No Sail for Regret

When the Everdeen family went bankrupt,

I fled from debt, working three jobs a day, barely eating or sleeping, yet still being beaten by creditors.

After a phone call, I returned to Kyoto.

But it was right when Adrian Collins was about to get engaged.

Everyone thought I hadn't given up on Adrian and was back to ruin his engagement with Clara Thorne.

Eleanor, you still havent given up?

Adrian never liked you; hes always loved Clara.

The warnings, the unprovoked beatings, I could barely catch my breath.

And Adrian Collins, the man I once loved beyond measure, merely watched it all, his eyes burning with hatred for me.

I sneered, wiping the blood from the corner of my mouth.

Youre overthinking it. Not long ago, a mystic told me Im a lone star, destined for no marriage.

His hand, however, trembled slightly.

The train arrived in Kyoto.

Stepping out of the station, I immediately saw the tall, imposing figure of Adrian Collins beside a Maybach.

He looked impatient waiting.

I walked over.

Adrian.

The handsome man paused, surprised.

I lowered my head, clenching my hands.

I knew he hadnt expected the thin, impoverished-looking person before him to be Eleanor Everdeen, once the young lady of the Everdeen family.

Facing his cold gaze, I forced a smile.

Are you really Eleanor,

Then, he impatiently corrected himself.

Taking a train instead of flying.

After we got in the car, the compartment remained quiet.

He drove in the front.

I sat in the back.

Three years ago, I used to talk a lot, constantly wanting to be around him.

He always wore a cold expression.

He disliked me greatly.

Now, I rarely speak. Given the chance, Id rather just curl up and sleep for a while.

The car was clean and spacious.

In the passenger seat, there was a tiny, small plush toy tucked away.

I turned to look out the window. If I wasnt mistaken, that seat now exclusively belonged to his fiance, Clara Thorne.

When I first got in the car,

I had intended to sit in the passenger seat, but realizing my mistake, I immediately retracted my hand.

I pursed my lips tightly.

I dont know when it started, but I was always afraid, so afraid that even my own breathing felt like it might disturb someone.

Dont you have anything to ask?

I turned my head, meeting Adrians gaze in the rearview mirror.

Ask what?

I really dont seem to have anything to ask, or rather, Im not interested in anything anymore.

Adrian

He immediately cut me off.

Just call me by my name. Were not that close. Youre only back because Grandma is seriously ill and wants to see you. Dont try to claim kinship.

My lips froze in mid-air.

Soon, though, I nodded.

Is Grandma Collins very ill?

He didnt answer, but his expression tightened a little, the meaning clear.

I clenched my hands, wondering, are all the people who genuinely cared for me in this world leaving?

When I arrived,

Grandma Collins was in a deep sleep.

I sat beside her, numerous machines attached to her.

I held her hand, warming it with my body heat.

She finally showed a slight reaction, gently squeezing my hand back.

Grandma Collins.

I whispered, my voice thick with emotion.

Butler, take her to wash up first.

After being on the train for over thirty hours, Adrian was clearly tired of seeing me like this.

Looking at the spacious bathtub, I lost myself in thought.

Miss Everdeen, you can take off your clothes now.

I was startled.

Aunt Sarah, please step out for a moment.

The memory felt distant. Aunt Sarah was good at scrubbing backs; as a child, I often pestered her to help me.

She closed the door behind her.

My hand, reaching to remove my clothes, paused.

Young Master, Miss Everdeen said she'd wash herself, no need for me to scrub her back.

Hmph, keep an eye on her. She looks like she crawled out of a mud pit.

I was stunned for two seconds.

I took off my clothes.

The mirror immediately revealed the crisscrossing scars on my body.

My hand slowly moved down, resting on my waist, on the centipede-like knife scar.

It still hurt a lot.

After all, a forced liver transplant had been performed here.

A shabby clinic.

So much pain.

So much pain.

After washing,

I walked out, almost colliding with Adrian.

I quickly stepped back and looked up.

He looked down with cold eyes.

Dont you have any better clothes? Eleanor, are you deliberately dressing so shabbily so Grandma will pity you when she wakes up?

I was momentarily dazed.

Sorry, I didnt bring any better clothes, but these are very clean.

Aunt Sarah was surprised.

These clothes dont look too big, Miss Everdeen. How do they look so oversized on you?

I looked up. Adrian also watched me coldly.

I smiled.

I overdid my diet a bit. Ill regain the weight in a few days.

Aunt Sarah was astonished: Dieting, you mean?

Just then, Adrians phone rang.

He took it out.

We both glimpsed the caller ID: Clara.

A gaze instantly fell on me.

Adrian had already answered.

Adrian, do you want to have dinner together tomorrow night?

Tomorrow night, fine.

I stepped out, heading down the hallway.

Only a few sconces were lit, the light not very bright. Standing there, however, I felt more at ease.

Once upon a time, I preferred dimmer places to bright ones, as if I could hide myself, remain unnoticed.

Inside the bedroom, the call wasnt over yet.

Compared to how he used to barely answer my calls, or how cold he was when he did,

Adrian was completely different with Clara Thorne.

But all these things happened three years ago, and still, whenever I think of them, I feel a chill run through me.

I didnt understand. Three years ago, I was desperate, my head bleeding, yet he refused to even temporarily take me in at the Collins family home.

With my fathers nearly ten million in debt, I was pushed into an endless abyss.

Unable to live, unable to die.

Adrian walked out.

Our eyes met.

His gaze pierced through me.

Ever since you came back, you seem to be heavily preoccupied. Are you really planning something, incapable of changing your ways?

What?

I completely didnt understand what he was talking about.

Youre overthinking it. Im just wondering which room Ill be sleeping in tonight.

Indeed, youll never change. If I cant see through a liar like you, then I dont deserve to be the CEO of Collins Group.

His eyes were fiercely intense, capable of seeing through everything.

I took a step back.

Adrian, can I still call you Adrian? I dont mean anything else; I just feel its a respectful way to address you.

And I hope you can rest assured, whatever I might be thinking, it has nothing to do with you, nor will I yearn for what I shouldnt.

He closed in on me, grabbing my throat.

Is that so? You used to be very good with your words, only to turn around and cause trouble for Clara.

Eleanor, youre the most two-faced person Ive ever met.

I struggled to breathe, falling into extreme agony.

I was only released when my eyes rolled back.

Cough

I leaned against the wall, watching him with red-rimmed eyes, wanting to say, did you really investigate?

But what came out was merely.

Perhaps I should stay elsewhere. Ill come see Grandma tomorrow.

I leaned against the wall, heading downstairs, my legs weak.

After a few steps, I was pulled back.

Whats with the act? When Grandma wakes and sees you, you can leave when the time is right.

He strode downstairs, quickly leaving the old mansion.

The next day, Grandma Collins was lucid for a while. She held my hand, repeatedly calling out, Sweetheart.

I turned my head, wiping away tears.

Grandma, you must get well. You havent accompanied Eleanor to watch the sunset yet.

Grandma just smiled, offering no response.

Soon, she fell back into a deep coma.

Grandma didn't wake up for a long time.

My body couldnt hold up, so I went back to my room for a nap.

I was woken by a commotion in the hall.

I came out.

Facing away, a perfect couple, a handsome man and a beautiful woman, stood in the hall.

Adrian, wheres Eleanor?

The man turned sideways.

Clara Thorne looked at me, stunned, Eleanor?

She came over and took my hand: Eleanor, it really is you. Youre so thin now.

I looked down and saw the emerald green imperial jade bracelet on her fair wrist.

This was the Collins familys heirloom bracelet; Grandma Collins passed it to Adrians mother, who had now given it to Clara Thorne.

Whats wrong? Why arent you speaking?

Suddenly, a sharp, warning gaze shot my way.

Adrian had always been unwilling to let her suffer even a little grievance.

I forced a smile.

Are you going to see Grandma Collins? Shes upstairs.

She looked up.

Okay, Ill be down later. Adrian and I have a restaurant booked tonight. You should come with us too.

Clara Thorne went upstairs with hurried steps.

In the hall, I turned my head away, avoiding that warning gaze.

But still, I couldnt help but ask.

Are you getting married soon?

He sneered: Youre quite concerned about these things, still claiming youre not plotting anything?

Eleanor, Im warning you, if you dare to hurt Clara again, Ill make sure you die without a burial place.

My breath caught, even feeling painful, but in the end, I just said lightly.

You really overestimate me; I dont have that capability at all.

In the evening,

I didnt go to dinner with them. Instead, I told Aunt Sarah I was going out to work.

Penniless.

The debt collectors, if I didn't pay them for a day, I would be brutally beaten.

I had no choice.

I went to a bar and worked as a server.

But just as I left the bar, the debt collectors caught up to me and snatched the money.

Leave me some, I need to take a ride.

I grabbed the person leaving.

He turned, kicking me viciously.

You earned so little, and you want me to leave you some?

I lay on the ground.

My whole body convulsed with pain.

Pah.

Dont forget, we let you come back to borrow money from the Everdeen family to pay off your fathers debt to us.

Otherwise, you know, you wouldnt have made it back alive.

Another kick landed on my face.

I lay helplessly on the ground.

At this moment, I truly wished I were dead.

By the time I walked back to the Collins family estate, it was three in the morning.

Aunt Sarah, woken from her sleep, opened the door for me and gasped: Miss Everdeen, what happened to you?

I raised a hand to cover my face.

Nothing, I fell.

Exhausted, I was about to go back to my room to sleep.

But a tall figure came down the stairs.

I had already sensed who it was, and just wanted to quickly retreat to my room.

He hadnt stayed here last night, why was he here now?

Stop.

I tried to stand in the dimmer light, turning back.

Is there something wrong?

He narrowed his eyes, then took a swift step forward.

I was held.

What happened to your face?

His presence was too overwhelming; I grew very nervous and dared not look at him.

I I fell.

Fell? Where did you run off to late at night, and youre only back now, almost dawn?

His grip was strong, and his gaze was menacing.

He wore only a black silk pajama, yet it exuded a chilling, captivating aura.

I struggled, but he wouldnt let go.

I was already in so much pain, and with him not letting go, I felt like I was being crushed.

I dont know where I found the courage, but I stood on tiptoes, leaning closer to him.

Adrian, are you worried about me? Are you concerned?

His eyes suddenly narrowed.

Before I could open my mouth again, I was shoved away.

Shut up, a scheming person like you, is anyone worth caring about?

I was thrown against the wall, my back hitting it again, feeling like my bones were coming apart.

I stood in the shadows, watching him turn and stride away.

My eyes filled with confusion.