He Never Deserved My Long Hair

Six years. Thats how long Nicky and I had been a we.

Hed tossed a ring at me like it was an afterthought, a piece of scrap metal hed found in his pocket. Take it, hed said. And get your hair cut this weekend. My mom likes girls with short hair. It looks cleaner.

So, on Saturday, I wore that plain gold band with a heart full of hope. I sat in a sleek, overpriced salon and waited until the "Closed" sign flipped over and the stylists began sweeping the floor. He never showed.

I pulled out my phone, my thumb hovering over his name, but then I saw it. His cycling partner, Jade, had posted a photo on her Instagram story.

A selfie of the two of them, windblown and grinning, captioned: Someone decided to skip his "big family dinner" to help me conquer this winter trail. Bad boy! Im making him sleep in the tent tonight as punishment~

In the past, I would have spiraled. I would have called him ninety-nine times, screaming, crying, demanding to know why I wasn't enough.

But this time? I was just tired. Bone-deep, soul-weary tired.

It was mid-December in New York, and a freezing rain was slashing against the pavement. I huddled in the doorway of the darkened salon, shivering.

Today was supposed to be the day I finally met his parents.

Last night, Nicky told me his mother preferred the "professional, short-haired look." So, before the sun was even up, Id taken an Uber to this specific stylist hed recommended. Id watched three years of growthhair I loved, hair that made me feel like myselffall to the floor in dark, heavy clumps.

Nicky said he had to pick up a gift first. He said hed fetch me before lunch.

And so, I waited. And waited.

...

Six hours. I had spent six hours in that chair and then on that curb. I called him eight times.

He didnt pick up once.

My phone battery hit one percent. Thats when I saw the photo. Nicky and Jade, flashing peace signs at the camera, looking like the lead characters in a movie I wasn't cast in.

Skipped the dinner.

I felt a sharp, hysterical laugh bubble up in my chest. He skipped it. Just like that. Did it ever occur to him to tell the person actually involved?

I had hacked off my hair to please him, to win over parents Id never met, to fit into a mold hed designed. And he had discarded me on the most important day of our relationship without a second thought.

The phone buzzed. A final gasp of life. It was Nicky.

"Where are you?" he asked, his voice casual, as if he hadn't just ghosted me. "You forgot about the dinner, didn't you? Its fine. Jade and I ended up heading upstate to the Finger Lakes for a ride. Well do the parents another time."

It wasn't a question. it was a notification. A status update.

Of course. Jade was already there. Why would he choose me when he had her?

Nicky and I had met in college. Six years of "long-distance" within the same city, six years of breaking up and making up, of me chasing him while he ran toward his career. I thought we were finally at the finish line. I was wrong.

A few months ago, Nicky got obsessed with cycling. He joined this elite, trendy "Century Club." It was full of young, fit, "adventurous" types. And then there was Jade.

Jade was a yoga instructor. Since shed entered the picture, Nicky had started looking through me as if I were made of glass.

Hed spend hours in their group chats, laughing at inside jokes I didn't understand.

He wouldn't reply to my texts.

If I complained, hed snap, "Youre so suffocating. Its just a hobby."

He remembered Jades cycle. Hed remind her not to overexert herself on those days. Hed bring her electrolyte drinks and heating pads.

He didn't remember mine.

When I doubled over in pain, hed just sigh.

"Women are so dramatic. Take an aspirin and stop moping."

And now, he had sacrificed my six-year milestone for Jades "winter wish."

I looked out at the torrential rain and listened to the upbeat indie music playing in the background of his call. Suddenly, Nicky felt incredibly small. Uninteresting.

"Nicky," I said, my voice eerily calm. "I think you forgot that Ive been sitting at the salon waiting for you all day."

"Oh, come on. Ive waited for you plenty of times, Regina. Don't start. Im too tired for a fight."

"You aren't listening. Im not fighting."

"Good," he huffed. "It was an accident. Well do the dinner next time. I promise."

Next time.

I almost laughed. Id spent my life in the "Next Time" waiting room.

I wanted to go to the Vineyard. Next time.

I wanted to try that new French place. Next time, it's too expensive.

I wanted to go to the movies. Next time, when work slows down.

I was always waiting. He was always stalling.

The salon was in a remote part of Brooklyn, far from the subway. The rain was coming down in sheets now. I had no umbrella.

"Nicky, lets break up."

I said it as simply as if I were ordering a coffee.

On the other end, Nicky wasn't even listening. He was arguing with Jade about some Marvel movie trivia. It was just another void of communication.

Right as I was about to hang up, I heard him scoff. Hed heard me, but he didn't care.

"Here we go again," he mocked. "How many times have you 'broken up' with me, Regina? We both know youll be calling me tomorrow morning crying your eyes out."

His tone was a needle, sharp and cold, stitching a map of scars across my heart. But for the first time, it didn't hurt. It just felt finished.

I wanted to tell him I was serious.

Before I could, Jades voice rang out, playful and cloying: "Hey, Regina! Sorry for stealing him! I just really had to get to the lake today, and Nate was such a sweetheart to drive me..."

Click.

My phone died.

The clock inside the salon ticked. I had waited eight hours. Nicky wouldn't think my phone was dead. Hed think I was playing games. Hed think I was "throwing a tantrum."

The storm raged. I curled into a ball in the corner of the doorway, my body shaking, my feet numb and swollen. Three hours later, the rain finally slowed to a drizzle.

I tried to stand. My legs buckled. Every step was a jolt of ice through my veins.

Id dressed up for the parents. A thin, elegant wool coat and a silk blouse. It was meant for a heated restaurant, not a midnight walk in a freezing gale. My vision blurred. My teeth began to chatter so hard it was the only sound in the world.

The last thing I remember was the asphalt rushing up to meet me in the middle of a deserted street.

I woke up in a hospital bed. A cab driver had found me and brought me in.

Seeing me wake up, the driveran older man with kind eyesoffered me a cup of warm water. "Have a fight with the boyfriend? Even so, a man shouldn't leave a lady on the road like that. Its dangerous."

He saw it. A stranger saw what Nicky couldn't.

It took me six years to see it myself.

I gripped the cup, my fingers still tingling. "It won't happen again. Thank you, sir."

He nodded and handed me my phone, which hed plugged in for me. He held up two fingers. "That fellow you have saved as 'Babe' called. It only rang for two seconds before he hung up."

Two seconds. That was the extent of Nickys patience for me.

I looked at the screen and smiled. "Thats okay. Hes dead to me now."

The driver looked like he wanted to say something, but he just patted my hand.

I checked my notifications. A single text from Nicky sat at the top of the list: Stop the drama. Its just a dinner. Weve been together forever, Regina. Just wait a little longer, Ill take you to meet them eventually.

I didn't reply. I blocked him. On everything.

After the IV was finished and the bill was paid, the driver insisted on taking me home. Before I got out, I tucked two hundred dollars under the floor mat of his back seat.

"Sorry for the trouble, sir. Thank you."

"Be happy, kid," he called out as I shut the door.

"I will be," I whispered. "I really will."

I walked into the apartment we shared and pulled a battered suitcase out of the closet.

It hit me thenin this big, expensive apartment, there was almost nothing of mine.

Nicky came from a struggling family in a small town. His dream was to make it big in DC or New York. When we graduated, he begged me to turn down a teaching position in my hometown to move to the city with him while he climbed the corporate ladder.

Id given in. Id used my savings to support us while he took unpaid internships and entry-level grinds.

Nicky hadn't failed himself. He hadn't wasted my money or my time. He was a rising star now.

He had only failed me.

They say you should never travel across the world for a man who won't cross the street for you. I was the cautionary tale.

Twenty minutes. Thats all it took to pack my life. Half a suitcase.

As I reached for the door, it swung open. Nicky was there, holding a pale, wincing Jade.

"Oh, good, youre home," he barked, his face tight with irritation. "Hurry up and make some ginger tea for Jade. Her cramps are killing her, and were both exhausted."

I didn't even look at her. I gripped my suitcase and tried to walk past him.

Nickys hand shot out, grabbing the suitcase handle. He yanked it so hard it hit the floor with a crack, the plastic shell splintering.

"I said shes in pain. Go make the tea."

"Are you deaf?" he shouted. "What is this? Another pathetic attempt to get attention? Pack a bag and walk out? Grow up, Regina."

I looked at my broken suitcase. I looked at the man I had loved for six years.

Slap.

The sound echoed in the hallway.

"Give me a thousand dollars," I said.

Nickys head was whipped to the side, his expression one of pure shock.

I held out my palm. "You want tea? You want my labor? It costs a thousand dollars. My time is very expensive now."

I wasn't joking. Nicky didn't know the truth about me.

I was the daughter of a real estate mogul. I had run away to New York for love, cutting ties with my family to prove I could make it on my own. It was a clich, and the lesson had been brutal.

Nicky sneered, pulling out his phone. "Fine. If youre that desperate for cash, I'll Venmo you. Stop being a bitch about it."

I pulled out my phone and held up a QR code.

"Actually, scan this. Ive already blocked you."

Nickys eyes flickered with a brief moment of doubt, but he scanned the code.

Payment Successful.

I didn't say another word. I went into the kitchen, sliced the ginger, and stirred the brown sugar into the boiling water.

Nicky watched me from the doorway, probably expecting me to poison it.

I wasn't that petty. I even added extra sugar.

"Regina," Nicky said, his voice suddenly shifting. "Lets just get married. Well have the families meet this weekend. For real."

I kept stirring. I didn't even blink. "Is this a dare?"

I wasn't being sarcastic.

A few months ago, Nicky had taken me on a hike. On a desolate, windy ridge, hed dropped to one knee with a bunch of wildflowers and yelled, "Regina, lets get married!"

My heart had soared. I was ready to say yes.

And then Jade had burst out laughing from behind a rock.

Nicky had started laughing, too. Jade had doubled over, clutching her stomach. "Oh my god, Regina! You should see your face! We lost a bet at the bar last nightit was a Truth or Dare thing!"