The System’s Puppet

Nathan Lynch fell in love with a scholarship student.

Someone even more broken, more pitiful, than I had been.

And the love he gave her was grander, more dazzling, than anything he had ever given me.

So I gave birth to our child, took enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life, and walked away.

Seven years later.

A small boy, caked in mud and with a bloody scratch on his cheek, knocked on my door.

They said Im a bastard, he whispered. Can you tell them Im not?

Just one look.

Thats all it took to recognize him as my son, mine and Nathans. His face was a perfect, sculpted blend of our features.

Seven years.

It had been exactly seven years since I had given birth to him, taken the money, and left.

We should have been strangers.

I knelt to his level.

Do you know who I am?

He nodded slightly, his voice as soft as a whisper.

Mom.

I froze.

Nathan had actually told him about me?

After a moment of silence, I stood up.

Im sorry, but I cant help you with that.

I had no interest in helping a stranger prove he wasnt a bastard.

He looked at me, no tears, no tantrums. He just nodded again, his small fists clenching the hem of his shirt.

I closed the door.

Through the security camera, I saw him curl into a ball in the corner of the hallway, hugging his knees. He looked so small, like a crumpled-up piece of paper.

Footsteps echoed down the hall.

He shrank further into the corner, burying his face in his knees.

I stared at the screen for three minutes.

Then I opened the door.

Come in.

I didnt have any childrens clothes.

After I washed him up, I wrapped him in a blanket and set him on the sofa. I placed a pink cartoon band-aid over the scratch on his clean face.

Elliot.

I had learned his name while I was bathing him.

How did you get hurt?

He looked down. They said I dont have a mom. That Im a bastard. I got angry, so I fought them.

You lost?

He nodded.

Of course, he lost. Thats why he had come crying to me.

When did you find out where I live?

A long time ago, he mumbled. But Dad told me not to come find you.

The Lynch family had connections all over the city. Finding my address would have been easy. But Nathan, at least, had the decency to know he shouldnt disturb me.

I gave a noncommittal hmm.

He was right. You shouldnt have come.

His head snapped up, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

Are you going to send me away?

I nodded and picked up my phone.

Yes. Call your father. Tell him to come get you.

Elliot didnt say anything. He just buried his head in the blanket.

I poked his shoulder. Hey.

He didnt move.

I poked him again. Still nothing.

That stubborn streak he got that from me.

I dialed the number I had tried so hard to forget. Seven years, eleven digits, and I hadn't forgotten a single one.

Ring Ring Ring

I tried three times. No answer.

Elliot lifted his head, his voice muffled.

Dads sick right now. A lot of doctors tied him up. Theyre giving him shots and medicine. He cant answer the phone.

I paused.

Sick?

The moment the word left my lips, I felt like a fool for prying. What did I care if Nathan Lynch was sick?

The boy nodded. Dad gets sick a lot. He gets really scary.

Then what about your mother? Have her come get you.

You are my mother.

You know who Im talking about, I said, exasperated.

He looked down again. Dad wont let me call her Mom.

I frowned.

What was Nathan playing at? If he had married Amelia, why wouldnt he let Elliot call her Mom? And why would he let Elliot come looking for me?

Just then, a loud rumbling sound broke the silence.

Elliot was hungry.

I sighed and went to the kitchen.

I had shrimp and beef from yesterdays grocery run.

I quickly threw together a couple of simple dishes and set them on the table.

The meal was quiet.

I couldnt help myself. I placed a piece of meat on his plate.

Eat up. Itll help you grow.

He was seven, but he was small for his age.

Was it because I had given birth to him prematurely? Was that why he was so frail?

When it was time for bed, he just stood there, staring at me with those big, hopeful eyes.

I sighed and pulled back a corner of the covers.

He scrambled in, whispering, Thanks, Mom.

I let out another sigh. I was probably becoming desensitized to the word Mom.

Whatever. If the kid wanted to call me that, let him.

Mom, Im scared of the dark. When it gets dark, Dad changes.

I held him close.

Dont be afraid. Im here.

Soon, his breathing evened out. Kids fall asleep so quickly, like flipping a switch.

But I couldnt sleep.

Suddenly, there was this small, milk-scented child in my bed, a child who shared my blood. My mind was a chaotic mess.

Time ticked by.

Just as I was about to drift off, I heard a choked sob.

It was Elliot.

Tears were streaming down his face.

Dad Ill remember Mom I wont forget her

Dont cry, Dad I can remember Mom

He hiccupped a few more times, then snuggled closer and fell back asleep.

I stared at the ceiling, wide awake for the rest of the night.

The next morning, I was making breakfast with dark circles under my eyes.

His sleepy murmurs from the night before echoed in my head.

Nathan crying? Telling him to remember me? What did it all mean?

The bowl in my hand slipped and shattered on the floor.

I quickly knelt to pick up the pieces, and a sharp edge sliced my finger. Blood welled up.

Mom, you need a band-aid.

A small, sweet voice piped up. Before I could react, a pink cartoon band-aid was pressed over the cut.

It was the one from his face yesterday.

I looked at the band-aid, then at him. He was carefully smoothing it down, making sure every edge was secure.

A strange feeling washed over me, a bittersweet ache I couldnt name.

After breakfast, I went to the convenience store downstairs and bought him a new set of clothes.

Once he was dressed, he stood by the door, as if he knew what was coming.

Lets go. Im taking you home.

He froze, then latched onto the doorframe with all his might.

I dont want to go back.

If I dont take you back soon and they call the police, Ill be charged with kidnapping.

They wont, he said, shaking his head. Dads sick. Everyones too busy with him to care about me.

That doesnt matter. Youre going.

I reached for him, but he shrank back.

Elliot.

I was starting to get angry. Why would he want to stay with me when he had the Lynch family to go back to? Did he think they would mistreat him?

His small hands were still clamped onto the doorframe, his knuckles white.

Looking at him, I was suddenly reminded of myself, seven years ago.

I had stood at the entrance to the Lynch mansion just like this, clinging to the doorframe, not wanting to go in. Not wanting to see Nathan and Amelia together.

But in the end, I went in.

Because it was the only home I had.

The route was still so clear in my mind.

It didnt take long to drive to the Lynch estate.

Coincidentally, as I was dropping Elliot off, the whole family was in a frenzy, searching for him.

And leading the charge were Nathan and Amelia.

I hadnt seen them in seven years.

Nathan looked haggard.

Was it because of his illness?

Amelia saw Elliot and rushed forward, throwing her arms around him.

Elliot, where have you been? Mommy was so worried!

Elliot pushed her away.

Youre not my mom.

Amelia froze. She looked up, her gaze shifting past Elliot to me. A flicker of hatred crossed her eyes.

She stood up, her face transformed into a mask of polite cordiality. Jessica. Its been a long time. How have you been?

I didnt answer.

I had always treated her as if she were invisible.

My silence seemed to infuriate Nathan.

He stepped forward, placing himself between me and Amelia.

Please, show my wife some respect.

I suddenly felt a tightness in my chest.

It was just like before. I was five months pregnant with Elliot. He had taken Amelias hand and said to me, Im sorry. This is my wife.

When I had tried to slap her, he had stopped me, using those exact same words.

Please, show my wife some respect.

Seven years, and not a single word had changed.

I couldnt be bothered with Nathan.

My eyes went past him to Elliot.

I gave him a little wave.

Bye-bye.

I turned to leave.

A hand shot out and grabbed my wrist.

It was Nathan.

Youre He frowned, as if trying to place me. You look so familiar.

I almost laughed.

How convenient. He was a very important person with a very short memory. Seven years, and he had forgotten me completely?

I pulled my hand away.

My sleeve slid up, revealing a small section of my forearm.

It was covered in a dense network of scars.

I froze.

Honey.

Amelia came over and took Nathans arm.

Lets go check on Elliot.

She pulled him away. After a few steps, he glanced back at me.

I stood there, watching them disappear through the door.

My mind was still a mess as I left the gated community.

I felt like something significant had happened in those seven years.

Jessica?

A cheerful voice called my name.

I turned to see a familiar face.

Maya.

We had become friends when I was still Mrs. Lynch, one of the few genuine friendships I had made in that circle of wealthy wives.

What are you doing here? I thought you would never

She trailed off, but I knew what she meant.

If it hadnt been for Elliot, I probably would have never set foot in this place again.

I forced a smile. Just passing through.

Perfect timing. Come over for some tea. We need to catch up.

Back in my own apartment, I stood in the entryway, not turning on the lights.

My head was spinning.

Mayas words replayed in my mind, overlapping with Elliots.

It seemed Nathan really was sick.

Ever since I left.

He had started drinking heavily, trying to drink himself to death.

When he was drunk, he would lock himself in a room and smash things.

Once, he nearly died from alcohol poisoning. An ambulance had to be called.

After that, the Lynch family, fearing gossip, had a full set of medical equipment installed in the house and hired a private doctor to be on call 24/7.

But how could something like that be kept a secret?

It had become an open secret in the community. Everyone knew what it meant when an ambulance pulled up to the Lynch mansion.

So everyone assumed that Nathan didnt love Amelia at all.

But during the day, they were as affectionate as ever.

When the other wives talked about Amelia, it was always with a tone of contempt.

Shes poor and has no skills. I dont know what Nathan sees in her.

Do you think he has some kind of charity complex? He only seems to go for poor girls.

When I was with Nathan, I had been a scholarship student, too. Many people had mocked him behind his back for his charity case. But I had proven them all wrong. I had transformed myself from a poor student into a woman worthy of the Lynch name.

Amelia, it seemed, lacked that ability.

But love is irrational.

I could be the better woman, but I wasnt Amelia.

And that was all that mattered.

I shook my head, trying to clear it. What did I care if Nathan was sick? If he was unhappy, I should be happy.

After that, my life returned to its usual quiet rhythm.

But sometimes, when I saw children playing in the park, I would get an urge.

I wanted to go up to them and ask, Have you ever bullied a boy named Elliot Lynch? Have you ever called him a bastard with no mom?

Elliots visit had been like a pebble tossed into a still lake, creating a few ripples that quickly faded.

I thought that was the end of it.

Until one night.

My phone rang.

An unknown number.

I answered.

Mom.

It was Elliots voice. Young, and choked with tears.

Mom, come quick! Dads sick again!

A loud crash echoed through the phone, like something had been smashed. Then, a cacophony of voices, shouting and crying.

My body moved before my brain could catch up.

I grabbed my car keys and ran out the door.

When I reached the Lynch mansion, it was lit up like a Christmas tree. The neighboring houses were also lit, with shadowy figures visible in the windows, watching the commotion.

Elliot was already waiting for me at the gate. With him there, the security guards didnt dare stop me.

I followed him through the grand entryway and into the elevator.

The elevator reached the third floor and the doors slid open.

A vase came flying straight at us.

I instinctively pulled Elliot behind me and dodged. The vase smashed against the elevator door, shattering into a thousand pieces.

The living room was in ruins.

Nathan stood in the center of the chaos.

His eyes held a ferocity I had never seen before.

Amelia was huddled in a corner, her face streaked with tears.

You drugged me! Nathan roared, pointing at her, his voice hoarse.

Who are you? Why are you torturing me?!

Why did you tear me and Jessica apart?!

I was completely stunned.

But Elliot, he let go of my hand and, trembling, walked over to Nathan, taking his hand.

Dad.

His voice shook, but he tried to keep it steady.

Dad, I brought Mom back.

See? I didnt forget what she looks like.

Nathan looked down at him.

The fierce look in his eyes softened.

He slowly looked up at me.

The madness in his eyes faded, replaced by confusion, by a desperate struggle to recognize me.

Then, a flicker of light.

Jessica

He staggered toward me, not even noticing the broken glass he was stepping on.

Jessica, I dont want to forget you.

Dont go.

I was frozen, my mind still reeling.

Before he could finish, a sound, half-laugh, half-sob, echoed through the room.

Amelia, still in the corner, her face a mess of tears, was staring at Nathan.

Why?

Her voice was raw, as if it took all her strength to speak.

Why do I have the System, and I still cant make you love me?

You torture yourself, you bring yourself to the brink of death, just to break free from its control.

Ive tried so hard! Ive tried everything!

She suddenly started laughing, tears streaming down her face.

Why cant I have the one thing I want?!

Why?!