Loving You Was Dying, Leaving You Is Living

Three years into my cancer battle, I finally couldn't hold on anymore.

Before I found my release, I wanted one last look at the old apartment complex where I'd lived with my parents.

I had intended to come quietly, leave silently.

But unexpectedly, as soon as I reached the complex gates, I ran into my ex-husband, dressed in a sharp suit.

Years had passed, and we had both changed.

He had removed the woven bracelet I made for him, now wearing an expensive gold watch.

I had shaved off the long hair he loved most, now wearing a hat to hide my bald head.

We looked at each other for a moment before exchanging greetings.

As we brushed past, Aaron Hayes suddenly called out to me.

"Fiona Thorne, are you still angry with me?"

I subtly curled my lips, shaking my head.

There's only anger where there's love.

And my love had long since been eroded.

I didn't look back, striding into the apartment complex.

The last moments of my life, I wanted to keep for myself.

For the once infinitely happy little home I had.

In the South, there is no autumn.

Mid-October had just arrived, and the wind was already quite cold.

I slowly walked to my doorstep.

This was the apartment my parents were allocated before they got married. I was born and grew up here.

Later, when Dad became the factory manager, we still didn't move.

Only because Aaron lived next door.

I knelt down, reaching for the bottom of the flowerpot, but felt nothing.

My heart jolted.

The next second, strong hands lifted me, my back instantly pressed against a solid chest.

Turning my head, Aaron's face was already close to mine.

"Why are your hands so cold?"

I abruptly pulled my hand back, stepping away.

Aaron stared at me, then pulled a pair of wool gloves from his own pocket.

A leaf was embroidered near the cuff of the gloves, the stitching a familiar habit of Olivia's needlework.

I shoved my hands into my pockets, politely declining:

"No trouble, I'm not cold."

"You're usually so afraid of cold hands and chilblains..."

Mid-sentence, he saw the embroidery on the gloves and paused.

He silently put the gloves away, asking if I had forgotten my keys again.

I nodded.

Aaron offered to accompany me to the factory office to get a spare key, just like in high school.

But we were no longer high school students, nor did we have any reason to go together.

Aaron and I should have been strangers.

Seeing an old man riding a bicycle in the same direction, I asked for a ride.

The uncle readily agreed. After a few pedal strokes, he looked back.

He smiled and asked: "Having a lovers' spat?"

"I often see that young man waiting by the door. Look how anxious he is when you get on the bike. Just scare him a bit, okay?"

I swallowed the metallic taste of blood in my throat, pulling my coat tighter.

"He's not my boyfriend. We've been divorced for eight years."

"He lives there anyway. He's not waiting for me."

The uncle chuckled awkwardly, then changed the subject.

"Young lady, you used to live here too, right?"

"Why choose to come back in October? It's much warmer earlier in the year, you could've played by the river, it's so refreshing then!"

I looked back; Aaron had become a blurry little dot.

In a blink, he was out of sight.

I rubbed the hem of my coat, smiling bitterly: "I had intended to come back sooner."

"But August was for my mother's funeral, September I was tethered to IV drips... and so it slowly dragged to October."

The uncle apologized, shutting his mouth, his face full of regret.

I smiled, patting the uncle's shoulder, "It's alright, uncle."

"People are meant to die. I've come to terms with it."

After my diagnosis, many people pitied my youth, my lonely, ghost-like existence.

But who cared?

The day I divorced Aaron, I chewed up and swallowed the word 'care'.

The uncle listened quietly, dropping me off smoothly at my destination.

As I thanked him and was about to enter the factory office, the uncle called out to me.

His expression was conflicted, and he asked in a low voice.

"Miss, why did you and your ex-husband divorce?"

"I thought he seemed quite concerned about you. Given your current health, it would be good to have someone caring for you."

I listened calmly, then replied indifferently.

"Divorce is usually for the same few reasons, isn't it?"

"I caught him in bed with my best friend."

Aaron and I had known each other for seventeen years.

Seventeen years. The red brick apartment complex remained, but the people were unrecognizable.

I still remember that year in high school, I forgot my house keys.

It was Aaron, who had just moved in that day, who accompanied me to the factory office to get them.

The walk, which usually took forever, flew by in a few conversations thanks to Aaron's company.

We went to school together, came home together, spent winter breaks and summer holidays together.

The day after our final exams, we held hands.

We occupied the most youthful times of each other's lives.

Later, Aaron, whose parents had died young, wanted to ease his grandfather's burden.

During the summer break of his sophomore year, as he was braiding my long hair, he said he was dropping out of college to work.

The thought of being separated from him made me run home, heartbroken.

For the first time, I begged my father. I told him, I wanted to be with Aaron.

Dad finished his tea from the thermos.

He stared at me for a long time before asking.

"You really can't live without him?"

Wiping my tears, I nodded emphatically.

From the first time Aaron accompanied me to the factory office to get the keys.

From when he stroked my long hair and said I was beautiful.

I was certain that in this life, no matter what happened,

I couldn't be separated from him.

Dad sighed deeply, and he and Mom discussed it for a long time.

That afternoon, Dad went to the bank, came back with a bag of cash, and knocked on the neighbor's door.

Dad handed the money to Aaron and said, "Getting into college isn't easy. Don't worry about the money."

"Just focus on your studies. When you graduate and succeed, you'll be able to take better care of your grandfather."

Aaron stared at the money in his arms for a long time, until tears streamed from his eyes, and he finally knelt down.

He raised three fingers, swearing that he would work hard and repay this kindness by being a loyal servant in the future.

Dad pressed down his swearing hand, helping him up.

"I don't need you to be a loyal servant."

"If you and Fiona are truly in love, then treat her well in the future."

Aaron nodded through his tears, promising to treat me well for all eternity.

From that day on, we officially became a couple.

He was diligent, passing his bar exam in his junior year and interning at the largest law firm in the country in his senior year.

After graduation, he won his first difficult case, becoming famous overnight.

Suddenly, he was a rising star in the legal world.

He also kept his promise.

Throughout our relationship, he cherished me, treating me like royalty.

The day before our wedding, he looked at me, making a woven bracelet, and asked.

"Could you put a strand of your hair in it?"

"I want to have you with me wherever I go."

He ran his fingers through my long hair, his eyes shining as he said.

"Fiona, I can't live without you."

I smiled, my heart as sweet as honey.

Everyone envied me for having a loving husband.

No matter how busy he was, he would take a train from the provincial capital every week to see me.

To spend more time with me, he would always buy the earliest ticket for the next day.

Even if it meant getting up at four in the morning.

Once, I had acute gastroenteritis.

I was too weak to get out of bed, and my parents took me to the hospital.

When I opened my eyes in the middle of the night, I saw Aaron, who had a court case the next day, sitting by my bedside.

The moonlight spilled over him; for a moment, I thought it was a dream.

Until Aaron's crystalline tear fell, landing on the back of my hand.

"Darling, I'm not going to the provincial capital. I'll stay by your side, alright?"

I didn't know how he had managed to come back so late at night without any transportation.

I reached out to him, filled with tenderness, and he hugged me tightly.

In that moment, I believed wholeheartedly.

We would be happy like this forever.

So, I quit my job and moved to the city where he worked.

But what I didn't expect was this.

My surprise would turn into heartbreak.

I saw him and Olivia, naked, lying on a bed.

Seeing the uncle's shocked and worried gaze.

I twisted my lips, speaking calmly.

"He was in a deep sleep that day; he didn't realize I had come."

"So, there was no argument between us that day."

"However, Olivia did open her eyes and see me."

In that moment, a pain as if my chest was bursting made it almost impossible for me to breathe.

Like a sand painting washed away by a wave, no matter how beautiful, it vanished instantly.

That night, Olivia carried a tin box and led me to the rooftop.

"In elementary school, after my parents ran a pyramid scheme, swindled money, and fled the factory town, all the other kids hated me. Only you were willing to play with me."

"I still remember everyone saying we were like sisters, like 'Bonnie and Clyde'."

"If it weren't for you, I might still be trapped in that abusive marriage."

Olivia turned to look at me, opening the tin box in her hands.

"So, I believe you have the right to know all of this."

Inside the tin box were stacks of letters.

I opened one; it was Aaron's handwriting.

"You are still my pure white moonlight. You have the right to pursue happiness; let me help you."

"It's my honor to fight for you. I will do my utmost to give you happiness."

"Fiona can't live without me, but I can't live without you."

The date on the letter was the day I asked Aaron to go check on Olivia, who was hospitalized due to domestic abuse.

It turned out Aaron had been writing to Olivia all these years.

The date of the first letter was even the day after our high school exams ended.

"If I were stronger, you wouldn't have to go work by the coast. I truly despise my own incompetence."

So in our sophomore year, when Aaron said he was going to work far away, was it to find Olivia?

Those details I overlooked,

Those trivial matters I had forgotten,

At this moment, they clearly resurfaced.

No wonder Aaron was willing to accompany me to see Olivia every summer break.

No wonder after Olivia knitted me a sweater, she used the leftover yarn to knit a scarf for Aaron.

No wonder a prominent lawyer like Aaron would unhesitatingly agree to help Olivia with her divorce case.

It turned out, from the very beginning, I was the one who disrupted his plan to pursue true love.

The summer night wind was now even more chilling than winter.

"Fiona, all these years you sent me money, helped me find work. Without you, I wouldn't be alive."

"I truly didn't want to hurt you, but Aaron and I are genuinely in love. Please, let us be together."

Saying this, Olivia knelt before me.

Back when Olivia's parents fled, seeing her alone, I took her to my house for meals every day.

I even begged my parents to adopt her as their goddaughter.

She, and he... treated me like this?

In an instant, mountains crumbled, the world overturned.

Before Olivia could react, I rushed downstairs like a madwoman.

I burst through the bedroom door and dragged Aaron out of bed.

Aaron was first shocked when he saw me, then hung his head in silence.

I threw the letters at his face, hitting him and questioning him.

Why, if he didn't love me, did he accompany me to the factory office for the keys?

Why, if he didn't love me, did he let me braid my hair into a bracelet for him to wear?

Why... the day after we held hands, did he write a letter to my best friend?

Seeing my uncontrollable sobbing, Aaron's eyes also reddened.

He held me with trembling hands.

"Fiona, I didn't not love you."

"I just... met Olivia earlier."

Almost ten years together...

All the sweetness instantly turned into bitter poison.

Was I truly the clown who stole their love?

I didn't believe it, and I wouldn't accept it!

I vented hysterically.

Aaron just stood silently, letting my fists rain down on him.

Until Olivia tried to intervene and I pushed her down.

Only then did Aaron rush to her, panicked.

I missed my hit, stumbling against the wardrobe.

My hands hurt, my face hurt, but my heart hurt the most.

"Aaron, I really can't go on like this anymore."

Olivia clung to Aaron, looking pitiful. She was crying too.

"If you can't let go of Fiona because of gratitude, then let me leave alone."

"Anyway, I've never been as lucky as Fiona. I'm used to being alone."

"Don't worry about me anymore."

Saying this, Olivia stood up and ran out.

Aaron, who had been silent, screamed, his voice breaking.

This was the first time I had ever seen him so distraught.

Not even during his poorest days had I witnessed it.

And his distress was for Olivia.

I'm so tired.

Was he with me only out of gratitude then... he truly didn't love me.

I leaned against the wardrobe, speaking weakly.

"Aaron Hayes, if you dare to go after her."

"Between us, it's completely over."

Aaron looked back at me with a complex expression.

He still strode out after her.

Hearing this, the uncle frowned, silently lighting a cigarette.

But seeing my pale face, he extinguished it without a word.

His face was filled with helplessness, and he murmured:

"You never truly know what's in a person's heart."

Yes, you never know a person's true intentions.

If the story had ended there.

It would have just been the dissolution of a relationship.

A wound, a pain for a while, but eventually, it would slowly pass.

But the next day, fate once again showed me its cruelty.