I was talking about.

A layer of frost flickered across his face before melting back into his usual composed mask. He was probably relieved I said one month instead of seven years.

"Congratulations," Audrey said softly, her smile the picture of grace. "When's the reception?"

There was no dodging it now. I didn't try to. "The end of this month. I hope all of you can make it."

Audrey's smile grew sweeter. She rested her chin in her hands, looking right at me. "That's wonderful. Honestly, though, I always thought..."

Someone caught the bait. "Thought what?"

"I thought," Audrey giggled, her eyes flicking toward Gideon, "that you were waiting for a certain someone to come around."

"You chased him so hard back in the day, we all assumed you wouldn't settle for anyone else."

As an awkward silence settled over the table, she quickly added, "But this is great. I'm glad you finally figured things out."

"Hey Gideon," someone joked, trying to break the tension. "She's getting married. Aren't you going to say something?"

Gideon leaned back, not even bothering to lift his eyes. "That's all in the past."

A bitter laugh bubbled up in my throat.

The past? If only they knew Gideon was the one who chased me first. Because we kept it a secret, everyone assumed all the care and devotion I poured into him was just a desperate, one-sided obsession.

He could have easily said, 'We used to date,' and cleared my name. Instead, he let them believe my seven years of loyalty were nothing but a pathetic, unrequited joke.

"Alright, alright, let's drink to that!" Jason rallied the table. "Cheers to another one of us leaving the singles club!"

Glasses clinked.

I spent the next half hour in total peace. I chatted with a few of the girls about their deployments, listened to them complain about their kids, and offered polite nods. Audrey tried a few times to steer the conversation back to my 'fianc,' but I smoothly redirected it every time.

When the party finally broke up, people headed for the exit in small groups.

"Gideon," Audrey called out from behind me, her voice laced with timid hesitation. "It's really late. Could you... give me a ride? The motel I'm at is on the outskirts of town. It's pretty sketchy."

I was bending down to grab my purse. I didn't even pause.

The chorus of teasing started up immediately.

"Ooh, look at that."

"Obviously he's going to take you!"

"Your time to shine, man!"

I stood up and walked right past them. In my peripheral vision, I saw Gideon standing beside her. He smiled. "Let's go."

Clean, decisive, without a fraction of hesitation.

I pushed through the heavy doors. The freezing night wind slipped down my collar, carrying the sound of their laughter far into the distance.

I stood in the elevator watching the digital numbers tick down. When it hit the number seven, I was dragged back to that sweltering summer seven years ago.

He had been a wreck because Audrey was leaving the country. His mind was somewhere else during the raid, and he didn't see the insurgent sneaking up behind him. I threw myself in front of him on pure instinct.

While the medic stitched me up, Gideon held my hand against his face. He kept whispering, "I'll never lose you in a crowd. This scar is my anchor. I'll know it for the rest of my life."

A lifetime was painfully short.

It was short enough that a stupid party game could make him drop my hand and grab someone else's.

The elevator doors chimed open. I stepped out. My phone buzzed in my pocket. It was Gideon.

[You behaved yourself tonight. But saying you're getting married at the end of the month is taking the joke too far. We'll figure out how to do damage control when I get home.]

I let out a soft laugh and closed our chat thread.

There was no need for damage control anymore.

I woke up early the next morning from a shallow, restless sleep just as Gideon unlocked the front door.

He paused in the entryway when he saw me sitting on the edge of the bed, folding my clothes.

"You're up early," he said, shrugging off his jacket as if nothing was wrong. "What's the occasion? You didn't blow up my phone last night."

I finally looked up at him. He was right. Whenever he stayed out late before, I would sit by my phone until the early hours of the morning, worried sick.

"Why didn't you reply to my last message?" I asked.

He walked over to the water dispenser, keeping his back to me as he filled a glass. He took a sip. "I drove Audrey back. Her motel was in a rough neighborhood. She was scared, so I stayed outside her door for a bit. It got too late to drive back, so I just crashed in the lobby for a few hours."

"I've already transferred her to the VIP guest quarters on base," he added, his tone taking on a placating edge. "Security is tight. She's safe now."

I smoothed out the crease on my uniform jacket and stayed quiet.

There were so many questions I could have asked. When you say you stayed outside her door, did you really stay in the hall, or did you go inside? When you say you crashed for a few hours, was it on a lobby couch, or in her bed?

But I didn't want to ask.

For the past seven years, he had been relatively good to me. Even though he kept me a secret, he was strict about maintaining boundaries with other women. I just never wanted to admit that those iron-clad boundaries completely dissolved the second Audrey was involved.

If she posted at 2 A.M. about insomnia, he would text her until dawn. If she missed American food overseas, he'd drive out of his way to ship her care packages. On every single birthday, he calculated the time difference to ensure he was the first to text her.

He did those things for me as a boyfriend. But he did them for her, too.

I had questioned him about it countless times. Every time, he had a hundred logical reasons to shut me down.

This time, the reasons didn't matter anymore.

He set his glass down, his eyes finally dropping to the open suitcase on the floor. His brow furrowed. "What are you doing?"

"Going back home," I said calmly, tucking the folded jacket into the luggage. "I'm heading back to stay with my parents before the wedding. It's tradition."

He froze. Then he crossed the room, crouched down beside me, and clamped his hand over the shirt I was about to pack.

"The joke is over, Sienna. Drop it."

I met his gaze head-on. "It's not a joke."

"The astrologer checked our charts. We're a perfect match." I lowered my eyes and pulled the shirt out from under his grip. "If I don't get married this year, I'll have to wait two more years for a lucky date."

He stared at me, the casual laziness finally vanishing from his eyes. After a long silence, he spoke. "Two years is fine."

"Once I get through these next two years of deployments, I can give you a much better wedding."

My hands stopped moving.

Two years? I remembered him saying the exact same thing two years ago. In his mind, my life was just an endless series of two-year extensions that he could spend however he pleased.

"Just drop a message in the group chat later. Tell them you had too much to drink and the wedding talk was bullshit." His voice softened, slipping into that coaxing tone he used when he wanted his way. "No one took it seriously anyway."

"I wasn't drinking." I stood up and zipped the suitcase closed. "Everyone knows I'm allergic to alcohol. I never touch it at reunions."

He blinked, thrown off balance. It was as if he suddenly realized how many basic facts about my life he had completely ignored.

I checked my watch. It was time to go.

"Are you done throwing a tantrum?" His voice dropped, growing harsh. "Is this because I didn't claim you in front of everyone? Are you really using a fake marriage to punish me?"

I looked at him, about to speak, when he suddenly pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Look, there's something I haven't told you. Actually..."

Before he could finish, his phone started ringing.

He glanced at the screen, walked over to the window, and answered it. The call was brief. He hung up, stood in silence for a few seconds, and then turned back to me.

"Audrey is having a panic attack at the guest quarters. I need to go check on her. We'll finish this when I get back."

He grabbed his jacket and walked out the door.

...

Three hours later.

Gideon's truck pulled up outside our apartment building. Audrey was sitting in the passenger seat.

"I'm so sorry," she smiled, looking perfectly apologetic. "I've been out of the country so long, I just can't handle sleeping in strange quarters alone. Thanks for letting me crash for a couple of days... It won't cause any problems, right?"

Gideon's hands tightened on the steering wheel. "No."

He figured he'd just have to explain the situation to Sienna. A few soft words and she'd let it go. She was always reasonable.

He pulled out his phone and started typing as they walked to the elevator: [Audrey is going to stay in the spare room for...]

He stopped, deleted the text, and put the phone away. It was better to tell her face-to-face. Besides, it was about time everyone knew they were together anyway.

He unlocked the front door. The apartment was dead silent.

Audrey rolled her suitcase inside, looking around the spacious living room. "Wow, this place is gorgeous. Isn't it lonely living in such a big place all by yourself?"

Gideon trailed behind her, his eyes scanning the living room. His feet carried him automatically toward the master bedroom.

He pushed the door open. What he saw made his blood run completely cold.