Brave at Thirty

My life at thirty was a train wreck.

I quit my job after being passed over for a promotion, and my CEO boyfriend and I broke up right after he proposed. I couldn't even face going home for the holidays.

Then, on the darkest day of my life, I met my eighteen-year-old self.

I thought shed be utterly disappointed in me. Instead, she shrieked with excitement.

"You're so rich you can just buy whatever you want!"

"Oh my god, you even slept with a guy that hot!"

"You're so awesome! Wait, no, I'm so awesome!"

"Future Me, are you living the dream or what?"

01

The biggest fight of our lives erupted right after my CEO boyfriend, Dominic, proposed.

"You knew who I was from the start, didn't you?" he said, his voice cold. "Failing to get that promotion is about your performance. What does that have to do with me?"

The absurdity of it stole my breath. How could it not have to do with him?

Everyone at the company knew office relationships were forbidden territory. To protect his authority, I had agreed to be a ghost, pretending we were practically strangers even if we ran into each other right outside the office building.

But him?

My voice trembled with rage. "Dominic, when you made a show of having lunch with Isabelle in the company cafeteria, or when you took walks with her, did you ever once think about keeping your distance?"

"Why do you think the senior managers gave Isabelle such high marks? Because they saw you two were close! They thought she was the one you were grooming, and they were all trying to kiss up to you!"

Dominic's brow furrowed, as if my logic was completely alien to him. "You're being ridiculous. We're colleagues. I can't just ignore her, can I?"

I sucked in a sharp breath, the air cold in my lungs. "The whole company is whispering that you're promoting Isabelle, and you've said nothing. Meanwhile, I'm your fiance, and I have to hide in the shadows like a thief."

"I landed our most difficult clients. I pulled all-nighters for weeks to meet the company's core targets this year. My KPIs were double what was expected. And for what?"

He shot back, his voice just as sharp. "I didn't pull any strings for anyone. The promotion list was decided by a vote from the senior managers. I gave you a completely level playing field. It's not my fault you didn't seize the opportunity."

Staring at his self-righteous expression, the man before me felt like a complete stranger. A horrifying doubt began to creep in. Was it really true he hadn't cheated? That he hadn't given her a leg up?

Dominic would never tell me. He would never explain, never apologize.

"Let's break up," I said, my voice barely a whisper. "And I'm quitting."

His face turned to stone. Three words escaped his lips, cold and final.

"Suit yourself."

02

The air was brutally cold the day I left Dominic's apartment.

I felt like a complete failure.

I was thirty years old. My entire world had been tangled up with Dominic for so long. He had just proposed last month. I'd been at the company for eight years, on the cusp of building a reputation as an expert in my field.

In a single night, it was all gone.

I wandered the streets like a stray dog, spine ripped out, my eyes hollow and aimless. The clamor of a crowd drew my attention. A fight had broken out.

"Hey! Officer! This guy's drunk and he's hitting his wife! Right here on the street!" a young voice pierced the noise.

People were muttering, "What kind of man hits his wife?" but they all kept a safe distance, a circle of spectators unwilling to get involved.

The man, reeking of alcohol, was still shouting. "It's my right to discipline my wife! Nobody can tell me what to do!"

In the center of the chaos, a young girl had a death grip on his arm. She was the one who had called the police and was refusing to let go until they arrived.

"This chick's a total badass," she yelled. "Scumbags like him should be locked up, and she should divorce him ASAP!"

I stood on the periphery with everyone else. My heart ached for the woman, but I wouldn't step in. I wouldn't get dragged into that mess.

Society, and Dominic, had taught me well. Keep your head down, protect yourself, and mind your own business.

But as I looked at the girl through the crowd, my heart skipped a beat, a hard, painful thud.

Her face was so young, so defiant, so full of a reckless, beautiful ignorance of the world's cruelty.

It was, unmistakably, my face. At eighteen.

As if she felt my gaze, the eighteen-year-old me whipped her head around.

Our eyes met, and for a split second, she froze too.

After she finished with the police, she rushed over to me. "You you look just like me. What year is it?"

"It's 2037."

Her young mind processed it in a flash. "Whoa! Holy crap! I time-traveled! So this is what I look like at thirty!"

She grabbed my freezing hand, her own full of life, and blurted out, "Future Me! What are the odds?"

03

We compared IDs. We verified family details.

Slowly, I accepted the impossible reality.

The younger me, whom I'll call Anna, accepted it instantly. She latched onto me and wouldn't let go.

I never knew I was such a little firecracker at eighteen. She was a chatterbox, her words spilling out in an endless, energetic stream.

"So, how much money do you have? Being thirty must be awesome. No more school, right?"

"I have some savings, yes. And no more school."

"Wow! Whoa, that coat looks expensive! You're so capable. Wait, no, I'm so capable."

I didn't feel capable.

I had to find a hotel for the night. I'd given up my old apartment when Dominic and I moved in together. He always said the housing market was unstable and buying wasn't a smart move, so I still didn't have a place of my own. My life had become so intertwined with his that now, without him, I was completely adrift.

Im sure Dominic knew that. He was waiting for me to be the first one to break.

I was such a failure.

The holidays were approaching, and I didn't want to go home. How could I explain to my parents that the son-in-law they were expecting had vanished into thin air?

But Anna was buzzing with excitement. "I've never been to a bar! Can you take me? It's so weird, I just turned legal drinking age and then poof, I'm here!"

Looking into her blazing eyes, I swallowed the bitterness of my own life.

"Alright, let's go to a bar. What else do you want to do?"

"Ever stayed in a five-star hotel? I'll take you tonight."

04

Anna wanted a bar, so I took her to the one Dominic and I used to frequent. It was upscale, quiet, and good for conversation.

I ordered Anna my favorite cocktail. Her eyes darted everywhere, filled with a boundless curiosity.

"So what's your boyfriend like?" she asked, the hundredth question in a long series.

Just as I was about to give a noncommittal answer, I saw him.

Dominic. Sitting by the floor-to-ceiling window, a thunderous look on his face. And next to him sat Isabelle.

I pointed. "That's my boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend, as of today. And he might be cheating on me with the woman next to him."

Anna's eyes widened. "What the hell? Guys like that exist? I'm gonna go slap him!"

I grabbed her arm, pulling her back. "Whoa, easy there, my little ancestor. Let it go. He's a CEO, you can't just pick a fight with him."

She looked at me in disbelief. "What's wrong with you? Why are you living like such a doormat? He's the one who cheated! He's the one in the wrong!"

I sighed, rubbing my temples. "We already broke up. Besides, they're just having a drink. There's no actual proof of anything. What right do I have to make a scene?"

"And he's a CEO," I continued, "his reputation is everything. If you embarrass him now, he'll make my life hell later"

"I'm gonna pour this drink all over him right now!" Anna declared. "I'll demand to know what's going on! What's he gonna do, have me arrested? Is there no justice in the world?"

It took all my strength to hold her back, to convince her not to do something reckless.

I quietly explained the complicated web of our relationship. Dominic was my boss, then he became the CEO. We had been dating in secret.

"When I was just starting out, Dominic taught me a lot. He was a mentor and a friend. Keeping it secret was for the best, for both of us."

"If our relationship went public, one of us would have had to leave. I want to stay in this industry, and everyone at the top knows Dominic. I don't want to burn everything to the ground"

The world never knew. I had never officially stood by his side. Even when we were planning our wedding, there were no plans to go public. In public, we were strangers.

While I was talking, Anna was busy snapping pictures and recording a video.

"Seriously? That scumbag. So he can't be seen with you, but he can get cozy with another woman? You're not going to expose him?"

05

"Wait a second," Anna said, her voice sharp. "Why is it that if you go public, you're the one who has to consider quitting? Why doesn't he step down? Has he brainwashed you completely?"

The more she heard, the more she felt something was wrong. The more she saw me as a pushover.

She pulled on a face mask, grabbed her cocktail, and, ignoring my protests, strode purposefully towards Dominic.

She tipped the glass, pouring the sticky, colorful liquid all over his head.

"You absolute scumbag," she spat.

Dominic froze, dripping. "What the...?"

I rushed forward and grabbed Anna's hand.

Dominic's gaze shifted to me, his brow furrowed in annoyance. "Is this a friend of yours? Did you put her up to this, to humiliate me in public?"

Isabelle, seeing the dangerous glint in Dominic's eyes, spoke up. "I understand," she said, her voice soft and trembling. "My name was on the promotion list, and Anna's friend is just upset for her. It's only natural."

She bit her lower lip, looking fragile and timid. "But the company's evaluations are completely fair and impartial. And Mr. Croft and I just happened to run into each other to discuss some work Anna, how could you resort to such a vulgar tactic?"

A sharp crack echoed through the quiet bar, cutting off her saccharine, victim-playing monologue.

Anna had lunged forward and slapped Isabelle across the face.

"You phony bitch, drop the act! You got what you wanted, so stop pretending to be innocent."

Isabelle shrieked, clutching her reddening cheek, and instinctively tried to shrink into Dominic's arms for protection. "You you hit me!"

But to everyone's surprise, Dominic didn't embrace her. He irritably pulled his sleeve from her grasp and said coldly, "You should go."

Isabelle stared for a moment, then could only nod meekly. But as she turned her back to Dominic, she shot me a look over her shoulder. Her lips were curved into a provocative, victorious smirk.

Anna saw it too. Her fury reignited, and she raised her hand to strike again.

That's when Dominic's voice cut through the air, dangerously stern. "Anna, that's enough! What's gotten into you?"

He had called out to both of us at once.

Anna froze.

And I stared at Dominic, my heart pounding.

06

Dominic had the owner clear the bar.

I pulled Anna behind me, shielding her. This was the first time I had ever confronted him in public.

"Was she wrong?" I demanded. "My performance was the best this year. I brought in the biggest deals. I drank so much for this company that I ended up in the hospital on an IV drip. And Isabelle gets the promotion and still plays the victim."

"And now you two are sitting here, having a drink. Doesn't that just prove she's your person? Are you protecting her?" The words were acid in my mouth, burning on their way out.

Dominic's dark eyes stared at me. "Is this promotion really that important? If you marry me, you can have anything you want. Why are you so obsessed with this one title?"

"Isabelle's promotion doesn't get in your way. Why are you making such an unreasonable scene? If word of this gets out at the office, how am I supposed to maintain my authority?"

"You're thirty years old, not three. Can't you think about the consequences?"

"Then what were you two doing here just now?" I shot back. "Celebrating her promotion? Or celebrating your return to single life, toasting the fact that you can now chase after a younger woman?"

He hated hearing things like that. "I am not cheating on you. We were maintaining a perfectly safe distance. Can you please drop your baseless jealousy?"

He reached for me. "If you still want to marry me, come home."

He was always so damn commanding. I flinched away from his touch.

Anna surged forward, planting herself between us. "Are you out of your mind? You let her get hurt because of some other woman? Why on earth should she marry you?"

"And what 'safe distance'? Have you heard of basic respect? You were practically on top of each other! A man and a woman, drinking alone together. I guess as long as you're not caught in bed, it's not cheating, right?"

She lunged and slapped him.

Caught off guard, he took the full force of it. His clothes were soaked, and now a red handprint was blooming on his cheek.

The once-invincible CEO looked utterly pathetic.

And through the sharp, stabbing pain in my chest, a laugh bubbled out of me.

"Dominic," I said, my voice surprisingly steady. "I mean it. Thank you for all your guidance in my career over the years. But I don't want to marry you anymore."

"We're over."

Leaving him there, a mask of pure shock on his face, I took Anna's hand and walked away.