Tears Beyond Measure

When I was twenty, I knitted my first scarf and gave it to the person I secretly loved. At Tommy Starks birthday party, he accepted the scarf, enduring everyones teasing looks.

Three days after my brothers death, I went to withdraw from college. I overheard people in the office, sorting through files, joking around.

Are you really going to throw away that scarf the country bumpkin, Audrey Reed, gave you?

That thing? Its nothing compared to the designer coat Elara Chase gave him, or even a hotel towel. Just throw it away.

I knew Tommy wouldnt care for something from his little shadow. Might as well give it to me as a foot rag; its a shame to throw it away, at least it was hand-stitched.

Elara Chase was the girl hed grown up with, his childhood sweetheart.

Tommy laughed, wadding the scarf in his hand and casually tossing it towards the guy. The guy deftly dodged, and the scarf landed beside a trash can, looking rather pathetic.

The moment my eyes met Tommys, I silently grabbed my papers and left. I understood in my heart that I had no right to question him. He stood behind me, seemingly saying something, but I didnt hear it clearly.

Six years later, when I returned to the city, I heard rumors. The eldest son of the Stark family had a long-lost first love.

1.

This trip back to the city was for my clothing boutiques expansion. On opening day, an old acquaintance walked in.

Audrey Reed?!

I was tidying clothes on a rack. Id changed my name many years ago. Hearing that name, I froze for a moment. Realizing it was me, I turned, meeting a pair of shocked eyes. The man in front of me looked somewhat unfamiliar, with handsome features and expensive clothing. But I couldnt recall where Id seen him. I offered a slightly embarrassed smile: And you are?

The man instinctively scratched his head. That gesture instantly reminded me who he was.

Neil Schmidt.

He was Tommy Starks friend. And the guy who, six years ago, had joked about using the scarf as a foot rag in the office. A girl stood beside him, her arm linked through his, slender and tall, with a warm smile.

In the VIP lounge, while the girl was in the fitting room, Neil surveyed my boutique. You this is your store? This brand has been really popular lately, I never expected the owner to be you. Neil seemed to remember something, a flicker of awkwardness crossing his face. What I said back then was a joke, you absolutely shouldnt take it to heart. In fact, Ive wanted to apologize for years, but I couldnt find you. He continued, Where have you been all these years? Why did you suddenly drop out of college? And no word at all His voice trailed off.

I calmly took a fruit platter from a server and placed it gently on the table. Nowhere in particular, just went back home for a while. Went back home, changed my name, restarted my life.

He was about to press further when his girlfriend emerged from the fitting room. The dress fit perfectly; the girl was very pleased and immediately bought several other styles. But then, she offered a suggestion. Your autumn/winter collection isnt quite complete. Other boutiques promote hats, brooches, shoes, and scarves together. I just tried on some clothes and noticed you dont have matching scarves. I think that could be improved.

I gently explained, We dont plan to make scarves for our clothing lines yet, I apologize. How about I give you a thirty percent discount on these clothes

Before they left, Neil cautiously began, Actually, all these years, Tommy Stark has been

Suddenly, a metallic crashing sound came from inside the store. I turned, seeing the shelf I had just been half-installing come tumbling down. I rubbed my forehead, annoyed. Great, I have to re-install it again.

Neil was still talking. I gave him a hurried nod, then turned to instruct a sales associate to handle the mess. He looked overjoyed and promptly pressed an invitation into my hand. Then its settled, Tommys birthday is tomorrow, you absolutely have to come!

Before I could refuse, Neil quickly left, not giving me a chance to change my mind.

Chloe, my assistant who works with me, stretched and came out from the back. What was that noise just now? It woke me up. And whats this Ju-li-an Stark? She stared dazedly at the invitation in my hand. Her outstretched arms, mid-stretch, remained in the air as she exclaimed Tommy Starks name.

I was a little puzzled. You know him?

Chloe nodded vigorously, her eyes, previously dull from insomnia, now bright. Of course! Isnt he the Stark familys golden boy? I even saw him at a fashion show not long ago. He was sitting in the front row, tall and handsome. He took over the company right after graduating, and under his leadership, the annual profits have more than doubled She gasped, Hey, this birthday invitation? How did you get it?

My tone was calm. Neil Schmidt gave it to me.

At this, Chloes eyes instantly filled with admiration.

2.

Neil Schmidt!? Oh my gosh, Audrey, how many connections do you have that I dont know about? First Neil Schmidt, then Tommy Stark but She lowered her voice conspiratorially. I heard Tommy Stark has someone he likes. But the person he likes supposedly disappeared. Hes spent so much effort looking for her for years and hasnt found her. I remember her last name was Reed What a coincidence, Audrey, youre a Reed too!

I lowered my gaze, interrupting her fantasies. Dont think too much, there are many people named Reed.

So, are you going to Tommys birthday party tomorrow?

No.

She sounded a bit disappointed by that answer. But she seemed even more interested in my connections. The autumn wind was somewhat bleak, sweeping fallen leaves across the path. I pulled my coat tighter, instinctively raising a hand to touch my slightly cold neck.

Under Chloes relentless questioning, I finally opened up about a past that I had deliberately sealed away in my heart.

I had a crush on Tommy Stark, during my teenage years. A crush that failed, completely and utterly.

On the first day of college, during self-introductions, as classmates confidently stepped onto the stage, speaking about their interests and hobbies, I suddenly felt a pang of embarrassment and lowered my head. My family was poor. My mother died in childbirth. My father single-handedly bore the burden of the family. When I was in my junior year of high school, my father was suddenly diagnosed with cancer. My brother resolutely dropped out of college to work and earn money. But the high monthly medical bills still suffocated our family.

When it was my turn to go on stage, my palms were sweating from nervousness. My stammering introduction successfully drew laughter from the classmates below. Where did this country bumpkin come from? Still wearing a floral dress, this outfit is so outdated! Cant she keep up with current trends? I saw her at the start of the semester; her family seemed quite struggling. Two wheels were missing from her suitcase, and she hadnt bothered to get a new one She cant even give a clear introduction, just get down already, dont waste our time!

I clutched my skirt hem, my face beet red with helplessness. This dress was bought by my father and brother before college started. I said it was too expensive, not to buy it. But my father chuckled and paid, Its fine, dont worry about the money. Look pretty on your first day, leave a good impression on your classmates. The dress wasnt cheap, about two hundred, which was half a months living expenses for me.

I turned awkwardly, about to step off the stage, when a loud voice rang out from the crowd. Who said shes ugly? Shes not ugly; I think she looks quite good. Following the voice, everyone fell silent. Tommy Stark leaned casually back in his chair, chewing gum. As he spoke, his gaze was fixed on me. In that moment, the world beyond him seemed to lose its color. I could only see the boys bright eyes and the smile on his lips.

Chloe nodded thoughtfully, shaking my arm excitedly. So you started crushing on him then? Such a handsome guy, coming to your rescue when youre in troubleif it were me, Id be smitten too.

I calmly took a sip of tea. Actually, no. My truly deep interactions with Tommy began during winter break. I was working part-time at a car wash to earn tuition when a quarrel suddenly approached, growing louder. A car screeched to a halt in front of the car wash. Immediately after, a meticulously wrapped bouquet of flowers was thrown from the car window, landing precisely on my head as I bent over to adjust a machine.

Tommy Stark, whats with your attitude? I came back to reconcile with you, and this is how you brush me off? Tommys nonchalant scoff came through. Elara Chase, I picked you up from the airport because I didnt want to disrespect your parents and make your aunt and uncle uncomfortable. Why do you think Id be waiting for you to come back? He continued, We agreed to apply to the best universities together, but you left the country without a word. What, you have the right to pursue your dreams, but I dont have the right to pursue love?

Elara was so angry she laughed. Love? Dont tell me, Mr. Tommy Stark, that youve fallen for someone else.

Tommy turned his head, his gaze meeting mine as I rubbed my head. He suddenly smiled. Do you still think I cant live without you? Elara Chase, let me tell you, from now on, anyone but you, I can have. With that, he immediately got out of the car, pulled a black velvet gift box from his inner pocket, and casually tossed it to me. Its yours.

Elara was so furious that tears streamed down her face. Even a car wash girl?

Tommy answered flippantly. Yes.

Elara got out of the car crying, disappearing into the crowded streets. She didnt look back, so she didnt see Tommys gaze, which remained fixed on her retreating back. From that day on, I became Tommy Starks little shadow. Because he asked me to play a role with him. As long as I played it well, I would get paid.