Deepest in the Heart

Seven years after my parents divorce, I made it into Harvard University.

At the freshman convocation, I saw her. Eleanor Croft, there as a primary benefactor for the school.

My mother.

Her eyes met mine and she froze for a heartbeat. Noah, she started, her voice hesitant. How how is your father?

A bitter taste filled my throat. I turned to leave.

She grabbed my arm, her voice urgent. Tell your father Ill call. We should all have dinner together.

My eyes instantly burned with tears. I tore my arm from her grasp.

It was laughable.

How do you have dinner with a dead man?

01

After the ceremony, my friend sidled up to me, speaking in a low, careful voice.

Noah, was that was Eleanor Croft your mom?

I stared at the ground, saying nothing.

Seeing my silence, he tried to comfort me. You okay? I cant believe shes one of the schools big donors. He hesitated. Theres that welcome dance this afternoon you might run into her again.

I forced a smile, cutting him off. Dont worry about it. Ive got something this afternoon anyway, already got permission to skip.

He let out a small sigh of relief, but the worry didn't leave his eyes. Dont do that, man. That fake smile thing. It freaks me out when you do that.

I clapped him on the shoulder. Gotta go.

I hadnt made it far from the auditorium when a professor jogged over and called my name, asking me to stop by the Deans office.

Its about Eleanor Croft, isnt it? I said it as a statement, not a question.

Before he could answer, I cut him off, my voice sharp. Please tell her for me that we have nothing to talk about. I started to walk away again. I have to go.

The professor looked stunned for a second, a flicker of understanding in his eyes suggesting he knew some of the story. He quickly stepped in front of me, his tone complex. Noah, I know its not my place to comment on your family matters. But Ms. Croft is your mother, after all. Whatever happened, surely it cant be so bad. She just wants to see you

So bad?

Mother?

A real mother doesnt get her childs father killed.

She had made me an orphan twice over, taking both my parents from me in one fell swoop.

This was the first time Id seen her in seven years. I didnt look as heartbroken as I felt, nor did I fly into the rage I once would have. I was calm, as if looking at a stranger.

But I hadnt let it go.

I couldnt. Not for my dad.

Eleanors betrayal was a debt that could never be repaid.

I left campus and went straight to the cemetery. I laid out the irises Dad had always loved, arranging them carefully before the headstone.

The man in the photograph was vibrant, full of life and confidence. It was taken back when he and Eleanor were dating. Back then, they were the campus golden couple, a story everyone admired. Winning academic competitions together, spending endless hours in the library, representing the university and bringing home championships

From college sweethearts to husband and wife, from the research lab to the boardroom, they lived a life straight out of a movie. I even wrote a story based on them once. My friends all said it was the sweetest thing theyd ever read.

But reality isn't a story.

And the ending was anything but beautiful.

I wiped dust from the framed photo, a smile playing on my lips. Dad, Im in college now.

I told you Id make it. See? I didnt lie.

Remember you promised me? That when I got into college, wed go to a concert together.

I went by myself. The Eagles. Your favorite.

My voice cracked on the last words. Dad I saw her today.

I still hate her. And I hate myself even more.

02

I left the cemetery and just wandered, aimless. It wasnt until a passerby pointed it out that I realized my phone was ringing.

A number I didnt recognize.

Eleanor must have gotten my contact information from the university.

Noah, I just want to see you and your father

I hung up and blocked the number.

I didnt have a mother. I was better off without her.

But she clearly wasnt going to give up. A text from another number came through moments later.

[Noah, its your mother. You wouldnt want me to bother your grandfather, would you?]

I stared at the screen, my knuckles turning white as I clenched my fist. Seven years, and her shamelessness had reached a new level.

I took a cab to the address shed sent.

She wore a couture suit, her posture regal, her grace effortless. She looked almost exactly as I remembered.

But my father was gone forever.

She saw me enter, put down the file in her hands, and stood up eagerly. Noah, youre here. Please, sit.

I didnt move.

She wasnt angry, just kept a polite smile on her face. I saw your academic record at the university. Very impressive. Youre my son, after all.

The praise was like acid in my ears. My achievements had nothing to do with her. In fact, it was because of her neglect and her attempts to hold me back that I had to fight so hard, to claw my way forward. Every sleepless night, every ounce of pain I swallowed, it was all thanks to her.

I wanted to be a normal kid, sheltered under the wings of loving parents. What she called impressive was just what I had to do to survive.

Just as I was about to speak, someone approached our table.

Eleanor, what a coincidence! And this is?

She smiled, a hint of pride in her voice. This is my son, Noah.

While they exchanged pleasantries, I slipped away to the restroom. On my way back, I overheard the women talking in low voices.

Eleanor has a son that old?

Thats her child with Samuel Croft.

Ah, those two. They were the power couple of their day, built everything from the ground up together.

Didnt it end in a nasty cheating scandal?

Goes to show you, people change. Speaking of which, I havent seen Samuel around in ages

I walked past them and returned to the table.

Eleanor glanced at me. What took you so long? There are adults here, you know. You should have said hello.

I let out a short, harsh laugh. So, Ms. Croft, what is it you wanted?

Her brow furrowed, her voice hardening. Noah, what is that tone?

None of your business! I shot back. And another thing, I dont have a mother. So stop trying to act like one.

She slammed her hand on the table. I see your father really did a number on you. Is this how you speak to your elders? Get him on the phone. This is between him and me, you have no right to interfere. Call him. Now.

My eyes blazed. You want to see him? I spat the words out.

Eleanor Croft, do you even deserve to?

SMACK.

The force of the slap snapped my head to the side, my ear ringing.

I am your mother!

I started to laugh.

There she was. The real her. A cold, ruthlessly selfish businesswoman. Her nature had never changed. Once she decided on something, she didnt care who she hurt to get it. I had to admit, that same cold calculation was what got her to where she was today.

When my father met her, she had nothing. It was my grandfather, a professor who saw her potential, who sponsored her education. From the university to the corporate world, she revealed a staggering talent for business in just a few short years. She was ambitious, strategic, and driven, completely shedding her Cinderella past.

And my father he was her most trusted partner.

They chased clients together, my dad handling the difficult meetings and navigating the social minefield for her. They pulled all-nighters on proposals together, my dad right by her side. He was the one who helped her build the companys foundation, landing the first crucial clients piece by painful piece.

She absorbed all his effort, all his sacrifice, and turned it into fuel for her own ascent.

Her career soared, and their love story was perfect.

At their wedding, she made a promise to my grandfather. Professor, I will love and cherish Samuel for the rest of my life.

Too bad promises are the cheapest currency in the world. Those beautiful words probably never breached the walls of her calculating heart.

And my fathers rest of his life

Because of her, it ended at thirty-three.

I stared straight into her eyes, my voice eerily calm.

When you were sleeping with my classmates father, did you remember you were my mother then?

[ To discover the full story, unlock the next chapter. ]

03

I was the one who introduced her to the other man.

It was raining hard one day, and my mom came to pick me up from school. I saw my classmate and his dad standing by the road, soaked to the bone. On a whim of pity, I asked my mom if we could give them a ride.

After that, the father, Mr. Lynn, came by our house to thank us. One thing led to another, and he became a family friend.

It wasn't until I saw him at my mothers company one day that a knot of unease began to form in my stomach.

Eleanor explained it away smoothly. Mr. Lynn is a single dad, Noah, its not easy. The company had an opening that was perfect for him. I talked it over with your father, and he agreed it was a good idea.

I frowned, about to protest.

She just smiled and tweaked my nose. What are you thinking? Isn't it a good thing to help your classmate's dad? That drive he has it reminds me of your father and me, back when we were starting out.

Her words reminded me of the story I was writing about them, so I let it go.

The next time I saw Frederick Lynn, he had been transferred from the logistics department to the executive office. He was now Eleanors personal assistant.

The promotion was too fast, too sudden. It made me sick with anxiety. The office gossip didn't help.

Only Fred seems to be able to handle the boss's temper.

If she wasnt married, youd think he was her boyfriend.

They just work so well together. Its like they can read each others minds.

I couldnt take it anymore. I stormed into her office and told her what people were saying.

She just laughed. You know how much I love your father. And Fred is your classmates dad. What could possibly happen? People will always talk, I cant shut everyone up. She stroked my hair. Noah, dont mention this to your father. His health isn't good, it would only upset him.

Then she made a promise. Ill transfer him out of my office. After a while, the rumors will die down. Dont worry, Ill handle it.

Fred was transferred, but she also told me to stop coming by the office. She said I needed to focus on my studies and stay out of adult business.

I thought my father was clueless, that he was being protected from it all.

Until I skipped school one day and came home to find them shouting at each other.

It felt like the world had dropped out from under me. I could barely breathe.

Eleanor was cheating. With Frederick Lynn.

My father had caught them. In her office. Together. Her so-called discretion was just a lie to keep me quiet. Banning me from the office wasnt to protect me, it was to stop me from discovering more.

I wanted to hear more, but then Fred rushed into the room. He stood in front of Eleanor, tears streaming down his face.

Sam, its all my fault, blame me

Seeing his pathetic act, I snapped. I lunged forward and slapped him across the face. Eleanor reacted instinctively, shoving me back. My dad moved to shield me, and they both tumbled to the ground.

She shot us a look of pure ice. You need to calm down. Well talk later.

Then she turned and walked out, taking Fred with her, without a single glance back.

04

After that fight, my dads health took a turn for the worse.

Maybe it was guilt, or maybe it was to appease my grandfather, but Eleanor pulled some strings. She brought in Professor Albright, the top cardiologist in the field. They consulted for days, creating a detailed surgical plan for my dad, carefully adjusting his medication and recovery regimen.

For a while, his condition stabilized. I would race to the hospital every day after school. Seeing the color return to his cheeks, I let myself believe that everything would be okay.

Until the day I saw Frederick Lynns car parked outside the hospital.

My heart plummeted. I sprinted upstairs.

In the hospital room, Fred was putting on a show of fake concern. Sam, Eleanor sent me to check on you. She was worried youd be lonely. He leaned in closer. There are some things she cant bring herself to say. But since its come to this, why not just get divorced? A loveless marriage is torture for everyone involved.

His words were daggers. I was shaking with rage. How dare he say those things to my father, in his hospital bed?

I grabbed the glass vase from a nearby stand and threw it at him. He yelped in surprise, clearly not expecting me, and staggered back. I was about to go for him again when a hand clamped down on my arm, yanking me back with brutal force.

Eleanor was gripping my arm, her face a mask of fury. Noah, have you lost your mind? Where are your manners?

We had a terrible fight.

Thats my father! I screamed, tears blinding me. He cant handle this stress! Fred is doing this on purpose! If anything happens to my dad

SMACK.

A sharp slap cut me off. Eleanors eyes were cold as stone. Cant you just be reasonable for once? If you keep acting like this, you can forget about me paying for your fathers surgery!

She turned to my dad. Control your son, she warned. You behave, and Ill take care of you.

After that, she dropped the pretense. She barely showed up at the hospital anymore.

But Freds provocations didnt stop. He would "casually" let slip details about his life with Eleanor. A new designer watch shed bought him. A supplementary credit card shed given him.

He even left a prenatal appointment card for Eleanor on my dads bedside table.

I found it, of course.

I hugged my dad, my voice choked with sobs. Dad, as soon as the surgery is over, well leave. Well go far away from them. I wont let them hurt you anymore.

He forced a smile and patted my head. My Noahs all grown up. You can protect your dad now. He pointed to a document on the table. Dont worry. Ive already signed them. As soon as the surgery is done, Ill give them to her.

He meant the divorce papers that had been sitting there for weeks.

All I could think was, after the surgery. After hes better, we can finally be free of her.

But that thought never became a reality. My fathers condition suddenly took a critical downturn.

The monitors shrieked, and the doctors said he needed emergency surgery. But we couldnt reach Professor Albright. I couldnt reach him, the hospital couldnt reach him. I started frantically dialing Eleanors number.

After countless calls that went straight to voicemail, she finally picked up.

Dads in critical condition, he needs surgery now! Why cant anyone get ahold of Professor Albright?

Eleanors voice was laced with irritation. Noah, stop making a scene. I know your fathers condition, its not time for the surgery yet. Freds mother has a heart issue, and she needs Professor Albright to operate. Ive already arranged for other specialists to take over your fathers case.

You just stay with him and stop being so dramatic. Im very busy. If you need anything, call my assistant.

Right before she hung up, I heard Freds voice in the background. Didnt Sam walk in on us that day and he was fine? Noahs probably just exaggerating.

A roar filled my ears, and the world went white.

Everything after that is a blur. All I remember is the light above the operating room door going out. A doctor emerged, looked at me, and slowly shook his head.

I snapped back to the present, about to say something to Eleanor, when a familiar voice cut through the air.

Noah? I thought you were visiting your dads grave today. What are you doing here?

The woman beside me froze, her pupils shrinking to pinpricks.