The Final Game Of Hide Seek

It was New Years Eve, and my little sister was begging me to play hide-and-seek.

The second I covered my eyes and started counting to thirty, that eraser in my brain started moving again. Its a strange, smooth sensationthe feeling of a chalkboard being wiped clean while the chalk is still writing.

I stood there for a few seconds, staring into the blackness of my palms. Then, I simply turned around, walked back into the house, and started watching the New Years countdown on TV.

An hour later, my mother was kneeling in front of me, her hands gripping my shoulders.

Elena, wheres your sister?

Sister?

I blinked, the flickering light of the television reflecting in my eyes. I dont have a sister.

The look on my mothers face shifted instantly. It wasnt just worry; it was a flash of pure, unadulterated horror.

Nobody stayed for the New Years dinner. They abandoned the roast and the wine, charging out into the driving blizzard. But no matter how loud they screamed her name, Sophie didn't appear.

My mothers hand flew up, catching me across the face with a sickening crack. Her eyes were rimmed with a violent red.

Did I not tell you to watch her? Did I not tell you to stay by her side every single second?

Where is she, Elena? Which way did she go? Answer me!

She shoved me, and I tumbled backward, sinking into the freezing slush outside the porch.

Why couldn't it have been you? she wailed, her voice breaking over the wind. Why couldn't the idiot be the one who got lost? You dont remember anything anyway!

You forgot your sister today. Whats next? Me? Your father? Are we just going to disappear from your head too?

She lunged at me again, but my father caught her, pulling her back. They were both sobbing now, their grief a physical weight in the air.

I felt a hollow ache in my chest.

She was right. Why couldn't it have been me?

My father held my mothers wrist tight, stopping her hand just inches from my cheek.

Enough! his voice was a jagged rasp. Shes sick, Diane. You know shes sick.

Because shes sick is exactly why I told her not to leave the house! My mother wrenched her hand free, though she didnt come near me again. She just stood there, staring at me with those bloodshot eyes.

Shes only four its freezing out there. Where could she go?

Four?

I tried to speak, but no sound came out. Was the sister four years old?

My mind was a blank slate. Beyond the muffled sounds of the TV and the swirling white flakes falling from the sky, there was nothing. No memories of a little girl, no echoes of laughter.

The neighbors started arriving, drawn by the commotion.

Check the nearby houses, someone shouted. A kid cant get far in this. Maybe shes at a friends?

My father pulled my mother up from the snow.

What are we doing sitting here? Move! We have to find her! Talking to Elena is a waste of timeshe doesn't understand!

My mothers eyes cleared for a second, sharpened by a desperate mission. Right. I have to find my Sunny

She didn't look at me again. She grabbed a heavy-duty flashlight and vanished into the white veil of the storm.

I stood there alone, the crowds shouts fading as they called out for Sunny.

Sunny isn't that my name?

A fragment of a memory flickeredI was three years old, and my parents were calling me Sunny.

Elena! What are you doing just standing there? Get moving and help find your sister!

Elena.

When did my name change again?

I couldn't wrap my head around it, so I stopped trying. As I stood up, a cry erupted from the distance.

Found her! Shes here!

Everyone rushed toward the old oak tree at the edge of the property. There was a shallow depression there, a hollow in the earth now partially filled with snow.

Sophie was inside it.

Her face was a terrifying shade of blue-purple, her golden hair matted with icicles.

My mother let out a harrowing scream and threw herself into the pit.

Sunny my baby!

As if sensing the heat, Sophies eyes fluttered open. But she didn't look at our mother. She looked straight at me.

Laney why didn't you come find me?

She began to cry, a weak, thin sound.

You promised youd count to thirty and find me. I hid so well. I was waiting for you

My mothers head snapped toward me. She placed Sophie down gently and walked toward me with a terrifying, slow gait.

Slap.

The blow landed this time. My left ear rang instantly, a high-pitched whine that drowned out the wind.

Are you happy now?

My mothers voice trembled with a lethal rage. Are you satisfied seeing her nearly freeze to death?

How did I give birth to a monster like you?

This disease this goddamn disease! You forget your sister, you forget usI bet youre just waiting for the day you can forget yourself!

The tears finally spilled over her cheeks.

Or maybe maybe youre faking it? Maybe you did this on purpose? Pretending to forget just so shed die out here alone in the cold?

Thats enough.

My father finally spoke, but he didn't look at me. He was busy wrapping Sophie in his coat.

Get her inside. Get her warm. The paramedics are on their way.

No one said a word in my defense. I didn't know how to argue anyway. It was my fault.

My mother gave me one last look of pure loathing.

You stay out here. Stay right here and feel exactly how cold and scared your sister was.

They turned their backs on me. The neighbors, sensing the familys private collapse, whispered among themselves and retreated to their own warm homes.

The snow began to fall harder, heavy and silent.

I slowly crouched down, mimicking Sophies posture, and curled myself into that same shallow pit.

The biting cold soaked through my clothes instantly.

So, this is what it felt like.

I was a horrible person. How could I have forgotten something so important?

But I was just sick.

The doctors called it a rare form of early-onset progressive memory impairment. They said my hippocampus was being eaten away, bit by bit. New memories couldn't take root, and the old ones were being erased.

My mom called it the Eraser.

I didn't know why there was an eraser in my head. I only knew that things I remembered in the morning became blurry by noon.

My mom said I was an idiot.

Maybe she was right.

The sky grew darker. In the distance, the lights of the town twinkled one by one, and I heard the faint pop of early fireworks.

I should go home.

I tried to move my stiff legs. As I stood up, that familiar, dizzying sensation washed over me again.

I blinked, looking around.

The trees were white. The road was white.

I turned in a circle.

What what was I supposed to be doing?

Home.

Right. Go home.

But where was home?

My heart started thumping against my ribs. I pressed my hand to my chest, gasping for air.

Think.

Today is New Years Eve. Sophie wanted to play hide-and-seek. Mom hit me

And then what?

I couldn't remember.

Its okay. Ill just wait.

Theyll realize I haven't come back. Theyll come looking for me. Just like they looked for Sophie.

I hugged my knees in the pit, counting the distant firecrackers. One, two by the time I got to seventeen, I forgot what came before.

I waited until the midnight bells chimed.

Fireworks exploded in the sky, lighting up the world in bursts of neon green and crimson.

It was beautiful.

Once, my dad used to set off fireworks for me. Hed tell me to make a wish.

What did I wish for?

I forgot that, too.

I curled up tighter. Strangely, the cold began to fade. I started feeling hotunbearably hot.

I pulled off my heavy coat. Then I pulled off my sweater.

But the heat was still there, pulsing under my skin.

By the time I was down to my thin thermal undershirt, I felt light. Weightless. Like I was floating.

I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, I was back in the house.

The TV was still on. My mom was on the sofa, cradling Sophie, feeding her ginger tea with a small spoon.

Drink up, Sunny. Just a little more. Itll get the chill out of your bones.

Sophies cheeks were rosy again. She was wrapped in a thick wool blanket, her eyes peeking out.

Wheres Laney? Sophie asked suddenly.

My mothers hand stiffened. Don't talk about her.

But shes not back yet

She deserves it! She needs to know what it feels like to freeze. Shes nearly an adult, and she can't even look after a child.

I wanted to walk over and say I was sorry, but as I moved, I drifted right through the coffee table.

I froze.

Elena isn't back, my father said, standing by the window, staring into the white abyss. The storm is getting worse.

Oh, now youre worried? My mother didn't even look up. What if something had really happened to Sunny tonight? What then?

My father was silent.

She did it on purpose, my mother hissed. Shes jealous of her sister, so she fakes the memory loss. That disease who knows if its even real? Even the specialist said hed never seen a case progress like this.

The doctor said it was organic brain damage, Diane, my father whispered.

Organic brain damage that only makes her forget her sister but lets her remember to watch TV? Her voice rose to a shriek. She hates that we had another child! She hates that we gave Sunny the love she thinks shes entitled to!

Sophie whimpered, shrinking into her mothers arms. Diane immediately softened her tone, patting the girls back.

Its okay, baby. Mommy isn't mad at you. My sweet, sweet Sunny

My father stood there for a long time before finally turning away from the window.

When she gets back, I need to have a talk with her.

Talk about what? How she almost killed her sister? My mother let out a cold laugh. If you ask me, we should just put her in a facility. She doesn't remember anything anyway. What difference does it make where she lives?

My father didn't answer.

I stood beside them, opening my mouth.

No sound.

I reached out to touch my mothers shoulder, but my hand passed straight through her body like smoke through a screen.

I realized then. I was dead.

Maybe it was for the best.

At least now, I wouldn't have to worry about forgetting anymore.

My father sat up all night, but I never walked through the door.

When my mother came out of the bedroom the next morning, her face was gaunt.

Is that brat still not back?

My father sat at the kitchen table, an ashtray full of cigarette butts in front of him.

I went to the neighbors this morning. No ones seen her.

Shes probably hiding in some corner, trying to make us feel guilty. My mother slammed a pile of dirty laundry onto the floor. Thats her favorite trick. Screw up, then play dumb and act like a victim so well go easy on her.

Well, not this time. Not after what she did to Sunny. When she shows her face, Im going to make sure she never forgets this lesson.

Sophie was sitting on a small stool, playing with blocks. She looked up. Mommy, don't hit Laney.

Sweetie, my mother said, her voice instantly turning to honey. Laney was very bad. She almost let you freeze. When people do bad things, they have to be punished. Do you understand?

Sophie nodded vaguely and went back to her blocks.

My father sighed, crushing out his cigarette.

This town isn't that big. Where could she go? She probably spent the night at a friends because she felt slighted.

Before he could finish, a neighbors voice boomed from the yard.

Hey, Rob! Time to head to the Old Oak for the New Years bonfire!

My father stood up.

Everyone in town will be there for the ceremony. If she shows up there, God help her.

My mother untied her apron. Her eyes fell on a tattered rag doll sitting on the sofamy doll. She had given it to me years ago. A few days ago, Sophie had ripped its arm off, and the stuffing was leaking out. Mom had promised to fix it.

Suddenly, my mother stepped forward and grabbed the doll.

Rrrrrip.

The fragile fabric gave way completely. Stuffing exploded from the wound, scattering across the rug. I flinched, trying to stop her, but I was just a shadow in the room.

I watched as she tossed the ruined pieces into the trash.

Shes too old for this crap anyway! Spending all day acting like a child, caring more about a doll than her own sister!

One of the dolls button eyes popped off, rolling across the floor until it stopped at Sophies feet. Sophie picked it up and squeezed it in her tiny palm.

Lets go, my father said. Shes probably at the tree already, watching the crowd.

Good. Im not letting her off easy this time. She loves to forget? Ill give her a memory shell never lose.

They locked the door and led Sophie toward the edge of the woods.

Elenas still not back? a neighbor asked as they joined the group.

Shes spoiled rotten! my mother replied instantly. I scolded her yesterday, and she ran off to sulk. Seventeen years old and not a lick of sense.

You have no idea that illness of hers who knows? She remembers what she wants and forgets the rest. Last time I disciplined her, she turned around a minute later and asked what was for dinner with a smile on her face. Can you believe that?

Well, the girl is sick, Diane. Maybe have some patience

Patience? My mothers voice went sharp. If I give her any more patience, shell burn the house down! This time, she learns.

I followed them silently, tears I couldn't feel prickling at my non-existent eyes.

So that was what she really thought of me.

A crowd had gathered under the Old Oak. Ribbons were tied to the branches, fluttering in the morning light. A table of offerings had been set up, and the scent of pine and woodsmoke filled the air.

My mothers eyes scanned the faces, her expression growing darker with every passing second.

Shes not here.

Maybe shes hiding, my father muttered. Well search house to house after the ceremony. She cant have vanished into thin air.

I looked at them.

Mom, Dad Im right here. Im in the pit behind the tree.

The ceremony began. The town elder said a few words of blessing, and people stepped forward to light candles.

My mother bowed her head, but her mind was clearly elsewhere.

When the town prepared to light the traditional New Years firecrackers in the clearing, my mother suddenly shouted, Wait!

Everyone turned to her.

My daughter isn't here yet, she said, her voice sounding thin. The whole family needs to be here for the blessing.

I squinted.

Maybe she did still care, just a little.

Shes probably watching from the bushes, someone said. Lets light it. We cant miss the auspicious hour.

But

Mommy.

Sophie tugged on her mothers coat, pointing her small hand toward the shallow pit partially hidden by the snow.

Was Laney was she there yesterday?

My mother followed her finger.

There was something at the bottom of the pit.

My father saw it too. He frowned and walked over, brushing away a layer of fresh powder.

It was my sweater and my coat. They were frozen solid, stiff as boards.

My fathers hand stopped mid-air. My mother walked up behind him.

She stared at the pile of clothes for a long time, then looked around at the vast, empty white field.

Sophie squeezed the button eye in her hand and whispered, If Laney took off her clothes isn't she cold?

My father picked up the sweater. He didn't move.

What is this girl playing at? Leaving her clothes here like some kind of dramatic stunt?

My mother snatched the sweater from him and shook it. Ice crystals fell like salt.

She thinks if she leaves these here, well get scared? Well come crawling to find her? Dream on! If she freezes, its her own fault! Shes so incredibly selfish!

My fathers face went pale.

Did she did she stay out here all night?

My mothers hands faltered, but then she threw the sweater back into the snow with more force.

A stunt! Its a total stunt! She wants us to worry. She wants us to regret yelling at her. I bet shes sitting in someones warm kitchen right now, laughing at us!

Sophie let go of her mothers hand and ran to the edge of the pit. She started digging with her small hands, just like Dad had.

Suddenly, she pulled something small out of the snow.

It was my hair tie.

Sophie held the hair tie and the button eye together in her tiny, freezing hand. She looked up at her parents.

These are Laneys.

My mother grabbed the hair tie, her knuckles turning white.

The neighbors sensed the shift in the air and began to gather around.

She left her clothes and disappeared? She didn't come home last night?

In this weather? With only an undershirt on? Where could she go? Unless

Don't you dare say it! my mother snapped. Shes fine! Shes doing this on purpose!

But I saw it. Her hand was shaking.

My father didn't say anything. He began to circle the tree, searching.

The neighbors joined in, their festive mood evaporated.

Sophie, still held in her mothers grip, looked up and asked quietly, Is Laney hiding? Like I was yesterday? Is she in the pit?

My mother froze. She looked down into the hollow.

Elena stop scaring me. If I find out youre lying, I swear Ill kill you!

Even as she said the words, she let go of Sophie and knelt by the pit. She began to claw at the snow.

If youre playing a joke on us, Im done! Ill forget you entirely! Ill

Her words cut off as a flash of pink thermal fabric appeared.

And then she saw my face.