The Cost of Loving You

The night before our wedding, I caught Lewis tangled up with my best friend on the couch. I lost my mind completely and slept with all three of his friends.

I made sure to leave evidence everywhere. On his desk. In the passenger seat of his sports car. In his office.

But when Lewis found out, he just casually stubbed out his cigarette and made a group call.

"You slept with all of them? How was it?"

Laughter crackled through the phone.

"Pretty flexible."

"She was alright. Just a little stiff nowhere near as fun as that actress I've been seeing."

"Lewis, did you never bother training her? She moved like a board."

The revenge I'd so carefully planned was nothing but a punchline to him. He didn't care at all.

I completely fell apart. I had a breakdown. And Lewis had me committed to a psychiatric facility.

I spent a year there. Then, finally, I got better.

Outside the window, a Bentley pulled into the courtyard and went quiet.

Lewis had come to take me home.

He still remembered to come for me. But I had already forgotten how to love him.

The nurse pushed open the door. "Mr. Lewis has finished the discharge paperwork. You're free to go."

I nodded numbly.

As I walked out of the hospital, I could still hear a few nurses whispering behind me.

"Poor thing. Her own fianc drove her to this."

"What's so sad about it? He's gorgeous and loaded he even pays for everything. It's not like he hit her. She should've just looked the other way. Some people don't know how good they've got it."

A year ago, words like that would have sent me into hysterics. Now, they couldn't even make me slow my steps.

Lewis was leaning against the Bentley, waiting.

I walked over to him.

He curled his index finger, reaching toward my face. "You've lost weight."

I tilted my head slightly and pulled back.

His hand hung in the air for a moment, then dropped.

He opened the passenger door. "Get in."

There was a used lipstick on the seat.

Lewis snatched it out of my hand, rolled down the window, and tossed it out.

"My assistant left that. Don't mind it."

I smiled faintly and said nothing. That lipstick was Mia's favorite brand my best friend's.

Not that it mattered anymore. I'd stopped caring a long time ago.

At a red light, Lewis tapped his fingers lightly on the steering wheel, then finally spoke. "It's over between me and her. I threw out that couch got a new one in the style you like."

"Mm." A soft sound from me.

He continued. "I had the housekeeper clean your things every day. Nothing got dusty."

"Thank you." I smiled faintly.

Lewis glanced over at me, his expression unreadable.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small red velvet box. "I had the ring remade. Bigger diamond than before. Do you like it?"

I didn't take the box. "Let's call off the wedding."

Lewis didn't take my words seriously. He just dropped the box into my lap.

"Enough of the drama. I slept with your best friend, you slept with my three friends and you even came out two ahead. Call it even."

"The spot as my wife is still yours. I promised you that. Stop playing hard to get."

I stared at the little box in my hands and said nothing. I just smiled, quietly and bitterly.

I wasn't playing anything. I was simply leaving for somewhere else. Somewhere quiet a little village, nothing like this city, where my parents were buried. A place without him, where it wouldn't hurt.

The car pulled through the gates of the estate. Nothing had changed.

I didn't go to our bedroom. I dragged my suitcase toward the guest room.

Lewis stepped in front of me. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I got used to sleeping alone in the hospital." I glanced back at the room that had once been ours. "And I don't want to sleep in that bed anymore."

The day I'd found out about him and Mia, I'd checked the security footage. It wasn't just the couch. They'd been in our bed too the one he'd had custom-made for me. When I saw that, the pain nearly killed me.

Lewis stared at me for a few seconds, then let out a cold laugh. "Fine. But don't take it too far. You always do this, and then you end up back in the hospital."

I watched him walk away.

The old ache didn't come.

Maybe the treatment really had worked. I'd forgotten what it felt like to have my heart beat for him, to rise and fall with his moods.

Late that night, I lay in the soft guest bed, restless. After a year on the hard hospital mattress, I couldn't get comfortable.

During that year, Lewis never visited once. Fear had swallowed me whole. I used to scream and cry for the doctors and nurses, threatening to hurt myself if they didn't let me call him.

Once. Twice. Three times.

He never picked up.

Slowly, I went numb. And when I got better, I no longer wanted to call him at all.

Thirsty, I got up and went downstairs for water.

That's when I saw Lewis on the balcony, on the phone. His voice was low, but I could make out every word.

"Yeah, good girl. Tomorrow at the auction bid on whatever you want, don't worry about the price. I know, I know. Things are just a little busy right now, I can't be with you every minute."

That gentle, indulgent tone. It used to belong only to me.

I stood behind him, glass in hand, and listened for a moment. Then I decided it wasn't worth my time.

I turned to leave.

"Betty?" His voice came from behind me. "When did you come down?"

He'd already hung up. "Just now"

He started to explain, but I cut him off. "I was thirsty. Just came for water. Don't stop on my account."

He moved toward me, reaching out.

But I was already halfway up the stairs.

At the landing, I caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of my eye. He was watching me the whole way up.

The next morning at breakfast, Lewis poured me a glass of milk. It was a habit of his.

I always used to drink it. He would watch me with a soft smile.

This time, I didn't touch it. I poured myself a glass of warm water instead.

His smile froze on his face, but he didn't say anything.

Lewis stood, grabbed his jacket, and headed for the door. "I need to step out for a bit."

"Okay," I said.

He paused at the door, looking back at me. "No questions?"

I thought about it for a moment.

Once, I would have drilled him where are you going, how long, who with. Somewhere along the way I'd turned into someone desperate, someone terrified of being left behind.

But not anymore.

"No," I said simply.

Lewis stood there for a few seconds, then left without another word.

After he was gone, I went upstairs to finish packing. There wasn't much to take. I didn't want the hospital clothes they only brought back pain. I put my parents' photo into the suitcase.

And a journal. The one I'd kept at the facility.

I flipped through it. Every page had just one line.

Called him again today. The 180th time. He didn't answer.

Treatment was painful today.

I miss Mom and Dad so much. No one loves me anymore. Now even he treats me this way.

It's my birthday today. No one remembered.

I think it's been three days since I thought about him. The doctor said I'm almost healed.

I closed the journal and dropped it in the trash.

Lewis was back soon, and he brought his three friends with him.

They went into the study to talk business.

The study door hadn't been pulled shut all the way. From the living room, I could catch pieces of their conversation.

"So how are things with you and Betty?" That was Austin the one who'd said I was flexible.

Lewis's voice was calm. "Fine."

Then Daniel the one who'd called me stiff. "She looks normal now. Just sitting in the living room reading. Didn't even react when we came in. I half expected her to flip out."

Austin again: "Honestly though that girl Mia. Isn't she getting a little too bold lately? She bid seven hundred million on a necklace at the auction today without blinking. That's one thing. But then she's going around telling everyone you bought it for her."

Lewis's voice: "If she's happy, that's fine."

Daniel: "You're not worried Betty finds out? You just got her out of the facility. Don't go sending her right back."

Lewis: "She'll find out, she'll make a scene, she'll calm down. She always does. Gets old."

Flat. Matter-of-fact. Like clockwork.

Then Griffin the one who'd said I was untrained. "Honestly, she seems better than before. At least she's not screaming and throwing things. Lewis, have you had a chance to reconnect with her since she's been back?"

"Enough." Lewis's voice went cold.

Silence fell on the other side of the study door.

I sat on the couch, turning the pages of my book. My heart was still.

Daniel was the first to come out of the study. He walked over to the couch, looked me over, and let a slow smile spread across his face.

"Betty. You're looking a lot better. If you ever need company again you know where to find me."

I said nothing.

He dropped down beside me. "I mean it. I still think about that night."

Griffin and Austin drifted out after him.

Austin's gaze landed on my waist. He grinned at Daniel. "She's thinner now. Wonder if the feel is the same."

Griffin snorted. "No wonder Lewis got bored. She just sits there with that blank face. Where's the fun in that."

Lewis came out last. He looked at me. "There's a party tonight. Get ready you're coming with me. You're my fiance. Understood?"

"What time does it end?" I asked.

He seemed confused by the question, but he answered. "Ten."

My flight was at eleven.

So I nodded. Agreed.

His three friends exchanged glances and smirked.

At the party, Lewis walked me around, introduced me to people.

Though introductions were barely necessary. The whole ugly story had made its rounds everyone remembered the woman who'd gone crazy, slept with her fianc's three friends, and been personally committed by the man she loved.

They smiled brightly at Lewis. When they looked at me, something else moved through their eyes. Pity, mostly.

I smiled politely and felt nothing.

"Lewis." Mia's sweet voice floated toward us.

She glided to his side like it was the most natural thing in the world, slipping her arm through his. "Thank you."

She shifted slightly as she said it, letting her neckline catch the light.

The seven-hundred-million-dollar necklace drew every eye in the room.

Lewis's expression didn't flicker. He even gave her a warm smile. "As long as you like it." Like I wasn't standing right there.

I felt a wave of nausea. I slipped my arm free from his. "I need to use the restroom."

Lewis leaned close to my ear. "If you want to make a scene, save it for home. Not here. Understand? Come back quickly."

I said yes, walked to the restroom, and threw up.

My head was spinning as I stood over the sink. A memory surfaced nurses prying my mouth open in the facility, forcing medication down my throat to make me stop screaming.

At least now I wasn't going to lose it again. No more being held down, no more forced medication.

I left the restroom and passed by a terrace. Daniel and Griffin were there, leaning on the railing, smoking.

They saw me, and started talking.

Daniel blew a smoke ring. "Look at her. You think she's holding herself together? Probably eating herself up with jealousy right now."

Griffin laughed under his breath. "And Mia had to wear that necklace. Just asking for trouble. She's going to push the woman over the edge again and then act surprised."

I walked straight past them.

I went back to Lewis's side.

He looked down at me, something like satisfaction in his eyes.

He smelled like Mia's perfume. I didn't want to think about what had happened while I was gone.

It didn't matter anymore.

I checked my phone. Thirty minutes until ten.

Lewis bent close and murmured into my ear. "Let's do the wedding next month. I've been looking at venues. I'll have my assistant send you the options tonight you can pick."

I looked up at him. "I already told you. The wedding is off."

A warning crept into his voice. "There's a limit to how far you can push this. I told you the spot as my wife is always yours. What more do you want do you need me to get down on my knees?"

He was impatient. He kept reading my detachment as a tantrum.

"I don't want anything from you," I said. "I'm just not marrying you."

"Fine." His voice turned sharp. "Do you need me to send you back to the facility before you'll start making sense? Don't be ungrateful."

I took a slow breath. "You still think I'm throwing a fit. Don't you."

"Aren't you?" He laughed curtly. "How many times have we done this over Mia? Just tell me how many."

I was about to say that I genuinely didn't care anymore.

But before I could, Mia came swaying back across the room.

She was moving like someone who'd had too much to drink. She let herself fall against Lewis, arms winding around his neck.

"I'm so dizzy." She melted against him, voice soft. "Lewis, I think I drank too much."

As she said it, she flicked her eyes over at me. She wasn't drunk at all. She was daring me to react.

The three friends were watching from nearby, clearly waiting for the show.

Lewis put an arm around Mia's waist. His brow furrowed, but he didn't push her away. He glanced at me.

The old me would have already snapped. Would have shoved her, screamed, made a scene.

Instead I said, calmly, "If Mia's had too much to drink, you should take her home."

Something shifted in Lewis's expression.

He opened his mouth, but Mia cut in first. "Lewis, take me home. I just want you to take me, like you used to. Please?"

Lewis hesitated, then turned to me. "Go home and wait for me. I'll take her back and come straight to you. Don't cause a scene. Just go home."

I smiled and nodded. "Okay."

Lewis scooped Mia up in his arms and carried her out, right in front of everyone.

Daniel started clapping as he walked over to me. He looked me up and down. "Betty, seriously what kind of facility did you go to? It's a miracle."

"So which is it genuine peace, or holding it together?"

Griffin came closer too. "Say what you want, this version of you is a lot easier to be around than the old one. Lewis might actually be into it playing it cool, making him come to you. Smart move."

I didn't bother responding. I turned and walked out.

Behind me, Austin called out, "Really going home to wait like a good girl? Not even going to wait for Lewis to come back and comfort you?"

I didn't stop. I didn't look back.

I got in a cab, went home to get my suitcase, and went to the airport.

I boarded the plane and put my phone on airplane mode.

I slept. It felt like a long sleep.

When I woke up, the plane had landed.

I turned off airplane mode. In almost the same instant, my phone started shaking violently.