A Lonely Boat Sinks Me Into Ashes

Waking up in the middle of the night, my wife, Evelyn Lee, was crying, pleading with me to let her see that young man one last time. Just one last goodbye, and Ill come straight back. Please, Im begging you, alright?

In our seven years of marriage, this was only the second time shed spoken to me with such a cajoling, desperate tone. The first was when I walked in on the young man, disheveled, scrambling out of her office. Afraid Id make a scene, shed clutched my hand, pleading: Darling, I promise Ill break it off with him. Dont divorce me, Id die without you. Can you can you do that for me? I gave her a chance. And just as she promised, she devoted herself entirely to our home, becoming the flawless wife everyone admired. Until tonight.

I flicked on the bedside lamp, looked into her eyes, and answered steadily: Go. Dont leave yourself with any regrets. I had none left. I hoped she wouldnt either.

The sudden glare stung Evelyns eyes, making her instinctively squeeze them shut. The tear tracks on her face became starkly clear, glaringly so. A sudden, bitter laugh caught in my throat; the whole scene felt absurd, almost comical. This was the woman who, in her youth, had shielded me from a thugs swinging rebar, almost crippling her right arm, and hadnt even flinched. Now, she was weeping like this, heartbroken over the departure of a twenty-something boy.

Her drunken haze slowly receded as she scrutinized my expression. After a few seconds, she sagged like a spring that had been taut for too long, collapsing onto the bed. You can yell like you used to, you can slap my face and forbid me from going.

You dont have to pretend you dont care, just to make me feel guilty, do you?

Its tiresome, Ethan Pierson.

Her face was a mask of suppressed pain. Ever since Evelyn had "returned to the family," these suffocating silences had become common. Outsiders, oblivious to the undercurrents, would marvel at how our marriage, even after the seven-year itch, seemed to grow stronger. Theyd joke about Professor Lee, a distinguished academic, rushing home from work like a lovesick teenager, unable to bear a second away from me. My photo graced her social media profile; my picture adorned her background. She even handed over her phone, allowing me to check it whenever I wished. She was the picture of a devoted, perfect wife.

But only we knew the stormy seas churning beneath that seemingly tranquil surface. After that incident, I became hypersensitive, fragile, and my words grew sharp, laced with bitterness. If she complimented a tie, saying it made me look younger, Id accuse her: "Is it because you have someone younger, fresher in your heart now, that youre suddenly complaining Im old?

She once took me on a date to a trendy restaurant. Everything was going well until I heard her casually say, Their signature dish is quite good. I immediately erupted, demanding to know why shed brought me to a place shed already visited with another man.

But I wasn't like this before.

I used to be cheerful, optimistic, the life of the party for my family and friends. How had I become this person?

Honestly, the first time I caught her cheating, I thought about divorce. She was the one who, back then, had spent an entire month begging me, swearing countless times that shed never make the same mistake again. Yet, later, she was also the one who would look at me with a cold face when I lost my temper, asking if I was done throwing a tantrum.

During one of my worst breakdowns, I smashed almost everything in the house. I pointed at her, my voice raw and hoarse, shouting:

Do you think I only forgave you that one time?!

No, its every sleepless night, every time the memory resurfaces, I forgive you again.

Why is it that youre the one who made the mistake, but Im the one who suffers?!

I hadnt shattered the glass, but every day, I felt like I was walking over it.

Tonight was our eighth wedding anniversary. Everything had started so well. Evelyn, uncharacteristically, had drunk a lot. With every sip, shed whisper I love you. After a hundred repetitions of these sweet words, both our faces were flushed, as if we were back in the throes of first love. I even silently thought, maybe, just maybe, I should truly forgive her. Pretend nothing ever happened.

But only moments ago, a stark realization hit me: how utterly foolish I had been. Her emotional display wasn't born of love for me. It was grief over another mans departure.

And just like that, I felt no regrets. I pulled out the divorce papers, already prepared in my bedside table, and handed them to her.

Evelyn Lee, Im letting you go.

But she sprang up from the bed, startled. Ethan Pierson, are you trying to drive me to my death?!

Steve Pierson is leaving for Toronto soon. Well never have a chance to meet again after this.

I just want to see him off, as his professor. Is that really so wrong?!

Her phone rang, a sudden, jarring sound. Her voice, as she answered, was incredibly gentle. Yes, wait for me. Ill be there in half an hour.

Before she left, Evelyn threw the divorce papers into the trash.

Everything can wait until I get back.

But divorce? Dont even think about it.

The door slammed shut with a bang.

In the room, only my quiet sobs remained.

I had checked. There were no flights to Toronto tonight.

Sure enough, a short while later, Steve sent me a picture. Evelyn, naked, was nestled securely in his arms, sleeping peacefully.

Professor Lee says she can only sleep soundly when shes with me now.

Do you really think shes not divorcing you because she still loves you? She just doesnt want to jeopardize her promotion to associate dean next week.

I looked at the crumpled divorce papers in the trash, the ones that had proposed splitting our assets evenly.

I suddenly smiled.

She was the one who betrayed me. The one who should pay the price.

Evelyn and I were college sweethearts. After graduation, she stayed on at the university, while I pursued a career in a multinational corporation. But after we got married, citing her busy university projects, she asked if I would consider quitting my job to focus on our home. At the time, I was embroiled in a messy corporate power struggle, so I agreed.

But now, I was divorcing her. Returning to the workforce was inevitable. However, being out of touch with society for so long, the years of blank space on my resume would make it difficult to find a job with the same benefits as before. So I decided to go abroad for further studies, which would also fill the gap on my CV.

As I was using the study computer, browsing doctoral program requirements for universities abroad, I stumbled upon a private folder.

The title: [To My Dearest]

Those three short words gradually blurred before my eyes. As if disbelieving, I typed in my birthday, her birthday, our wedding anniversary. Stubbornly, I tried every number with special meaning to us. But none worked.

Until I opened Steves social media, found his birthday, and entered it.

The folder unlocked.

I already knew the answer, yet seeing the result with my own eyes still brought a surge of suffocating pain to my chest. The folder was a hefty 4.3 GB. It was meticulously filled with everything related to Steve Pierson. The razor he casually discarded, she picked it up and took a picture of it against her chest. Videos of Steve sleeping, head on the desk, when they were rushing projects together in the studio. Voice messages Steve sent her, his way of addressing her, from the initially respectful Professor Lee to later Sister, and then, Wife.

Evelyn had carefully noted her feelings for each entry. She called him her little moon, writing:

[My little moon, I often feel like a sick dog chained up, and only when I occasionally look up at you does my soul find release.]

[That day you said you would give yourself to me as a gift, but I refused. Not because I didnt love you, but because I dared not defile you.]

She hated that she hadnt met him sooner, and even more, that she was already married when she did. I felt like a thief, prying into someone elses privacy, peeking through the screen at their bone-deep love affair. The last entry was from the day I discovered their affair. Evelyn had written a suicide note, filled with nothing but guilt towards Steve. She had changed her address for him; she called him, my husband.

[My husband, if I should unfortunately pass away one day, all my assets will belong to you.]

[As for Ethan Pierson, I have wronged him. Just leave him enough money to live out his golden years.]

My blood ran cold. My hand, clutching the mouse, trembled uncontrollably. My stomach churned, and I retched into the trash can.

It was at that exact moment that Evelyn returned.

Her eyes immediately darted to the computer screen, and she panicked, stammering defensively: N-no, its not like that, darling, listen to me.

I just wanted to vent my emotions. Theres nothing else between us

Before she could say more, I wiped my mouth and sat upright. Looking into her eyes, I said each word distinctly:

Im giving you two choices: either make him leave now.

Or Ill expose all your disgusting secrets!

Just as I expected, Evelyn chose the first option. Not only did she fear for her own career, but she also couldn't bear the thought of even a speck of tarnish on her "little moon." So when Steve Pierson came to find me, I wasn't surprised. In fact, I was almost hoping he would.

I chose a quiet coffee shop for our meeting, a place Evelyn and I used to frequent. Steve looked just like his social media photos C full of youthful collagen, vibrant and energetic. But he also had the common flaw of the young: he was too impatient.

You saw the photos I sent you, right? Weve already slept together.

Tsk tsk, I just casually mentioned leaving, and she got so worked up.

But thanks to you, really. If you hadnt pushed her so hard, how else would she have appreciated how good I am?

He was like a puffed-up rooster, eager to provoke me into divorcing Evelyn. But I just smiled indifferently, my gaze falling on the wristwatch he wore.

A classic from R-Brand. Evelyn certainly spares no expense for you.

Steves lips curved into a smug smile. But before he could speak, I continued:

Ive looked into your family background. You cant afford a six-figure watch.

Little brother, let me give you a legal heads-up. The money shes spent on you is marital property. If we divorce, youll have to return half of it.

Though I assume most of its already spent, isnt it?

Or, I could pay a visit to your parents. Then the entire village will know that you, Steve Pierson, are someones mistress in college!

Steves smile froze. He sprang to his feet, his once handsome features twisting into something momentarily grotesque. You wouldnt dare!

You can test me and see if I dare! I spoke, and even though I remained seated, my presence overwhelmed him.

Just then, the aggressive young man suddenly glanced behind me. The next second, he quickly grabbed his coffee cup and splashed it all over his face. When he spoke again, his eyes were red.

Brother, Im sorry. Theres truly nothing going on between me and Professor Lee.

Im leaving the country soon. Please, stop tormenting me, alright?

A rush of hurried footsteps came from behind me. I had never seen Evelyn in such a frantic state. She immediately pulled Steve into her embrace, tenderly wiping the coffee from his face. When she looked at me, her eyes were icy cold, yet she dared not utter a single word to me, especially with outsiders present.

I watched her, a mocking smile on my face. Just then, several students, who had been following her, began chattering. They were clearly Evelyns students, appearing to have just come from a meeting, notebooks still in hand.

Is this the legendary good-for-nothing husband of Professor Lee? Tsk tsk tsk, no wonder Professor Lee doesnt want to go home!

Not only does he live off Professor Lee, hes paranoid every day. He actually suspects Steve, her most brilliant student!

Exactly! Steve said hes being forced to leave the country because of him, and he still came here to humiliate him!

With every word they spoke, Steves eyes grew redder. Evelyns face grew paler. I raised an eyebrow. The next second, I moved with unexpected speed, walked up to Steve, and punched him hard in the face, then smiled at the students.

See? If I really wanted to hit him, I wouldnt do something so trivial.

Steve clutched his face, stumbling backward into Evelyns arms, his hatred barely suppressed in his eyes. Evelyn finally lost her temper, shouting, Enough! Ethan Pierson, dont push it too far!

Me, pushing it too far? Oh, there was much more to come! Before I could retort, one of the girls who had spoken up for Steve shoved me hard.

What else do you want to do? If you touch him again, Im calling the police!

I lost my balance for a moment, falling to the ground, my head hitting the corner of the table with a sickening thud. The world spun.

The girl panicked, quickly telling Evelyn she hadnt meant to. But Evelyn merely gave me a deep, unreadable look.

In the end, she said nothing, and left with her students. I clutched my throbbing head, struggling to my feet. I didnt watch Evelyn and Steve, supporting each other, walk away. Instead, my gaze fixed on a hidden spot on the ceiling.