Enjoy The Life I Escaped From

I died at forty-five, my body a hollowed-out shell of used-up parts. But when I opened my eyes, I was back in the mountain air of Montana, the sun biting at my skin.

I was standing right outside the staff dorms. David was there, leaning against his truck, checking his watch. We were supposed to drive down to the county clerks office to sign our marriage license.

In my past life, this was the day I chained myself to a ghost. Back then, David found out I was pregnant, and then he vanished. He stayed gone for twenty years, chasing a woman named Rose.

He only came back when I was on my deathbed. He didnt come for me, though. He sat by my side, staring at a faded photograph of Rosewho had died shortly beforeand whispered, "If Id just waited a little longer to sign those papers with you, would things have ended differently?"

The realization that I had traveled back hit me like a physical blow. David looked younger, his face unlined by the decades of guilt hed eventually carry.

"Ready, Nora?" he asked, flashing that easy, clean-cut smile that used to make my heart skip.

"I forgot I have to drop off some blueprints at the site office," I lied, my voice steadier than I felt. "Why dont you head to the clerks office first? Ill meet you there in an hour."

He hesitated, then shrugged. "Sure. Dont be late. They close at four."

The moment his truck kicked up dust down the trail, I turned and headed the opposite way. I climbed the ridge toward Mrs. Adlers place. She was an old local who lived in a cabin overlooking the valley.

I spent the morning in her weathered rocking chair, watching the mist roll over the pines. The sun felt different todayheavy, like it was trying to anchor me to this new reality.

Mrs. Adler handed me a mug of hot cider. "Thought you were supposed to be eloping with that engineer today, Nora. What are you doing up here chasing clouds?"

I took a slow sip, the warmth spreading through my chest. "I had a nightmare, Mrs. Adler. I woke up and realized I couldn't breathe."

She patted my hand, her skin like parchment. "Dreams are just shadows, honey. Life is whats in front of you. Once youre Mrs. David Miller, youll have a house and a life. No use being scared of shadows."

I looked at her and forced a smile. "Youre right. I just needed a moment to think."

Marry David? Not in this lifetime. Not in any lifetime.

In the life I left behind, we signed the papers and walked out of that office as husband and wife. We hadn't gone ten feet before he collided with a girl.

Her name was Rose. She was a local girl, the kind with wild hair and eyes that looked like they held secrets the mountains hadn't told anyone else.

On the drive back to the site, David was silent. I thought he was just being respectful, settling into his new role as a married man. I thought he was being "proper."

I didnt find out until the very end that he wasn't being proper. He was mourning.

That one collision had been lightning. Hed fallen in love with Rose at first sight, right there on the courthouse steps with our marriage license still damp in his pocket. He wasn't avoiding other women for my sake; he was regretting me. He was cursing the fact that he hadn't waited just one more day to be free.

After that, the light in him went out whenever he looked at me. He spent hours staring toward the valley where Rose lived. When I asked him what was wrong, hed snap at me or shut down. Eventually, I stopped asking. I threw myself into my work, thinking he just needed time to adjust to domestic life.

When the Montana project ended, we were assigned to different states. Long distance. I thought it was a temporary sacrifice for our careers. But every time a new contract came up, he was in Maine while I was in Texas. He was in Oregon while I was in Florida.

"Its just how the firm assigned it, Nora," hed say over the phone, his voice flat.

Years later, during a trip to the main office in Chicago, I overheard his colleagues talking. Every single "separation" had been requested by David. He was actively fleeing me.

We had a screaming match that night. He held me, sobbing, apologizing for things he wouldn't name. And then, the next morning, he was gone again.

I thought our marriage was over then. But life is cruelI found out I was pregnant.

When I told him, he changed. He became the perfect husband. He moved back. He cooked for me, he pressed his ear to my stomach to listen to the baby, he walked me through the park every evening. I thought Id finally won.

Then, one Tuesday, he went out for milk and never came back.

I spent twenty years looking for him. I raised our son alone. I worked two jobs. I buried my parents and his parents. I assumed he was dead.

But when my heart started failing at forty-five, he appeared at my bedside. Hed been with Rose the whole time. Theyd moved to a small town in Vermont and adopted a son. They gave that boy everythingall the love and presence hed denied our biological son.

The only reason he came back was that Rose had died of a broken heart, her only regret being that she was never legally his wife.

David told me he was sorry, but he also said he resented me. He blamed me for being the "legal" obstacle that kept Rose from her dying wish.

I wanted to scream. If you didn't love me, why didn't you just leave? Why didn't you ask for a divorce? Why leave me to rot in the uncertainty of a "missing" husband while you played house with her?

And the final twist of the knife? My own son, the one Id sacrificed my health to raise, told me he envied the boy David had adopted. He told me hed been in contact with his father for years. Hed kept Davids secret while I spent my nights weeping over old photos.

I stayed at Mrs. Adlers for another hour. I didn't rush. When I finally arrived at the county office, I saw it happening in real-time.

Rose was on the ground. David was helping her up.

He was staring at her with an expression I can only describe as "struck." The irritation hed felt waiting for me had vanished, replaced by a raw, hungry kind of awe.

In my first life, Id rushed over to help her. Id been the one to strike up a conversation, being the "friendly wife." Id been so blind.

Standing back now, as a spectator, it was so obvious it was sickening.

"David," I called out, my voice cool. "Im here. Sorry I kept you waiting."

David stiffened. He looked at me, then back at Rose, his face a mask of panic and confusion.

"Oh... Nora. Youre... youre here. I was just... she fell."

I noticed Rose looking at me. In my last life, shed been shy. This time? Her gaze was complicated. There was a flash of something sharpwas it jealousy? Or something else?

I wondered: If they don't have the marriage license to blame this time, what will they do?

"Well, the clock is ticking," I said, pointing at the office door. "Lets go get this over with."

Davids face went pale.

"Ow... my ankle," Rose suddenly whimpered.

In the first life, she hadn't been hurt. This time, her timing was impeccable. A cold shiver went down my spine. Did she know? Was she "back," too?

I watched her closely, but her face was a mask of girlish pain.

David didn't even hesitate. He took her to the local clinic. The doctor told him there was nothing wrongjust a slight scrape that would have healed by the time they walked out the door.

Rose looked embarrassed. David, however, looked relieved.

As we walked back past the county office, David looked at his shoes. "Nora, theyre closed now. Maybe... maybe we should come back tomorrow?"

I looked at the locked door. "Well see. You have to pick the right day for these things, don't you?"

There would never be a "right day" for us again.

David sighed, his shoulders dropping. "Okay. Ill tell Mrs. Adler were pushing it back."

We had two bikes. On the ride back to the site, Rose didn't even askshe just hopped onto the back of Davids bike, her arms wrapping firmly around his waist.

David looked at me, sheepish, but he didn't pull away.

I didn't say a word. I pedaled ahead, the mountain wind whistling past my ears. I could hear them laughing behind melow, intimate sounds.

How long had it been since Id heard David laugh like that? In my previous life, that sound died the moment he met her. Now, I realized it hadn't died; it just wasn't for me.

When we reached the site dorms, the other engineers and locals watched them. They saw Rose clinging to him. They looked at me with pity or confusion, coughing and shaking their heads.

I just smiled and went to my room.

David had already rented a small cottage near the site for our "honeymoon" phase. Most of my things were already there.

I walked past the cottage on my way to the mess hall. It was a simple placetwo bedrooms, a small porch. In my last life, Id come back here and seen the red ribbons Id hung up, feeling like the luckiest woman in the world.

Nobody knew that on our wedding night, the "groom" had gone cold. Wed lain in that bed, side by side, two strangers in a room full of unspoken regrets. He hadn't touched me. Hed just stared at the ceiling until dawn.

I didn't wait for David to come back. I went to my old dorm room and pulled a manila envelope from the back of my desk.

It was my transfer request back to the Chicago headquarters.

It wasn't just a transfer; it was a massive promotion. In my first life, Id torn this paper up because I didn't want to be away from my new husband. That choice cost me everything. My career stalled. I ended up in a dead-end administrative role because I was too busy being a single mother and a caretaker for his ungrateful parents.

My son used to look at me with such disdain. "Why can't you look like Rose?" hed say. "Her clothes are always so nice. Youre just... tired."

Rose. Hed almost said her name back then, hadn't he?

The memory made my blood run cold. My son had been in on the betrayal for years. Hed hidden his fathers life from me while I worked myself into an early grave to buy him sneakers and pay for his college.

At dinner, David didn't come by my room like he usually did.

I went to the mess hall alone. I saw them immediately, tucked into a corner booth. They were sharing a plate, David leaning in close, murmuring something that made Rose giggle into her hand.

When David saw me, he froze. He stood up so fast he nearly knocked over his water.

"Nora! Hey. Uh, Rose just got back to town and she didn't have any groceries. I figured Id grab her a bite. I was going to bring you something later, I didn't think youd be here so early."

Early? The dinner service was almost over. The trays were nearly empty.

I remembered the first life. The night we were supposed to celebrate our marriage. David said hed go get food. He came back hours later, empty-handed, and said, "The kitchen ran out. Just go to sleep."

Id gone to bed hungry on my wedding night while he was out feeding her.

I didn't say anything. I just grabbed a tray, took the leftovers, and went back to my room.

Halfway through my meal, there was a knock.

It was both of them. David looked awkward, clearing his throat. "Nora, I wanted to ask you a favor."

I looked at him, chewing slowly.

He looked at Rose, who was standing there like a kicked puppy. His eyes softeneda look he never gave me. "See, Rose is back in her familys old house, but its a mess. No heat, no water. And since we haven't... you know, officially moved into the cottage yet... I thought maybe she could stay there for a few days?"

I looked at Rose. She shivered, tucking herself behind Davids arm.

The Rose I knew in my first life was a shadow. This Rose was a performer. I was almost certain nowshed come back, too. She was playing the "damsel" role perfectly.

"Sure," I said. "Its your lease, David. Do what you want."

David blinked. Hed expected a fight. He had a whole speech prepared about "Christian charity" and "neighborly duty."

"But," I added, "I don't like people touching my things. Im going over there tonight to pack up my stuff."

"No need for that!" David said quickly. "Ill just move your boxes into the spare room. She can have the main bedroomits already made up."

The main bedroom. Our marriage bed. He wanted her to sleep in the bed Id picked out for us.

I saw the corner of Roses mouth twitch into a tiny, victorious smile.

After dinner, I took a flashlight and walked over to the cottage.

When I arrived, David was already there, tucking Rose into bed. He was using the silk sheets Id bought specially for our first night.

"Nora," he said, startled. "I put your boxes in the small room."

"Fine."

I went into the spare room and started dragging my boxes out. David followed me, his expression unreadable. "Nora... are you okay?"

Rose drifted into the hallway. "David? Are those the sheets for your wedding? Oh, I feel terrible. Maybe I should just sleep on the floor on top of my old coat..."

Davids heart clearly broke for her. He looked at me. "Nora, look, the sheets are already on the bed. Its just for a few nights."

I saw the triumph in her eyes. She thought she was winning a prize. She didn't realize I was handing her a ticking landmine.

"The sheets were bought with your money, David," I said flatly. "Use them however you like."

"Thank you, Nora! Youre so sweet," Rose chirped. "I can't believe Im sleeping in Davids house. In his bed!"

The implication hung heavy in the air. David looked at me, waiting for a reaction. A test of my boundaries.

Rose realized shed overplayed it and quickly covered her mouth. "Oh! I didn't mean it like that! Nora, don't be mad! Im just a mess, I didn't mean anything by it."

She made a move to grab her bags, pretending to leave. David stopped her, of course.

I just smiled at her. "Its fine, Rose. Really. Sleep tight. If you like the bed so much, maybe you should just keep it. Im sure David wouldn't mind if you stayed permanently."

Roses face fell. She couldn't understand why the "dumb, jealous Nora" from her memories wasn't showing up.

I leaned in, whispering just loud enough for her to hear. "You want him so bad? Hes all yours. I just wonder if hell be as charming when youre the one cleaning his parents' toilets."

Roses eyes widened. She knew then. She definitely knew.

I hauled my boxes out to the porch.

David ran after me, trying to take the heavy crate from my arms. I pulled away.

"Nora, talk to me. Are you mad? I can explain."

Explain what? That he was already cheating emotionally? That hed already moved his mistress into our home?

"Help!" Rose screamed from inside.

David didn't even look back at me. He spun around and ran to her.

I hitched the box higher on my shoulder and walked into the night.

10

In my last life, I died at forty-five.

The doctor told me my heart gave out because of years of chronic stress and untreated complications from the birth of my son. Id hemorrhaged during laborDavids parents refused to pay for a private room or extra care, saying it was a "waste of money" for a womans problem. Id spent my recovery cooking for them while they complained about the salt.

I hadn't slept a full night in twenty years.

But tonight, in this new life, I was healthy. My heart was strong. And for the first time in two lifetimes, I slept like the dead.