Performance Review For My Blind Date

He glanced at me once, then immediately dropped his eyes back to his phone.

He hadnt even been in the chair long enough to warm it up, but hed already scrolled through three social media feeds, replied to two texts, and asked the waiter to refill his water.

I sat across from him, my menu still closed.

"So... what do you do for a living?" I tried, breaking the silence.

"Hmm?" He didnt even look up. "Tech. Mostly startups."

Then, his phone buzzed. He picked it up right in front of me.

"Hey man, dont even get me started" He lowered his voice, but in a small ramen shop, every word carries. "My aunt set it up. Said she was a 'great catch.' A catch? Look, man"

He paused.

I looked at him. He didnt look back.

"Next time, youve gotta vet them for me. She didnt even send a photo. I had no idea what I was walking into until I got here."

1.

He hung up, his expression unchanged. He even offered me a quick, practiced smile. "Sorry about that. Work emergency."

I nodded.

I knew then that this dinner was a dead end. But I was here, and I didnt want to be the one to make things awkward. I opened the menu. "What are you in the mood for?"

"Whatevers fast," he said, leaning back and placing his phone face-down on the tablea gesture of temporary mercy. "Ive got something else to get to, so lets keep it simple."

Hed been there ten minutes and was already checking for the exit.

I ordered two appetizers and a main. He didn't even glance at the menu. When the food arrived, he shoveled a few bites of rice into his mouth, his chopsticks never once touching the spicy green beans Id ordered to share.

"And you?" he asked casually, like a guy making small talk with a stranger at an airport gate. "Whats your deal?"

"Product Manager. Fintech."

"Oh," he said, chewing. "Lots of overtime, I bet."

"It varies."

The conversation died there.

He set his chopsticks down and tapped his phone screen to check the time. "Listen, Ive got a thing I can't miss. Im gonna head out."

Twenty-two minutes. Id checked my watch.

He stood up before his jacket was even fully off his shoulders. "Look, let me..." He patted his pocket, the universal gesture of someone pretending to look for a wallet.

"Dont worry about it. Ive got it," I said.

He didn't insist. "Cool. Well, thanks. See ya."

He reached the door and took another call. This time, he didn't bother lowering his voice. He probably thought he was far enough away. But the distance from the door to my table was barely twenty feet.

"...Nothing to talk about. Totally average, dressed like she was heading to a board meetingzero sex appeal. I don't know what my aunt was thinking, settting me up with someone so... bland."

My chopsticks froze mid-air.

The green beans were blistered and fragrant, the steam still rising in salty clouds. I set my chopsticks down.

I called the server over and paid the check. For both of us.

Fifty-eight dollars.

By the time I walked out of the restaurant, he was long gone. The street was quiet. The late March wind had a bite to it, and I realized Id forgotten my coat in my rush to not be late.

I passed a storefront window. My reflection stared back.

Short hair, a crisp button-down, dark trousers, a leather tote.

I did look like I was at work.

I shifted my gaze and kept walking. My phone vibrated. A text from my Aunt Sarah.

Joanna, hows it going with Kyle? His dad is a huge real estate developer. Very well-off family.

I didnt reply.

Then, a text from my mother.

Your aunt went to a lot of trouble to set this up. Please be on your best behavior.

A third text, also from Mom.

Youre thirty-two, Jo. Stop being so picky. Just make it work.

I shoved the phone into my bag.

The wind picked up. At the subway entrance, I paused for a moment. A young couple sat on a nearby bench; the girl was tucked into the boys shoulder, and he was shielding her from the draft with his arm.

I walked down the stairs. Swiped my card. Entered the station.

Three months later.

Monday morning, 9:00 AM. I opened my inbox to find the HR departments intern placement list.

Product Department: I was assigned two.

The first: Mia Chen, undergrad, Stanford.

The second

My finger stalled on the trackpad.

Kyle Virgil. Male, 25. MBA candidate, University of Chicago.

The headshot was a standard professional photo. Square jaw, thick brows, a sharp, clean hairline.

The last time Id seen him, hed been wearing a grey turtleneck with a tiny loose thread at the cuff, and his eyes had never left his phone.

It was him.

I looked at the face on the screen and slowly leaned back in my chair.

Three months ago, he couldn't finish a meal with me.

Three months later, he was going to have to call me "Ms. Olivia."

I closed the email and opened todays project roadmap.

2.

My mother found out how the date went the next morning. Not from me, but from Aunt Sarah.

"Eleanor, Kyles side said... its not a match."

I was eating breakfast in the kitchen, listening to my mother on the phone in her bedroom. The walls were thin enough that I heard every word.

"Why not?" Mom asked.

"Kyle said Joanna... doesn't really know how to present herself. Said she was a bit too 'plain.'"

Sarah didn't use the word ugly, but "too plain" was loud enough.

Mom hung up and walked into the kitchen. I kept my head down, staring at my oatmeal.

"What did you wear yesterday?"

"A blouse."

"Which one?"

"The blue one. With the collar."

Mom let out a sharp sigh. "Ive told you a thousand times, Jo. Dress up for these things. You never listen."

I put my spoon down. "Mom, it wasnt the clothes."

"Then what was it?"

I didn't say anything.

"Look at your cousin Riley. Every time she leaves the house, shes polished. Hair done, makeup on. And you? You spend all year looking like youre about to file taxes"

"I was going to work."

Mom glared at me. "Don't get smart with me. Hes a catch. His family owns half the commercial real estate in the city"

"Mom, he took a phone call in the middle of dinner to tell his friend I was unattractive."

Mom blinked. Just once.

"Men say things. Don't take it so personally. Theyre visual creatures. If you just put in a little effort"

"I don't want to 'put in effort' for someone like that."

"Then youll be alone for the rest of your life!"

My spoon clinked against the bowl. I stood up and took it to the sink.

Behind me, my mother said something quietly, but it cut through the air like a knife.

"If you were more like Riley, I wouldn't have to worry so much."

I turned on the faucet. I let the water run over the bowl. Slowly.

My cousin Riley was twenty-seven, married for three years, with a toddler. She was Sarahs daughter. Sarah bragged about her to anyone with ears: "Our Riley hit the jackpot. Her husband is a VP at Chase, and she gets to stay home and raise the baby. Shes living the dream."

At the family dinner for Easter, we were all there. Thirteen of us at the big table.

Riley sat near the head of the table with the baby, the center of the universe.

"Riley, the baby is getting so big."

"He has his fathers eyes."

"Riley is so lucky. Such a perfect life."

No one asked me anything. Until midway through the ham, my Uncle Jim, having had a few glasses of wine, turned to me.

"So, Jo. Youre thirty-two now, right? Any lucky guys on the horizon?"

The table went silent for two beats.

"Not right now," I said.

"No rush, no rush," Uncle Jim said. "It's good for girls to be independent these days"

Sarah cut him off.

"No rush? Shes thirty-two. Last month I set her up with a literal prince of a guy, and he thought she was" She stopped herself, catching my eye. "Well, he thought they weren't compatible."

I took a bite of my potatoes.

"Joanna is just... too focused on her career," Sarah told the table. "Always working late, never spends a dime on a nice dress. Men look at one thing first, and thats the face"

"Aunt Sarah," I said, setting my fork down. "Id really rather not discuss this here."

The table went quiet again. My mother kicked my foot under the table.

"Your aunt is just trying to help," she hissed.

Riley was across from me, cooing at her baby. She didn't look up, but I saw the corner of her mouth twitch.

After dinner, I went to the kitchen to help clean. I was the only one at the sink. The laughter from the living room drifted ineveryone playing with the baby. The soap suds piled up on the back of my hand. I washed the plates as slowly as possible, because I knew that once I was done, Id have to go back out there.

Back to where Sarah would keep talking. Back to where Mom would keep nodding. Back to where my relatives would look at me with that unbearable pity.

On the drive home, Mom stared out the passenger window.

"Your aunt means well."

I drove in silence.

"Don't be mad because she tells the truth. A woman over thirty... if you don't hurry"

"Mom."

"Just one more thing." She looked at me. "With your personality, and your... look... if you don't learn to compromise, whos going to want you?"

My grip tightened on the steering wheel. Only for a second.

A red light appeared. I slowed to a stop. I watched the taillights in front of meperfect, glowing red circles.

"I got promoted to Lead Product Manager last month," I said.

Mom turned her head. "How many people do you manage?"

"The product group, plus the external contractors. About thirty people total."

Mom made a small noise of acknowledgment. Then she said:

"What good is a promotion? Can a promotion take care of you when youre old?"

The light turned green. I pressed the gas and kept driving.

3.

Monday morning, 9:15 AM. Product Weekly.

I projected my slide deck, presenting last weeks metrics and this weeks roadmap to the twelve people in the room. Data, bottlenecks, ownershipI wrapped it up in twenty minutes.

The Director, Mr. Henderson, sat in the back. As the meeting broke up, he clapped me on the shoulder.

"Jo, keep an eye on the version 2.0 timeline. I need the master schedule by Wednesday."

"On it."

"By the way, two interns started today. Theyre assigned to your pod. Get them spun up; mid-term evals are at the end of the month."

"Got it."

I went back to my desk. Beth, the senior-most PM in the department, walked over with her coffee. Beth was thirty-eight, brilliant, and intentionally avoided management because she "didn't want the headache." But everyone knew a project didn't move unless Beth blessed it.

"New interns?" Beth asked.

"Reporting on Wednesday."

"Whats the pedigree?"

"One Stanford undergrad, one UChicago MBA."

"MBA?" Beth raised an eyebrow. "Those types are usually just here for the resume padding. Prepare yourself."

"I know."

"Youll be fine. The intern you had last year got the highest score on the final defense. HR is still singing your praises."

I smiled. I turned to my computer and found seventeen unread messages in the project Slack channel.

This was my world. From nine to six-thirty. Schedules, reviews, cross-departmental friction, bug priorities, PRDs. I managed thirty peoples workloads. My strategy last year saved the firm four hundred thousand dollars in vendor costs. My interns had a 100% hire-back rate.

None of those things had anything to do with my face.

But in my mothers eyes, and in my aunts mouth, the weight of all those achievements was less than a coat of mascara.

10:00 PM. I got home after a long day and grabbed a package from the lobby. I opened the front door to find a sticky note on the fridge. My moms handwriting.

Soups in the fridge. Your aunt found another one. 37, divorced, no kids, civil engineer. Info is on the coffee table.

I walked over to the table. A single sheet of paper. Photo, height, salary, assets. In the top left corner, Sarah had scrawled in blue pen: This one isnt too picky. Dont screw it up again.

I flipped the paper over, face down. I went to the kitchen and had a bowl of soup.

The soup was warm. Mom had made it and put it away, knowing Id be late. That was her. Shed make you soup, and then leave a resume for a husband right next to it. She loved me, but her love was a blueprint for a person I wasn't.

I washed the bowl. Dried my hands. Checked my phone.