You Are Not My Remedy Anymore

Robert thought I had some strange disease. Called me a burden. A monster who couldn't survive without a man.

To accompany the perfect queen in his heart, when I was convulsing during an episode, he locked me in an empty sports equipment room.

Isabella, just bear with it. I'm not your painkiller-I don't have to come running every time you call.

On the verge of death, I stumbled into a scorching embrace that smelled of rust and motor oil.

That bad boy Daniel, the one everyone treated as an outcast, the one no one dared to mess with, was trembling as he clumsily unbuttoned his leather jacket and pressed me firmly against his chest.

"Don't be afraid." His voice was hoarse, carrying years of suppressed obsession. "Stay close to me. I'll be your medicine. I'm enough."

Later, Robert went crazy. Kneeling in the rain all night, begging me to look at him just once more.

I curled up in Daniel's arms, not even bothering to turn my head.

"Sorry, I've got better medicine now. Your body temperature's too low. Not interested."

The phone rang for a long time before someone picked up.

The background was noisy with cheers as a birthday cake was being cut, and a girl's sweet laughter. It sounded like a typical house party.

"Isabella? Why are you calling now?"

Robert's voice carried a casual indifference, even a hint of impatience at being disturbed.

I curled up on a bench by the roadside, my fingers desperately gripping the gaps between the wooden slats. My fingernails had turned up from the excessive force, blood seeping out.

But I couldn't feel the pain.

Because another, more terrifying suffocating sensation was consuming me.

The skin hunger was kicking in.

At that moment, my senses were infinitely magnified. Every inch of skin was screaming, as if I'd been thrown into an ice cellar, or as if countless ants were gnawing at the gaps between my bones.

If I didn't immediately make contact with human body heat, I would go into shock.

"Robert... I'm at the bus stop behind the school."

I struggled to control my trembling vocal cords, each word squeezed from my lungs. "I feel terrible. Could you come over? Just for ten minutes."

Two seconds of silence on the other end.

Then came a mocking, cold laugh.

"Isabella, are you timing your episodes?"

Robert's voice turned cold. "Today is Alice's birthday. Everyone's here. If I leave, the party's ruined. You're being so inconsiderate."

Alice. The school's cheer captain, the most popular girl.

My head buzzed.

"I really can't take it anymore..." I was practically begging. "If you don't come, I might die."

"Stop the act."

He cut me off impatiently. "Last time you said you were dying, I rushed back, and it turned out your hands and feet were just a little cold. Isabella, I'm a person, not your sedative. Don't try to emotionally manipulate me with these cheap tactics."

From the other end came Alice's sweet voice: "Robert, come make a wish!"

Robert's tone changed instantly, responding warmly, "Coming!"

When he turned back to me, he reverted to that superior, charitable tone: "Take a cab to the hospital. If that doesn't work, find a random dog on the street to hug. That should help. After all, isn't your disease just about being starved for affection?"

Click.

The call ended.

The phone slipped from my hand and hit the cement ground, the screen shattering into a spiderweb.

But I couldn't care about that.

My heart began to spasm violently. My vision blurred. The world around me was spinning, warping.

I needed warmth.

I needed someone alive.

A real person. A stray dog. Anyone, as long as they were warm, I wanted them.

This utterly undignified physiological instinct made me feel disgusting.

Just as my consciousness was about to fade, heavy footsteps approached.

It was the sound of thick work boots scraping against the ground.

Someone stopped in front of me.

A faint smell of motor oil, mixed with rust and rain, invaded my nostrils.

Without caring about anything else, I reached out and grabbed the person's jeans.

The fabric was rough, rubbing painfully against my skin, but I clung to it like a final lifeline.

"Help... help me..."

I looked up. My vision was blurred-I couldn't see the person's face clearly-but I could feel a wave of heat washing over me.

This person's body temperature was high.

Much higher than Robert's perpetually cool temperature.

The person froze.

That foot shifted, as if trying to kick me away.

"Let go."

The voice was cold, carrying the hostility of someone who'd spent years on the streets. "Get lost if you don't want to die."

Normally, I would have been scared off by that tone.

But now, this voice sounded like divine intervention.

"Please..."

Not only did I not let go, I crawled up using both hands and feet, throwing myself into his arms without a second thought.

In that instant, scorching body heat transmitted through the thin T-shirt.

I sighed in comfort, tears instantly streaming down my face.

This was my lifesaving medicine.

The person was clearly shocked by my actions.

His muscles tensed all over, like a hard piece of granite.

A large hand suddenly gripped the back of my neck, the force almost enough to crush me.

"Isabella, look at who I am."

He gritted through his teeth near my ear. "You're trying to scam the wrong person. You got a death wish?"

The voice sounded familiar.

I forced my eyes open wide and, by the dim yellow light of the streetlamp, made out the face inches from mine.

A scar across one eyebrow, eyes as fierce as a wolf's, and a trace of blood that hadn't been wiped from the corner of his mouth.

Daniel.

The legendary bad boy who got into fights, whose attendance and grades were both rock bottom.

Everyone at school said he'd end up in prison.

Under normal circumstances, a straight-A student like me would walk the other way when seeing him.

But at that moment, all I could feel was his palm's astonishing heat flowing through the back of my neck into my bloodstream.

It was so warm.

A million times better than the little bit of embrace Robert would spare me.

"I don't care who you are..."

I buried my face in his motor oil-scented jacket, holding tight to his waist and greedily absorbing that heat source. "Let me lean on you, just for a moment... please."

Daniel's hand gripping my neck froze.

He seemed like he wanted to curse, but in the end only a muffled "damn it" rolled from his throat.

The next second, he didn't push me away.

That calloused hand actually loosened its grip, then clumsily, tentatively, pressed against my back.

Then suddenly tightened.

He hid me completely and securely in his embrace.

I woke up on a hard plank bed.

There were water stains on the ceiling, abandoned tires and wrenches piled in the corners, and the air was thick with motor oil.

This was probably the back room of an auto repair shop-Daniel's territory.

The moment consciousness returned, last night's memories flooded back like a tide.

I had actually hugged Daniel, the scariest guy in school, and pressed against him all night.

My cheeks instantly burned.

But I quickly realized that the ever-present anxiety was gone.

My hands and feet were warm, my breathing was smooth, my heart was beating strongly and steadily.

This feeling of being fully alive was something Robert had never given me in ten years.

"Awake?"

A cool voice came from the doorway.

Daniel leaned against the doorframe, an unlit cigarette between his fingers.

He wore only a black tank top, revealing smoothly defined arms marked with old and new scars and tattoos.

The way he looked at me suggested I was trouble.

I sat up and noticed his leather jacket covering me.

"Last night... thank you."

I was somewhat uncomfortable, reaching down to find my wallet.

Daniel scoffed, tossed the cigarette into a nearby trash can, and walked over to look down at me.

"Isabella, where'd that wild energy from last night go? When you were holding onto me and wouldn't let go, you weren't this polite."

My face reddened further.

But reason told me I had to seize this opportunity.

Robert was unreliable. Not only couldn't he relieve my symptoms, he'd become the source of my pain.

And Daniel-he was the cure.

I took a deep breath, pulled out all the cash from my wallet-probably a few hundred dollars-and placed it on the shabby table.

"I want to make a deal with you."

Daniel raised an eyebrow, his gaze sweeping over the stack of bills, a hint of mockery in his eyes.

"You want to buy me?"

"No."

I looked him in the eye, trying to appear calm. "I have a condition-skin hunger syndrome. Your body temperature can save me. When I have episodes in the future, could you let me hug you? I won't do anything else, just hug."

"This is the deposit. I'll give you two thousand every month after this."

Two thousand dollars.

For someone like me living on scholarships, it was a fortune.

But for Daniel, who rumor had it was so poor he had to fight in underground matches for money, it should be even more tempting.

Daniel didn't speak.

He just stared at me, those eyes so deep they made my heart race.

After a long while, he suddenly reached out and grabbed the money.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

The next second, the money was thrown back at me.

The bills scattered on the bed like green snow.

"Take your stinking money and get lost."

Daniel's face was terrifyingly dark, the veins at his temples throbbing. "Isabella, I may be trash, but I don't sell my body. What do you take me for? Robert's replacement?"

At the mention of Robert, my heart stung.

"You're more useful than him."

I told him the truth. "His body temperature's too low. Hugging him is like holding a block of ice. You're warm, a hundred times better than him."

Daniel froze.

He seemed surprised I would compare them so bluntly.

The anger in his eyes dissipated somewhat, replaced by a strange expression.

"That's all I'm good for?"

"That's enough."

I climbed off the bed and crouched down to pick up the money, one bill at a time, very carefully.

"Since you're not willing, forget it. Thank you for last night. I'll leave the money here as payment for letting me stay the night."

I knew that with people who had strong pride, you couldn't push too hard.

I organized the money, placed it on the bedside, and turned to leave.

"Wait."

Daniel's voice came from behind me.

Then came the sound of a phone vibrating.

He pulled out a phone with a cracked screen, looked at it, and his expression changed.

It was an automated voice from a debt collection company. I'd heard similar ones at my part-time job before.

Daniel bit his lip, as if making a difficult decision.

"Two thousand."

He stopped me, his voice hoarse. "Two thousand a month. Besides hugging, nothing else?"

I turned to look at him.

He looked away, not daring to meet my eyes, but his ears were turning a suspicious shade of red.

"Yes, I'm not interested in anything else."

Daniel took a deep breath, picked up the broken phone from the table, and swiped across the screen.

I caught a glimpse of his phone wallpaper flashing by.

It was a blurry photo.

The background was the school's awards podium, and the subject of the photo seemed to be me.

Before I could see clearly, he locked the phone and shoved it into his pocket.

"Deal."

He said roughly, "Don't leave after school tonight. Wait for me at the back gate."

A weight lifted from my heart.

"Okay."

At the door, I looked back at him again.

"Daniel, give me your account number for transfers."

He clicked his tongue impatiently: "Such a pain."

But still obediently pulled out his phone.

When I got back to first period, class was already half over.

Robert was sitting in the front row, that quintessential honor student position.

He wore a perfectly tailored uniform blazer, his hair groomed to perfection, twirling a pen in his hand, laughing and chatting with Alice beside him.

That elite demeanor was completely different from the cold, cutting person on the phone last night.

Seeing me enter, the classroom chatter instantly died down.

Robert looked up at me, his gaze pausing on my unchanged clothes for a second, then showing a half-smile.

"Our straight-A student returns? Out all night-where were you partying?"

He deliberately raised his voice.

The whole class looked at me, their gazes full of scrutiny and malice.

Before, in situations like this, I would explain, panic, worry about making him unhappy.

But now, I just found it noisy.

I ignored his provocation and walked straight to my seat.

It was in the last row by the window.

And Daniel was right next to me in the corner, sleeping on his desk without even taking out his textbook.

"Isabella, I'm asking you a question."

Robert, feeling he'd lost face when I ignored him, walked over.

He looked down at me. "Where were you fooling around last night? Do you know Alice delayed cutting the cake for half an hour waiting for you?"

What a terrible crime.

I looked up, calmly meeting his gaze: "Did I ask her to wait?"

Robert froze.

He probably hadn't expected his perpetually obedient pet to suddenly learn how to fight back.

"What's your attitude?"

He frowned, lowering his voice. "Still sulking about last night? I told you I couldn't get away. Can you stop being so dramatic? Fine, I'll take you to dinner after school tonight. Consider it making up to you."

In the past, I would have been thrilled to hear that.

But now, I just felt nauseous.

"No need."

I stepped around him. "I have plans."

Robert grabbed my wrist.

His hand was very cold, like a snake coiling around me.

I instinctively shuddered-not from cold, but from physiological revulsion.

"Let go." I said coldly.

"You have plans? What plans could you possibly have?"

Robert sneered. "Besides me, who else would bother with a freak like you? Isabella, enough. My patience has limits."

"Didn't you hear her say let go?"

A lazy, hoarse voice suddenly cut in.

Daniel had woken up at some point.

He still looked half-asleep, eyes half-open, hair messy, but radiating a chilling menace.

Sitting in his chair, he stretched out his long leg and kicked Robert's chair leg hard.

"You're blocking the light."

Robert winced, loosening his grip.

I immediately pulled my hand back, wiping it on my clothes with disgust.

Robert's face turned iron-blue as he glared at Daniel: "Daniel, this is a classroom, not your slum playground."

Daniel yawned and slowly stood up.

He was half a head taller than Robert, and the intimidation he'd developed from street fights instantly crushed Robert's honor student arrogance.

"What about the classroom?"

Daniel leaned closer to Robert, a malicious smile on his lips. "Does being in a classroom mean you can grab people however you want? Believe me, I'll break that paw of yours."

Robert backed off.

He was fine porcelain. No way he'd clash head-on with Daniel's cracked tile.

"Crazy bastard."

Robert muttered under his breath and went back to his seat.

I looked at Daniel.

He didn't even give me a proper glance, just flopped back onto his desk, pulled his hood over his head, and went back to sleep.

Just as the hood covered his head, I heard him let out a very soft hum.

Pretending like nothing happened.

I mentally rolled my eyes, but couldn't help the smile tugging at my lips.

Robert sat in the front row, his gaze sweeping darkly over our area.

I met it fearlessly and mouthed a sentence to him.

"Your body temperature is too low. I'm feeling a bit cold now."

Robert understood.

The pencil in his hand snapped in two.

During afternoon history class, a violent rainstorm started outside.

Rumbling thunder shook the windows.

I was most afraid of thunder.

Ten years ago, that fire had also happened on a stormy night.

That old warehouse struck by lightning, the burning beams, and the teenager who carried me on his back, step by step, climbing out of the inferno.

I'd always thought it was Robert.

Because when I woke up, Robert was lying on the emergency stretcher next to me, clutching one of my sneakers.

So I'd spent ten years repaying that debt, living as his appendage.

Crack.

The classroom lights suddenly flickered a few times, then went out completely.

Power outage.

The previously quiet classroom instantly erupted.

People shrieked, others made noise, and some threw paper balls in the darkness.

Alice screamed. "Robert, I'm scared!"

"Don't be afraid, I'm here."

Robert's voice rang out nearby, followed by the sound of tables and chairs colliding. He'd probably rushed over to protect Alice immediately.

And me-I sat frozen in the darkness, ice cold all over.

Memories of that fire revived in the dark.

Smoke, suffocation, burning sensations...

My breathing became rapid, my hands and feet convulsed uncontrollably, my throat making a rattling sound.

Help.

Someone help me.

Around me was a jostling crowd. Someone bumped into my desk, knocking my water cup to the floor with a crisp shattering sound.

Fear washed over me like a tide.

Just as I thought I would suffocate to death.

A hand reached through the chaotic crowd and gripped my wrist with unerring accuracy.

That hand was large, the palm rough, with thin calluses, and most importantly-

Scorching hot.

Like a mobile little furnace, instantly dispelling the chill surrounding me.

"Stop shaking."

A familiar voice sounded by my ear, kept very low so only I could hear.

Daniel had squeezed to my side at some point.

He didn't hug me-there were too many people around, and the teacher was maintaining order.

He just used that almost forceful stance to block me in the corner, using his body to shield me from all the pushing and shoving outside.

That hand slid down my wrist and tightly interlaced with my fingers.

Fingers intertwined.

His thumb gently rubbed the back of my hand, over and over, with a clumsy, comforting intent.

"Breathe in... breathe out..."

He guided my breathing rhythm in the darkness.

The motor oil smell had been replaced by a very faint scent of mint tobacco.

That was his scent.

Like a drowning person grabbing driftwood, I squeezed his hand back tightly, my nails almost digging into his flesh.

He didn't dodge, didn't even make a sound.

I don't know how long it lasted-maybe just a few minutes, maybe a century.

"Power's back!"

Someone cheered.

The second before the lights came on.

Daniel quickly released my hand.

By the time I'd adjusted to the harsh light and turned to look.

He'd already returned to his corner seat, supporting his head with one hand, looking out the window at the rain with annoyance, as if everything that just happened was my hallucination.

Only that hand hanging at his side was still slightly clenched in a fist, with several deep nail marks on the back, blood seeping out.

My heart trembled.

In the front row, Robert was draping his jacket over Alice, asking after her with concern.

He glanced back at me, seemingly wanting to confirm whether I'd had an embarrassing episode.

Seeing me sitting there safely, even twirling a pen, a flash of confusion and disappointment crossed his eyes.

"Tough to kill."

I understood his look.

During the break between classes.

I saw Daniel get up and leave the classroom, heading toward the men's restroom at the end of the hallway.

I hesitated, then grabbed the disinfectant and band-aids I always kept in my bag and followed.

There was no one at the restroom entrance.

I took a deep breath and charged right in.

Only Daniel was inside, standing at the sink washing his hands.

Water flowed over the bloody marks on the back of his hand, red-tinted water running down his pale fingertips into the drain.

Seeing me burst in, Daniel jumped.

"Isabella? Are you crazy?"

He quickly turned off the faucet, trying to hide his hand behind his back. "This is the men's room!"

"Show me."

I walked up to him, holding out my palm. "Your hand."

Daniel frowned: "It's just a scratch. Won't kill me."

"I said show me."

I don't know where I found the courage, but I reached out and grabbed his wrist.

Daniel, afraid of hurting me, didn't dare struggle too hard, and could only let me pull his injured hand under the faucet.

Just now it had been blanched by the cold water; now the wound looked even more vicious.

All from my grip earlier.

My heart felt sour. I opened the disinfectant bottle and carefully cleaned it for him.

Daniel sucked in a cold breath.

"Does it hurt?" My hand trembled.

"Itchy."

He looked down at me, his Adam's apple bobbing. "Isabella, are you this boundary-less with everyone?"

"Are you just anyone?"

I kept my head down as I applied the band-aids. "You're my medicine."

Daniel's body stiffened.

"Medicine?"

He laughed self-deprecatingly. "Fine, as long as the money's right, I can be medicine."

"Does this count toward the two thousand?" he asked.

I finished applying the band-aid and looked up at him.

He leaned against the sink, the corners of his eyes slightly red-from being forcibly pulled over by me just now.

"This is a tip."

I stood on my tiptoes and, on impulse, kissed the back of his uninjured hand.

Daniel jerked his hand back as if burned.

"You..."

Just then, a shocked exclamation came from the doorway.

"Oh my god! Robert, come quick! Isabella's fooling around in the men's room!"

It was Jack, Robert's lackey.

He was holding his phone, excitedly snapping photos of us.

Daniel reacted instantly, pulling me behind him and grabbing a nearby cleaning tool to throw at him.

"What are you taking pictures of! Get lost!"

Jack got hit square on, dropping his phone on the ground.

But he'd already run out, shouting as he went: "Everyone come see! Isabella and Daniel are hooking up in the bathroom!"

This was bad.

My face went pale.

Daniel looked back at me, his expression complex.

"Scared now?"

"No."

I gritted my teeth. "I haven't done anything wrong."

Daniel scoffed, reaching out to fix my collar that had gotten messed up earlier.

"You dare to barge into the men's room. That desperate?"

His words were harsh, but his movements were gentle.

"Stay behind me in a bit. Don't say anything."

Daniel and I had just stepped out of the restroom when we were blocked.

Robert stood in the hallway with a group of people, looking aggressive. Students crowded around, eager for a show.

Jack held up his cracked-screen phone. "Robert, I saw it with my own eyes! Those two were all over each other in there. Isabella even kissed Daniel's hand! It was disgusting!"

Robert's face turned ugly.

He stared at me intensely, his eyes showing not just anger, but the humiliation of being betrayed by a possession.

"Isabella, do you have any shame left?"

Robert pointed at Daniel, his voice loud enough for the entire floor to hear. "Are you this cheap? You'd stoop to this kind of trash? Are you in heat or something, biting anyone you see?"

Laughter erupted around us.

All kinds of crude comments drilled into my ears.

"So the honor student plays this dirty in private."

"Skin hunger syndrome? I'd say she's just promiscuous."

"She'd go for trash like Daniel-must be really desperate."

Daniel stood in front of me, his spine straight.

Even with everyone pointing fingers and cursing at him, he didn't defend himself once.

His fists were clenched so tight they crackled, clearly on the verge of exploding.

But I knew that if he threw a punch, even if he was in the right, it would turn wrong. He'd be reprimanded, expelled immediately.

That was the difference between elite students and "bad students."

I stepped out from behind Daniel and stood in front of him.

Daniel froze, reaching out to pull me back.

"Don't move." I pressed his hand down.

Then I raised my head and looked Robert straight in the eye.

"Trash? You think you're qualified to call him trash?"

My voice wasn't loud, but it was clear. "When the power went out just now, what were you doing? You were comforting Alice. And this person you call trash was protecting me."

"You call me cheap. But what about you?"

I sneered, my gaze sweeping over Alice standing behind Robert. "You have a girlfriend but still string along your ex, soaking up attention from two women. You're not cheap? You're rotten."

Robert looked at me in disbelief: "You're cursing me out for some mechanic?"

"What's wrong with being a mechanic?"

I grabbed Daniel's hand with the band-aid and held it up high. "These hands earn money through honest work. They're clean. A million times cleaner than yours-hands that only know how to spend your parents' money while putting on airs!"

Complete silence.

Everyone was shocked by my words.

Even Daniel looked at me dumbfounded, as if seeing me for the first time.

"Robert."

I took a deep breath and said what I'd been holding back for ten years. "Your body temperature is too low. Even your heart is cold. Now this medicine has stopped working. In my eyes, you're worthless."

With that, I ignored Robert's face alternating between green and white, and directly grabbed Daniel's hand.

"Let's go."

Holding hands in public.

Fingers interlaced.

Daniel's palm was covered in sweat, burning hot.

He let me pull him along, like a tamed beast, obediently following me through the crowd.

We walked far, to the deserted back of the school building, before I let go.

My legs gave out. I'd been running on adrenaline.

Daniel leaned against the wall, lit a cigarette, his hand shaking slightly.He stared at me for a while, then suddenly asked, "Why did you help me?"

"Not the bathroom thing," he added. "Just now."

People had called him trash before when I was around, but I'd never said a word.

I'd even joined Robert in looking at him with that condescending pity.

I looked up at him, at that careful, tentative look in his eyes.

"Because you're warm."

I said, "And I want to live."

Daniel froze, then laughed.

A self-deprecating laugh, but also one of relief.

"Fine."

He exhaled a smoke ring, his eyes unreadable. "As long as you pay me, I'll keep you alive and well."