The Prize Unwon

It was the year I had my best shot at winning an Oscar. Suddenly, scandalous photos of me flooded the internet. The Academy said they couldn't give the award to someone with questionable morals and removed me from the nominations. Only my boyfriend, Ryan, tirelessly defended my name. Later, my reputation was cleared, but I missed out on the Oscar.

Ryan pulled me into his arms, comforting me, Its okay, Aubrey. Just wait. Next time, youll definitely be an Oscar winner.

Next time, Ill be there with you. Next Valentines Day, well go public.

Id heard Ryan say next time too many times. So this time, I refused.

No need for a next time, Ryan. Why did that gossip blog call you for the final payment last night after spreading those pictures of me?

A long silence followed my words. My heart grew heavier and heavier with each passing second. Just as I thought Ryan wouldn't speak, I heard his strained denial: Aubrey, youve been under too much stress lately. You must have seen things.

I forced a smile, one that must have been dripping with sarcasm. How could I have been mistaken?

From the moment I got nominated, that blog relentlessly spread rumors about mehalf-truths, half-lies. None of my industry colleagues, who could have easily vouched for me, dared to step forward and clarify. They couldn't guarantee that on the days we were on set together, I hadn't somehow become a master of time management, sneaking off for illicit affairs behind their backs. Id clarify one thing, and another ambiguous rumor would immediately surface.

I broke down, even starting to doubt if I had really done those things. It was Ryan who held me then, promising earnestly, Its okay, Aubrey. Im here. I believe you. His embrace felt so warm and reliable. Ryan looked at me with aching sympathy, swearing, Aubrey, I will make sure the truth comes out. I wont let you bear this stigma.

And Ryan delivered. Everyone mourned my missed Oscar. Only I felt lucky to have Ryan. This blissful illusion lasted until that gossip blog called, chasing their final payment. Thinking about it, tears streamed down my face. Yes, who else in Hollywood, besides Ryan, who I saw day in and day out, would know my schedule inside and out?

Youre telling me I saw things? Im going to press criminal charges against all those blogs.

No! Ryan refused without a second thought, his voice sharp and decisive.

I scoffed inwardly, knowing he wouldnt want that. If I pursued it, those blogs, paid to do their dirty work, would surely expose him, thereby affecting the other woman he truly wanted to protect. Seeing my red-rimmed eyes, he sighed.

Lily is still young, just starting out. She needs awards to prove herself. He paused. Aubrey, wait for the next time. I promise you, the next Oscar will be yours.

Ten years ago, a younger Aubrey would have willingly waited for another chance. But now, at 29, this was my last opportunity for this age-restricted award.

No! I rejected him. This is an award I earned through my talent. Why should I give it to her?!

Ryans eyes darkened, his expression unreadable. Aubrey, when did you become so unreasonable? He continued. I told you before, Lily Sterlings mother has cancer. Her lifelong wish is to see her daughter succeed, to achieve fame and fortune. Are you unwilling to grant even that wish?

Hearing his self-righteous accusation, I was momentarily stunned, almost disbelieving that these words came from Ryan. Seeing my silence, Ryan assumed I had conceded and said softly, Now Lily has received the honor and recognition her mother hoped for. You have the talent and skill, and youre a seasoned veteran in the industry. Whether you win an award or not doesnt really matter to you, does it? Your scandal has been cleared up. Youre not affected, are you?

Every word he spoke cut into my heart like a knife. I felt as if Id been split in two. One half was in excruciating pain, the other half quietly asked Ryan, Does her wish have to be achieved through my sacrifice, through my ruined reputation?

Ryan looked at me with an expression that said, How are you still not understanding? His tone gradually lost its patience. Lily has a proud disposition. If it wasnt done this way, she would never have accepted it.

Before our argument could continue, my phone suddenly rang.

Aubrey! Are you with Ryan? The voice on the other end was bright and cheerful. Ryan insisted on throwing a celebration party for me, and now its just the two of you were waiting for. We cant start without you two. She continued. You absolutely have to come today! How can the hosts of the party be missing?

Lily Sterlings voice was full of anticipation. She sounded like a lucky person, completely oblivious, for whom good fortune had suddenly fallen from the sky. I opened my mouth, accusations and sarcasm churning in my throat. A hand reached over from beside me, taking the phone from my grasp.

Yes, well be right there. You all go ahead and enjoy yourselves.

Ryan must not have noticed the tenderness and fondness that filled his expression at that moment. I suddenly remembered when Ryan and I first got together; he had looked at me the same way. Back then, I was a struggling extra, a nobody in Hollywood, and Ryan was an unknown production assistant. We shared one meal between two sittings. After eating that cold dinner, wed lie in our cramped apartment, where the window was smaller than a computer screen, looking at the sky obscured by the citys smog. We made promises to each other. I said I wanted to win Best Young Actress before I turned thirty. Ryan smiled and said he would work hard too, so he could cast me, the Best Actress, in his film.

Back then, we were each others support, each others refuge. Now, that beautiful dream felt like a melted cakesticky and nauseating.

Lily Sterling, in an elegant white dress, her eyes lit up when she saw us. She was radiant, brimming with joy, and her effervescent presence was like a corrosive poison, eating away at my insides, causing unspeakable pain.

Aubrey, Ryan, youre finally here! We were just waiting for you.

As I entered, the boisterous party suddenly fell silent. I heard someone whisper, Why is she here?

Her sugar daddy scandal is everywhere. How can she still have the nerve to show her face?

Another person scoffed, their voice neither too loud nor too soft. Whats there to be embarrassed about? Thats ancient history. Didnt Director Thorne go to great lengths to clarify it was AI?

Low laughter rippled through the room.

Technologys advanced, so there are more excuses now. If it really was a rumor, why didnt she sue? Why didnt she stand up for herself? This was her last year for that award. Maybe shes guilty and doesnt dare.

Some people just cant even find a sugar daddy correctly. Shes almost an old woman and still cant win an award. Lily Sterling, on the other hand, has good luck, shes young and beautiful, and has a benefactor.

Hearing these blatant whispers, I looked at Ryan. I hoped he would say something, anythingeven a word of defense or the performative support he'd given online before. Yet, Ryan simply walked past me as if he hadn't heard a thing, approaching Lily Sterling with gentlemanly tenderness.

You look beautiful today, Lily. That dress suits you perfectly.

Really? I knew youd like it! With that, Lily twirled around, like a happy little songbird. Her joy came to an abrupt halt when she saw me. Lilys face held a cautious, uneasy expression. Aubrey, I really didnt expect you to come. Thank you so much. She paused. So many people online are saying I only got this award by fluke, that I have no talent, and that its undeserved. I was so sad for a long time. Ryan said youd attend my celebration party and show your support for me winning the Oscar, and then the public opinion would slowly die down.

A wave of overwhelming absurdity washed over me. I almost lost control then and there. I asked, stunned, Im showing public support for your Oscar win? Did you hire paparazzi?

2.

Ryans face changed. Before I could truly react, he grabbed my hand, lowering his voice. Aubrey, dont make a scene. So many people are at this party. We can talk about everything later. He paused, then soothed me softly, almost like a reward. Once were home, you can throw whatever tantrum you want.

I abruptly pulled my hand away from him. Ryans voice, his touchat that moment, they filled me with nausea. I almost threw up. Taking out my phone, the headlines were already pushing through:

Aubrey Brooks Misses Award, Publicly Supports New Oscar Winner.

Aubrey Brooks: Shes wonderful, vibrant, and deserves more opportunities.

My hand, holding the phone, began to tremble uncontrollably. On my verified account, a new post, which I had no recollection of ever making, was prominently displayed.

I had bad luck. A scandal broke during the awards season. Although it was eventually clarified, I understand that personal integrity is tied to awards. I will pay more attention to my personal conduct in the future and not hog public resources. It continued. P.S.: Lily Sterling is a wonderful girl. Her award is well-deserved. Everyone should support her.

In the comments section, some lamented my bad luck. Some praised my generosity. Others criticized me, saying that flies don't bother a sealed egg, asking what I was doing before, and why I was pretending to be generous online now that the truth was out. Ryan had prepared a team to control the comments, and such remarks would quickly be deleted. But constantly silencing people would only make them angrier. My already halved fanbase continued to shrink, with many questioning why I was deleting comments so freely, asking if this was how I treated my fans. The messages in my inbox were even more unbearable; I didn't even have the courage to open them.

Ryan, what do you take me for? My eyes were red-rimmed, my face pale. I must have looked like a deranged madwoman at that moment.

The controversy surrounding Lily Sterling's award was too great. So, I, the talented but 'unlucky' person who had a scandal before the awards, was brought out to endorse her and act as a shield. Why would Ryan hurt me again and again like this?!

A flicker of regret crossed his eyes, but he still insisted, Lily just became an Oscar winner. She has no background, no strong connections, and unlike you, she hasnt been struggling for years and isnt used to these kinds of things. So, I was supposed to be Lily Sterling's stepping stone. A tool for Ryan to curry favor with new talent, was that it?

I turned and walked away without hesitation, filled with rage. I was going to the press, to a news conference. My reputation, all these years of hard workthey couldnt be destroyed like this. Ryan called out behind me, but I ignored him.

Instead, Lily Sterling caught up faster, her face filled with worry and guilt. Aubrey, I didnt realize you cared about this award so much. Im so sorry that people online are slandering you because of your support for me. She continued. If I could, I truly wish none of this had happened. I wouldnt have gotten this award. But you and Ryan have been through so much over the years. I beg you, please dont fight with him, okay?

I looked up at this girl who seemed to know nothing, and suddenly I laughed.

Lily Sterling, I have to admit, your acting is truly superb. Even now, you maintain that innocent facade. I continued. Tell me, if you truly didnt know Ryan deliberately spread those compromising photos of me so you could win the award, then why did you specifically ask him if I would really not find out?

Lily Sterling was startled by my fierce gaze and recoiled half a step, her eyes welling with tears. I scoffed, Oh, and by the way, you claim to be grateful to me, but when your relatives and friends were gossiping, why did you, the host, act deaf and not make any attempt to smooth things over? I paused. Also, do you really not know that Ryan bringing me to your celebration party today, and the posts published online, were not of my own free will?

Lily Sterling retorted with some embarrassment, Ryan said it was fine. Youve been in the industry for so many years. Getting bashed by netizens for a while wont affect you. She continued. Anyway, youve endured it all these years. I never intended to steal Ryan from you. Im begging you, just pretend none of this ever happened. Just consider it bad luck that you encountered such a situation before the awards. Cant you do that?

In that instant, I understood why Ryan had fallen for Lily Sterling. Because they were both the same kind of person.

No, I recorded our conversation just now. I said coldly. Im going to hold a press conference and fight for my rights to the very end.

As I turned, a blinding light suddenly appeared on the road. Amidst Lily Sterlings scream, I was hit by a car and thrown to the ground. A familiar figure emerged from the drivers seat. He embraced Lily Sterling, reassuring her repeatedly, Its okay, its okay. Ill tell everyone we had an accident while arguing.

Lily Sterling cried, tears streaming down her face. Ryan, shes going to hold a press conference. She deliberately tricked me into recording her. Shes going to sue me. What should I do?

Ryans voice was soft, but his words were ruthless. I know. Thats why I hit her. She wont be able to go. He said. Im here.

I lay on the ground, excruciating pain shooting through my legs and body. Yet, a desolate emptiness filled my heart. How many times had Ryan protected me like this when I encountered predatory producers? Hed once smashed an ashtray over a mans head, pulled me into his arms, and told me, Its okay, Aubrey, its okay. Im here. Because of that incident, our budding careers instantly froze. When I was consumed with guilt, Ryan comforted me, Dont feel guilty for mistakes that arent yours. He continued. Youre my girlfriend. If I dont protect you, who will? If I dont stand up for you, who will? At that time, tears in my eyes, I asked him, What if it really was my fault? Ryan just laughed and said, Then Ill commit murder and arson for you.

But I had never done anything so heinous, yet my boyfriend, for the sake of another woman, to prevent me from clearing my name, didnt hesitate to hit me with his car.